How to deal with a girl who says "are you always this quiet ? "

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March 9, 2020

I'm, naturally, a bit of a quiet guy. Not the creepy quiet type, I still talk a bit but never too much. This happened to met lots of times b4, but the most recent one was earlier this morning. I was walking with this girl and she said " I don't like walking with someone who doesn't talk at all". We talked a bit obviously but she noticed that she's been just talking about her life and I didn't share anything. I just made a bunch of comments and I guided the convo with interesting, relevant questions as I usually do. And every now and then she would ask me to say something. I tell her " what do you want me to talk about? " then she says something like " nothing, nevermind", then I just told her that I don't like talking much, but I'm a good listener and I love people who speak a lot.

Is that the way I should deal with this type of stuff or should I change my reply ? Or is not being too talkative sometimes a bad thing ?

Post Information
Title How to deal with a girl who says "are you always this quiet ? "
Author Alcatraz-12
Upvotes 105
Comments 103
Date 09 March 2020 12:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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[–]misfithustle44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy

A person who talks far too much is a fool. Stay logical and rational, think before you talk, etc.

[–]no_re-entry112 points113 points  (3 children) | Copy

You sound like the type of person that likes spending time with others regardless if they or you have anything to say.

She’s uncomfortable with it because she can’t read your mind. If you’ve known her a long time then idk why she’s complaining. If you haven’t known her a long time, then she’s just trying to figure you out and hasn’t been able to do so yet, that’s her voicing her frustration with that.

In the initial stages of relationships one can’t stay quiet, people need to figure out what you’re about and if you’re worth their time. You need to be figuring out if she’s worth your time as well, but without you talking there’s no measurable progress for her to know where y’all are at.

Nothing bad whatsoever about what you’re doing, I’m actually the same way. I just wanted to spell out what’s going on in her head, whether she realizes it or not.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have to talk to her to vet. She talks to you to shit test. Helps them bond. Keeps you safe.

[–]MrAnderzon5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a good TRP quote right here

[–]Elfclan300 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

as a quiet , but knowledgeable guy(I can talk about almost every topic and make the conversation interesting) what would you do at the begining of the "relationship" since you mention we need to talk more (and seems the asking questions technique is not working in this case)

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy


[–]-DeadLock11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

This doesnt work. Shell eventually think you're a pussy if you can't express yourself.

[–]JosephBosa31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah there’s “alpha quiet” and that’s the confident/charismatic guy who doesn’t overtalk. Then there’s the “what do you want me to talk about” quiet, which comes across the wrong way to women.

Usually this is the awkward, shy, inexperienced type of guy who says this. If you want to look even deeper into this it’s kind of saying “I can’t lead a conversation” subtly asking her to point you in the right direction (leading). This is obviously unattractive

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. Came across to me as pretty Beta to be honest

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

And were my replies in the mysterious category ?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. You came off like a self conscious dweeb . Be cool make jokes pretend like you know what you're talking about.
Chicks dont like boring and quiet is boring

[–]iamRRading9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

I mean the more you talk the more you are likely to reveal more about yourself and the drier the cunt will be.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can talk a lot of bullshit to fill up the conversation without revealing much about yourself.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nonsense. You see alot of mysterious quiet guys standing in the corner getting alot of play? No? That's because that only works in anime flicks. The guy joking laughing smiling the life of the party that is the guy girls cling to and chase .

[–]Bored1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think she wanted to know more facts about you rather than how you process information.

[–]Pingpongbingbong75 points76 points  (3 children) | Copy

tell her all the blood is in your dick when you see her so you cant think

[–]IoIs16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s fucking hilarious

[–]silent_dominant2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Somewhere out there, there's a guy alpha enough to actually pull this off.

[–]smolzino2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've used this before, it's not really about being super alpha, more confident and playful. I mean it's actually funny and not offensive so the only way it'd be received the wrong way is if you say it like a creep. If you show that it's amusing to you I think it'd get a smile from a girl every time

[–]izrd12337 points38 points  (16 children) | Copy

You’re an introvert which is neither a good nor bad thing, it’s a natural part of your personality.

Women are naturally more social and emotional so they generally speak without thinking. They will often talk to fill any silence - and you can use that to your advantage.

Thinking before speaking, on the other hand, is a natural alpha trait.

