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What advice to give to my dad?

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March 15, 2020
11 upvotes

My dad (45M) has been married for 10 years to his wife (32F). They have a 9 year old kid together. I am his son (22M) from his first marriage and lived with them all upon until now.

My dad is a beta and a pushover in the relationship. She's capable of insulting him in front of his employees and friends. He works in show business and helped her rise to relative stardom when she had nothing. They opened a company together and she attributes its success mostly to herself (she does bring in a lot of clients, but she wouldn't be anywhere without my dad investing in her early on and without him handling most of the operations of the business). Their kid (my step brother) sees the mother as the authority, not my father.

My dad goes on a one week binge drinking alcohol every 3-4 months. He does nothing but drink all day at home. He says it's sometimes because he fights with his wife, other times just because of something positive. She then gets extremely pissed at him and has warned him multiple times that she's going to get a divorce. They also don't even go out together, my dad prefers to watch a movie at home, while she goes outs with her "friends" to restaurants and clubs. They don't have much in common.

This year he has had 2 binges already, one in new years that lasted a week, and the other at the end of February that lasted 2-3 days. I walked in home one day after his February binge and she told me we had to move with my dad to our old apartment (which is half as small and far from the luxurious apartment they bought a year ago which we all lived in upon until now). I didn't think of this much as she has already said this before.

My dad started sleeping on the living room couch every day for weeks. Then March 8 (International Women's day) came around, which is a national holiday in my country. His wife traveled to a ski resort with their kid days before. My dad bought his wife a $7k watch as a gift and hopped on a plane right after work on the night of March 8th to surprise his wife and kid on the day of the holiday.

They returned and I could tell by my dad's face that he was not happy. He continued to sleep on the couch for days, until one day I couldn't find him in the apartment and asked my step brother where he was, to which he replied: "he left to the old apartment". That's when it him me and I realized its for real this time. She's not giving up. He returned and slept on the couch for another week with the hope that she changes her mind. She straight up told him that he shouldn't wait, her decision is not going to change. She asked him everyday to move. I helped him move his things today, I will be moving my things in the following days also.

Frankly, I think she's not attracted to him anymore and doesn't love him (she told him this). She attracted all possible resources from him, and now that she's relatively famous and earns good money, she decides to leave him. She believes she can find a better replacement. Many people that know my family circle have actually predicted this correctly.

I told him the following:

  • He shouldn't have left the apartment. If she wishes to leave, she's free to do so. She told him to "act like a man" and leave the apartment. The kid is attached to the mother, so my dad should think about their kid because it would be hard for the kid to move apartments and our current apartment is close to his school (she could've rented another apartment close to school, but anyways, that's what she said).

  • Start lifting. My dad is tall and has an attractive face, but he's a little overweight. Losing some kilos would improve his health and looks and its better than sitting at home watching tv shows and movies.

  • Dread. I told him not to initiate contact for at least 1-2 weeks. Business related only. Told him to act as if nothing happened when they have to see each other. I'm not sure if he will go along with this, but I really hope so.

  • TRP resources. I plan on giving him a recommendation for a TRP book. No More Mr Nice Guy or The Rational Male as a start.

I realize that his chances of getting her back are minimal, and he shouldn't be aiming for that anyways, but what other tips can I give my father so he can get back together and reestablish himself as an alpha in the relationship? My dad has gone through a divorce already, and if he gets divorced to his current wife his emotional state will go to shit, he will start drinking heavily, and their business will go to shit also.


Post Information
Title What advice to give to my dad?
Author DennisErectus
Upvotes 11
Comments 32
Date 15 March 2020 09:15 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/355100
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fj8q4i/what_advice_to_give_to_my_dad/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m going to give a bit of a different take. You see, you can’t change people. They have to want to do it. But you can start going with your dad to the gym. You can start getting a dinner with him and man to man give him some new realities of his situation. He can respond or not. That’s fine.

But you do not use the words red pill. You shut up about hypergamy. Instead you can talk bluntly, but realistically, and give him advice and counsel. You can start calling him for a few minutes every other day. “Hey dad, how’s it going.” Etc.

One warning, don’t let him drag you down too. People have to want to change. And you can’t change everyone.

[–]DennisErectus[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you!

But you can start going with your dad to the gym. You can start getting a dinner with him and man to man give him some new realities of his situation.

That's what I plan on doing.

You can start calling him for a few minutes every other day. “Hey dad, how’s it going.”

We are going to live in the same apartment, so he's going to be around most of the time.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then it's time to get some discipline for both of you.

