AWALT: My unicorn betrayed me

geeoftee · 2015-07-04T03:36:27+00:00

Im a lurker who joined this sub just so I could talk to you. Ive been in a similar position (married sans kids).

You are in the best position for a divorce because medical students and residents dont earn shit and she wont be able to claim any of the real serious money when you're an attending. Heres what you do:

A) Consult a divorce lawyer YESTERDAY. Maybe consult 2 to 3 at most but dont consult everyone as thats a good way of getting thrown out of court.

B) Maintain good relations with ex wife in the mean time. This is the biggest challenge of your life. Remain as stoic as you possibly can but always be assertive. Dont give her any hopes of reconciliation but also dont bitch her out. Tell her her actions are unacceptable and you will be filing for a divorce but dont cuss out or do anything silly. If you feel you are going to do something like that then go for a run/gym session/meditation/write it out in an anonymous website etc. DO NOT GET HER OFFSIDE. Treat it like how you would handle a hostile patient - all business. This can be really important for mediation later on (avoids lawyer fees and maybe gets you a better deal). Be sure to always reaffirm her guilt and do not accept any single point of guilt over her cheating. By being stoic and reinforcing her guilt you will come out looking like the good guy to all involved + it will drive her hamster into overdrive and make her more pliable and willing to conform to your demands/divorce settlements.

C) Make sure to record all finances and any interactions regarding such. Write out a diary of everything.

D) Get daughter out of her control. Do you have parents that can take care of her for a while? Take your daughter away for a while to grandparents etc. Give her the excuse that you need two need to settle these things and youd rather daughter be kept out of the immediate fallout zone.

E) When it comes to finances make sure to include your student debts into calculations. Some of my friends split assets but did not split debts like complete dumbasses.

F) DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. JUST DONT. PLEASE. One of my best friends from med school did this and then he ended up being cucked 2 years later. He didnt realise he was cucked until the kid turned 4 and looked completely different (two redhead aussies dont produce a middle-eastern/mediteranean kid).

ithrax · 2015-07-04T03:40:55+00:00

I'm just astounded that at the lack of forethought. She knew with 100% certainty that I would divorce her in an instant if she cheated. She knew I was willing to provide for her and our child if she kept up her end of the bargain.

Now what the fuck is she going to do with her life? She has no job skills, zero ambition, and she's rapidly approaching the wall.

The mind of a woman is a bizarre thing.

I'll pull through this and continue with my life. I just feel horrible for my daughter. Having divorced parents is fucking hard for a child to comprehend. I love my daughter with all of my heart. I don't want to be away from her.

ithrax · 2015-07-04T07:12:48+00:00

Oh here's a gem from our conversation.

"I guess I'm not the great person I thought I was."

PowerValve · 2015-07-04T03:39:44+00:00

You better get your ass down to the lawyer's office ASAP, go before she does. Explain everything and get the ball rolling.

skolrageous · 2015-07-04T02:59:30+00:00

Future plans are never enough for women. Briffault's law is that your current circumstances, not future or past, determine the relationship. Sorry that happened. On the bright side, if she's the provider right now then you don't get divorce raped. Make sure you stay in your daughter's life though. Little girls need an alpha to lead them. Up through her teenage years, it's gotta be you. Don't let your ex wife turn her into a whore.

ithrax · 2015-07-04T11:18:45+00:00

Alright so here an update.

I spoke with the she-devil to try to gauge her mental state and potential plans.

I floated the idea of counseling to gauge her interest in continuing the relationship. She stated that she needs to be independent. Great, so she wants to hop on the CC until she hits the wall. Good for her.

She wants us to remain civil for our daughter's sake. Cool, I can do that.

I definitely made a mistake by letting her go out with her friends that night. I should have realized that it was a bad idea to let her go out with someone who just broke up with the father or her children. Bad influences and all that.

She told me that her friends told her they're surprised we lasted this long. Haha... yeah, okay. Sorry your relationships sucked. There's a reason we were relatively happy for so many years. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that she wasn't in contact with cancerous mother fuckers like you. Anyways...

She wants to split custody and she says she doesn't want child support. Yeah, okay... I believe you. /s

I managed to obtain audio and text of her admitting to infidelity.

