Hello Brothers,

Title basically describes what I’m struggling with. I’ve only had to turn down a sex (or the clear implication of sex) twice, but I’m sure more times will come. I’ve tried to mostly avoid this topic during my self-improvement journey, because every time I put considerable thought into it, it turns into a big mental dilemma that takes up too much of my time. Part of my frustration is that there’s a psychological aspect to this that I think affects my other behaviors. Not having sex facilitates the internalized belief that deep down I’m still not worthy of being desired. It’s as if I’m masking my problem of feeling not desirable by women with the no sex rule (rather than following it out of merit), and using it to cover the root of the problem. Like how Robert Glover discusses in NMMNG, men who do not believe they are ok just the way they are (not worthy of love or desire just the way they are), will end up acting in a constantly pleasing and supplicating manner. And that subconsciously affects how I interact with women because sex isn’t on the table. It seems like the most sensible way to overcome this is to sleep with someone.

It is also frustrating because I feel I am missing out on the learning opportunities necessary to become good at sex. It is encouraged for guys to “know what they’re doing” in the bedroom, and the experience gap between me and other guys grows as I get older. I haven’t even masturbated in several years now (not sure I’d even know how to anymore honestly), and I feel like my libido has decreased recently as a result of my body not needing to release any sperm for a long time.

I posted this to vent and get my thoughts out, but also wondering if other members here have experienced similar feelings, and what conclusions they came to. To be clear, I’m not looking for practical tips on overcoming sexual sin/temptation (I posted a question awhile back regarding that), but I’m looking for how to deal with the mental frustration that comes along with fear of missing out on sex, and how to deal with the psychological issues described above. Any responses appreciated, It’s been difficult to deal with this issue because I don’t really have anywhere else to discuss it except here.