Was I too nice to this bitch?

helaughsinhidden · 2020-02-18T17:09:32+00:00

First of all..........

I reply, I’m fine, we will talk about this in person.

Which I have to repeat a few times as she continues to text.

Pay attention rookies. This was the CORRECT move. He didn't take the bait and DEER over text, he used broken record, her hamster kept spinning, and he got an apology. Most of you faggots can count on one hand how many times your LTR/wives have apologized. Take notes.

4th time this has happened in recent months

Bare with the terminology, but you can't "ALPHA the AWALT out of her". Dread doesn't stop PMS, shit tests, comfort tests, or her desire to be in control and manipulate. Being the leader in the relationship is like standing on a greased bowling ball with wet shoes, you have to be vigilant and keep improving.

too nice to her at the weekend and now she’s extra shitty

Sure, it's like the kids being assholes just a day or two after christmas. It's par for the course, dopamine withdraw, she was spoiled and normal life isn't as good as your undivided attention. Remember, that's her currency, your attention. Now, she's back to sharing it again. Just roll with the punches and give less fucks about her mouth noises. Just smile and don't be reactive.

part_wolf · 2020-02-18T18:24:03+00:00

It's not really about being too nice or not nice enough. It's not even about diving into her brain and trying to figure out how it works. There are two things going on here, so I'll speak to the comfort test element first and then the shit test element.

Comfort

She wants your attention, clearly, and it's your job to lay out the path to her as to the best way to seek out that attention in a way that works for you. You didn't fail a test here, but are you leading her to a better path to seek out your attention?

There's a way to dangle the attention carrot. Letting her know that she isn't off your radar and giving her something to look forward to is the right move here.

I'm referring to the subtle difference here between shutting down an advance cold with "no thanks, I'm busy" and "actually, I had something more fun in mind for a date. Call you later." Both of those messages fall in the realm of logistics (because this is texting), but one is more effective in terms of advancing your game than the other. Neither response is reactionary or in her frame, but the latter gives her the feelz she is looking for.

The difference is subtle, but basically you're trying to communicate the following idea: "hey babe, I see you're wanting some attention from me. If you're a good girl and seek it out in a way that works for me, then I'm open to that. But it has to be on my time and on my terms."

The challenge here is that it's not so effective to say that to her verbatim. It's best to do that through covert communication by training her, which again, you seem to be doing. I think it comes down to bridging the gap between your undivided attention and you spending time pursuing other priorities. What I'm describing can be a difficult needle to thread - or maybe not, but this is what I'm struggling with at the moment in my own relationship.

If what I'm describing isn't in your frame, just do you and let her come to terms with your emotional availability. She will figure it out either way - but the tests will never go away.

Shit Test

You have to be hyper vigilant for shit tests such as "If there a reason you being weird" and "it’s annoying the hot and cold" because the moment you engage those at face value you're accepting her characterization of your behavior. In my experience, the only correct way to pass this test is a nuke.

Your response was 100% correct, mainly because you shouldn't do this type of coaching (or any serious conversations) over text messages. At some point, however, you have to address this because if you don't it's going to become a nasty habit.

Maybe this is you saying something along the lines of "You seem upset. If something is bothering you, there's a better way to bring it up than saying I'm 'being weird' or 'hot and cold'." To be clear, ideally you'd say this to her in person when it suits you.

Could you get away with amused mastery here? Probably. Is it as powerful as saying "hey, don't do that" to your girl? Probably not.

Basically, if she wants to talk about her feelings then you should train her to actually talk about her feelings. Ignore the bullshit and don't let her put a label on your behavior - that's an obvious frame check.

P.S. - "dangling the attention carrot" is now my favorite euphemism.

man_in_the_world · 2020-02-18T18:34:55+00:00

In your "fake it 'til you make it" stage, she senses your inconsistencies and inauthenticity and finds them confusing and unsettling.

Be consistent, and systematically change your outward behavior as you master a few new skills at a time, instead of your scattershot approach of trying to sprinkle all types of alpha all at once. And act congruently and authentically with your developing self and frame; don't just perform MRP "scripts" that aren't congruent.

redpillruminations · 2020-02-18T16:42:20+00:00

Sounds like a shitty comfort test to me.

I think she wants you to tell her she's fine. You can't do it directly, so light A&A, AM, tell her you'll see her soon, maybe that she should cook for you more, with a smile? It's all good, I think. Interested to see what the others say.

Remington-Holmes · 2020-02-18T18:38:11+00:00

You're angry, aren't you?

Why are you angry?

Don't tell me you're not!

I can see it you're angry!

After all I did for you recently!

You narcissistic shit!

Response:. Hahaha, good one. You're cute when you're angry.

gameoflibidos · 2020-02-18T20:53:31+00:00

You're overly concerned with what she's thinking. Simple as that. You told her you are fine, as long as you are really fine and aren't showing face in front of really not fine in your head... cause she will sniff that shit out.... then you're fine. End of story. What she continues to hamster is irrelevant. Continue BAU.

psychoduckly · 2020-02-20T00:02:47+00:00

Original text was to her other bf, who was alternating between sulking about her going off with you, and fawning with joy that she was back. It took her a while to realze that it was you that she was texting. She tried to change the subject and act as if she were always aware that she was texting you.

Oh, forget it...cringe... I'll let you off the hook...this time...cringe. Hey, let's go to IKEA!

marv86kw · 2020-02-18T16:56:57+00:00

You failed a comfort test.

She said sorry and wanted to go out to make it and show you what a good girl she can be. You said no thanks. Can it be more obvious you idiot?

Title	Was I too nice to this bitch?
Author	RoccoPinkman
Upvotes	0
Comments	58
Date	February 18, 2020 4:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/f5uj2u/was_i_too_nice_to_this_bitch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/was-i-too-nice-to-this-bitch.339175 https://theredarchive.com/post/339175