[–]cglehosit1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

Introvert vs extrovert personality labeling is a feminine construct used to put people in predictable boxes, it’s the modern equivalent of astrology. My evidence for that is combat vets who experience PTSD have radical “personality” shifts, meaning it’s not a static state of being. Don’t fucking label men. If you’re not social, that’s just a skill you haven’t learned, not some destined quality you’re stuck with till you die.

[–]Seventh_Rose16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

Extroversion and introversion are not feminine constructs. Your sense of masculinity is extremely frail. Work on that.

[–]RelucBeam5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

"Don't label men".

Redpill labels men all the time. And rightly so.

You sound like a pink haired crazy.

Why are you so angry

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn't label men.It points out their traits.That's why a beta can unplug,get their shit together and become an alpha.Traits not labels.

[–]cglehosit-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the rest of the comment, wouldn’t want people to think you’re an idiot just reaching for karma.

[–]izrd1232 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

It’s not a feminine construct. It’s science.

The Myers Briggs study is widely accepted as fact in the scientific community.

And of course, like anything, it’s fluid and can change over time.

[–]cglehosit0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No, it’s not. It’s pseudo science. My evidence is PTSD soldiers who come back and are described as drastically changed individuals. If in fact people were nailed down to a particular “personality,” PTSD would not have this effect.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Part of psychology is acknowledging a range of influencing factors on your mental health. Your environment is one of them. He also literally said it's fluid and can change over time.

[–]muricanwerewolf10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh my god I FUCKING love science

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And why is it that JBP has spent over 20 years studying about and constructing The Big 5 Aspect Scale?

Yes you're right it's not a destined quality but it's a pretty solid frame of how people regulate and expand their energy.

Like u/Seventh_Rose put it,

Learning to behave like the other does not mean you are actually the other.

If you try to convince an introvert to ACT extroverted "just cause it's Alpha", he'll only be able to hold the false frame for so long until he burns out and reverts to his introverted self, which could've been a better solid quiet Alpha than otherwise had he not take your advise, which is counter-intuitive to begin with.

Work on your sense of masculinity.

[–]2redhawkes-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

GTFO with this horseshit already. He's not introvert, he's just socially retarded/passive, which is not attractive nor 'alpha', but can be fixed easily when you let go of the victim mentality and ego.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]Whitefarmer66 points67 points  (2 children) | Copy

Been there lol yes .. yes I am

Woman are addicted to noise and action. Between bumbling betas and smart phones peace and quiet is foreign. My LTR said that when we were driving so I would turn off the music and made her play the quiet game like a child lol

After doing that a few times she confessed that she loves driving and it reminds her of long drives with her family going camping

[–]failberry8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

What a great response. I was expecting something along the lines of "shit test maintain frame AM blabla"

[–]shitpostlord43210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reddit moment

[–]CypherMX17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

These types of questions are most likely all shit tests. Women just want to know that you being quiet doesn't mean that you are scared, timid, intimidated, etc. Response like "what do you want me to say?" is definitely more on the bad spectrum so for next time prepare a more confident and self-assured response. And if can't think of anything then even a simple "yes I am" should do the trick. I guess some people will recommend you to practice talking more, but I think if that is not really what you want then you would only be pretending and women will likely know that.

[–]odysseysred22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

You just gave her everything she was shopping for and the mystery is gone. You DEERing right out of the gate is weak. A simple shoulder shrug and a coy grin would've sufficed. You're still listening to what they say instead of watching what they do. She's literally walking with you and saying she doesn't like it. I think of all the girls that say they don't do blow jobs while they're catching their breath in between gagging. Feed the damn hamster man.

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

can you elaborate more on how I ruined the mystery ? I guess the shrug works a lot better and I wish I did that, but I don't think me telling her that I don't like talking much, is ruining the mysterious vibe

[–]odysseysred9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You feel the need to answer everything. Stop. Let the tension build. If she's near you there's a reason.

I might say Meet me for a drink later or that's true or any number of other deflections that will build interest and keep the ball rolling. Sidebar.

[–]JSJRB14920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your second last phrase left me so damn uncomfortably cringed out it was scary. Fuck me if that doesn't make me disrespect women. I have to control my thoughts.

[–]FinnishDistraction9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to be the quiet awkward guy. Nowadays I don’t talk so much more than before but I am (and perceived as) confident instead of shy.

It’s a lot about how you handle the silence. Be secure in your eye contact and don’t fiddle and move around so much. When asked something don’t ask for guidance, just answer something short which raises more questions than it answers, without breaking eye contact (or if u do, do it willfully)

[–]MonkMode20194 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Polarize yourself.