I managed to secure the money necessary to retain a divorce attorney. My soon to be ex wife will not be able to get enough money to do the same.

I'm most likely going to file for an at-fault divorce in order to protect myself as much as possible. (Unless the attorney recommends something else, although my research leads me to believe at-fault will benefit me the most)

I told her we need to immediately limit contact and that she needs to find a place to stay. She can't fucking stay here.

She also needs to find her own transportation. I agreed to help in the meantime.

I can tell she feels bad about cheating, but she'll feel even worse when she realizes exactly how badly she fucked up.

I'm starting to feel a little better. I have a plan and I'm going to stick to it.

I'm taking my daughter to the park and to a friend's house to watch fireworks tomorrow. The whore is going to go to her friend's house and probably blow some random dude for all I know. Whatever.

Thanks for the encouraging and informational posts. Fuck the trolls and autistic teenagers.

Jaques_Fury · 2015-07-04T03:58:34+00:00

Hypergamous instincts do not take future context into consideration.

In present context, you're a dude with no money. You could be Bill Gates in-the-making, but that doesn't mean shit because you're not Bill Gates right-the-fuck-now.

The most surprising thing about all of this? That she came clean to you and admitted some sort of guilt. Maybe she bought into that BP mantra shit:

"Oh he'll forgive you, because that's what real love is - otherwise he's an asshole who never loved you anyway."

If she hasn't started with that shit yet, get ready for it. It's pretty much their go-to standard for flipping guilt in a situation like this. Because after them cheating gets identified as a problem, they'll try to make out your unwillingness to forgive them as the greater problem.

Don't fall for it. She's the one who cheated, not you. She created the problem, now she gets to deal with the fallout. Good luck with the divorce, hope things get better soon.

Redpillthriller · 2015-07-04T03:29:05+00:00

"She didn't consider how her actions would affect our 2.5 year old daughter. She didn't think about how she's going to survive without me as a provider. "

She's got a provider for the next 15.5 years wether you like it or not.

ithrax · 2015-07-04T12:27:28+00:00

I'm realizing my mistake clearly now. I expected my wife to be able to forego impulsive decisions and to rationally analyze our situation.

I've never trusted women. I've known that they are soul crushing succubi with limited capacity for rational thought.

Wife: "My husband is always busy... I'm so fucking sad, boohoo."

How I imagined my wife's thoughts: "Man, my husband works really hard. He sure loves his family. Sure, he's distant at times due to his schedule, but it's going to be better in the future. School isn't forever, but marriage definitely is."

Fuck

jvosh1 · 2015-07-04T03:25:19+00:00

What more can we say but AWALT.

I've been lurking around these forms for some time, and after reading all these divorce/cheating stories, nothing really surprises me any more.

I now know more people that are divorced or in horrible marriages (usually kids are involved) than people that have kids and are happily married.

Women will tell you stories on how marriage is hard and work, then go off fuck another dude or steal half your shit.

Luckily I've avoided all this bs, but too many good men around me are going through it.

Oversia · 2015-07-04T03:16:36+00:00

Time to cut all contact. Give all of her stuff back. Kick her out of the house. And not help her or provide for her in any way at any time for any reason. Also get a good lawyer to get custody.

Its best to look at this as a start of a new better life for yourself and your kid. You were fine before her. You will be fine afterwards.

Don't fall for the water works. Or appeals to sympathy. If you think of taking her back remember how she had sex with this dude and enjoyed every moment of it.

LionLaw · 2015-07-04T03:39:54+00:00

It really sucks when your girl cheats on you, but fuck, cheating when you are married AND have a child together?
I'm sorry to hear OP, I wish you and your daughter the best.
Try to be as involved in her life as possible, she needs a good parental figure and god knows some cheating bitch isn't the best role model

Gamezob · 2015-07-04T03:43:02+00:00

I'm curious: How did you find out and why did she own up to it?

Sherlock--Holmes · 2015-07-04T04:58:00+00:00

It seems like women who appear to be unicorns are only that way when they're not with their friends.

el_elegido · 2015-07-04T03:56:08+00:00

Briffault done told ya.

From your post, it almost sounds like she was setting herself up for the end result she knew you would provide.

