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Should you ever continue dating someone if their values and beliefs and character are ideal, but you aren’t physically attracted to part of them?

Reddit View
February 22, 2020
3 upvotes

Essentially, I she was a woman of faith and loved the Lord. On the vet-list that RedPillWonder did, she hit almost everything. Her body was hot, but I wasn’t attracted to her face.

I tried to convince myself that looks fade, but character, values, and beliefs are more unchanging. But, I had to rationalize that I was attracted to her physically. I wasn’t even looking forward to replying to her texts.

Has this happened to any of y’all? What did you do/what do you advise doing?

Thanks.


Post Information
Title Should you ever continue dating someone if their values and beliefs and character are ideal, but you aren’t physically attracted to part of them?
Author SingularityOne198
Upvotes 3
Comments 8
Date 22 February 2020 07:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/339439
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/f7x1za/should_you_ever_continue_dating_someone_if_their/
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Comments

[–]Deep_Strength6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Always try to evaluate based on the Bible.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. ... 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Do you burn with passion for this woman? If so, that might be a reason to get married.

1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband must [a]fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and [b]come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7 [c]Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

Would you be able to fulfill your marital duties to her without holding back?

Would you be able to do that even if you didn't want to?

In general, I've been in your spot before with some good character women, but I ended up declining until I was with someone who I was attracted to in body and face. I'm personally glad I waited, but every man may answer these questions differently.

[–]SingularityOne198[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with you wholeheartedly here. I didn’t burn with passion with her - what does the word for “passion” mean here in that verse? Is it mere infatuation or attraction, or both?

Ultimately, I’m 24, so I’m young. However, looks are really important to me along with their taking care of their physical health. It all came down to not being attracted to her face and I feel picky and vain for that considering she had such a high RMV. She also agreed with all of the biblical roles too... super hard decision.

Ultimately, I told her I didn’t see it working out romantically. But, I’m trying to learn more for the future in this experience too.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn’t burn with passion with her - what does the word for “passion” mean here in that verse?

In the greek the phrase burn with passion is just burn or puroo. Basically, refers to fire.

It could be interpreted to sex drive, but I think it also applies to the specific potential spouse as well. The marital obligations are two fold (her to you, and you to her).

[–]markreadsred2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Looks fade in unison with a long and fruitful marriage. You need to be attracted to your spouse. If she isn't what you want, what does that say about your ability to have standards if you settle.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You want a wife whose heart beats faster with excitement every time she sees you or anticipates being with you, right? She deserves the same. What you're feeling now will only be amplified in your marriage. Time to move on.

[–]RedPillWonder0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Her body was hot, but I wasn’t attracted to her face.

Are we talking complexion? Overall shape/contour of her face? If the former, that's fixable. The latter not so much, unless one is considering surgery, which I don't recommend.

Also, things like the right haircut and style that complements one's facial contours can help, especially for women.

If she was willing to work on this, she may be worth pursuing. If not, or if it's more the way her face is shaped that is unappealing to you, you don't want to have to fight to generate attraction toward her.

While it's not the most important, it is essential in many ways and you need to find a woman you are naturally attracted to, and she to you.

Sure, looks fade to varying degrees with time and other factors, but to me, the face is one of the most important, more so than the body (although you need to be attracted to both) because think of all the times you'll see your (future) wife naked vs how much you'll see her face while clothed.

It's what you're going to see for hours and hours day after day. And she, yours. It's something you're going to want to look at :)

If you're fighting this now, it's not likely to improve, unless it's a fixable issue.

Hope this helps.

[–]SingularityOne198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was more about overall shape/contour of her face. I was trying to rationalize (fight to generate attraction toward her) my attraction for her rather than it being innate. Very difficult decision because she was objectively beautiful, but not fully attractive to me. Being 24, I know I have more time and more opportunities to meet an attractive woman anyways. Back to mission.

This is helpful. Thanks!

[–]hopeunseen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As a guy who has had this exact struggle but in reverse (wife has said since early on she was never physically attracted to me) I 100% think you should move on if the attraction isn't there. Not to say don't give it a chance to develop, but if you've already been with each other for a while and it's an ongoing issue, I would move on.

Life is short - But marriage for life is long. As it's been said before on MRP, marry the woman you can't keep yourself from banging.

And of course with the RPC caveat of ensuring her faith, character and values are also top knotch.



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