What is it like to have children?

LettingHimLead · 2020-03-05T23:10:03+00:00

Have kids when you’re READY. Financially responsible. In a mature marriage. Mature yourself. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, and I wasn’t a person who had to have kids to be happy. I was on the fence, but it was incredibly important to my husband.

It’s a sacrifice of who you’ve been as a person. Every thought is consumed by what is best for your kids. You have to be patient, and kind, and gentle, and positive. But the payoff is indescribable. To watch these little people who were borne of the love between you and your husband grow into these smart, self-assured, funny little people. My husband and I can bond even deeper over these people that we’re shaping; these people we love unconditionally. Who we love more than ourselves. It’s amazing.

Throwaway230306 · 2020-03-06T00:40:56+00:00

Having kids with a good guy is great.

Having kids with a subpar man is, I imagine, among the worst things a woman can do with her life. No life decision is more important for a woman than picking a man who'd be a good father for their children.

My biggest fear in life, after something happening to my children, is losing my husband.

MadameGarbage86 · 2020-03-05T23:57:04+00:00

Is this a whole bunch of bullshit?

Yes

I'm in my mid 20s, got pregnant with my first at 20. Currently pregnant with my second. I was demoralized and borderline bullied by the pro "choice" individuals in my life. I was told I'd be miserable, my life was over, I could never do it, my boyfriend would leave me and I'd be another single mother living off the government. It was like I had zero autonomy and my life was just some script they'd handed me, rather than made up of my own decision making.

Currently married to my children's father, have been with him for about 6 years now. He has graced me with the opportunity to raise my own children and has been the most hardworking provider I've ever seen, even at a very young age. Live a comfortable middle class lifestyle and have found that motherhood changed me and my lifestyle in a way I'm eternally grateful for.

Now, that doesn't mean motherhood is every woman's calling in life. Some women are born to be the spinster, or to enjoy a life with just their spouse. Those are perfectly valid options, but as you've seen, that's sort of treat like The Best Option™️. What you'll find is that this is a cultural campaign against motherhood, and there's a lot of propaganda pushed on young girls that tells them that they should either avoid motherhood like the plague, wait until they're far enough in their careers to afford to send their kids to daycare or nannies for 8-10 hours a day, or just wait until they've had their fun and then submit to motherhood like some sort of death. This scares young women and conditions them into believing that, like you said, being a mother is the worst thing you could do.

My suggestion? Do what you want. Don't worry about anyone else, because at the end of the day you are going to have to be the one to wake up every morning as yourself, and live your life. If you don't think children will bring you joy and fulfillment, don't have them. If children are something you can't see yourself not having, have them and revel in the messy bliss. Either option is okay, but don't allow yourself to be socially conditioned into one option or the over because some assholes decided they know the true meaning of life and fulfillment lol.

sweetbeauty · 2020-03-06T02:21:49+00:00

I’m not a parent, so there is that. The truth is, pregnancy can be hard, birthing can be hard, raising a crying poop sack into a person and a good one at that is hard af.

Being in a career can be hard, living a life child free can be hard, looking back on your life in old age and having no one to directly pass your memories/life’s work/whatever to is hard af.

Life ain’t easy, no matter what path you take. Anyone pressuring you one way or another is an asshole. Being a parent is more than pregnancy and birth and whatever. You become responsible for more than just yourself. In a world that is increasingly selfish, it’s hard to imagine people raising children. On the same side of that coin though, having a child for the wrong reasons is also incredibly selfish.

Become a parent when you want to, if you want to, but make sure you’re ready because the act of becoming someone’s parent isn’t something you can ever back out of, even if you’re a shit one. You can’t divorce a kid or stop being their parent, even if you give them up for adoption or walk out on them or whatever. It’s an eternity-long sentence because participating in the creation of that child makes you their parent forever.

On the flip-side of that, adopting a child also makes you their parent forever. How you raise that kid, whatever they grow up to be, is directly influenced by you and your actions.

A lot of people aren’t ready for that kind of commitment, either because they don’t think about it or they’re not mature enough yet. And a lot of people make that commitment without fully understanding what it means to be a parent.

Dr__Noonian__Soong · 2020-03-05T23:53:29+00:00

I didn’t want kids as much as my husband did, so being young (23) I just said “fuck it, why not,” with no further thought. It really wasn’t a big deal to me (sounds horrible) but let me tell you, it was the best thing I ever did, and I’ve done some cool shit. My sons are now 17 and 15, and we’re looking at an empty nest sooner than later. My experience as a mother was amazing. I was so blessed, and I’d do it all over again.