I think the one huge thing to take away from this post, as an overall RP lesson, is that there truly is no such thing as a unicorn.

[deleted] · Sat Jul 4 3:26:59 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

hernanulysses · 2015-07-04T07:40:58+00:00

What's the point now? My dream was to have a stereotypical american dream family in the suburbs. Stay at home wife that makes me bacon & eggs for breakfast and with 4 children. But after hearing stories like these makes me rethink about my dream more. Is AWALT always true? Starting to think marriage isn't worth it anymore.

Feel bad for you OP wish you the best.

pnw_diver · 2015-07-04T03:41:29+00:00

Aint no unicorns just the same dumb animal workin ya.

newmeforever · 2015-07-04T03:10:15+00:00

I am so sorry man. And I really hope you figure things out with your daughter. Smile that it happened now and not even later.

AWALT

CowardlyPetrov · 2015-07-04T03:16:53+00:00

I am sorry for you. I feel pain for you, like the phantom pain of a lost limb.

Are you married? What else is there to this story? How are you protecting yourself, your home, your money, and your daughter?

Don't let your emotions cloud you. Move with great haste to protect these things before your feckless AWALT destroys them.

bsutansalt · 2015-07-04T04:30:57+00:00

Your daughter may not even be yours. Get that paternity test asap!

PIGamer86 · 2015-07-04T04:29:25+00:00

Record everything. I can say with 99% surety that she will accuse you of domestic violence come divorce trial. The crocodile tears will flow and if you can't prove anything, she WILL get whatever she wants.

Screenp2 · 2015-07-04T05:14:55+00:00

You really dont give her enough credit. She's had this planned for sometime and you took the bait hook line and sinker.

The simple act of you initiating the divorce makes you the bad guy and her the victim. Now she can claim all kinds of stuff with abuse being the leading offense forcing you to take a defensive stance to prove you didnt do anything wrong. In that time she has the kid, the house and dont for a second think that because you're still in school your future assets are ok. She can take you back to court in a few years for more child support when you land that nice job.

This can go many ways and how you play your hand is cruicial.

Check out dads divorce for strategy

Good luck bro!

rp_divorced · 2015-07-04T12:44:33+00:00

"I'm married to man who is a lock to make us wealthy within 5 years and I won't have to work another day in my life. We have 2 year old child together. Let me fuck this loser I just met at the bar."

Your wife is a fucking idiot.

Riddick_ · 2015-07-04T05:31:56+00:00

Toss the whore, and make sure you keep your daughter.

Also in News: This is not the first time she fucked some random / strage. But this time you found out. What happened once, happened another 100 times.

domoremath · 2015-07-04T04:18:35+00:00

This reminds me of the scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnboLhbWLdg from the movie Eyes Wide Shut.

Good thing this happened before you actually became a doctor.

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T05:49:23+00:00

Were there any clues man? Like she got super nice during certain months? And if she cheated once she most likely did it more than once depending on how long you were away. I always looked down upon dudes that were territorial, and have an eye on thier women all the time, but now I understand why that primate behavior exists, because it's still needed.

thinkwalker · 2015-07-04T06:30:32+00:00

She acted selfishly and shortsightedly and caused misery to your entire family. Yet, because you created a child together you owe it to your daughter to accept at least one reality, which is that until she's at least 18 you and your spouse will interact quite frequently. Try not to let her errors of judgment bring you down to her level by creating more ill will and resentment and passive aggression between you two. Be the better person. Rise above it and you will rise everyone around you with you- at least that's the hope

IronMeltsinmyHands · 2015-07-04T06:31:54+00:00

Yeah..... No. She had every idea what she was doing.

Also, she expects you to just give her things because pussypass

beastofthefield · 2015-07-04T06:25:34+00:00

She only confessed because she wants to leave you. As others have said, get a PATERNITY TEST and take into considerations she might have banged 100 guys other than you already.

f3yleaf · 2015-07-04T03:11:53+00:00

That sucks bro :'( Im speechless.

Trithen · 2015-07-04T04:00:45+00:00

The first thing you need to do ASAP is work on finances along with a lawyer. God speed, OP.

