I am not sure if I should marry my fiancé - advice needed, new to RPC

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March 15, 2020
4 upvotes

I have always been quite interested in the red pill theory but I only very recently got completely sold. My current fiance is not that redpill, he is somewhere in the middle I would say, so he must be the closest to being purple pilled. We are planning to get married in June this year and we got engaged in January. I definitely do not want to change him and make him conform to what I believe in. But I dont really want to leave him either. I suppose if I were the one wearing the trousers in this relationship things would have been much easier but being the one whos supposed to play the female role I have no idea what I should do.


Post Information
Title I am not sure if I should marry my fiancé - advice needed, new to RPC
Author isaiahsixtyone
Upvotes 4
Comments 20
Date 15 March 2020 03:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/355271
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/fivfx1/i_am_not_sure_if_i_should_marry_my_fiancé_advice/
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Comments

[–]OsmiumZulu9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

If it's not a "hell yes!" It's a no. Next and move on.

[–]RedPillWonder0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If it's not a "hell yes!" It's a no.

I'll repeat my call for having this as a banner across the site once a month. :)

[–]Red-Curious9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

To say in slightly longer fashion what /u/OsmiumZulu already said: However you're feeling now, expect it to get worse after marriage - especially if your guy doesn't know how to generate the types of feeling and support you will need long-term to remain attracted to and interested in him. If you've got some buffer on the low end and are willing to take that chance that even after the emotional fade-away hits you'll still want to be with him ... that's your call. But if you're already questioning things now, that's not boding well for things and it's not a chance I would want to take.

[–]hopeunseen5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Based on my own experience getting married too soon, I would encourage you to wait until you feel totally confident before entering into marriage. Nothing wrong with extending the engagement while you figure this out.

Next, I'd honestly just tell him you want to

  • A) Make sure you're the most amazing wife possible for him
  • B) Make sure you guys are on the same page about your roles and expectations of each other.

Let him know that you found this thread and you really really want to take apply these concepts int your marriage, and it would mean the world to you if he would read through the sidebar so you guys can talk about it together, because you really want to know what HE THINKS.

Approach it from the angle of submission "I really like the way this thread thinks about marriage, but I want to know what YOU think because I trust you as the leader in our relationship, and want to serve you as your future wife" - So that you empower him to lead.

Good luck

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don't think you necessarily need to next him like everyone is saying, but you do need to learn how to encourage (not force) him to take the reigns in the relationship if you want to succeed in the long term and not just find someone else to marry.

One way to do this is to always "bow lower" (e.g. submit to his submission) if he brings out his own submissive attitude wants you to make the decision. Example:

"I like it when you take charge and make the decisions"

If he's really beat down in his decision making, he might say "but I want to know what you think" in which case you should not offer a decision (because he will pick that one) but go over some pros of one decision and pros of another. "I like this because [insert opinion] and I like this other because [insert opinion]. They're both good options to me." Then he will have to pick between them making it actually his decision. If you did prefer one over the other but they are both good choices, just bite the bullet.

Then actually follow it up with more encouragement, appreciation, and gratitude showing that you like his decision either way (even if you didn't like it). Might be awkward at first, but practice it is good.

Notice throughout the wifely parts of the interactions, the wife is not telling her husband what to do ("I like it when you make decisions"). She's basically putting the ball back in his court by talking about herself and encouraging him at the same time. This is different from focuses on what the husband is not doing which is similar to and often comes off as nagging ("you should make the decisions" which is similar to nagging "you should do this and that"). The "you" is more accusatory and trying to directly influence what the husband is doing and comes off as disrespectful which directly sabotages what the wife wants to do.

Once a man gets some good decisions under his belt, he's much more likely to start to take hold of it and run with it. Men that are beat down by the society, culture, and even the Church about decision making will be very hesitant and will often think to defer to their woman/wife. They need encouragement to take the baby steps sometimes. They're not going to get it anywhere else except from their woman/wives in most cases.

[–]isaiahsixtyone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for your advice.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Well, you could introduce him to RP in a non-confrontational way ... like, "Look at this crazy website I stumbled across!" Then let him do his own reading and come to his own conclusions.

Also, read Proverbs 31, which I think is a beautiful description of the wife's role. She is not a passive little nobody, sitting at home while her husband makes all of the decisions for her! Nope, she out there in the world, operating in her own sphere, buying land and running businesses as well as her own household, and she's a credit to her husband as a result.

I believe you can be a dynamic woman; however, it's key that you find a man whose mission matches or complements yours, so you are pulling in the same direction, working together toward the same goals. Some of the happiest marriages I've seen involve couples who farm or run a business together.

Finally: do not marry if you have doubts.

[–]RedPillWonder0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

"Look at this crazy website I stumbled across!"

Are you saying some of us are crazy? ;)

Finally: do not marry if you have doubts.

This.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are you saying some of us are crazy? ;)

Relax; we're all crazy here! It's not a competition. ;-)

[–]RedPillWonder0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I know, it was a playful comment. I hope you and Nyquil are doing well!

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Likewise, and same to you and your mate!



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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