I struggle to get erect with new girls

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February 27, 2020
129 upvotes

Hey guys. For whatever reason, the first couple times I’m with a girl I struggle to get hard, and while it hasn’t caused me to lose a girl in a while, it’s become a big enough issue to worry me.

I try not to be in my head too much, but when this happens, I worry.

I do consider the girls I’m with fuckable.

I struggled with this girl last night but got myself together enough to pound her once and eat her out. Phew.

I don’t want this to be a chore, and not every girl is willing to communicate, or come back if i fuck up.

Tips?

Edit: Met her again. Pounded her. Still struggled a bit. Resorted to other ways of making her cum

Edit 2: Banged her again last night. Seem to be getting myself together


Post Information
Title I struggle to get erect with new girls
Author UniversalFapture
Upvotes 129
Comments 100
Date 27 February 2020 03:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/340812
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fadiw7/i_struggle_to_get_erect_with_new_girls/
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Comments

[–]Soundnipple142 points143 points  (6 children) | Copy

For me, its a lack of intimacy. I struggle to get hard if there is no emotional connection most times.

[–]HungryDogzRun51 points52 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is underrated and spot on

[–]Timetochange10110 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, that might be a common reason

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah hate to say it but real talk that's exactly how I feel alot of the time, when there's intimacy my cock could cut glass, but without it I usually struggle unless I use supplements.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see

[–]krimpenrik2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same here

[–]QPRCHOC1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bang on. I feel my hardest erections were with my first LTR. Man I could go all night ... those were the days.

[–]WB2E59 points60 points  (3 children) | Copy

The big 3 plus a bonus:

  1. Don't watch porn or masturbate
  2. Exercise, lift weights and do cardio
  3. Get sleep

Bonus: Generic viagra for the 1st time if you need a confidence boost

[–]UncleWarwick8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]mrsmiley8315 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cialis is better IMO. Has a longer half life also.

[–]JSuma2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

cialis is far better

[–]Roelor134 points135 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you worry too much. Nothing gets your dick softer than worrying about it getting hard..

[–]Monkitail5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe your mom

[–]blissfullyaware0070 points71 points  (15 children) | Copy

You're overthinking and that can spiral so don't think about it lol. Lots of dudes have been there at some point or another. LIFT. Eat healthy and lay off the heavy carbs. Don't jack off to porn. Don't give a shit about pleasing them, the first time is for you, round two is for her. But above all, nothing drives testosterone like lifting, so do it to exhaustion at least three times per week. If you're still mind fucked after all that, sildenafil works wonders.

[–]TINYTAZ9427 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

I always do the opposite. First time for them, second time for me. Third time the charm.

[–]throwawaycunt19975 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gotta make her want to be a return customer.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo

[–]kabuto_mushi13 points14 points  (9 children) | Copy

lay off the heavy carbs

Agree with everything here, minus this. Should be "lay off empty calories and eat a nutritious diet". Carbohydrates are an essential macronutrient and give us energy... also if you're looking to improve blood flow (including to certain organs) eating whole grains and vegetables high in carbs (ie. potatoes, etc.) will help do that. Too much of our "health food" society is obsessed with ONLY PROTEIN NO CARBS but really what we should avoid is solid fat and added sugar... and alcohol. Also consider supplements OP, zinc, fish oil, shit like that.

[–]trwawyrnd5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

vitamin D

[–]1rugged793 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Believe he's saying lay of the carbs due to the average keyboard warrior's overconsumption of Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Most guys with OP's problem don't lift or eat a balanced diet.

[–]kabuto_mushi1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's only partly true though. Yes, most men to read this browsing Reddit all day really do need to get on a better diet and take better care of themselves physically in order to help the situation. However, I disagree with "most guys with OP's problem don't lift...". You can be perfectly healthy, lift, eat well, sleep well, and avoid porn/masturbation, and STILL have these problems. I'd argue that premature ED problems are actually much more likely to be the result of psychology (performance anixety or some other outside stressors). In other words, most guys with this problem need to figure out how to get out of their own heads.

Still lift and eat well though, FFS

[–]1rugged79-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup.

[–]blissfullyaware000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ya that's what I was getting at, just don't be a fat lazy fuck, basically. Of course, if it's a medical problem, we live in an amazing time with fantastic safe drugs. One tiny pill and your dick will be hard for hours. What a glorious time to be alive.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Eh, i’m a martial artist, so i def get some exercise in

[–]kdsflyfree0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You probably have great circulation, so you might emphasize more large muscle group lifting to boost testosterone.

3 things you need for a boner: blood, T, and desire.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Noted

[–]1rugged79-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cool

[–]smgtn0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

lay off the heavy carbs

This is a curious one. Often when I go on a week of calorie/carb deficit and then have a day of binging heavy carbs - on the next day I am horny as fuck. It doesn't always happen, but it happened enough times in the past for this to be a pattern.