[–]part_wolf8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Absolutely none of your advice matters if he doesn’t fix his drinking problem, and he has to want to fix his drinking problem.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a fact. Addiction will take everything from a man, no amount of gym time or sidebar helps until the drinking is addressed.

[–]Tyred_Biggums5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

There is nothing you can do. You can’t red knight him. You can’t force him to change his world view.

At best drop a copy of NMMNG on him anonymously.

Also - as hard as it may be don’t get wrapped up in his shit life or bad decisions.

[–]DennisErectus[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

There is nothing you can do. You can’t red knight him. You can’t force him to change his world view.

Men change. There are hundreds of posts of adult men finally swallowing the RP. I can't force him to drink water, but I can at least try bringing him a cup of water.

Also - as hard as it may be don’t get wrapped up in his shit life or bad decisions.

That is certain. My father has been a good example of how NOT to behave with women.

[–]Tyred_Biggums1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All those men knew something was wrong. Deep down they saw the glitch in the matrix so to speak

Has your dad? If not it will be a lost cause.

[–]Rock_Granite1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

What country has women's day as a national holiday?

[–]DennisErectus[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Russia

[–]Rock_Granite0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow. I had no idea.

[–]Serbianthuggger1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most of Eastern Europe too.

[–]TheBlockedUser1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best advice:

Ask him to get a new set of balls because it is a miracle he was able to produce 2 kids.

Good lord...

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck your stepmom, dude.

[–]helaughsinhidden6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

and post the video!?

[–]RoccoPinkman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why not, everybody else is

[–]nordicpolarbear1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He should move back in and then file for divorce and 50/50 custody and ask for everything under the sun to minimize the damage that he is about to take. Anything less than that and he might as well accept his fate.

[–]DennisErectus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Unfortunately, he's not going to move back. If he already moved his things, he's not going back. I advised him to do so also.

[–]Pola_Lita0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your father is an adult, as is his wife. Don't advise him unless he specifically asks for it and then do it only sparingly. Make sure that he eats, gets some exercise and knows you love him.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t RP someone... especially when you yourself do not even have a basic concept of what dread is

dread. I told him not to initiate contact for at least 1-2 weeks.

This is not dread. It’s weak.

Click For a better understanding of Dread levels

It doesn’t say anything about faking a social or sex life... because that’s a blue pill beta move.

[–]mrpmonk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have power over your mind - not outside events.

Realize this and you'll find strength

[–]razenha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

At this point, just get the best lawyer you can.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly it sounds like you need to go to Alanon.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your dad is beta. He is operating in her frame. You all are operating in her frame. You need to read the side bar. That will literally go (chapter/by-chapter) answering every single question you have as to what happening here. This is basic stuff, man. Read the books on the sidebar, here. Then, don’t ever tell you dad about any of it. Why? Because don’t RP your friends. It’s not worth it. And besides, this life is every man for himself. He should have found the RP years ago. But he isn’t searching the Internet for answers. He isn’t suicidally desperate looking for answers. He’s blissfully unaware and oblivious to what is happening, and what has happened every step of the way between his wife and him. Leave him. Learn from this. Wish nothing but the best. I know you want to protect him. If he has the gun loaded or the noose fastened to the attic door in the ceiling, then sure hand him it. Otherwise, he’s (extremely likely) too BP and beta to give this informations consideration. You read it. Learn from his mistakes. And live the life you want. I’d start with The Manipulated Man, and then Rollo year 1. Grab a coffee, be ready. Good luck.

[–]DennisErectus[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

You all are operating in her frame.

How do you figure that I'm operating in her frame?

Because don’t RP your friends.

This is my father. If there's a chance of helping him get rid of his BP ways, why not try at least? Men don't change? There are hundreds of posts on the RP of men that are in their 40s and 50s that swallowed the pill. I'm going to be living with him, his emotional state has an influence on me. I plan on pushing him to go to the gym, why can't I give him some RP advice?

[–]stoicstephen0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You both are operating in her frame because you both think that she is still worth it.

She is the prize for both of you.

Don't forget Iron Rule 7.

[–]DennisErectus[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My dad thinks she’s still worth it, I don’t.

Based on purely selfish thinking, it would be better for them to get back together so that I can remain in the new apartment, where I have much better living conditions.

[–]stoicstephen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't.

Build him up just enough so that he can get his own place.

He needs support from men now, and it happens to be you.

As long as he does not impact negatively on your mission then help him.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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