QUESTION

Does the Bible mention anything about sex having the power to “brainwash” someone? When I was applying for my job recently, one thing I had to agree with is to never form an intimate relationship with a coworker. I didn’t quite get why that was a big enough deal to write it as a legal obligation, but my boss claims sex can and sometimes is used as a form of bribery. She used the term “brainwashing” because she believes once you sleep with someone, you lose part of your mental capacity to them and become much more vulnerable to and more easily controlled by that person. I’ve never slept with anyone, so this just all sounds so bizarre to me. I figured a much simpler and easier reason to avoid sleeping with your coworkers is because it’s completely unnecessary and a sin against God. Is any of this “brainwashing” accurate to something God has written, or is this mostly just speculation?


ANSWER

There is nothing in the Bible that says sex creates brainwashing. The Bible says that sex is a good thing created by God. That said, as with all good things, it can be used inappropriately in sinful ways. For example, giving to missionaries is good, yet when Ananias and Sapphira sold their house and gave a portion of the proceeds to the apostles they were struck dead because they were not giving from a right heart and were deceptive about it (Acts 5:1-11). In Matthew 6 Jesus gives a series of examples like this - that while outwardly doing good things, people can still sin in the way they give to the poor, pray, or fast. Sex is the same way. It is a good thing, but when the people having it are unmarried, it is sin.

With this in mind, when your boss notes that sex is "used as a form of bribery," this is one of the sinful ways sex is often used. Sexual attraction can be very powerful. When someone becomes fixated on that attraction toward a specific person, opportunity for an exchange comes up, especially if the object of that attraction can find benefit from the person who is attracted to him/her. Typically, this looks like a boss who is attracted to one of his workers, and the worker agrees to have sex with the boss, believing that it will lead to a possible promotion, raise, leniency in the workplace on various issues, etc. Other times it is because the person fears getting fired if they don't accept the sexual advances. When an employee is inappropriately pressured to accept the sexual advances, this is called sexual harassment and it is illegal everywhere in America and many other countries (I'm not sure which country you live in). Many companies would go bankrupt over even a single sexual harassment lawsuit, making it a grave risk that must be regulated.

The "brainwash" effect your boss is referencing is not directly referenced in the Bible, though it is not difficult to find examples in Scripture where sexual attraction has caused people to do seemingly absurd things. For example, Jacob was attracted to Rachel and agreed to work 7 years to marry her, only to be given Leah instead, after which he worked 7 additional years to marry Rachel. If sexual attraction did not have an extremely powerful influence over our life choices, Jacob never would have agreed to commit 14 years of his life in the pursuit of a single woman. This influence can be good at times, but it can also be very destructive in a variety of contexts.

What I believe you're really referencing, though, is a psychological and bio-chemical process called "pair bonding." Pair bonding is when a person feels a strong connection toward another person in a manner that can influence their decision-making and judgments. Pair bonding is a good thing in the proper context. If we did not have pair bonding, nobody would ever marry because there would be no desire to remain connected and loyal to anyone else. Interestingly, when people have numerous sexual partners, their brains become numb to the pair-bonding effect. As a result, those with higher quantities of sexual partners are far more likely to wind up divorced - often multiple times. The conclusion we can take from this is that in the absence of healthy pair-bonding, people are quick to leave their marriages. This has been well-established in the way the sexual revolution has correlated with the sharp increase in divorce rates over the last 50 years.

That is, beginning in the 1960s the laws regarding sexual activity began changing, including the institution of no-fault divorce in America, which allowed people to engage in extramarital sexual relationships without risking such things as spousal support or rights to marital property. Common law marriage also began to be abolished, which allowed people to engage in sexual activity with whomever they wanted, and even live with people, without creating marriage bonds that would then subject them to divorce laws. As a result, the legal institution of marriage has become little more than a formality to establish tax benefits and estate planning vehicles - and it is primarily the collective social belief structures surrounding marriage that give it more weight than that, as it is now so easy to create and break marriages that it is only in our cultural psychology that we actually find any moral value in the institution of marriage. Because of all this, marriage has essentially become a non-issue when it comes to sexual relationships, causing the amount of non-marital sex people were having to skyrocket, which eroded many people's ability to pair bond, which then upped the divorce rates, the number of children born out of wedlock, the increase of sexually transmitted diseases, and a host of other problems. Accordingly, the ability of two people to form and maintain a pair-bond is extremely important, and can also be extremely powerful.

However, as we've already said, even good things can be used sinfully. For example, bi-lateral pair bonding (i.e. both people are bonded to each other) can cause people to stay in very unhealthy, destructive relationships - even before marriage (noting that getting married doesn't actually have a noticeable impact on pair bonding). Very strong pair bonding (as is usually most common during the first year or two of a new relationship) can also cause two people to focus so heavily on each other that they tend to ignore other aspects of their lives, which could significantly affect their work performance. Alternatively, when pair-bonding occurs unilaterally, it creates an opportunity for exploitation. Two common stereotypes are: (1) when a woman is unilaterally bonded to a man (i.e. he is not bonded back to her), the man often exploits the relationship for sex without offering any form of commitment in return, which is what she really wants from him; or (2) when a man is unilaterally bonded to a woman (i.e. she is not bonded back to him), the woman often strings him along, using his hope to have sex with her as a way to earn a variety of other favors such as gifts, taken out on fancy dates, or (if they are co-workers) raises/bonuses/better hours/etc. - all without ever having any actual intent to have sex with him, which is what he really wants.