[–]blissfullyaware000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're healthy and fit it doesn't matter what you eat, to an extent. I was merely implying not to be a fat fuck and eat an entire pizza while watching tv every night.

[–]theUnBannableHulk48 points49 points  (2 children) | Copy

Performance anxiety

You give too much of a cuck about pleasing them

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nice autocorrect 🤣

[–]theUnBannableHulk8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This autocorrect is gonna kill me someday 😏

[–]SeparateCustomer218 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

I had the same problem and this video helped me out quite a bit. Another thing that helped was to stop watching porn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdw3yfwQxjY

[–]kabuto_mushi5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Holy shit. What a fantastic fucking video. Thanks guy

[–]SeparateCustomer25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sure thing, they have really great content for the most part tear into it

[–]Don_Draper2713 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

The first 2 or 3 times with my LTR I also struggled to get rock hard. I was nervous, she was the hottest girl I'd ever laid with. I managed to get it hard enough for penetration but couldn't get the blood flow going for round 2.

The awesome part though was that she was really patient about it.. If she was rubbing me off and noticed that I wasn't ready yet she'd ask me with sincerity if I wanted to take a break for a few minutes.

So the good news for you is that it happens more often than you know so don't feel too embarrassed. Some tips I could offer are to avoid any alcohol. Whiskey dick is a thing. Also, some indica weed (body high) helped for me. It helped me remain more focused and calm. Having a meditation habit going is also a key in being present and immersed in the experience.

If you watch porn absolutely stop that now and if you masturbate daily, restrict yourself to once or twice a week.

Overall just be healthy and make sure that you're taking the vitamins and nutrition you need. Stay hydrated.

[–]sehns9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

You sure you don't have oneitis? Did you recently break up with an ex?

Anyway, fake it till you make it - go see a doctor, tell him the problem, and just say you need a viagra prescription for the first encounter with a girl so you don't blow it. Make sure you see a male doctor. Then when you think you might get laid have a half of a viagra 20 mins before, problem solved

[–]HungryDogzRun4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just go online dog, roman. No need for the in person shame

[–]Idontgetitboyz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I went with the route of seeing a doctor about my ED, turns out it was nothing of physical nature. Sent me to a shrink, solved the mental aspect. No in person shame.

[–]Bing_Bang_Bam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Viagra kicks ass. I think. I've never actually tried it

[–]PhaedrusHunt6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Drink less, sleep more, and don't worry about it. It's mostly in your head

[–]uchihaitachi12376 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take like half a pill of cialis or viagra and don't drink too much before you fuck. Just for the first time so you dont have to worry about being erect. After the first time you won't need it as you'll be confident enough. You have performance anxiety

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

There’s no secret, just get some viagra to keep on hand when needed and stop being too much of a pussy to go to the doctor to get some. You can even get it via online doctors now.

[–]L2diy4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop jerking off

[–]Rognin10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Get your test levels checked. Eat right, go to the gym. If all else fails, use sildenafil

[–]Monkitail1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you build up Tolerances to that shit

[–]Rognin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have no clue, I've used it once recreationally.

[–]Number1sun3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I read somewhere on trp forums that when you get in a situation like this, to eat a quarter of a boner pill and pound like a champ, boosting your confidence. It's up to you if you want to take on of those pills though, but I think part of one or a whole wouldn't hurt once or twice max.

[–]Monkitail0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are they bad for you if you keep taking them?

[–]Number1sun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definently

[–]king_of_red_alphas7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Man. The 2 threesomes I’ve had in life went like this.

My dream scenario with 2 hot girls and I literally started trembling like a bitch, even though I’d fucked regularly for weeks before that.

Like an idiot I thought drinking more would “cut my nerves”. Nope. Pure limp dick.

Nothing more humiliating than watching one girl go down on another while your cold soft dick is in a girls mouth and can’t respond.

Because of this I’ve given up on threesomes until I sort this anxiety out.

I think for me it really does come down to some semblance of intimacy / vulnerability (yes gay I know) which is exceedingly difficult in a MFF threesome in which you are generally just a stunt dick for their adventure.

[–]dpgproductions2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would definitely not give up on threesomes if the opportunities are still there. As others have said in this thread, Sildenfail works wonders. There are multiple places online that you can get it without having to see a doctor in person (Roman, HIMS) and it’s relatively inexpensive. I’ve used it once or twice as needed and it’s allowed me to fully enjoy the moment and go multiple rounds.

[–]king_of_red_alphas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I should have mentioned, although I didn’t use it during the threesomes, I’ve used it in other instances where my mind wouldn’t cooperate (overthinking etc) and it still didn’t work.

