How do you call out fake crying without putting your career into jeopardy?

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March 19, 2020
64 upvotes

I work with mainly women, and I know this might not be the right place for the question, but I just thought I'd ask since a lot of the advice that I get from here is truly awesome.

How do you call out emotional blackmailing in the form of fake crying in an office setting without coming off as an idiot?

How would you handle the situation described?

How do you call out fake crying without putting your career into jeopardy?


Post Information
Title How do you call out fake crying without putting your career into jeopardy?
Author sweely
Upvotes 64
Comments 47
Date 19 March 2020 12:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/356121
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fl96d7/how_do_you_call_out_fake_crying_without_putting/
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Comments

[–]empatheticapathetic95 points96 points  (4 children) | Copy

Appear like a victim yourself. But really there’s nothing you can do. I lost my last job due to a woman refusing to train me and manipulating the facts for her leisure.

Being a victim before she does is the only thing that might work.

[–]somebullshitrp68 points69 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahh, what a time to be alive.

[–]Duats18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is sad bur true to an extent.

[–]PandaLitter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

More info??

[–]academicRedditor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is how it works: https://youtu.be/2tIrFAe1yx4

[–]amwfhunter23 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

Depends on your position in the company. I run into this a lot but I'm also one of the owners and the principal of two locations so I hear stuff a lot. I usually try to objectively identify the true issue and either find a solution to which they agree and take responsibility. This method can be used as a negotiating chip when shit hits the fan later.

It really depends on the situation there is no specific answer. But usually my solutions involve getting them in a process where they agree to do something or I get them into a dichotomous choice to which both choices have one benefit and one downside for her. In general. When it comes to conflict with others in the office (both women), I sometimes get them to purposely fight to create discord and chaos then "solve" it to become like the hero. Women tend to love one person one day and hate them another.

In your case where are an employee, I say limit what you say. Never bad mouth anyone. Keep neutral and tabs on trouble makers. Know who has the power in the office and gain their favor without brown nosing but through merit and work. You pretty much have to play a social chameleon. Read 48 laws of power.

[–]a-large-L4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of this 100%, 48 laws of power is a gift.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

purposely fight to create discord and chaos then "solve" it to become like the hero

where do you work, and where have you worked, and where do you plan on working, so i never end up around you

thats some tryhard beta toxic shit

[–]amwfhunter1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You probably arent qualified enough to work with me.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

so it would suck for you to work with me as well. In other words, it would be in your favor to tell me

[–]Pycnostyle34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

Before I answer your question directly, I'm going to ask you the following: If this is happening so often that you felt the need to ask the Internets how to handle the situation, are you sure this job is part of your life mission? To work at a company where chicks cry to get out of working and then you have to do their job for them? I have to believe you're working below your capabilities if you have such ineffective coworkers. Update your resume.

Okay, when this happens, your job is to be the compassionate voice of reason. And remember, when you are acting in good faith, the truth is always your friend.

  • Calling out a chick for "fake crying" is going to go really poorly for you in most work environments. Unless you know something I don't about your company culture, I strongly recommend against taking a confrontational frame here.
  • If crying chick is too emotional to talk, offer her some time to get her shit together: "Hey, why don't you take a few minutes for some self-care? No, really, it's okay. We're humans, not robots."
  • If she's trying to get out of doing any work, you can easily make her look unreasonable if she is being unreasonable. Invite her to list out her work responsibilities and how much time each of them takes her (presumably your mutual boss is present) if she's overwhelmed. Maybe she's spending too much time on something unimportant that just doesn't need to happen at all? Maybe some stuff is truly some other person's or department's responsibility? Maybe she needs to offload something temporarily with a set end date? Maybe she's really trying to get out of doing any work at all? Doesn't matter which. Just lay it all out there and the truth will come out.

Again, always a compassionate tone of trying to help her and the company. But again, make sure you proceed in a way that exposes any bullshit she might be slinging.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

f she's trying to get out of doing any work, you can easily make her look unreasonable if she is being unreasonable. Invite her to list out her work responsibilities and how much time each of them takes her (presumably your mutual boss is present) if she's overwhelmed. Maybe she's spending too much time on something unimportant that just doesn't need to happen at all? Maybe some stuff is truly some other person's or department's responsibility? Maybe she needs to offload something temporarily with a set end date? Maybe she's really trying to get out of doing any work at all? Doesn't matter which. Just lay it all out there and the truth will come out.

absolute honest voice of reason & diplomacy, well said

[–]Iluvalmonds8313 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m a huge fan of acting like a professional robot at work. You do not call out or respond directly at all to a coworker having an emotional outburst. Silently walk away and refuse to engage further with the employee.

