How did you find your mission?

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February 20, 2020

I grew up poor and my number one priority was to not be poor anymore. I finished my engineering degree last year and found a job that pays well. I'm new to MRP and I'm fixing the areas of my life one by one, but that is a process that will go on forever. I see improving myself as a prerequisite for my mission, not my mission itself.

Now that I have got a job, and have settled down in it, I no longer have a vision of my life. I look at my seniors here, and their life seems kind of flat to me, not something I want to aspire to. I talked to my seniors from college and observed that all of them either go for higher education, or slowly climb up the corporate ladder, both of which are basically the same thing. And I'm stoked about neither.

I hope to achieve the following with this post:

  1. Men who have a concrete vision of their life - how did you develop that?
    I'm interested in your process, and any exercises or tips you might have for me.
  2. How do I find some alternative avenues regarding my career?
    I'm a Software Engineer and it is a popular choice of career nowadays. But surely, not all people stay in the corporate world. Besides freelancing, I haven't seen anyone do anything else. If you took an unconventional approach with your career, I would like to hear your story. I understand that not everyone is comfortable sharing it here, so please PM me if that's the case.

Thanks for your time.

Post Information
Title How did you find your mission?
Author napthaleneballs
Upvotes 13
Comments 43
Date 20 February 2020 05:16 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando25 points26 points  (13 children) | Copy

Start with unfucking yourself.

You're 5'10 and 240 lbs.

You have a porn addiction and wank yourself off every day.

You 'don't know how to talk to girls'.

You have no social life / skills.

You are debt free but broke.

Get this shit sorted out first - learn to crawl before you learn to walk. Become a man worthy of having a mission.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Become a man worthy of having a mission.

This should be the first sentence of every man's mission.

You can't own a mission if you're incapable of owning yourself first.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nah, that's not true.

You see plenty of dude's rockin' out to some portion of a grand vision and its associated mission. Perhaps they're working their ass off. Maybe they're running for dad of the year. Maybe they're gunning for a new house, with marble floors.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

It's just that their own missions in single-minded in nature, narrowly focused, and anything but holistic.

They're often the same dudes who get their ass handed to them by a judge. After all - when it's said and done - if you've been pursuing another mission, someone else's mission, 3/5ths of a mission, or the like - then someone's bound to be left out in the cold.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hadn't been around for a while but wanted to chime in and ask "what the fuck am I talking about?"

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

I wish I was 240. 😭

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Just not his 240 - what you sitting at these days?

Getting big is way harder than I expected - it’s no joke. Did you find that you stopped gaining when you were off cycle and could only maintain? My body doesn’t seem to want to grow after that first blast.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yes, I have stopped at 230. On cycle I am around 225-230, off 215-220.

If I dropped BF to see abs, I would probably be about 210.

But fuck that.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Damn you have gotten big - I’m pretty sure I’m only an inch or two shorter than you and I’m stuck in the 190s off cycle.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Unless I want to dig down deeper and open myself up to more injury potential, I am not sure how much (if any) bigger I can get.

I can lein up and drop BF, and I might one day, but not super motivated to do that either.

I was curling 65's this morning like they were 25's.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How many cycles have you run up to this point?

I leaned out using my TRT dose and anavar and it worked well but was fucking expensive for 8 weeks.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have no idea. I have been B&C for a decade. I average 2 20 week cycles a year.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I didn’t realize you were B&C - that explains how you held onto so much if your gains. I mostly lost water weight from the estrogen drop after my first blast.

[–]napthaleneballs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I'm working on it.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is why I love this place^^^

[–]go-RED-go7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]napthaleneballs[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Will read. Thanks

[–]simbarlionRed Beret13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you make your mission to face your fears in every area of your life, you will grow in every area of your life.

It's never boring.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is great advice. Such a basic part of any man's mission of growth that many overlook.

Live on your edge.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ties in with your thread on killing the ego. I don't think anyone can ever truly live without ego but if it's an ideal, it's worth striving a lifetime for.

[–]Tyred_Biggums0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only way you can grow is to move past the fears. It's fun and rewarding when you see a fear and tell yourself to fuck off and go do whatever it is you were afraid of.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Go for your PE.

Do not fuck around. No pass go. Do not collect 200

Get in the 401k. Get the match. Find an employer willing to pay for the masters and PhD.

I am expert in my field. I should have taken the engineering route. You have started it, now keep it going.

Your mission is about you and goals that layout an incredible path. Get started.

I grew up incredibly poor, without hope. I stumbled for a long time. However, I learned many trades and became liscensed in one, cutting my learning curve as I acquired skills in others.

I found great solice in making sure my kids graduate college debt free and chase “their” dreams. Not mine. 2 of them are crushing it in their fields. I am hoping experts by 35. That’s quite away for them.

I will tell you that my income, from drilling down my mission, allowed me to write a tuition check for one child to hold their tuition for four years locked in. No, that did not hurt my checking account and it did not impact vacation plans.

Lift. Sidebar.

Honestly, you are going to want to coast at times. But don’t lose the ambition that drives your mission.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lol, what software engineers get a PE?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Most of them get PE and PIED.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]napthaleneballs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not in the US, so PE and 401k don't apply, but I got your message.

[–]mwggw4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

This may or may not help but I view my career as a tool to achieve the mission, not the mission itself. I want to do something I enjoy, kick ass at it, and make lots of money- but all in service to my mission. Its a means not the end. That outlook has helped me categorize how I view my career, and honestly be content with something that’s fun, pays well, and flexible. I’m sure I could find something more interesting or higher paying but thats not my goal unless i need to in order to serve the mission better. If my job sucks the life out of me, then yeah i better start looking because im going to be tired and stressed when I should be raising my kids and serving my community. Hope that helps give you some perspective.

