I have been separated from my ex and the mother of my kids for 3 years
The separation wasn’t friendly. For a while prior to it, there has been violence from her including breaking stuff and physical violence, the beginning of some branch swinging, all be it over-hopeful and nothing really concrete. I have been a drunk captain for a while before all this and missed obvious shitty comfort and shit tests and just wasn’t a high value male. I worked on myself for 2 years and forged way ahead in life and she never really caught up and age was showing on her whilst I was getting easy young interest.
In the end, she drunk the feminist cool aid wholesale and truly believed she can get divorce, get the house, maintenance, money, keep the kids and get me out of their life. And I got sick of her.
And so she set about implementing the whole pretty much feminist playbook: I started sleeping with plates, often overnight, and after a few weeks I was blind sided with accusations of truly vile stuff, police was involved, and I was truly staring into the abyss: lost it all, possible charges, investigations, and all the shit. Restraining orders and the whole nine yards. Dark times.
Enter stoicism and a poker face. For a while I was homeless sleeping with various plates who were very happy to have me. I sat down set about my plan for the next 2 years. Was super careful with communication and left no room for doubt whatsoever. No direct communication at all. Everything recorded. I had an iron frame, understood what I could and stuck to my goals like my life depended on them (and it literally did, sink or swim). Pressed for the financial settlement which wasn’t so bad - some asset swaps in her favour (70%/30%). No spouse maintenance, child maintenance very manageable and less than half what she was hoping for, although still quite generous. All the investigations and charges fell through - the courts saw through it all and had some real harsh words for her behaviour. Regular generous contact with the kids - we have some truly wonderful time and they won’t get enough of me.
Got a new place, I have elevated one of the plates to live with me - a wonderful feminine 8/10 who helps me in my mission, 100% in my frame, and is wonderful to the children and they love her, proved herself well and beyond for over a year and doesn’t inquire too much about my other plates (don’t ask don’t tell) and I made it clear to her if she is good with me I’ll take care of her.
It’s truly amazing what three years can bring about. Coming back from the very bottom I’ve seen all the shit and nothing fazes me any more. A strong frame carries everywhere. I rebuilt my life, my net worth is recovered and is nearly twice as much (although this past week I lost over 40k thanks corona virus). I earn two times as much, I spend every other weekend travelling around, regular gym goer with an excellent physique.
Throughout all this I know that she’s been miserable. We all know the feminist lie - life has been truly unkind to her. She’s ageing fast, nobody of any real value wants to stick with a post wall with kids, she has now discovered what it means to have to take care of bills, and a mortgage, and job security, and all that shit. She’s not been able to get anybody since. She can barely hold herself above water.
Recently, I went back to court because I wanted to take the kids overseas for holidays and she refused. I put my case, she put hers.
She got so destroyed in court it wasn’t funny. I felt embarrassed for her at times. Queue really silly arguments like “he wants to replace me as a mother with the other woman!”, “he was too much of a party boy 20 years ago and therefore he’s unreliable!”, and, “his family are all evil because they don’t like me”… and other shit.
At some point she made the mistake of saying she is about to move for this partner she supposedly got and was talking about for a few weeks. After being pressed, turns out said partner has never been met in real life - some online thing, the judge told her to not talk about hypothetical situations and to not treat such moves lightly because they may affect the kids. She basically got told don’t be too hopeful. It was ugly embarrassing. In court she asked whether I care for her and whether I would object to her getting a partner. I truthfully told the court that “It would be wonderful for to find someone she loves, I think it’s a good thing and everyone should have this feeling in their life”. Seemed to have killed her.
The judge verbally slapped the shit out of her. I got what I wanted, and got more! She now needs to send me regular updates about the state of the kids. She now needs to bring the kids to me for visitation rather than me having to do the trips. The judge saw my commitment, all the steps I’ve been doing to try and reconcile and engage with her reasonably, her unreasonable behaviour that is fuelled by all the feminist “you can take it all” shit, saw through it all and handed down the judgement.
She broke down in court, it was ugly. Hysterics, crying, “this is not justice”. Literally telling the judge she won’t comply. “I have so much stress in my life I can’t have more, please no, blablabla”. She got told to be careful what she says next or else she’ll be having it far worse. She followed me outside and hurled a wave of verbal abuse at me, how I must be enjoying fucking ‘those sluts’ every day, and how she has friends she will rely on them to get at me (a clear threat) blablabla. Textbook female hamster. A good reminder why I fucking couldn’t stand her all those years.
I felt sorry for her. I’m way beyond anger and resentment. I don’t want to give her the wrong idea that what what she’s doing or what she was doing was right, but…
This is a woman who needs help, who needs direction in life. I wouldn’t give two shits if it wasn’t for the kids. And while at first I was indifferent to her demise, and dare I say at times gleeful, shit is not funny anymore - I don’t want the mother of my children to be like this - because she affects them. They are with her more than they are with me, and while they learnt how to deal with (guys - kids have amazing frame, honestly), her stress and demeanour it will continue to be a drag on them.
Granted, I’ve been more on the side of asshole than not to her. I want to course correct. I want to find ways to help, be comforting even. She so hates me and she sees as the ultimate asshole. She has never been able to emotionally open up to anyone. She alienated all of her friends, her mother even with whom she has a really shitty relationship.
Her comfort tests are so shitty, I only realise them a few months after the fact. A few months ago she sent me this note saying that “I am such as an asshole with so much money, and she’s such a good mother she has decided to start working reduced hoursm look at my sacrifice!”. It was really a shitty cry for help.
She sent an email after this court ordeal that could be interpreted as wanting to move forward. I want to show some comfort and show I can help without being beta. Perhaps being lenient with the trips. Offering an olive branch perhaps.
A come home to Jesus of sorts. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to open the chequebook. I want to do this without giving false hope, without appearing weak. Historically, I burnt her so badly she doesn’t want to open up or appear weak in anyway. She’s allergic to looking like I gave her something. She would take any concession from me as a great feminist “strong woman” victory and rub it in my face.
Some advice here is welcome from you guys. I want to see how you would handle this situation. How you are handling these situations - where you are permanently the evil guy because all the feminist promises fell through, but you’re hooked by having shared kids that you both need to take care of.
EDIT: update posted in response to the top comment