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I have to fake my personality around girls and it's exhausting

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March 15, 2020

Everyone knows girls are attracted to outgoing guys. I've always been quiet and introspective, but at some point I realized that wasn't going to get me laid.

So I started working out and developed a fake personality that I use around girls. This has been going on for a few years now, and while I've had success with it, it really drains me mentally.

As time passes I've had a harder time "staying in character".

Anyone developed a similar strategy? Did you eventually get over this?

Post Information
Title I have to fake my personality around girls and it's exhausting
Author ushirtrun
Upvotes 131
Comments 54
Date 15 March 2020 06:09 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–]throwawaycunt199753 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve done this shit. Frankly, while I got laid and even charmed my way into extensive resources, fuck it, I’d rather be authentic.

Stop worrying about pussy. Think of the massive extensive amount of time and resources you probably burn and will never get back just trying to stick your dick in a wet hole. Do you seriously need that right now?

Spend those resources on yourself. Work on being that authentic you that puts absolutely minimal effort into your game because you are seen as a god within a crowd and that girl is trying to appease to you and your frame as opposed to you just dancing around like a goddamn clown to be some girl’s pet monkey for a night. Really digest that thought. You’re exhausted and you don’t feel right because you are still making yourself out be some sort of tool just to get in their pants. Only you’re not a Lv. 1 Beta who fails miserably to get laid by being nice or spending money on her, you’re a Lv. 2 Beta who’s adapted a weaponized fake Alpha outer shell to temporarily appease her vagina. Guess what that means, buddy? You’re still a tool working for the vagina; you’re pedestalizing the pussy. Great work degrading yourself to human dildo; you think that inner Self, that subconscious true you appreciates that shit? Obviously not if you’re feeling like shit because of it.

Go to the gym, (edit: make a workout routine, bonus for buying equipment) work on your body, focus on your mind and spirit, and then authentically do something that gets your name out there for you that you actually enjoy. Find your damn purpose in life. Sex comes and goes, why waste all that effort for a 5 second dopamine rush when you can just do what you authentically enjoy with a purpose and those girls will be lining up to be that lucky sidekick that also gets to breed with you if you so goddamn choose.

Quit being a clown, hermano.

Edit: Adjusted for social isolation measures

[–]TheDero1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is going into my asktrp bible. Thank you for this

[–]BruhMoment4588691 points92 points  (11 children) | Copy

Heres the way I look at it. Getting pussy depends on your personality almost as much as your looks.

Both of those things overall arent really in your control.

Its just the way of life. Naturally extroverted calm guys get way more puss than people like you or me who are more introverted and do a lot of thinking.

Your personality just doesnt qualify for large amounts of puss. So you can either keep putting up a fascade and get laid or you can be true to yourself and not.

You can alter your personality somewhat which I'd advise you do but you cant really become the guy you're pretending to be naturally.

If you're exhausted take a break from women and when you get horny say hello to Mr. Extrovert again.

[–]Snowaey29 points30 points  (6 children) | Copy

This is pure speculation but,

Maybe you didn't/did socially interact alot during your childhood or got negative/positive reinforcement for expressing yourself which in turn, swayed you towards either being more extro-/introverted?

Or is there really not a reason at all for some people to be either extro-/introverted? I find that hard to believe, there surely must be a reason.

[–]TheDeadlyZebra9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm quiet and introverted. My mom claims that it began when I was a baby. I was immediately quiet and never cried loud enough for people to hear. She says my brothers cried loudly (and they are now loud adults).

However, growing up, my dad would punish us severely for saying the wrong things (often things that made no sense to the child mind, such as reflecting his racism and insecurities). My dad's bipolar aggression caused me to retreat further, both at home and at school. Basically I developed being even more quiet as a defense mechanism.

I believe your question is a false-dichotomy, but people tend to fall in either camp to a certain degree. Genetics predispose us, but experiences move us along the axis as well.

[–]Skylights100010 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely because of childhood experiences. Most of human history, everyone was pretty much forced to talked to each other and be social. Mostly because they didn’t have shit else to do.

[–]BorrowedSunshine5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Intro/extroversion is generally biological, being shy/outgoing is generally conditioned

[–]BruhMoment458860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mean you can be an outgoing introvert or a shy extrovert.

Introverts just get easily exhausted in social settings and it probably shows and lessens their game after a while making it less effective.

