Anyone else realise that they’re a bit of an asshole but not really care?

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March 10, 2020

My life was pretty sad up until the past couple years. I kicked myself into gear and as a person I’m happier because of it.

One thing I have noticed though; people seem to like me less when I’m happiest? It’s a bit of an odd one. I’ve taken the view of whatever I think is right is what I’ll do, I’m done bowing to social pressures and I’ll happily butt heads with people now. I’m having a great time in life right now.

I did notice some things said that I absolutely wouldn’t of said a couple of years ago though, and wondered if I was a bit too much of a dick. A girl messaged me asking why I unfollowed her on Instagram, I simply replied “I don’t like you” and left it at that, I told my friends and they were in shock saying I was too much of a dick. Idk to me it’s still funny but I can see how I was a bit of an asshole, but I’m just done really caring about it. Wondered if I’m alone on this lol

Post Information
Title Anyone else realise that they’re a bit of an asshole but not really care?
Author ExoticPanther
Upvotes 137
Comments 71
Date 10 March 2020 01:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]pilot333118 points119 points  (13 children) | Copy

I do care.

I realize I’m an asshole and I often try to be a higher quality centered man that is not perceived as an asshole.

As I get more jacked, I have realized I really was a prick when I was out of shape. I’m calmer and more clear headed and can see how much of an asshole I was.

Owning a bar helps me with practicing social skills. Everyone wants to talk to you when you stop by. My current focus is to take every conversation and focus it on the other person for 80% of the convo.

[–]sftriguy2135 points36 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am the same way.

I think it's so immature and stupid to think "I'm an asshole and I don't care!!". Like I get sometimes you need to do what you need to do but there's absolutely no reason to unnecessarily be an asshole. It shows lack of awareness IMO.

[–]pilot33321 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being an asshole also has costs. It’s much harder to build a business as an asshole. People don’t like assholes. Staff don’t want to help you. Customers don’t want to buy from you.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I can see where you’re coming from. I’m still fairly young (19) so maybe as I get more experience I’ll realise I’m making a mistake.

As of right now, everything is finally going good, I’m happier, healthier and financially better off than a lot of teenagers /young adults. I wouldn’t say I’m unnecessarily an asshole either, I just didn’t want to waste my time arguing with a girl about why I should follow her, I’m surprised she even had the balls to message me about it.

[–]falecf40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Takes a while to calibrate but the fact that you're aware of it is a big deal.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

hows being off social media man

[–]pilot3333 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

been fine so far. 2 months in

[–]ihateyouguys3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait. How is reddit not social media?

[–]pilot3338 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

it could be, but you have no clue how i look, how much money i make, where i live, how big my house is, etc. we also don’t know each other in real life and we will never meet.

[–]LegendarySuperSalsa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If there are no girls posting food pictures or half nude selfies with inspirational quotes/hashtags with stupid photo filters then it doesn’t really count as social media.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

not missing it?

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The perception people have of you changes based on your stature and position. Being nice is not seen as 'nice guy' behavior when you're big or you have a lot more leeway. The position the behavior comes from matters more than the behavior itself. Being nice while in charge is taken positively, while being nice at the bottom is neutral at most.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ya man each to their own. I completely agree about the jacked comment though, as I get bigger and stronger I realise I don’t need to prove myself by being overly aggressive. Honestly one of the best byproducts of lifting.

[–]Whitefarmer20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on lol

My LTR talks about when we first met each other and the ridiculous shit I put her through and she didn’t leave. So yeah I don’t really care I hope to maintain my assholeness

[–]SpicyYeetJuice59 points60 points  (2 children) | Copy

If there’s one thing I learned people fucking hate you when your having a better time for them, and people always love a good pity party. You NEED to find new friends people who get you. They’re going to try to plant seeds in your mind that what you’re doing is wrong, your comment is fine I mean it’s literally and objective statement that saves her time.

[–]TheRedPillRipper11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Misery loves company.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the back of my mind I was hoping this wouldn’t be the solution lol, I bounced from a group of people who hated once I started to do well to potentially another.

I didn’t say the comment with any malicious intention, my justification for it was my time doesn’t need to be spent justifying why I do things so I tried to give a short reason that would also end things there. Maybe my ‘friends’ are just pussies idk

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev54 points55 points  (1 child) | Copy

So a couple of things:

A. If nobody thinks you're an asshole, then most likely you are a total pussy doormat. For many people someone who stands up for themselves or pursues their own interests is an "asshole."