Baloobayou · 2020-03-06T01:52:55+00:00

[deleted]

PreciousMuffn · 2020-03-06T00:55:29+00:00

Currently 11 weeks with my first and I'm 36. Not really a fan, but I also wasn't ever planning on having children biologically. Much of the nausea and food aversions have passed lately for which I'm grateful, but my fiancé went and got snipped to prevent future surprises.

Abortion is only an option for me if there's something really medically wrong. Otherwise, this child is a product of our love and apparently was meant to be in our lives.

I will say that the major saving grace has been knowing my partner is absolutely amazing and takes great care of me along with his other daughter (11). My worst fear was single parenting or being with someone who subscribed to "you're a woman this is your job" type thinking.

2020-03-05T23:23:43+00:00

I got married and had children young. I do wish we’d been a tad more financially stable, but I don’t regret it at all. I had all my babies in my 20’s, and I could definitely tell a difference in my energy levels between having baby #1 at 22 and my last pregnancy at 29. Every person is different, of course, but don’t let people scare you off of motherhood and marriage. I absolutely love my kids and being married.

Also, keep in mind that marriage is a choice, you have to choose to remain married, rather than basing decisions on feelings. Like I said, I don’t regret my marriage, but I’ve learned that those early feelings are not what a marriage needs to be based on. I’m still crazy about my husband (and vice versa) but you need commitment to stay through times that are hard rather than always wanting bliss. I think the idea of “love” anymore is really “puppy love” and when people don’t feel that anymore, they split and look for that feeling again.

Sorry I got a little wordy and off topic there.

fiveninecindy · 2020-03-05T23:55:00+00:00

I’m 8 months pregnant so while I can’t comment on the giving birth and parenting side of things yet, I will say that pregnancy has been great for me! Like you, all I’ve ever heard about is how horrible it is so all this time I’ve been waiting for it to get terrible, but I’ve honestly loved it so much! I wish I had spent more time enjoying pregnancy than waiting anxiously for it to get really hard. Plenty of people have really difficult pregnancies, but I wish there was more encouragement out there for young women that it can be really empowering, beautiful, and special.

organicsunshine · 2020-03-06T02:01:23+00:00

Sure is B.S. Here is one hard truth. NO ONE IS EVER 'READY' to have their first kid. You get that positive test and go, whelp, I guess it's time to do this. Give it a week and excitement sets in. A month and you want to see the heartbeat. Then you start planning on how to make it work, regardless of your situation. No real mother regretted having a kid. Plenty regret waiting too long to conceive their first or to have more than one.

Cherry-Garcia- · 2020-03-05T23:14:48+00:00

It depends what you want from your life. I think the reason people say this to young women is that when most people look back at their late teens and early twenties they realize they they didn’t know what they wanted at the time and it can be harder to establish yourself if you get pregnant and have a child early. Will you live with your parents or partner? Will you have enough money? Will you be able to complete school and afford good quality child care?

However waiting until the last possible window to conceive does put responsibility off and it makes it more likely that you will coast through your twenties without a real objective or drive. Having a child has been by far the hardest thing I have done yet. There were many things people said were hard that never felt hard to me like college, grad school, and moving to a new country where I didn’t speak the language. However, having a child has been actually challenging. I don’t think there’s a way to escape that reality unless you have a super supportive family that lives next door and you are just the major player of a team that helps with the baby.

Ultimately the best situation to have a child in is a stable and safe one for you and the baby. If you are able to provide that type of home for a child age is just one of many factors.

shweta1997 · 2020-03-06T05:22:51+00:00

I think it's a CHOICE and that's the beauty of it. You can have a kid at 16 and be happy, you can have a kid at 32 and still be sad about it.

We are the happiest when we are free to choose. Choice is the defining factor of everything we do. Motherhood is forced on most women by society, culture, religion, partner or parents. In between these forceful factor we tend to lose our choice and do what our surroundings dictate. Now THAT is when you're unhappy because it wasn't YOUR choice. Now the same can happen in a opposite way where a woman was happy to be mother at 18 but she was told by the surroundings that this is the worst thing that will happen to her, now she might abort the kid or keep it and resent and blame it for the obstacles she'll face as a parent.

As an unique Individual it is extremely important that we find the balance of our choices and dictate our life accordingly. We can't plan everything but we can at least try.

But one thing I do believe in at a personal level is the fact that you can't just raise a kid without a good career or money in today's world. Baby needs money and not just your " unconditional" love. But that's just my own personal view. It's not like we don't have poor babies in this world but if I were struggling to put food on my table then I would think hard before getting pregnant.