I guess I've always been an introvert but in also "shy" and I'm using trp to learn to be more social

[–]_GHOSTE_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This explains me perfectly its called being ambiverted

[–]Gorhu0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Could you maybe explain a little how you can be calm and extroverted at the same time ? because to me only introverts are calm.

[–]BeppeGrillo6661 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Basically it means that you don't mind being alone, but when it's time to hang out with people you're extrovert. Those are usually the people who live the best life.

[–]BruhMoment458860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It seems like to me that extroverts have less anxiety and dont overthink things

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

"In character" is a temporary stage of changing yourself.

In time, you will find ways of integrating what you want to do with who you want to be.

I am quiet and introspective. And it gets me hella laid.

[–]Pluglord2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do you do it?

[–]skippwiggins2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the best answer in here. Give it time OP, you will find yourself. We are what we think, say and do. That is truth. Give it time.

[–]WhatRemainsAfter11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are putting the pussy on pedestal and letting a hole decide which type of person you are.

It is not necessary to act like a clown to get laid. Stay true to yourself, ask questions, guide the conversation - this should get you laid more often than not allt his within frame and confidence.

No need to worry mate, you got it.

[–]PM_ME_CHILL_MUSIC38 points39 points  (0 children) | Copy

Work towards becoming the character you fake.

Nobody tells you to be around people 24/7, it's okay to have days where you are alone and focus on the stuff you enjoy. I had similar problem where I got drained from being around people too much, so I started to have at least one day by myself during the weekend, so I could enjoy being around people again

[–]1jacques_cousteau00748 points49 points  (13 children) | Copy

Wtf no

You ever seen the best tennis professionals in the world go against some amateur?

They hit the ball all across the court, which makes the amateur run around and get tired.

This also causes the amateur to not be able to put the return volley in the spots they want, they will only be able to hit the ball back to where the professional is already standing (center court), where the pro can hit it back to a hard spot and continue their dominance until they win the match.

Most importantly, the professional will play the entire match staying in more or less the same spot

Same thing goes for conversation. If you are a professional (high SMV, solid frame), the entire conversation will live in a frame where the pressure is on her.

Whenever there is a shit test or high pressure question, you as a TRP man are expected to navigate the convo into a frame where you are one step closer to bedding her.

The only time this will be difficult is with an alpha woman (another professional). But trust me, once you are ready for those, the thrill of victory makes the increased effort worth it.

Be a pro. Read the sidebar. Win the match.

[–]eeeehshure21 points22 points  (6 children) | Copy

Your answer is very irrelevant to what OP is asking.

[–]1jacques_cousteau00728 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why exhaust yourself being fake when you can be authentic and make the world adjust?

[–]throwawaycunt199712 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Big dick energy right there

[–]Pluglord3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is this basically the same concept from the book Models?

[–]skippwiggins9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can’t find a single way in which his comment is irrelevant.

[–]bluefingerblue4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP thinks he needs to be mr smooth outgoing dancing monkey guy around girls. Sometimes less is more. Once you figure out how to be the dancing monkey and get laid, try working towards a frame where they’re the dancing monkey and you can more or less kick back and observe.

[–]skippwiggins0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]LethalShade4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, your answer is strange but it's true. NEVER FAKE YOURSELF. This is never what dating strategy should've been. The most successful dating coaches are all introverts; thinking men do great with women. You don't have to fake being the center of attention guy to get women, I don't even understand how that works.

Personally I do best with women when I can have quiet conversations, clubs aren't my thing. Guess what? Thousands of ways to meet women through quiet conversation.

[–]Pluglord1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That sounds challenging. What do you do/say to a girl to keep her invested enough to make her fall for you while doing this (being quiet, laid back)?

[–]LethalShade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll use the title of the top current TRP post. You're not a clown, you don't need to entertain her. The same rules of game apply, you isolate her, get her talking about herself, tease her, touch her when appropriate, escalate, etc.

I personally supplement that with dressing well and having a constant sly/cocky smile and being quite forward and aggressive(while being calibrated/smooth, of course) and it works wonders. This is with me being such an introvert that I need a walk outside every hour if clubbing/walk around the bar by myself if I'm with friends.

[–]failingtheturingtest4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

justbeyourself #justwin

Not one piece of actionable advice. And a few pieces of fantasy bullshit.

[–]throwawaycunt19970 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just be your *best self. You know that Jungian concept of Self? Specifically that ideal Ego where you’re like a rock star or champion or some shit; that boner inducing image you have in your mind’s eye? Yeah, chances are you evolved that capability for fantasy so you could act on making it a reality. And why evolve that, you might ask? Gee idk, reproduction probably?