In this way, pair bonding can certainly be seen as a form of "brain washing" in that it can get people to do things they would ordinarily not do, all for the sake of someone that they feel a strong urge or connection toward. But pair bonding doesn't merely lead to sex - it is often caused by it too, and in the most powerful ways. The human brain has various pleasure/reward centers that cause a person to feel good when certain hormones/chemicals pass through them. Among the most powerful are vasopressin, dopamine, and oxytocin. These three chemicals are all known to affect "pair bonding" in very powerful and unique ways. (1) Vasopressin produces a desire for longevity and commitment in a relationship; (2) dopamine produces direct pleasure, almost like being on drugs (as many drugs trigger the brain's dopamine receptors); and (3) oxytocin is known to deepen feelings of attachment and closeness, also causing contentment, calmness, and security. All three chemicals are known to be produced in increasing measure in various phases of a relationship and can begin even from purely psychological sources, such as talking to someone you're attracted to. This effect increases when skin-to-skin contact is initiated, such as holding hands or hugging. When people have sex, their brains are flooded with these hormones for a short time, and the more they have sex the more their brains become re-wired to condition those feelings toward a specific person, which is when pair-bonding is at its strongest. In this way, the "brain washing" effect your boss says sex can create can be viewed very much like one person supplying cocaine to another, and then being in control of that supply - the person who is addicted to the cocaine will do just about anything to get more. While not necessarily a perfect example, the parallels are close enough that you should understand that this effect is very real and serious.

While the Bible doesn't say much about hormones, brain chemical receptors, pair bonding, etc., it certainly does have a lot to say about how we control our bodies and use them for God's purposes. 1 Peter 5:8 compels us to "be sober-minded." In 1 Cor. 6:12, Paul notes his attitude that he will not be mastered by anything - and a few chapters later (11:1) he says that we should follow in his example, as he follows in the example of Christ. That is not to say that we should avoid being pair-bonded to anyone. In fact, we want to experience this type of relationship with Christ most of all. Remember also that God is the one who created the human brain and such chemicals as vasopressin, dopamine, and oxytocin to function in us the way they do - and he is the one who caused pair bonding to occur in us the way that it does. However, he created it for the purpose of drawing people into loving, committed marriages in which sex can occur frequently and freely. The way sexual attraction and pair bonding functions today, predominantly used like a drug for immediate gratification, is a product of the fallen nature of the world.

With the above in mind, to address a few specific points from your question:

...one thing I had to agree with is to never form an intimate relationship with a coworker.

It's important to note here that "intimate relationships" with a co-worker don't necessarily mean sex. Often-times it includes dating in the workplace. Many workplaces prohibit dating and not just sex because even dating alone can have the effects I described above. The theory many employers operate on is that if they can convince their employees that sex with co-workers is off-the-table, then they won't allow themselves to become emotionally involved. It's a big risk to put your job on the line. The higher the cost, the less likely you will be influenced inappropriately. If there was no such prohibition, then it opens the door to sexual harassment and manipulation in the workplace. Also, the hostility in the workplace in the event of a breakup could affect job performance. As such, the best solution is simply to shut down these types of relationships before they even get started, which is accomplished by giving the prohibition your boss has given to you.

I figured a much simpler and easier reason to avoid sleeping with your coworkers is because it's completely unnecessary and a sin against God.

That is, of course, a much simpler reason. However, most organizations are not "Christian" in the sense of being committed to biblical principles. If your employer operates his business as a general business instead of being founded on the Bible, it would be irrational to expect him to utilize the Bible as his rationale. Even if your boss happens to be a Christian - or even if all of the owners of the company are Christians - they may still have non-Christian employees and need to provide additional reasons for their management practices that don't rely on the Bible, as non-Christians will not take the Bible as an authority over them.

Is any of this "brainwashing" accurate to something God has written, or is this mostly just speculation?

It is neither. God had not written anywhere in the Bible that "sex causes brainwashing." God has also not written anywhere in the Bible that 2+2=4, yet we know it to be true and not "just speculation." The effects of vasopressin, dopamine, and oxytocin have been well-studied and documented. They are very real. Pair bonding and the things that it can cause a person to do have been well-etsablished through a number of repeated scientific studies, and can be seen in a variety of biblical stories, such as the Jacob and Rachel story I referenced above. While the addictive nature of pair-bonding is not always as strong as something like cocaine (though at times it can be), the influence it can have over a person's decision-making is certainly significant enough that an employer would be justified in wanting to avoid risk that it negatively affect the business he's trying to run. The fact that intimate relationships (even non-sexual ones) massively increase the chance for a sexual harassment lawsuit is, even by itself without any other factor, substantial enough of a risk to warrant prohibition of such relationships.

While many companies do not have comparable prohibitions, a failure to regulate intimate relationships among coworkers is incredibly unwise and only makes sense for those companies that are either so small that the risk of a sexual harassment law suit is very small or for companies where intimate relationships are incredibly unlikely to form or affect job performance in the first place (example: traveling sales positions where coworkers are unlikely to have much interaction with each other).