I guess I'm just a bad man if I don't want to date you because you have kids.

1,637 points275 commentssubmitted by lexicon993 to r/childfree

It seems like if a woman wants to date child free, the men try to convince her otherwise, but they don't explode on her (most of the time....)

But when you're a man, it's suddendly a sin to want to date child free.

Because here we have a poor single mother, just trapped with her beautiful, wonderful children, and just looking for a nice man to make the family whole, just like in all the Hallmark movies.

When the man says no, and is politely, authentically honest about his reasoning, he's just an asshole.

I'm sorry, I forgot, my duty in life was to make you and your children happy (even if I decided I don't want a relationship with you? Because yes I've decided it now. Because I found out you have kids!)

Let's remember, having kids just happened to you, you had no say in it whatsoever right?

Now don't get me wrong. Let me step aside for a second. I don't imagine for a second, as a man, I would remember to take birth control pills every day. I would probably forget.

But I do my due diligence being a man (I didn't choose my gender either), and I am not putting myself inside any girl without at least (and rarely just) a condom, but usually I require both a condom and birth control, OR consent that you are willing to take the plan b pill if the condom breaks (that is your choice, we all get free will!).

If the girl is weirded out by this (it happens) I don't have sex! No biggie! And guess what, I don't die.

Risky sex = pregnancy. Avoiding risky sex = no pregnancy (for the most part). Now this would likely be a bigger challenge if I was a woman, but I refuse to believe that becoming pregnant was something you had absolutely no control over (save for a few circumstances, such as rape that results in pregnancy, and there are always exceptions).

Exceptions aside (and I will take time to listen, believe it or not), if you chose to have children, and you feel like it was something not in your power to control, you fucked up. You are responsible for becoming pregnant. Not your mom. Not me. Not the queen of England. You. Except for a few circumstances that take that responsibility out of your hands.

If you voluntarily did this, power to you! I hope you find a man who wants to be a part of you and your child's life.

Which YES, your child will be a part of my life when we date and perhaps go further, such as to marriage even. Don't feed me untrue words about how you will take care of everything. There will be times you will be sick, I will be in a position to take the child to school, etc. I'm not going to sit there and let my partner struggle and not offer to help, ever. But I don't want to be in that situation. I don't want to take a child to school (don't even hate children, just don't want the responsibility.).

But excuse me for being honest. I've dated lovely girls who are very authentic, and don't guilt me when I am also authentic.

But I'm sick of being treated like I'm an evil person when I won't take all of your baggage, when that baggage includes your children (and usually, a baby daddy!). Gonna be honest, the baby daddy is usually terrible experience, awkward, and I don't want to deal with it.

Trust me, I'm not perfect at all, i will do my best treat a woman as best as I can, and I will take all of her baggage, just not if that baggage includes kids. That one's not okay. Everyone has something. Some people won't date a felon or an ex drug user. Some people won't date a religious person.

I won't date a girl who has kids. I'm not a bad guy for it, I don't need you telling me I am. But I will hear you out and disagree, because of course, you will tell me I am. I love myself in a healthy, reasonable way and I have met lovely girls who don't want children either.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I just needed to rant.