A lot of people fail to understand this fundamental rule. Due to psychology; human beings have different styles of attachment when it comes to how we become emotionally invested in people. We tend to get attached to partners in a way usually determined by the relationships we had with our opposite-gender caregiver (mother for men, father for women). That doesn’t just go for relationships either, I’ve noticed. It’s quite the same for gaining emotional investment in friends.

However; This doesn’t just apply to how we get attached to people over time. It also applies to how open we are to emotionally invest in people in the beginning.

I’m in a very peculiar situation, however. I had a very emotionally abusive mother, and thus, had a very avoidant style of attachment for most of my life. If I liked a girl, it was very important for her to not know. So I wouldn’t give off any signs whatsoever. Even as going as far as being cold and somewhat mean to girls I liked. Well after I met a girl I really liked and letting her get away (due to avoidant behavior, like not texting her back) I believe my attachment style shifted towards being disorganized for a period of over a year. I was then talking to a girl who I believe also had a disorganized style of attachment and let’s just say... my attempts at scoring with girls turned into an absolute mess for a few months.

Fast-forward a few months and I finally tell girl from before how I felt and that instantly sent me back to avoidant attachment because she felt the same way. Then I healed myself of trauma caused by my mother and I believe I may have become completely unattached to my mother. The result... I think I may have lost attachment entirely. Or at least developed a super secure style of attachment. I have feelings for multiple girls that I’m seeing. Yet I feel emotionally attached to none of them. I care for them all the same. I just have enough love to go around and enough emotional intelligence to spread it fairly.

Sorry. I feel I got way off topic. I’m just giving you some backstory. I’ve done a ton of research on attachment theory and a ton of reflection on my own history of attachment style and the girls I’ve known. I’m telling you all of this just to show; I’d say I’m pretty qualified to speak on the subject.

How does this all relate to game?

You have to understand your own style of attachment to be able to hone in your game. When we’re meeting someone we’re interested in, our attachment styles dictate how we go about the interaction. I’ve discovered this due to the different girls that I’m seeing. I feel I can tell a girl’s attachment style within a few minutes of meeting them and I can instantly match it.

I can make a separate post describing the different styles of attachment and how they relate to game and dating, but for now, just do the research yourself and watch a few YouTube videos on the topic.