Unleash that true Alpha self so you can effortlessly pillage the land. Or not. Less competition for me dawg

[–]Kidterrific0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like this.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell no bro..,just be you and maintain a strong frame and accept yourself. If a girl likes that, fine. If she doesn’t, also fine. Don’t be outcome dependent. You’ll find you’ll do a lot better with girls and everyone else in your life this way.

[–]mikkeldaman9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

The moment you said that you fake your social persona it was clear to me that you lost. Girls, sure, love an outgoing guy. Actually everyone, even guys love an outgoing guy. But girls will also be quite kind and generous with introvert guys who display social capabilities. What they are not so quick to forgive is a deceitful person. If you mislead them by making them think you are this awesome sociable person only to fail every single of their shittests, then you're in for some serious crap.

[–]CareIsMight2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you putting on this 'mask', so to speak, so you can pretend to be this outgoing character since it's not who you truly are deep inside?

IMO, socialisation, needs to be done on your terms. You shouldn't have to be faking anything, instead it is more about integrating certain characteristics that are beneficial to your own sexual strategy that may not otherwise come naturally to you and seeing that integration process as a positive one.

You should be leading the conversations and interactions and drawing them into the aura in which you create. This is all about holding frame and not allowing it to crumble under the weight of any other individual's pressure. In any case, you can learn how to seamlessly switch characters (e.g. become more assertive when the situation calls) without it having a drain on yourself, it's simply another well-developed aspect of yourself that you can turn to. If you are naturally quiet and introspective and don't derive a lot of pleasure or value from social interactions, there is still a positive benefit of being more approachable, open and interactive in situations where you want to attract the opposite sex for potential relationships, companionship, etc...

Perhaps you are putting on this personality and it's draining because it's not your natural response to the environment/situation, you would be more relaxed if they were more normal/natural responses. For me practice makes perfect. I used to be shy, insecure and uncomfortable, and at times I still am if I'm not 100% completely to be in the mood at a social gathering, however I've improved tremendously over the last few years from being semi-recluse to a lot more open and willing to have new experiences in environments where I'd otherwise not want to have.

[–]QuinlanBothese2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't fake you have to build on congruency only that will give you honest feedback.

[–]bilabrin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Girls like confident guys for one main reason...confident guys are not hiding anything. They open up without fear of judgement.

Your problem is not who you are, it's your lack of embracing it passionately.

Think about what you truly get passionate about, express that fearlessly and without shame and bring them into your flow. When they see you not hiding, they will be attracted to the realness you shamelessly embrace and express.

I got vibes from gorgeous women talking loudly to a friend about Path of Exile, an online game, because I lit up when I spoke and they could see that I loved what I was talking about and was in flow state.

If they don't resonate, cool, talk to more....people!

You need to up your social interactions in general. Talk to more people every day. Make more friends and aquantances. I can't remember the last weekend I spent alone and not with one of my social groups.

Board game night at church 2 weeks ago. Poker at my house last Saturday, work party Thursday night. Meeting up with the team last night.

I'm telling you that if you talk to a lot of people you beging to unwind and you'll find people you really like an you'll find fulfillment too.

Embrace your true passion and start meeting up with groups of different people as much as possible.

[–]user201806201 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I second this advice.

Massive volume of new people ... You'll find the ones to vibe with... And they are easy and fun to be around. Even for an introvert.

[–]omegaXXIV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you think of this personality as "fake," you're already putting an obstacle in front of yourself. You'll be second-guessing yourself every time to the detriment of your game, which is probably why you say you feel mentally drained.

Everyone acts different around others. The way you act with your boss is not the same way you act around your friends is not the same way you act around your parents is not the same way you act around strangers. You probably don't think of that as "fake" because you've done it for so long it has become second nature. This is no different, it's just a matter of practice and, for lack of a better term, "fake it until you make it."

[–]BangkokNoob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Watch this video, This is the method i use. You come in strong and slowly lower your energy

[–]user201806200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of good stuff in this thread. Here's my 2 cents.

A personality has many facets. For example, sometimes it is perfectly natural and energizing to talk at length, excitedly, about something. That happens when you're genuinely excited about it. E.g. if you love football, you could spend 30 minutes going on and on about the NFL vs xfl and why it's good or bad, etc.