It works amazingly well when it’s a matter of being too tired or physically run down, but it doesn’t create a boner out of thin air if you’re already experiencing anxiety.

[–]paul_ernst2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being relaxed really is key. The female version of this is girls not being able to get wet. Thinking that you have to relax is mostly counter-productive. What helps is: Chill background music and talk to her about it. Literally throw it out there. Girls never care as long as you're confident and open about what's going on. Tell them it takes some time. If you know her for a while, let her play with your balls gently which is by nature relaxing and arousing.

It's important in general that you should decide on the speed of sex. So this just means you need to take control right from the start and go very very slow. If you feel the urge to go faster because that's what she's expecting, you're not leading which is bad for any kind of sex.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Viagra... The 'blue pill' (ironic isn't it!)

[–]dtyler862 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m the same exact way. No fap man. In a long-term relationship so I don’t worry about this anymore, but even still if I’ve gotten off Within the same day sometimes even the day before, depending on my stress, other factors like if I have worked out or got bad sleep the night before, can still greatly affect my performance anxiety. If you don’t touch your dick for like four days and you still have this problem you should probably speak to your doctor about it

[–]Lazyman_4hire2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah it's quite a common thing among guys, myself included. I've had women react poorly to this but the vast majority are patient and kind about it. Of course looking after your general mental and physical health is key, and ensuring you have a good connection with your partner. However, in the moment, the best thing you can do is to be upfront about the issue "hey, just wanted to let you know that He dick gesturing gets a bit shy around new people. It's not you, just something I struggle with sometimes."

Boom, relieves some of your own stress to perform which can have the added bonus of a false alarm, everything going smoothly, and a lovely night with your new friend. Even if it doesn't help, taking a half hour break between attempts and starting a movie can also help to ease the performance anxiety.

Side note: if a girl does react poorly to it then it's usually a good sign that she's not dating material. Ladies (/gents) on the receiving end: How you handle this can have long lasting effects on the guy. Be gentle - It's not about you.

[–]zazzomicron2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You and thousands of other guys. Don't worry about it! Happen to me last night with a new girl. I explained it wasn't her and that sometimes it takes a while. We fooled around for another hour then I was hard af. Once you normalize it by bringing it up a lot of the anxiety that causes it in the first place goes away. Just take your time, enjoy other things (if she's a new partner there is a LOT to enjoy :)) and come back to it

[–]bilabrin2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's not uncommon. I've found if I start fingering them,properly mind you, that as They start to get off I get excited and if I start hacking it, things time out well, arousal-wise.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This isn't a bug, it's a feature. You want your sex with some degree of intimacy. Your dick is trying to tell you this. Listen to your dick.

[–]KarmicPrism1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say getsome cialis if nothing else wirks.

[–]volvostupidshit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Play with her body first. Don't just stick it in.

[–]cracksniffer6662 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fearection

[–]Cryptomineand691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t watch porn and take cialis. Cialis is actually good for your health (srs look it up) and it doesn’t fuck your dick up if you stop taking it.

[–]Nergaal2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

dafuk is wrong with you people. you eat out girls on the first dates? you like throat cancer that much?

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea I caught that too. Wonder why no one else pointed that out

[–]Srgtstoner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I struggled with this girl last night but got myself together enough to pound her once and eat her out. Phew.

I have been right here. Right in that exact moment when you don't know what excuse you are going to give because you cant finish the job. It does feel great when you put your rally cap on and the boys come back and bust a homer in the bottom of the ninth.

I don't know what your work schedule or how busy your life is in general, but try and find a way to get outside. Exert some physical energy into something. That doesn't mean you have to workout, go to the gym, walk in the mall at 5am, or anything strenuous. Do something that involves you getting your body moving, your entire body. I myself find stretching everyday for 10 mins unbelievably me(27).

Last thing try not to get worked up about sex. I know that sounds dumb, but slow your breathing. In your nose and out your mouth. Stay in the moment, grab, squeeze, kiss, lick, or insert whatever you are into and just feel. You will soon be looking back thinking that was easier than i thought.

[–]muricanwerewolf10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s the stress of wanting to perform with this new woman that gets in your head and causes a physiological response that precludes boners. Annoyingly, the stress over the response to your stress stacks up and compounds the issue.

Thankfully, there’s pills you can take to eliminate the issue. I think you can even order them online now without a doctors visit so I say do that. Pretty cheap investment for that peace of mind.

[–]misfithustle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Weve all been there. What had helped me a lot is just making out. Take 10 minutes to just make out and get familiar with eachothers bodies. After that youll be much more at ease and ready to slide

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

:)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Erectile Dysfunction maybe?