Then go make a statement about what happened (only talking about facts, leave your feelings/assumptions/etc out of the statement) to HR Just to get documentation on it, even if nothing becomes of it.

Proceed to Refrain from engaging with that person about anything outside of necessary work related communications. You don’t have to be friendly with any of these coworkers, just professional.

[–]drqxx21 points22 points  (6 children) | Copy

Ignore them.

[–]RPOpenUp6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Exactly what I thought,

How do you treat a kid that's crying?

Ignore

[–]beginner_-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Assuming you want your kid to be mentally damaged you are right.

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Look up how to train a dog.

You give positive reinforcement for good behavior, and if you KNOW they're fucking with you on purpose, ignore it.

Go back to training them how you want them to be, don't bitch about the bad behavior. Lead them in the right direction.

Humans are just the same. Train them to treat you well with positive reinforcement. Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

[–]beginner_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Humans aren't dogs but regardless is your goal to raise a well behaving child or one that thinks and stands up for himself? Behavior doesn't tell you about how a person actually feels and thinks.

Studies show that positive reinforcement (eg. treats, praise,...) have considerable negative effects. Less than beating a child and different but still considerable and relevant. Positive reinforcement greatly lowers childrens intrinsic motivation (very relevant for your mission!). It leads to a self-centered thinking pattern of "What is in for me if I do this?". And not about joy or own interests.

[–]flying-backflip3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best response.

[–]philltered1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Occam's razor ftw

[–]Obnoxiousjimmyjames5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Could you imagine being in a work environment where someone CRIES!????

Unless you’re a quarter million dollars in debt and a single mother who needs this job desperately and just found out you got fired...

There. Is. Absolutely. Nothing. To. Cry. About. At. Work.

This just shows poor self management and lack of emotional intelligence. Wow. Is this really a thing??

[–]latinasonly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

amen . and if soneone else is crying and it does not involve you - stay out of it .

[–]cglehosit10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Perfect place to ask. If you are in a career, this scenario is extremely unlikely, so you ignore and document a report for HR. If you are NOT in a career job (like service industry or something temporary), you comfort the gal and fuck her after clocking out.

[–]sweely2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

This literally happened to me a while ago. A girl was fake crying - in order to manipulate my superior - into offloading her work role onto me.

My boss didn't have the backbone to confront her (or he was being smart) - but either way - it was abuse by proxy and a really crazy way of basically allowing a form of emotional abuse to take place.

How would the HR report look? What would be the "reason"?

Workplace harassment?

[–]cglehosit11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t think of this as emotional abuse, that’s immature child talk. Privately talk with your supervisor, say things like, “so with this new workload, am I getting a raise?” or “when can I expect my work load to return to normal? 2 weeks?” If your supervisor is a male, yes you are correct, he’s being intelligent and hoping you bail him out. Generally this sort of behavior from the woman is NOT the first time, so just call up HR and let them know. They might go, “ah, yes that makes sense and we know what you’re saying” and then you’ll get socially rewarded for sticking it out. OR they’ll want you to just document time, place, setting, and who was in the room. BUT talk to supervisor first, you don’t want to come across as going over his head.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]1Terminal-Psychosis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And have other options lined up in case they still won't budge.

[–]PRW632 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You either live with it or leave. That is the reality of it. You are never going to win playing the victim even if you legitimately are one. You are male, you don't count, only women, and others who intersectionally fit into a protected victim group, can play the victim.

The feminine primary social order (partnered with political correctness) is bigger than you are you are going to have to smartly choose your battles and have the foresight to place yourself in a proper context/environment and the smarts to not put yourself in a bad context/environment.

[–]GushKaka4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore

[–]Bouttheactivities2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't touch that shit with a 10 ft pole in today's world.

[–]Houston2NYC1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You gotta start recording every conservation in the event that you’ll have to prove your innocence. It’s really the only way. Because an individual such as this will inevitably take these falsehoods to HR one day if she hasn’t already.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How you handle that situation depends, to a great degree, on the nuance of that particular situation.

Want to be more specific?

[–]Domebeers1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol don't bother hoss.