OneHungYoung · 2015-07-04T04:03:36+00:00

Fuck her. Finish med school, complete residency, and make money she can only dream of.

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T04:03:49+00:00

Stay busy from this moment on. An idle mind is dangerous in these situations.

redarkane · 2015-07-04T04:12:13+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this man. I'd buy you a drink if we were at a bar or something.

Johndoesmith67 · 2015-07-04T04:31:51+00:00

sorry bro. Record everything and get her off all accounts (checking, savings, loans, credit cards, 401ks)

Saiserit · 2015-07-04T04:56:07+00:00

I feel you bro. Especially the "whole life planned out" thing. Really, better sooner than later. I hope the culture heals the big wounds before you daughter has to make adult decisions.

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T05:18:02+00:00

Reading FR's like this make me more and more likely to get that vasectomy I've been considering.

Temptationn · 2015-07-04T05:38:28+00:00

Going through something similar and the guy looks like a fukn caveman, I just don't get it haha

oldbluebox · 2015-07-04T06:12:38+00:00

Yo OP, was there any hint of this behavior from her at all? Like wtf is she doing at a bar solo anyway?

Really sorry for what happened man. Hoping you could provide some more background.

Good luck with things.

AdonisHera · 2015-07-04T06:17:16+00:00

It's crazy Huh? You quickly learn man..

London-Bananas · 2015-07-04T06:34:44+00:00

Remember this OP: she isn't going to lose you as a provider. Married and a kid? That's free BB right there.

Or maybe you have some five figure debt you'd like to split in the divorce?

moose_war · 2015-07-04T06:57:31+00:00

I see "happy" marriages sometimes and I can tell by how the woman talks to her husband if she will cheat or not some day.

If she treats him like the lovable goofball and mocks some aspect of him (his belly, his balding head, etc) or complains about him to other people in public "Ugh look at how dumb my husband is, he's so dumb!" she will cheat at the first chance she gets. If she speaks about him like she is proud to be married to him, if she brags about his accomplishments (in other words, she actually acts like she respects him) there is a better chance she won't cheat (but you never know). Guess which one I see and hear more often at parties and gatherings?

The thing is, she can turn on a dime. And if you're in a relationship right now and you are the "lovable goof" of a husband? The one she openly "jokes about" (doesn't respect) in public? She is ripe to cheat or she has made a "mistake" already.

NiceKicksGabe · 2015-07-04T07:41:00+00:00

My take is, she DID think about what it'd do to your relationship and daughter, but she figured you wouldn't leave, so the best thing you can do is next her. Good job, OP.

arkzist · 2015-07-04T08:01:38+00:00

Unicorns dont exist, no one is perfect.
Most people who cheat do it because they where missing something from the relationship.
Think of your kid first

BallisticTherapy · 2015-07-04T09:30:55+00:00

AWALT. Women are whores and incapable of love. Briffault's law, QED. There are no unicorns, only night mares. Any mask can be chipped away with the right hammer.

Drenmar · 2015-07-04T11:50:44+00:00

Please explain how she was a unicorn, there must've been red flags before.

evilkenevil · 2015-07-04T14:30:53+00:00

There it is in the title: "Unicorn"

A Unicorn is a point of reference and exists as, well, an actual unicorn which means not at all. Readers take note. In my 50+ years one thing is certain: AWALT

faded_jester · 2015-07-04T07:08:21+00:00

Where are all the cheers for Chad Thundercock? I thought all this type of shit didn't matter because it was just amoral strategy? This is why I asserted a few weeks ago that part of being honorable was that you never need be involved in anything like this. Just because some jackass can get some married whore pussy doesn't make him "the man". It makes him a thirsty clown.

Integrity can't be bought, can't be sold, it is only earned through ones self worth. I get it that she could "just get it from some other man"....I know which man I prefer to be.....the one who laughed at that bimbo when she tried to put me in a shameful situation. Unless I guess you think what OP is going through is no big deal.

Food for thought.....

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T04:56:08+00:00

Gotta ask how long have you known about TRP prior to this.?

Stay strong man

Osoto_Gari · 2015-07-04T07:38:49+00:00

I’m gutted for you. I don’t have any words of wisdom although I sincerely wish I did.

