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hongkonghenry
[–][deleted] 69 points70 points71 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I honestly don’t understand why NVM have kids with women they don’t want to marry especially considering how much they hate the idea of having to financially support a child they helped create, like is having a child not a bigger commitment than marriage? Someone explain lol. Regardless, pickmes need to stop allowing this.
[–]gigababejflFDS Newbie127 points128 points129 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OUCH!
[–]broggybrogThrowaway Account102 points103 points104 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Savage.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not the wig lmaoooo 😭
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That hurt me. But yes, exactly. TBF he did me a solid by not!
[–]blerty567FDS Newbie117 points118 points119 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Even in my darkest pick me days, we’re talking getting surgery for some dude, I would’ve never had kids without being married. Why do some women do this? Are they just desperate for children?? But some are super young, not close to infertility ... I don’t get it
[–]endorphins_FDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Especially considering that you are tied to the man forever when you have children with him. Who you have children with is one of the most critical decisions a woman makes in her life.
[–]CursiveMontessoriFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I, naive supreme optimist, had my baby because I believed his NVM lies with everything in my heart 🙄, firmly believed in his “potential” 🙄and honestly looked at my finances (not his) and fertility (I have PCOS) and said YUP, I’m ready to have a kid.
Whew! HORRIBLE idea. Do not recommend. I’m betting 100% of women that have a kid with a NVM didn’t run the numbers on how much daycare will cost for 4-5 years until the kid is school age. I also had really low self esteem at the time combined with my biological clock ticking... yeah. Shit storm. But there’s a few “whys” for you. Not saying it’s right, but that was the logic at the time. Badly planned, Ill-informed, baby-feverish and somehow still stupidly optimistic.
[–]murdertoothbrushFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Because sometimes pregnancy happens (so be on top of your B/C ladies!) and not everyone believes in abortion- no matter how LV that man is.
[–]MyDarlingGirlFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I mean...that's not really an excuse though. If a woman truly doesn't want to get pregnant, she will do everything in her power to make sure that doesn't happen (i.e. staying on top of birth control and only having sex with condoms).
Most women do want marriage before kids, but because of irresponsible behaviors (in some cases, even pressure/coercion from partner), they get pregnant. Other women think that they can "trap" a man by having his baby, which is just a totally different brand of delusional that I'm not getting into.
We definitely have the cards stacked against us as women living in a patriarchy, but we need to stop acting like these women are not responsible for what happened to them. They made every choice that has led them to the pregnancy. I'm not religious or conservative so I have nothing against unwed mothers, but I think we need to be honest about this.
[–]yggiwtmiihFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think at the very core of it, it's being with the wrong man. If people lost the pickme mentality/knew a relationship doesn't need to involve dragging your partner through all of life's major life events, they would realize they don't have to settle for garbage behavior and NVM. It's really the child that suffers when you're with someone that's not serious about fatherhood and has a "Yeah, sure, whatever," attitude about raising a helpless and totally-reliant-on-others human being with material, emotional, and safety needs that have to be prioritized for the next 18+ years.
[–]omfgreubenThrowaway Account3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've never had kids, but I've been told by many women how bad those pregnancy hormones fuck your brain up.
It makes sense though. We wouldn't have lasted this long as a species if pregnancy didn't dump tons of feel good hormones into us to lull us into thinking it's a good idea to see the pregnancy through regardless of who the father is or the state of the world.
[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😭😭😭😭😭
Sis you’ve scalped many many people
Maybe some women don’t want to get married so this is as good as it gets? I’m an optimist lmao but sis if you do want to get married just because you have his children doesn’t mean he will marry you.
Some men will have kids with Ashley but marry Samantha 😭
Don’t be an Ashley ladies if you’re a Samantha, make him treat you like one! 👑
[–]Jenny_Saint_QuanPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😬😬😬😬😬😬 i dont have any kids but this is...shocking to me
[–]guacamole1987FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I cackled. Nicely put
[–]CairenneFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It happens sometimes, though. I was gearing up to leave my NVX (long relationship, abuse involved, and I was in a country that wasn't my own. Yup) and he got me pregnant the last time we had sex.
Now, I thought about it hard and came to the conclusion that abortion didn't sit right with me. That was a decision I made, knowing perfectly well I was going to be a single mother and he was likely to bail entirely.
Which he did, by the by. And that's for the best.
My kid is great, I love him and while I might occasionally wish the circumstances of his birth had been more agreeable... I don't ultimately regret having him. I do sometimes want to have a hell of a talk with younger me, who got us in this situation in the first place, but that's different.
For me, my pregnancy marked the final straw and off we went.
Definitely don't stay with LVM and have babies if you can avoid it (and pro tip, you can).
[–]hongkonghenry[S] 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm entirely pro choice, but I also don't think I could personally have an abortion. I support your decision to have your baby. Things happen, and most of us have slept with LVM in the past, any one of those times could have been the time to get any of us pregnant. This was in no way meant to shade anyone who had a kid with a LVM, more as a warning to be cautious.
[–]CairenneFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, same boat! And I didn't take it as a slight against me lol, it's a very important warning to have.
[–]Fujoshi-kunFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wtf ahahaha
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[–][deleted] 69 points70 points71 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gigababejflFDS Newbie127 points128 points129 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]broggybrogThrowaway Account102 points103 points104 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blerty567FDS Newbie117 points118 points119 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]endorphins_FDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CursiveMontessoriFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]murdertoothbrushFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MyDarlingGirlFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]yggiwtmiihFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]omfgreubenThrowaway Account3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jenny_Saint_QuanPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]guacamole1987FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CairenneFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hongkonghenry[S] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CairenneFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Fujoshi-kunFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link