2020-03-05T23:13:23+00:00

Pregnancy can be very hard on some women (not all but you never know which one you’ll be). I personally believe even then hard parts were 100 percent worth it. I love my children. It is hard. Don’t get me wrong. But the reward is more than I put into it.

NixieNik99 · 2020-03-06T02:13:05+00:00

I had my first 2 sons by the age of 21 . Wasn't prepared financially, and found it difficult to get things done such as pay the bills and get the things needed like groceries etc . Seemed everything was just about existing for years . My husband was very young to . We both were ages 17 and 19 when we married so we hadn't achieved financial success. However once my kids entered into school I went after my degree in nursing and my husband became more stable within his construction career as the years passed. Graduated around 29 years old . Now after starting my career within 8 months I became pregnant with our 3rd son. OMG !!! let me tell you the difference was amazing . I actually felt secure in this 3rd pregnancy , had the ability to take all my maternity leave ,and enjoy my time off. Didn't have to worry about the finances . So preparing for the baby was so much smoother . Personally think waiting was best cause I was mentally prepared and my husband was super supportive cause we were better financially . I enjoyed being pregnant the 3rd time . The dreaded feeling of how are we going to do this financially wasn't a factor . Just my experience hope this helps😃

ill-settle-for · 2020-03-06T04:53:42+00:00

I understand that it’s the best thing that ever happened to anyone, but really, is it okay not to? Is it possible to be happy without them? Or would I be dooming myself for the rest of my life? I don’t want to be solely responsible for a completely inexperienced and probably irrational person not dying or being sad one way or another. I feel like I would be miserable with that on my shoulders. Would it change my outlook completely and make me happy where I would have been miserable myself?

Tw0_Sc00pz · 2020-03-06T00:17:25+00:00

It depends on what you’re used to and genetics/fate.

I had my first at 28, pregnancy was hard but manageable. I learned a lot of hard lessons during pregnancy and the newborn period.

That I wasted so much time as a single girl and let other people use me and waste me time. Now, if someone waves red flags—I believe them. Now, I never procrastinate because if I get a rare moment to do something I will 100% do it but I don’t know when it will be easy to do again. My time is so valuable.
You have to deal with the reality of death when you get pregnant. Miscarriage is common. Birth injuries are common. Illness, disease, delays, deformities—it’ll break your heart and make you grateful for everything good in your life and in awe of old youthful entitlement.
The workload can be overwhelming if you’re not used to it. Maybe a nurse would adapt better but I was used to sleeping at night, taking lunch breaks, having weekends off and I haven’t slept more than 5 hours straight in two years. My baby is high needs and high energy which is a blessing academically but it’s difficult to keep up with her or get rest.

I am an old-fashion mom and work like a dog most days. I cook from scratch, I have a small garden, I preserve food. I keep everything really tidy. I work to keep a budget and reduce our carbon footprint. I don’t have a tv or let my daughter use screens unless we need to explain an esoteric animal in a book or something. That kind of thing.

Nomadic modern life isn’t family-friendly. Society is very segregated. There’s a lot of ageism against children. My just over one baby got “shhhed” angrily by a stranger for wiggling and making her chair make a noise for a few seconds at a bookstore with an enormous children’s dept. Adults can talk and scoot chairs but not babies. That sort of thing. So there can be isolation when you can’t find anywhere to go. Ideally you would live near family who’d love to play with your baby for two hours so you could get a Pap smear or wash your hair but it’s not a reality for many... unless you hire strangers or put your baby in a care center.
If you lean into selflessness, you’ll know love beyond measure. If you keep a feminist mindset of always asking how you can get more or achieve something then you’ll probably get a lot of depression and anxiety. Literally no one cares if your the best mother since Mary, nothing feminine is valuable except for sex.

I t’s 100% more fulfilling than anything else I have ever done and I have traveled and had fancy jobs and schooling.

2020-03-06T08:55:08+00:00

Murder, torture, rape, cancer. Just 4 much worse things that can happen to you than pregnancy.

Pregnancy and motherhood are different for everyone. But I'm pretty sure 90% of the Mothers here would tell you its the best thing they ever did. I know I would.

katsnackshackysacks · 2020-03-06T10:28:24+00:00

It depends on whether or not you want them. And if you want them for the right reasons.

AriesAsF · 2020-03-06T20:01:32+00:00

No, it's a dead on, accurate assessment if you pick the wrong man and are not mentally and financially prepared.

KathrynHogan · 2020-03-06T12:49:49+00:00

I'm currently 5 months pregnant with my first. It comes with some discomforts and indignities (as does aging alone with no one to take care of you, but for the record that doesn't end after 9 months) but for the most part it's awesome. I can't explain how wonderful it is. But it feels like I finally understand what it means to be a woman. I love my husband beyond words and we're in a great position for starting our family. He adores my big round belly and pregnancy glow and hilarious waddle.