I just hope that it works out for the best for you and your daughter.

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T08:06:26+00:00

I'm more surprised by the fact that she told you. That almost never happens. They usually find a way to hamster it away and rationalise it

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T08:06:28+00:00

I'm more surprised by the fact that she told you. That almost never happens. They usually find a way to hamster it away and rationalise it

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T08:25:26+00:00

Well. That's my Red Pill for the morning.

BallisticTherapy · 2015-07-04T08:41:21+00:00

http://www.quotes.net/quote/6098

solaris1990 · 2015-07-04T08:55:52+00:00

People will be people. This is the main reason I don't tend to monogamy (or at least monogamy with the expectation that it won't dissolve in a few years). We're not gibbons and it isn't very likely; just hakuna matata it, enjoy relationships while they last then move on. Low expectations is the secret to happiness I say.

GrnTiger08 · 2015-07-04T09:02:54+00:00

Just make sure you're in a state where adultery is illegal, otherwise she's gonna make out with 50% of what you have.

billsmashole · 2015-07-04T09:07:24+00:00

It's funny how many awalt surprise stories there are. It shouldn't come as a shock any more.

wtf_is_taken · 2015-07-04T09:13:01+00:00

Dude that sucks, good luck.

Palpetinus · 2015-07-04T09:46:22+00:00

without me as a provider.

Don't worry, child support will take care of that.

recursoinominado · 2015-07-04T10:10:27+00:00

Jesus, man, I'm really sorry to hear that, I can only imagine the feelings you are having right now. Post here if it helps you, we'll help you. It's a war out there, we against them, the problem is that we are awakening just now.

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T13:32:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

keytoimmortality · 2015-07-04T10:55:20+00:00

A lot of people are saying "don't get married" but would OPs situation be any different if he wasn't married? Wouldn't it still be considered a 'de facto' relationship? In terms of legal obligations following the divorce

mismm · 2015-07-04T11:44:29+00:00

Care to explain how was she an unicorn? Or was that just in your mind?

thegr8b8m8 · 2015-07-04T11:53:25+00:00

Sometimes I wonder is there such a thing as a woman that thinks logically?

ComradeCynic · 2015-07-04T14:13:08+00:00

The less she is around you and able to hear about your success, the less likely she will go to court and try to get MOAR in the future.

Once you start making money, hide it and don't buy too many things that represent visible signs of wealth. Keep some cash, or other portable forms of wealth, out of the trackable and court-discoverable banking system.

Push for joint custody, reduces child support and means you can't be denied visitation. Once you have joint custody, if she is the whore she sounds like, you might be able to slowly increase the amount of time your daughter spends with you - tell her that you will keep paying the same amount even if she spends an extra day or two with you... but in the background, document it for the court so you can one day push for 100% custody.

c_pred · 2015-07-04T14:49:10+00:00

I agree with you and avoid marriage. She acted on impulse from probably a mid-life crisis. She will try to play victim through the divorce to justify to herself of her actions. See her for what she is and move on to be a better man and wonderful father. Be strong, always.

troyappchievers · 2015-07-04T03:48:16+00:00

I haven't read this advice yet so, even though I'm only a lurker...I'd like to offer my opinion to you.

If it's true that she knew cheating would immediately end your marriage: She did it to end your marriage.

Why would she do that? Well, if your becoming a doctor...you're not paying enough attention to her. Maybe not your daughter, either (at least, in her mind).

So, by sleeping with someone else, she can end your marriage AND get primary custody of your daughter. It is an easy case to make that you won't have time to raise her while you're studying to become a physician. The average doctor in America works over 50 hrs a week...especially when they don't have seniority.

What I'm about to suggest to you is manipulative, not guaranteed to work, and may not be what "Red Pill" guys would do, but it is coming from a guy who, ultimately, lost his daughter to a vicious baby momma, completely lacking in empathy, who didn't quit attacking until she had used the court system, and mental health system, against my daughter's relationship with me until she won.

So, there is that...

If I were you, I would clear my head for a few days, come back to her, tell her you want to go to counseling and save your relationship, suck it up, fuck her even when you don't want to, etc...until your daughter is old enough to say "I want my dad in my life, mom, and I don't have to choose one over the other. I can have both parents."