[–]boy_named_su5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

your mission is to find your mission

two options: optimize, or satisfice. optimize means try all the things, and pick the best one. satisfice means try many things, and pick a satisfactory one. shit takes time. i'm 44 and didn't find my calling until i was about 34

my mother didn't find her calling til she was about 65 (counselor). my uncle started in computers, but didn't find his calling til he was about 55 (history writer)

your career doesn't define you . 40 hours a week out of 168. but it helps to find one you're enthusiastic about.

i too am a software guy (more data scientist / data engineer). i work at a nation-wide credit union. i could make more at google or facebook - they've offered me jobs, but fuck em. i failed my first computer science course (i had never programmed before). i majored in economics, not compsci. it took me 7 years to finish my undergrad. not a traditional path. shit, i purposely tried to leave software, but it's what i'm good and, and gets me into "flow"

[–]DuffBude2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My mission is to have a family, to raise the kids in the right way, and to build a lifestyle that allows me and my family to be happy and healthy, physically and mentally. My career is a means for that. I think the fact that my kids will outlive me and go on to have grandkids, that's what gives me the feeling that my efforts have a lasting effect on the world. But if a family is not possible for whatever reason, perhaps you can pursue having a lasting effect through some other way in your career, or as a side-project. Write a book in your spare time, for example, with the mind that book-writing is most often not a very lucrative task, therefore allowing you to appreciate your day job as a means that allows you to accomplish your mission and still have a comfortable living.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe your mission should be finding a gym with a squat rack. Where the fuck are you lifting, Curves?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Planet Fagness.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pizza Tuesday and Getting Pegged Friday’s (OP’s favourite). Planet Fatness. You should go.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is one I struggle with a lot. I'm not sure if my OCD is the culprit but I constantly crave different work than what I'm currently doing. I'll have an idea for a business, plot out how to make it work then never follow up or start it as I'm fearful of spending the capital.

I used to sit behind a desk all day and left that about 8 years ago to pursue sales in a very competitive environment. I like to think I'm very good at my job but some days the stress is over bearing and think I may have made a poor decision. I hated my old job but the competition is brutal in my line of work and having a family on a commission based income is a scary thing. I'm mid 30s now and I'm in the process of getting rid of all our debt so I can have some piece of mind. Goal is to only have the mortgage by end of year. No more car payments and live simply. We are not born to pay bills and die.

I need to find something I can do while I'm doing my other job. Even if I made $30-40k a year doing it it would suffice. I really don't want to go back to school and incur more debt. I do enjoy mentoring. I should look into youth groups and how I can help out there.

I also invested poorly from a young age in my retirement. I wish I could go back and contribute to the 401k's and IRA from me early 20s and not start a couple years back like I did.

[–]fannyfire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Apply the Pareto principle to your life.

What can you do to improve your life by 80%?

There’s not a magical template for you to follow. Every person is going to have their own road. Your “mission” doesn’t have to be the only “mission. “ Your life is going to change and you’re going to have to rebalance and prioritize the 20% that is going to get you that big chunk of results.

Somebody said you watch porn. Quitting porn can be a first great step. As a married man, with a healthy sex life 3-5/week for my entire marriage (5 years), I still watched porn throughout 99% of my marriage. Today marks 60 days that I quit porn after having never made it past a few weeks over a span of 15 years. The effect of not watching porn has undoubtedly increased my ability to NGAF when my wife turns me down.

[–]En0der0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't remember where I read it, but it stuck with me and whenever I feel as if I was losing my aim, I remember this piece of advice (quoting from memory, so it's probably not verbatim): "Imagine if you were to die this evening - what things you would regret the most for not having managed to do in your life? There, you have your mission."

Even if that's not enough, it is a really useful exercise to get some perspective from a vantage point above your daily grinder. I keep rerunning it at least once a month or two to check my priorities, values, and progress (and remind myself that they are there in the first place).

Good luck with your journey.

[–]lefty9290 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for posting this, have been in the same struggle as you recently

[–]EasyDaysHardNights0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Consider ... Freedom.

Do you have the ability to do what you want, with who you want, where you want, when you want?

The more you consider the ramifications of that question, in all the roles and contexts of your life, both today, and going forward ... the more you will see the chains draped around you.

Free yourself.

[–]27410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got really sick. Was then impelled to lock in good health for the future. Mission is now to repair health.

So my suggestion is to fuck up your health really bad. Afterwards you will know the true meaning of Purpose.

Once you have an all-encompassing purpose, career choice, what you eat, when you get up, how many steps you take per minute, everything will be determined from that. Saves a lot of thinking.

unconventional approach

I quit my job so that I could have my whole day to cogitate on my true problem. I tried many things which failed and taught me closer to the true best path. It is now about 5 years since quitting my previous job as a computer programmer which I did for 11 years. I started working again about 1/2 a year ago; currently the work is bioinformatics which is not exactly the Goal but it is the best step given my circumstances.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mission is built by way of a similar path as the book “The Road to Character”.

It is built in the process of life.

But only if it is a life that has core tenants to guide your daily choices and actions. You can’t google your mission, you can’t ask someone to give you your mission (because then you are just a puppet to help them accomplish their’s).

You will find it yourself in the process. But only if your process is guided by the right core tenants.

[–]AquitasVeritas-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Watch garyvee on youtube or whatever. Try a lot of shit.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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