I'm a "boss" at my place. If a staffer starts crying I tell them to pull themselves together, there is no crying at work, and I move on to the topic at hand. I don't get sidetracked by the crying.

If you are not a boss at your work I would be careful about saying anything. You haven't given us enough details to give you a good answer anyway. Are you at a small place, big place, your role, etc. IE you need to actually describe the situation because your description is too vague to be of any value.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's almost like they wrote a book about it...

Either you don't care, or you should do something about it. Don't be a passive participant if it is affecting you though.

Make others come to you. Conceal your intentions Speak like others but think for your self Avoid the unhappy or unlucky Pose as a friend work as a spy Keep your hands clean.

Befriend said chick. Get her to play up her actions and tell her she's should not take shit from anyone. Meanwhile build a case of her poor performance and horrible work ethic that when the time comes gets magically dropped on managements proverbial desk. Tell her you'll help her with projects and fuck them up but leave no trace so they look like she fucked them up. Your goal should be to have leverage so that when the right moment occurs, you look great and she takes the fall.

I once got an executive VP to stand up, proclaim a massive problem had been found and that he was ready to show proof of it. He laid it all out and then in true Perry Mason pointed it all at me, "McGill's group did it!"

Except I knew what he was up to and had it all documented so right after he dropped his bomb I stood up and said, "well yeah it's mostly true, except Ive sent about 10 emails to his department explaining that it came from his division and it was only our problem because we had the channels to fix it."

Now I knew I'd get in trouble for not elevating it, but the price for him to pay when he had such a major loss of reputation would be worth it.

The CTO called me in his office after he dressed me down in front of everyone. He smirked at me and said, "that was ugly"

"had to be done"

"get out of here" and he laughed.

My reputation was stellar after that.

[–]fannyfire1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Save yourself the trouble of working with women by getting into a career with little to no women.

[–]sweely0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

And what would that be for example? Any suggestions?

[–]fannyfire1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Anything that requires strength or physical labor for starters. I worked with only a few women as a welder. They didn’t last long and the ones that did weren’t drama queens. Anything that is creative or literary based will be full of women. Think about writing, psychology, marketing and etc. Jobs like that are full of women. Then you’ve just got your basic unskilled labor like retail. They are always going to have women because it’s easy menial labor. STEM careers are a hit or miss because certain careers like biology and medicine are attractive to women. However, careers that are data driven like analysis or programming tend to have more men but also include women that are less likely to be the cunty types you deal with elsewhere since they have analytical skills.

[–]sweely0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. Thinking of getting into data analytics in that sense.

Because plain digital marketing (which is what I've been working with) has been insufferable.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t

[–]theUnBannableHulk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

🦆

[–]Monitorul0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Call them out on it being unprofessional and not workplace conduct, just look at them and flatly say "This is extremely unprofessional." Other than that ignore. Additionally, baiting them to break out of their fake crying facade can also work, but it's tricky.

[–]bandraboyz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on the situation. So if you're right, then what you can do is confront the people with what you feel. I would tell them with a serious tone and low voice that "If the dispute or whatever the issue is going to be solve on the basis of women crying or getting emotional without confronting and discussing the matter then other employees are in trouble." and would request them to delay the confrontation unless she is ready to talk.

[–]frognads0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Make friends with the right people in management, and IT.

Corporate politics isn't too different to court politics.

[–]breakdatass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A woman once went around the office crying to everyone that another colleague had upset her, she came up to me crying.

I just laughed at her face and said something a long the lines of he is doing his job.

She got up left and never said anything about it.

That likely doesn't help you aha

[–]latinasonly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

stay out of other peoples arguments and problems unless it affects you . If this affects you , stand up for your interests politely and firmly without insulting or getting confrontational

" If stacy is trying to offload her work duties on you , your calm and firm response should be - you have your job you are paid to do and it wouldnt be fair to give you more/different than work than what your already responsible for. "

no need to insult anyone or call out any fake crying or whatever . let your employer deal with that BS . when you know whats right stick to your guns and it will be stronger than any fake crying emotional BS.

my 2 cents boys.

[–]FemtoG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

mind your own business and its your fault for not being good enough to work somewhere better (where employees are not insane and bosses sniff such falsehoods out)

[–]PRW63-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't have to.

Treat it like the crying doesn't change things no matter if fake or real. Then you never have to deal with if it is fake or not.



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