It seems like if a woman wants to date child free, the men try to convince her otherwise, but they don't explode on her (most of the time....)
But when you're a man, it's suddendly a sin to want to date child free.
Because here we have a poor single mother, just trapped with her beautiful, wonderful children, and just looking for a nice man to make the family whole, just like in all the Hallmark movies.
When the man says no, and is politely, authentically honest about his reasoning, he's just an asshole.
I'm sorry, I forgot, my duty in life was to make you and your children happy (even if I decided I don't want a relationship with you? Because yes I've decided it now. Because I found out you have kids!)
Let's remember, having kids just happened to you, you had no say in it whatsoever right?
Now don't get me wrong. Let me step aside for a second. I don't imagine for a second, as a man, I would remember to take birth control pills every day. I would probably forget.
But I do my due diligence being a man (I didn't choose my gender either), and I am not putting myself inside any girl without at least (and rarely just) a condom, but usually I require both a condom and birth control, OR consent that you are willing to take the plan b pill if the condom breaks (that is your choice, we all get free will!).
If the girl is weirded out by this (it happens) I don't have sex! No biggie! And guess what, I don't die.
Risky sex = pregnancy. Avoiding risky sex = no pregnancy (for the most part). Now this would likely be a bigger challenge if I was a woman, but I refuse to believe that becoming pregnant was something you had absolutely no control over (save for a few circumstances, such as rape that results in pregnancy, and there are always exceptions).
Exceptions aside (and I will take time to listen, believe it or not), if you chose to have children, and you feel like it was something not in your power to control, you fucked up. You are responsible for becoming pregnant. Not your mom. Not me. Not the queen of England. You. Except for a few circumstances that take that responsibility out of your hands.
If you voluntarily did this, power to you! I hope you find a man who wants to be a part of you and your child's life.
Which YES, your child will be a part of my life when we date and perhaps go further, such as to marriage even. Don't feed me untrue words about how you will take care of everything. There will be times you will be sick, I will be in a position to take the child to school, etc. I'm not going to sit there and let my partner struggle and not offer to help, ever. But I don't want to be in that situation. I don't want to take a child to school (don't even hate children, just don't want the responsibility.).
But excuse me for being honest. I've dated lovely girls who are very authentic, and don't guilt me when I am also authentic.
But I'm sick of being treated like I'm an evil person when I won't take all of your baggage, when that baggage includes your children (and usually, a baby daddy!). Gonna be honest, the baby daddy is usually terrible experience, awkward, and I don't want to deal with it.
Trust me, I'm not perfect at all, i will do my best treat a woman as best as I can, and I will take all of her baggage, just not if that baggage includes kids. That one's not okay. Everyone has something. Some people won't date a felon or an ex drug user. Some people won't date a religious person.
I won't date a girl who has kids. I'm not a bad guy for it, I don't need you telling me I am. But I will hear you out and disagree, because of course, you will tell me I am. I love myself in a healthy, reasonable way and I have met lovely girls who don't want children either.
I hope I haven't offended anyone. I just needed to rant.
[–]qwspol39 points40 points41 points (11 children) | Copy Link
Women have the agency and control of relationships and sexual encounters in western society. The fact and fault that they’re single mothers lies with them, they chose to bear the children with the man and let it progress to that point. The rate of single motherhood in the US has grown where 1/3 children are in single family situations with the vast overwhelming majority being single mothers. This trend continues to increase and will lead to poorly raised children. The government becomes the father. No intelligent man should date a single mother. We need to return to better values in the US as the sexual revolution have fucked with women so much.
[–]escalover 1 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
45% of children are born out of wedlock.
[–]qwspol15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
No matter how you look at it they’re ridiculous numbers and they’ve been trending upwards for decades. In contrast women are less happy than they were 40 years ago. Social justice and government programs can’t replace good family and traditional values.
[–]Sol_InstallEndorsed7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not that they are out of wedlock. What is fucking disturbing are the kinds of men these women are choosing as fathers. The men we need to maintain society and overall benefit everyone is not who they want. They want the bad boys, thugs, violent criminals, men who treat them like shit. The single motherhood is bad enough, but any man with self respect will find this shit disgusting and an insult to be expected to be the most responsible one. It's no wonder why fathers used to vet the man who was supposed to marry their daughter.
[–]misandrists_hate_him 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Eh, "wedlock" isn't an important factor, your kids don't know if you've signed a piece of paper to get married or if you're just living together. Actually living together is what's really important.