B. When guys are new to TRP they sometimes haven't mastered wielding "Asshole Game" as a tool, and really, REALLY get out of hand and actually do act like assholes. That's why I say to keep things "mildly subversive" so that girls think you know something and they want in on it.

ETA: I sometimes say, "I may be an asshole, but I'm not a dick." What I mean by this is, an asshole is someone who pursues their life in a way that you don't approve of, or somehow fucks you over, but there is at least a reason... a "method to the madness", etc. Maybe they are trying to fuck the same girl as you are, or are up for the same job, etc. A dick is someone who, well, is just dick for no reason.

[–]Aymen_B-Rabbit17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

For many people someone who stands up for themselves or pursues their own interests is an "asshole."

This is really true, there is a guy in my college, who's known as the bad guy and the one you don't want trouble with, he's intimidating ngl, he once asked me for my headphones while I was using them, I simply said no, he was surprised, later on, while with a group of my friends he told them he doesn't like me, when my friend told me that, I felt so proud, simply due to the fact that he couldn't say it to my face and went behind my back, it only means I did the right thing and it had an impact on his ego... So basically if something isn't at your best self interest, just say no, people might hate you but deep down you'll get their respect.

[–]RPOpenUp8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have been brainwashed by society to think that not fitting in=being a dick. Which is simply not true. Thats the entire power of society, they try to shame you when you try to remove you from the expected behaviour. It's all manipulation

[–]SoA_MC31 points32 points  (6 children) | Copy

There’s being a dick and then there’s making an effort to be a dick, which is the one you want to avoid.

Telling that girl you didn’t like her seems like a calculated move so that she thinks “what a dick”, and cause her to wonder why you don’t like her. She’s irrelevant, but she demonstrates where your head is at, you could’ve just ignored her. You don’t want to fall into the trap of doing dickish things for the express purpose of being a dick, it’s try hard and sad.

[–]Elliott300015 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy

Or it’s just being honest which is admirable. It’s not like he reached out to her to say i unfollowed cuz I don’t like you... she asked and he spoke his truth. That’s not going out of the way

[–]SoA_MC9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

It’s not really, texting is not a good way to convey honesty of any sort. If this was in person, then it would be different. Texts are calculated.

Anyway, the only person he should be honest with is himself, and sending a text that you don’t need to send and then reflecting on how much of a dick you are, and telling your friends about it, is not honest at all.

[–]jjbwrams12341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Okay as much as what he is saying here and what he texted her, doesn't seem to me that it was calculated. And in fact what he said to her purely came from a very calm mind, which in fact says the truth if you observe. So if his statement implied any Assholeness(without he really not being a dick) thats totally someone else's thought and thinking (weather he was being a dick or not) of what he said. Which in context he doesn't need to worry about( as it was an opinion on somebody) to which he with a calm mind responded without purposefully putting pressure on his mind to think what he wanted to say to make that person mad.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I see what you’re saying. I’m a pretty mild mannered guy now, as much as I hate it when others say it; I can’t be bothered for bullshit anymore and give my honest thoughts. In the same way Greg Doucette calls people fat, I’m not going to attempt to weasel or sidestep the girl by saying haha must’ve been an error.

[–]Elliott30001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re good man, who really gives a shit what anyone else thinks anyway. You didn’t like someone and so you deleted them from your life. I’m viewing this from an amused mastery position

[–]colinnb7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes but honestly I don’t consider myself an asshole. I’m just brutally honest and that’s what people consider “an asshole”. What you said wasn’t rude or over the top, she asked you a question and you gave her an honest answer. Most men today are soy or operate in a covert fashion like females, so don’t let it rub off on you.

[–]laserdicks14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. I'm an excellent person.

But sometimes people think I'm acting like an asshole. They just lack the maturity to understand the bigger picture of my behaviour. If they asked I'd explain it to them.

Don't be an actual asshole. But don't limit your model of behaviour to what other people may expect to be assholish behaviour

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah, and what's even better is that after I got big at the gym nobody gets in my way lol

I am kind of waiting for the day I am an asshole to the wrong guy, though. But even when that happens I'll probably learn something valuable.