At other time, and with other subjects, it take huge effort to stay focused in the conversation. E.g. talking about accounting methods for stock transactions.

So it's a mistake to say categorically that you are "introverted" or "shy" or"low energy".

I think of it as a mixing desk... Like in a music studio. You can amp up or dial back any facet of your personality.

In game, I tend to amp up my extravert persona quite a bit. Also I amp up my enthusiasm (I'll be more likely to use superlative language about normal stuff). Etc.

This is admittedly tiring.

My best guess is that as we improve at game... We do less amping up... And more dialing back.

E.g. instead of amping up my extraverting. I would use my baseline, and dial back my shyness.

Or instead of amping up my enthusiasm... I'd dial back my default restraint.

So that framing means that it can be easier in the long run... Because I don't have to push myself to be fake... I just mute the facets that are unattractive.

Another example... I often have no opinion on where to eat. Genuinely. So at first... I might have to take having a massive preference and force the group to go my way.

But later, I can have a low key preference... But I mute my natural deference, and state my opinion. So lower energy... But same results.

Or something like that.


[–]idontevenlift370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In my opinion not giving a fuck is more effective than being outgoing. Obviously if your goal is to get pussy or spin a lot of plates then yeah you’re gonna have to be at least somewhat outgoing. But it’s not worth that much effort in my opinion. Being comfortable with your own personality and not caring what others think is more effective in my opinion.

[–]limbojunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm an ambivert, I like socialising but I need to recharge my end of the day so I live alone. I find it exhausting to act social and extrovert and find out that not all people deserve it. Recently, I only socialize and act as an extrovert when there are interesting people or attractive women I want to impress. Meanwhile, my coworkers are a bunch of awkward slums who respond to any question by one or two words. I stopped trying to socialize with them and kept communication to the minimum because they just drain my battery without and gains. They realized I changed my attitude towards then and started acting differently but screw then I don't care about them.

Treat your extrovert persona as money, only spend it on the right things.

[–]party_dragon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

YaReally goes into a lot of detail here.

TL;DR: it's not about being introverted (which he calls "laconic", low-energy, like James Bond) vs outgoing (which he calls "verbose", high-energy, like Russel Brand), but about being passive (reactive, following) vs pro-active (leading the conversation, influencing the environment, pushing the interaction).

[–]Ash_thearcher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t beat yourself up by saying you are using a “fake” personality. It sounds like you are an introvert who has made some honest strives to be more outgoing and extroverted. Congratulations, most people are too lazy or too afraid to do this, and use their introversion as an excuse to stay at home, play cod and jack off.

It’s draining because as an introverted person you get energy from more introverted activities. That’s cool. It means even MORE that you take the extra step to be outgoing. Look in any college class that has a lot of people. You’ll see a bunch of kids who want to talk and be friends, but the entire semester passes by and most of them don’t because they’re all hoping someone else will take the first step.

Don’t look at it as a “fake” personality. You are practicing a skill. Being extroverted, being the one who is outgoing and the one who initiating things, this is a skill that you are simply practicing. Why do I say this? Because so many people WISH they could do these things, but don’t because they can’t get out of their own head and can’t work up the courage.

[–]Japaliicious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm quiet and do just fine. Up yourself, not just your game

[–]empatheticapathetic2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah OP just be as good looking as this guy.

[–]_-resonance-_0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

TRP is not about getting puss. It’s about becoming the best you can be, offering women a masculine frame for them to relax into. If you are trying in any way to appease women in order to get puss, you’ve already lost.

[–]Pluglord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Give an example of offering women a masculine frame

[–]Rodent90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then don’t

[–]TreatYouLikeAQuean0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Disagree. I'm introverted no doubt although I do initiate conversations because I like to pick people's brains. Have not had an issue and never considered it necessary to "fake extroversion" to make a girl attracted to me.

Dude, physical attraction is like the number 1 thing anyway. If you find yourself relying on "staying in character" it sounds like you're treating yourself like a jester and not relying on the strong traits that TRP emphasizes to develop (confidence, physique, overall fashion/hygiene).

[–]Pluglord0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Even if you look decent and groomed. You still have to know what to say and how to say it to get a girl invested. Especially when you’re running low energy game.

[–]bilabrin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Non-neediness, sincerity, passion, eye-contact, active listening, screening and validation, kino, leading and decisiveness. It's not a trick, it's practice, reflection, experience and knowing what you want.

[–]Drive_Thru_Sushi-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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