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
In theory, you're right. In practice, you're wrong. Children born into wedlock do much better than those born out of wedlock. That's just reality. Explain it as you wish, it's still reality.
[–]whisperingsage0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, born in wedlock doesn't necessarily mean the kid was planned, but if a couple has a kid out of wedlock, now they have a pressure keeping them together when they likely never were wanting to be a long term relationship, much less marry.
[–]DoctorKnockboots1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Perhaps, but then how much do you reduce that percentage by? It probably isn't "wedlock" so much as "committment prior to an intended pregnancy"
[–]Bestoftherest222Jr. Hamster Analyst3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
The number is now 60% for women ages 18-31
Link
[–]DeeplyDisturbed1Cougar Chasers MVP20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
A few thoughts:
Women are incentivized to do this by various layers of gov't. It is simply too easy to get free money and stability. It is also very hard to beat child support these days.
If anyone here had any idea how often married women seek out other men while they claim to be happily married, you would shit yourselves.
If anyone here had any idea how often strong single mom needs a girl's night out, and asks beta billy to stay home and watch the kids - while mommy stays out way later than she said she would, was incommunicado for part of the night, and whose story doesn't quite line up - you would shit yourselves.
Date a single mother if you will. It is one of the most skewed power dynamics on the planet in your favor and ONLY in the beginning. But do NOT impregnate her, move in with her, or fall in love! Do not give her money, or babysit her kids, or meet her family. Within 2 years, you will find out everything you need to know about her, have a lot of fun, get all of her best attention, build an exit strategy, and GTFO.
A woman can hold back and hide her worst behaviors for years. The level of vindictiveness is epic - even in the best women. A woman can be diagnosed as bipolar, not take meds for years, and seem perfectly fine. She can wait until she shows it. If you have ever seen this, you know what I am talking about and it is shocking af.
Good luck men.
[–]BPDDD_3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
borderline, not bipolar
[–]DevilsgunSir Chadly Thunderdong15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Single Mothers are Single Servings.
Pump and Dump. Don't Be That Chump.
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™13 points14 points15 points (5 children) | Copy Link
It's in posts like this that I head straight for the bottom to see those juicy - downvoted to hell - comments. Get the popcorn and enjoy the hamster ride.
What's missing in that whole discussion is the reason for the double standard. Because men are human doings and women are human beings. Therefore, men are responsible and women are not responsible.
Even though women have a dozen forms of bc available and men have flimsy condoms or the permanent snip and that's it. Therefore, if a woman doesn't want to become pregnant, she can 100% prevent it from happening. Nevertheless, despite all of these pesky facts - men need to be responsible for the pregnancies they cause while women can give up the kid at the fire station, no questions asked.
This is also why it's okay for a woman to not want a single dad but it's a cardinal sin for a man to not want a single mom.
[–]TheYekke4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
The market sorts this stuff out eventually
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
Eventually being the key word here.
As long as they're propped up by the welfare state, it ain't gonna happen that fast.
[–]TheYekke3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
How long do you think that welfare state will last?
[–]loneliness-incLvL 99 Rogue NiceGuy™4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
There's no way to know because there are many moving parts.
As long as they can keep the currency going along with the rest of the banking system, the police and army forces strong and the trust of the mindless masses - they'll keep it going.
The minute one of those things collapses, it can all go down in flames in a hurry. This too can happen in many different ways, not all of which are catastrophic.
I personally think that the welfare state is in place to keep dumb people placated so they don't go on crime sprees. Sure, ghetto welfare recipients tend to commit more crime, but if their welfare ran out, they'd have nothing to lose and all hell can break loose. The police can't just kill them when that happens so it's easier for the government to just placate them with welfare.
[–]ButtsMacGillacuty5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I really like this post. A lot of anti single mother rhetoric is bitter. We don't and shouldn't be that way with why we won't consider single mothers. For one, it from a source of POSITIVITY that we reject them. We want a relationship built on a solid reciprocating terms, not our energy to be thrown at a family with serious problems already. It sucks that for whatever reason you've gotten yourself into a bad situation, but why should a woman that DIDN'T get herself into that be denied a chance to be courted by a man like myself? Single mothers and their enablers never think like that. For every man bailing out a single mother, is a woman that's denied a relationship to a good man even though she did everything we SAY is right. Shouldn't we reward behavior we WANT women to conduct?
[–]carlosnguwiyen[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
You're using logic and logic is not included in women's vocabulary.
[–]ransay32772 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Actually I think your a smart man.