Be more spontaneous and action oriented. Push her over. Look in her eyes. Point out things in life (images, nature, etc). Body communication.

It's not that you are quiet, it's that you are absent. They want a connection which enhances sexual arousal. Your distance is more than just in your verbal communication.

In verbal communication, be honest and direct about serious topics. Aloof/IDGAF about all others.

Redirect communication. Get her to open up by asking serious question and respond with, "tell me more." If she gives you a boring as fuck, auto response answer "jesus fucking christ, just stop now before I go to sleep." Most importantly, get her to talk and get her to be truthful (i.e. stop the hamster wheel).

Last and most importantly, always initiate kino and polarize escalation. Your conversations throughout the day and everyday is a shit test to "are you going to fuck me or not." She is shit testing your manhood and calling you boring as fuck.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]Alcatraz-12[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't get me bro it wassn't an awkward silence for an hour with her asking me questions and shit. We had quite some fun and I still managed to lead the conversation. She said that not because I was awkward all the time not knowing what to say. She said it because, like I already wrote, she was answering my questions and I wasn't saying anything about my life. And I said "what do u want to talk about" while teasing, not seriously asking. Plus, didn't the RP say that silences aren't awkward or bad ?

[–]Funkydirigidoo5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Are you always this quiet" is pre-wall language for "I'm bored, you're not alpha enough, so why aren't you a dancing monkey yet?"

[–]rmcassio2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can read minds, so no need to talk

[–]mrpthrowa24 points25 points  (10 children) | Copy

"I prefer actions, words are deceiving..."

Her: ???

"Let me demonstrate: I don't like your lips" then passionately kiss her, then tell her "which do you believe?".


This is a standard push/pull technique.

I have used this exact line numerous times. It never fails me. It really is a winner and such high impact.

There is also the double message you're conveying as a high value man with this line:

1) You're a sexual being, and you're not afraid of expressing that.

2) You're a man of action. Ergo, you watch her actions more than her words - so she better watches how she behaves with you. And she will.

Women understand this at a deep primal level.

If you're feeling adventurous and the situtuation permits (e.g. on a bed/sofa), you can straight up go one step further the kino ladder - you can tell her "I don't like your tits/ass/whatever" then proceed to fondle/enjoy. The cognitive dissonance that she'll have with the quick push/pull will arouse any girl.

[–]russelln70 points71 points  (5 children) | Copy

Okay tone down the fedora speak about 20% and this is a winner. By that I mean speak more casually and less like an anime villain.

[–]okaysrs34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy

read my mind LMAOOO I was cringing so hard

[–]PhaedrusHunt12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

[email protected] fedora speak

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

hahaha accurate

edit : that makes more sense now that you explain it. I'll be setting standards for her that way

[–]mrpthrowa-4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not really - I used it as a it is countless times. See edit why it works.

[–]russelln14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not saying it doesnt work but for 90% of the guys here they would be putting on a character to talk like this and it would come off less natural. Basically I mean phrase it in a way you might actually say it, if this is the way you speak more power to you but it would be odd for most.

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

like the othe guy said this is a pretty good reply and ill be sure to try it when I get to that phase

[–]ging-furikusu-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Movie like line

[–]drqxx[🍰] 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy


Go back to being quiet.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Yes", "No" or just silence are so under rated. One of the best tools in my shed.

I pretty much just use one of the above for 95% of shit tests thrown my way.

[–]_Lemongrab1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think you mean underrated.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I did, thanks.

[–]_Lemongrab0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Upvoted 'cause I agree. I'm notorious for over-speaking. Practicing not doing that. 👌

[–]secureMPC7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol at the replies in here. You need to work on your social skills and actually be able to talk and have a conversation. I can feel the awkward silence from here.

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know if you read what I wrote. I explained how the conversation was going and there was no silence.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just nod.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Yes, I am."

[–]__TheDon__1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

How do you know you’re not the creepy type of quite?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're the creepy type of quiet you would be quiet, and put pussy on a pedestal.

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] -4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

How do you know I'm the creepy type of quiet ?

[–]__TheDon__1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know you, that’s why I am asking. What makes you so sure that you’re not the creepy type of quite?

[–]LateralThinker131 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I tell her " what do you want me to talk about? " then she says something like " nothing, nevermind"

Why would you cede control of the conversation to her?