Now...you can cheat. You can go monk mode. You can be unpredictable...it's up to you. But, you must be strategic, and only act when you've thought 3 steps ahead of her. Never reactionary....NEVER.

Clearly, she didn't have the guts to end your relationship honorably, and is using you so you can be the "one who broke up the family".

You should not expect her to fess up infidelity to friends and family. Even if she did, she will frame it as your fault, and it's your word against hers.

Don't listen to the comments that say "do it now, so she won't get your money when you're a doctor". It's only a short-term victory. Child support can be modified, and the more time she takes from you...the higher her child support. The more money you make...the higher her child support.

Of course, there is the possibility that "it just happened", or some Alpha gave her "tingles", or whatever...

From where I'm sitting, she was just strategic enough to break the relationship on her terms, with a couple orgasms thrown in for shits and giggles. You should be the same...

bakbakgoesherthroat2 · 2015-07-04T07:02:06+00:00

My wonderful unicorn of 8 years fucked a guy she met at a bar.

You let your wife go to a bar and you're surprised that she cheated on you?

notmyusualreddit · 2015-07-04T07:02:48+00:00

I know this might sound crazy because I'm not a father yet (I'm 30 though and thought about it long and hard), but if I found out I created a child under false information, I would no longer consider it my child. Your case is slightly different, but hear me out. I had a girl once make me think she tricked me into getting pregnant even though she told me she was on birth control and taking it correctly. I said that I in no way consider that my child. Obviously the court would differ. But me personally, its nothing to me. I was finishing in a woman I thought was sterile. If her lies make a kid out of it, not my problem. If you finished into a condom, the woman takes the condom out of the trash and leads to a baby, would you feel a bond to that child? I sure as hell woudn't.

If I thought I was fucking a person devoted to me and our goals, and it turned out I was fucking a slut, I would feel tricked and that kid was not made under the same conditions as I thought when I signed up for it.

I would never WANT that to happen.. but the acts of 1) a woman tricking you into having a baby with false birth control usage 2) using stolen condoms, and 3) pretending to be someone she is not so you impregnate her because she seemed like mother material... all lie on a line to me, some nuclear blow out worthy, and some not. To me all 3 seem pretty fucking blowout worthy.

What do you care if you came onto the floor once, and into a liar another time? I would personally walk away. But I'm not a father so I dont know how it would feel.

Olipyr · 2015-07-04T14:23:11+00:00

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Rougepellet · 2015-07-04T08:39:03+00:00

Modern day women truly aren't worth jackshit, slaves to their unrestrained hypergamy. Women will never love a man the way he loves her (thanks mother nature). However they are supposed to love their kids unconditionally. The way she fucked up get daughters childhood like that without a second thought. If they can't even love their kids now, who the fuck do they love but themselves?

dungeonmeisterlfg · 2015-07-04T06:17:14+00:00

^{^cheating} ^{^isn't} ^{^exclusive} ^{^to} ^{^women}

SilentForTooLong · 2015-07-04T04:08:53+00:00

Please say you aren't married...

Doomsday_ · 2015-07-04T04:51:47+00:00

Def. cut ties with her and seek legal advice becuase she betrayed your trust.

But in the future, think about having open relationships. Neither men nor women are well suited for long-term monogamy. I don't see why so many TRPers think that a monogamous LTR is sustainable. Your marriage will be stronger if you're both free to (discretely) get a little on the side. A good resource for non-monogamy is http://www.blackdragonblog.com/

FRONT_PAGE_QUALITY · 2015-07-04T03:26:02+00:00

Where do you think you went wrong?

mircol · 2015-07-04T03:41:48+00:00

Honestly I think it's a bit extreme to jump right to divorce. People are human. Most people are capable of making mistakes like that. If she is genuinely remorseful and will try to stay true, would you not find forgiveness?

[deleted] · Sat Jul 4 6:30:54 2015 UTC

[permanently deleted]

Title	AWALT: My unicorn betrayed me
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	489
Comments	369
Date	July 4, 2015 2:48 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3c2c0d/awalt_my_unicorn_betrayed_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/awalt-my-unicorn-betrayed-me.34331 https://theredarchive.com/post/34331