[–]ihateyouguys1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You would learn something for sure. Please avoid physical altercations at all costs, except when protecting the safety of yourself or someone who can’t defend themselves.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I related to that last sentence way too much haha. I’m nowhere near as confrontational or aggressive as I was when I first came here but I still wouldn’t be surprised if something I say pisses off some unit

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Unless you train some form of grappling/mma, your muscles are only for show and you can easily get your ass handed to you by a 150pound guy that trains.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. That's what I'm waiting for.

I'm under no delusion that my gym muscles will help me against some random guy who has fighting experience. Fighting experience beats gym rat every single time.

[–]LegendarySuperSalsa12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ass holes get pussy.

Nice guys rarely a woman’s attention.

Honestly I’d rather be thought of an ass hole than a nice guy any day of the week.

Satisfying everyone is damn near impossible, but pissing off everyone is incredibly simple. You’re always going to be an ass hole in the eyes of some people.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Completely agree dude. Assholes do better because they’re doing what they want/believe in without a thought of how people will perceive it. True IDGAF is powerful.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wear it like a badge of honor. Embrace it. Then it can’t be used against you.

[–]RedPill_Dragon3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, I turned into a bit of an ass hole in my life and I love it.

I laugh when women say that if I'm a good man then I will have more dates. I've had more women try to date me while I'm an ass hole than during any other time in my life.

[–]kellykebab5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

A girl messaged me asking why I unfollowed her on Instagram, I simply replied “I don’t like you” and left it at that, I told my friends and they were in shock saying I was too much of a dick. Idk to me it’s still funny but I can see how I was a bit of an asshole, but I’m just done really caring about it.

This might seem confident from a teenager's perspective, but a man devoted to his mission would just ignore the girl's text entirely.

[–]Livecrazyjoe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the right answer.

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hadn’t thought of it like that to be honest. Still, personally my ‘mission’ is related to powerlifting, it’s not as if I’m always occupied as I can only train 2-2.5 hours a day.

[–]kellykebab0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you only train 2 - 2.5 hours a day, you have a lot of time left over to pursue other missions. Responding to texts about a girl's instagram should be priority #2,764 on your list. Ideally, you should be busy enough that it doesn't even occur to you to respond, if you even have the time/energy to read it in the first place.

[–]FuzzCod2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

People tell me I am sometimes arrogant. The girl I dated also told me I am a little bit arrogant but that shit turned her on. Nice guys finish last

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

There’s no need to go out of your way to behave rudely to other people. Eventually it’ll backfire

[–]ExoticPanther[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Personally, I didn’t think it was all too rude. This was the argument my friends made too.

As far as I’m concerned, I saved us both time and left no mystery as to my feelings towards her. She can go on her way living her life.

What would’ve been a kinder thing to say?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing. Or I’m limiting my followers to friends.

[–]SteveSan821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The point is to be assertive. It can take trial and error to figure out the balance.

[–]SpiderAlpha331 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

People gaslight when they see you doing better because you're a living embodiment of your own virtues. Just do your thing, verify if it works for you, repeat and enjoy life.

[–]when_its_too_late1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Personally I don't care. Young people have no respect anyways for my efforts/time/energy/ knowledge/ etc. What talks is my Amex Platinum card and my biceps. And I can care less if someone thinks I'm a dick because for some reason people like my boss don't think so, they say the opposite. What a paradox right?

[–]Newmando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But you do care. You just wrote a big fuck off post lol

[–]__TheDon__1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“ I don’t like you”. What are you, 5? You want to unfollow her, then go for it. However, don’t respond like you’re a child. Should’ve opened it and not responded.

Many mofos on here confuse being an “Alpha” with being an asshole, especially if you’re new to TRP. It’s easy to fall into that trap, so be careful.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you’re talking about real confidence in yourself veiled under a humblebrag post. But good for you. Revel in it

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

what you're nibbling around, is getting to one of the core goals of RP, in my view which is to get to the OI/NGAF stage.

