My wife was a smoker before pregnancy. And throughout the pregnancy so far, she sometimes has been leaving the house for 5-10mins, saying "hormones and such, sometimes I need 5 minutes alone". I didn't think much of it, but felt weird.
Anyway, the gut says she smokes. So I ask her quite directly, "Do you smoke sometimes?" She immediately declines, and says nothing. About 10 min of silence, I ask what's wrong, and she says that it was not very nice to ask that. I say it was just a question because I had a feeling I smelled something. Basically DEERing. We were with the inlaws that day, and she didn't talk to me all day, until she broke down crying later at home. Saying I hurt her feelings. I gave her some comfort, telling her it was just a question and didn't mean to hurt her (I feel this was wrong, so hit me, guys!)
Anyway, since then I noticed, that she comes back from her 5 mins with chewing gum, and has a ton of perfume on her. I also found cigarettes in her bag, I'm almost 100% certain she smokes. Unless me asking did something.
For me, this felt like she was caught, and tried to shift the blame. She knows very well how bad it is, and how she is fucking that up by smoking, but she has a history of not taking responsibility for her faults ( due to my year long bluepill being ) and she is of the anxious type.
How would you guys have handled that?
My first reaction would've been to explode on how she can be so irresponsible to her and my future child. But this would just bring more defenses. Being understanding of quitting an addiction wouldn't net results. So I am at a loss.
Internally I am battling myself, when I am probably overthinking that.