[–]askmrcia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are these girl's at least giving you some foreplay as well, such as BJs, rubbing you, kissing you all over and things like that?

The times I had trouble getting erect was when the girl just laid there and acted like I should do all the work. Like Everything be going well, but as soon as my underwear came off I would go soft.

Often times when that happen the girl would give me a BJ and I'd be ready to go.

So that could be your problem too

[–]jeromeantoinecarter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whiskey Dick? I used to be unable to finish with new girls, I always thought it was from being a bit too drunk though... But it always got easier the more I saw the same one, so maybe the same issue. /hmmm

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lack of outcome independence and experience.

Take Viagra for a while then ween yourself off of it.

[–]lt0502860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell you Dr. they can probably send you to a urologist and get you some Cialis or viagra.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Honestly same for me but maybe not to the same extent. I don’t think it’s performance anxiety because I’m usually not worried at all. Still trying to figure out the cause

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Same. I eventually “get over” it but its still a thing during first ecounters

[–]idevastate0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of the advice in here is good, also consider these like condoms that have some liquid in them to keep your dick harder. Works for me when I see FWB with no emotional attachment.

[–]acidaus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

just pop a viagra and you'll be good to go for a lot of the night. rock hard without having to give it a second thought and you can go again a lot quicker than normal. they are particularly useful for FFM 3somes.

there are also some youtube vids with some exercises you can do to improve the blood flow to that area

some natural herbs like ashwagandha and maca root powder are also known to be beneficial. also l-citrulline malate

exercise, diet, sleep and lifting

[–]dionlee120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had exactly the same problem bro. I stop masturbating for 2 weeks and the next time I was rock hard and ready!

[–]1InformalCriticism1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Could be a lot of things.

You might not even want sex at the time; don't forget, you can create attraction without barreling down a road that only leads to sex. I can also tell you that the sex will be better when you want it versus when you get it just because she wants it and you feel obligated.

This sub gives you so many tools to get what we all want, but no measure of how often we should do it, and no way to know how much is best for whatever our goals are.

It is what it is; TRP will get you laid, it will get you opportunities, but if you don't know yourself, then you will likely confuse yourself in the end.

"I got her where I want her, but now I can't do what I was angling toward all along, so what's wrong with me?". Ignorance. Nothing more. Ignorance of the self.

Don't forget, she will also have a much better time when you're into it.

Consider it the same as if you grab a leash for your dog in the house, but you don't want to go on a walk. You know your dog loves getting walks, and you love seeing how excited she gets when you grab the leash, and make your way to the door. That's all great to you, but when you get to the door you forget that you just didn't want to go on a walk to begin with.

You have to make sure you're doing what you want to do, not what you think should be done.

Everyone loses when you don't even know what you want, because you're steering the ship.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thnx

[–]Huntbutt0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

you gotta get into the flow bro. start taking her pants off and dominating her then you get hard. e z

[–]Huntbutt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this sounds kind of rapey.

just to be clear you can still dominate a girl and not have it be rapey. you'll know if shes into that thing (most are) .

ALSO WISH ME LUCK TN BOYS IM GOING IN

[–]NoReallyItsTrue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How often are you jerking off? How strong is your grip? You could be significantly reducing your sensitivity by working your meat raw between ladies.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop fapping for like 6 months. Humped a blanket few days ago

[–]alltherain210 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Happened to me several times. Pretty sure it's due to being nervous, as long as you haven't been watching porn in the days/weeks leading up to the hookup. If you have been, cut that shit out completely and after like a week your dick will feel like it's 14 years old again

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–]buddhone0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Been there.

It's your brain telling that you won't make it, you sweep the thought under a rug and then it happens again and you start thinking you are a lesser man.

You are not.

You are simply giving sex too much importance and let it define how much of a man you are, so you are letting something that is out of your control to define your own value.

Anxiety is usually a sign of an underlying problem that you will need to assess sooner or later.

Also, I am reading a lot of good practical recommendations here, so I will add my own:

Do some Kegel exercises as a routine. They can be an incredible boost to your sexual confidence.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That’s super weird. Most guys struggle to get hard with the chick they’ve been with for 5 years. I can always get hard with a new girl even if she’s not attractive.

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmmm

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]UniversalFapture[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just took control and the dominance aspect got Me hard enough to get inside her.

From then on the i hardened all the way

If you tryna cum quick, just take It out pleasure her a bit. Jerk off while You do it. Make her wiggle her ass ect.

[–]indridcold910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Amazon.com: gelatinized black maca root powder, ashwagandha root powder.

You can find generic viagra online

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]mrsmiley8312 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because porn desensitizes you.

[–]burnerkidtalin-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idk man. My issue is I can’t stop my erection.



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