Yes, having children is a sacrifice. Guess what? YOU HAVE TO MAKE A SACRIFICE. That is life. Either you choose what the sacrifice will be, or life chooses for you. Do you want to sacrifice the independence of a young carefree person in order to have a family? Or do you want to cling to that independence only to discover that you're no longer young, nor carefree, and it's too late for a family anyways? There are some people for whom the decision is: I don't want a family, so I will sacrifice my chance at one to have a career or travel. More power to them, if that's their choice.

The point is to choose before life chooses for you. What kind of life do you want to live?

swimmingmars · 2020-03-06T01:26:36+00:00

It’s both the worst and the best thing that can ever happen to you.

jetpuffedpanda · 2020-03-06T03:24:01+00:00

Having a kid has been the most fulfilling and rewarding thing I have ever done. Seeing his little smiling face in the morning makes life worth living.

It's not easy though. I miss sleeping in and being able to shop for groceries without worrying about if I can get in and out of the store before nap time. I miss the freedom of coming and going as I please, of staying up as late as I want to drink beer and play video games and being able to clean the house without getting interrupted every 10 minutes.

It's hard when he has teeth coming in and calls "mama" to me between sobs, when he wakes at 4 in the morning and I'm so tired I don't remember how I got to the rocking chair yet here I am rocking him back to sleep.

It's hard when you're sick but he thinks it's a really fun game to keep tossing his food and spoon on the ground or he just wants to use you as his personal play gym and climb all over you when you really just need some space.

But for every hardship of parenting there is something that makes every second of it worth it. Watching him take his first steps with held breath and a bubble of excitement in your chest and seeing the pure joy on his face when he makes it to where he wants to go is just... incredible. Listening to him giggle in his crib at who knows what will always make you smile into your pillow no matter what ungodly hour it is.

Parenting is so bittersweet. When he's crying for you in the middle of the night it's because he needs you. When he screams constantly unless you're holding him, its because he needs you. You know he wont need you forever so you hold him while you can. Being needed and loved unconditionally by a tiny human is so great even when it sucks.

As an added bonus, you get to experience the novelty of the holidays all over again.

As far as preparedness goes, there will always be a reason to not have a kid. Like the house isn't big enough, not enough savings, not in the exact career you wanted etc etc. You could meet all those goals then come up with new ones. That's why so many people say you're never really ready.

In my opinion, i think there are only 2 major criteria that need to be met before having children. 1. You need to have the right partner and a very solid relationship and 2. You need to be mentally ready for kids and the life change they bring.

HondaCrv2010 · 2020-03-06T12:27:30+00:00

It is the best worst thing ever. There are times you wish I never had a kid. There are days you feel it'll never be over. But time files and it is all worth it in the end because children let you experience love and a view of life you would not had have

lilacsandlemonbalm_ · 2020-03-14T07:37:21+00:00

in my view, it is the only thing in life worth doing. nature pushes you to reproduce a hundred ways over and it is no accident that raising children provides you the richest human experience. you are humbled, challenged, empowered, and brought to your knees with beauty, gratitude, joy. it is an experience that holds the very core of human experience and relationship.

pregnancy makes you a conduit of the divine. I could never tire of it. birth is incredible: pleasurable, ethereal, indescribable good. breastfeeding places moments of deep reverence through your day. watching them BECOME and embody themselves more + more, year after year... I can not explain to you the joy found in this.

you will feel deeper than you ever have. everything deeper. the hard, deeper. the good, deeper. it is FULL. set yourself up for success, so you can enjoy it. it's supposed to be enjoyable. find a good partner! I looked for a man that would be a good father, more than I evaluated him as a husband even. I have no regrets. creating a family is the foundation and meaning of our union. the commitment we both hold to it is what makes our life so good. I started young and only wish I could have started sooner. you should want it! hold no judgement on yourself there. find a good man and have babies. it's the best.

PhaedrusHunt · 2020-03-06T02:43:12+00:00

Yep.

Crabs in a bucket want ALL the crabs in the bucket.

ANIKAHirsch · 2020-03-06T03:21:21+00:00

Yes. It is a lie designed to reduce population.

Children are a blessing. Find a good man and have as many as you can.

Title	What is it like to have children?
Author	scarletxoxo
Upvotes	78
Comments	58
Date	March 5, 2020 10:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fe3faf/what_is_it_like_to_have_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-it-like-to-have-children.352873 https://theredarchive.com/post/352873