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't say it in a serious way. I say it jokingly like I'm making fun of her. It's hard to explain the way I say it

[–]LateralThinker132 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can't hear your tone over the internet. All I know is that saying to a woman "what do you want me to talk about" is pure passive beta material, granting her leadership of the conversation. As she is looking for you to take charge, to lead, her disinterested, "Nothing, nevermind" is the obvious response, and I can hear her panties drying up as she says it.

You didn't just lose frame, you GAVE it away. WTF.

[–]Hamster_S_Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just tell her that you are a strong silent type.

[–]frognads0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well yeah people who have nothing to say aren't very interesting. Being creative and having a sense of humour doesn't hurt.

If you're naturally quiet, try going to an improv class to help break out of your shell. Naturally good listeners are excellent speakers with some practise.

[–]Foolishoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don't ask her what to talk about. Most people have stories about life that they share with people. Fun stories, stories that project who you are etc.

If you have nothing to say, they can feel super uncomfortable, that's the age we live in dude, constant noise.

You would be better off plating such a girl, wait for something better suited to you, someone who doesn't tell you that you are off, I mean everyone is going to comment on the things that stick out about you. Own those things and be happy about them.

[–]cglehosit-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

You’re not a “quiet guy.” That depends on who you are with, don’t believe the personality bull shit like “introvert or extrovert.” That’s a made up concept for women to put people’s actions into predictable boxes. You are a man, you can do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want. “Are you always this loud?” or “should we go have a yelling contest at the park?” or “Not when I’m fucking you later tonight.”

[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

obviously the way I talk is different between my moods and the people I'm with. It's not like I'm gonna be quiet with the boys. I meant quiet with the girls that I'm dating, no goofy behaviour.

[–]cglehosit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well that’s your problem, your mood shouldn’t be manipulated by some bitch who is shit testing you on your chattiness. Quiet doesn’t mean “no goofy behavior.” That just means you’re boring as fuck, and you need to bring some stuff to the table.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

my man, always remember that girls just want to have fun. Use that as your northern star.

"Youre so quiet" just means she's bored. Respond with flirting.

[–]MonkModeKhan-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no way to resolve this without some form of Redditor cringe. Unironically, just bee yourself.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]Alcatraz-12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yeah I'm not shy when it comes to regular conversation. It's a choice, and I don't do it because I have nothing to say

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

shit test

[–]lolomotif12-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she was interested enough, she wouldn't care that you didn't talk, she would want to make you talk more herself and put in the effort.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get them to talk and listen to them closely use that to tease them, crack a joke, or relate to yourself(don't self depreciate very imp). You don't have to be a tape recorder. There will be this connection that you will find if you do this enough times, and it will continue. Keep it engaging don't let things go one sided it become's boring.

[–]OdysseusMaxim-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I usually like to respond "You've got 50 million topics to choose from. Pick one, and we'll see if you're lucky enough to find out" and say it very sarcastically with a wink or some kino in response to the asking about yourself. I'm naturally extroverted and have that douchey funny personality, though, so it works well for me. For a response that fits your vibe being quiet, I would possibly toss a little dry humor in there or even just a "the less you know the better, but that's up to you to find out" with a little smirk. It's hard for me to think about introverted game, but that's the best I can do. I highly suggest trying to become more extroverted and run that game as girls love it.

[–]babybopp-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

you are stoic.. she cant figure you out. it is a good thing.

[–]comcain-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I never talk about my past as a CIA spy in Russia. I'm here under Witness Protection because of the driving gangs of hitmen looking for me."

[–]capodonca-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You made 2 mistakes: listening to what she said "i don't like..." and asking her "what do you want...".

If she's interested in you she will keep being with you, she's just intrigued and unconciously shittesting you.

You failed the shittest asking that question. She doesn't know want she wants, she wants you to tell and guide her to it.

[–]EdgyMcdonuts-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’d let my actions do the talking. Slap her ass and stick your dick in her mouth.

[–]gyropitaolives-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm halfway through "when I say no I feel guilty" book. I enjoyed the chapter on being social.

Author discusses how to pay attention or request free information from others, as well as offer information yourself, to the point where you have lively conversations.

Author also makes a connection between being shy and not being assertive enough.

I found this book through the sidebar and a definite must read.

[–]SemiLoquacious-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I just like listening to other better than talking"

[–]devenstackz2Q-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her i am a quiet guy

[–]Folknust-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her “are you always this yappy?”

[–]imtheoneimmortal-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, except when we’ll fuck

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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