  • not because you hate life and people
  • not because you don't care (nihlism)
  • not because you're socially unaware that there are social costs to being caustic
  • and not because you're trying to be an asshole

but because you simply value achieving your goals more than extraneous feelings of others. This seems like a simple statement but it is a loaded one. Note:

  1. it means you actually have a Goal(s) and a Mission (gasp)
  2. it means you act congruently and in an integrated way
  3. it means you are assertive and proactive
  4. it means you may fail because if you try to achieve something, something you cannot "josh-off" and pretend that didn't matter to you, you are exposing yourself
  5. it means you take responsibility for yourself and your actions

Think about every person who you dislike, truly despise and do not respect, and you'll find that they in some way act the opposite of one of those 5 points (they blame others, they are too weak to decide, they are 100% sarcastic and bitter, they self deprecate incessantly as a defense mechanism, they mock others from trying, they are aimless, they are fake (in-congruent). That is normal, you should be repulsed by them and how they behave.

So, what happens when you become a man who practices those 5 (and other) points? If you were a BP faggot before, your old friends will tell you "you're more of an asshole now" because before you were a Nice Guy (tm) who catered to everyone else and their feelings, instead of your own Mission. Even to people you've never met, you're different and 'scary' since your main goal in a new interaction is not making THEM feel comfortable. Most people are weak. Most people are cannon fodder. They can't help it, but it's not your problem.

If you focus on the Mission and yourself, you may come off asshole'y at times, but that's their problem not yours. If you put down others for sport, validate your ego by embarrassing/shaming others for kicks, or harm the weaker without cause - then you are an asshole/dick. But if you're simply on your mission and not a machiavellian psycho, it's their problem, not yours.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yes. I was explaining hypergamy to my mom, sister, and female cousin the other day. They thought I sounded like a complete asshole.

Then 20 minutes later they were like “Wait, that sounds right...”

[–]zoom12345710 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

what's the first rule of fight club?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They’re family, not girls I’m trying to fuck

[–]D_Marquis6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Demonstrate, never explicate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This was just an experiment because they’re family. I would never talk about this stuff to random girls. Or anyone in general

[–]Livecrazyjoe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You dumb

[–]BruhMoment458860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They probably didn't like being miserable when you were happy. It's best to be slightly pessimistic but not a drag and people like that vibe

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Scared_Dare220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Make sure you make the definition between having strict boundaries and being clear about what you want, or being an asshole and going out of your way to fight with everyone on everything .

Having boundaries and being clear is being a good man.

Being an asshole and fighting everything is stupid, makes life harder and Jesus fuck are you a nuisance to be around. Had two assholes at work last year that were also a couple.

Sure assholes get what they want but they are black sucking holes.

[–]frognads0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well yeah if you feel it's too much just say nothing at all. Ghosting is so common though being upfront can probably be quite a shock to the system for most.

[–]mickenrorty0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never say something bluntly if I can deliver it in a way that doesn’t make me seem like an asshole...

[–]thiikn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just to add, smile as you greet other people. This is so powerful. I feel stupid for not doing it before.

[–]azynporter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Me personally, when I care it doesn’t get me anywhere. When I don’t give a shit all of a sudden people are mad. Like ok.

[–]omega050 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

how did you know this girl you unfollowed on IG? did she respond?

[–]wyota0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Asshole behavior is usually a sign of low T, or other hormonal problems, that you cam fix.

[–]PuppyPulverizer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Idk mate everyone calls me an asshole but everyone asks for my advice and am well liked by nearly all girls and most guys.

[–]Readdeo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, and it entertains me, and that makes me more of an asshole in others eyes, but also they like me more.

[–]mortalcoil10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Part of being an adult is having to be an "asshole" sometimes. Sometimes you have to make the hard decision. Sometimes you have to say the thing that nobody wants to hear and everybody else is too afraid to say.

In earlier times, adults were forged in the fire of hard work, no porn, no video games, dead children (lots and lots of dead children) and so many more hardships that shaped and molded men into men that this society has removed in the name of comfort.

That's why so many older military men act like "men." Very very few people in this society have had to make decisions that involve people living and people dying. People dying that they know and are close to.

but, also, don't be an asshole for asshole sake. Too many guys do that thinking they are "negging" when they are just being assholes.

[–]WiseAndHumbleDuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For me it's a realization that I'm a bit of an asshole now but now that I've took the red pill there's just no purpose or point in me going back to who I was before because it wouldn't benefit me in any way. I consciously know how I'm acting and know I can be an asshole but I can't imagine not doing it if that makes sense..

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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