I accepted the Red Pill early on. I was 17 actually.
However, for a good amount of my life, I was awkward, weak bodied, weak minded, and struggled to talk to people. And even after I joined the military and gained 20 lbs, I still had lingering issues with interacting. I wasn’t good at reading social cues, or asking the right questions, or building verbal rapport with people. When I did finally begin learning how to do those things, my way of interacting, although it worked, was still just a bit too sterile, too formal. You see, my issue lay in the fact that if I didn’t know someone very well, things like charm and wit just wouldn’t show. If I tried faking them, it would only make things worse.
So when I heard that there were all kinds of ways that “conversation” could lead to sex, I didn’t really like it. I didn’t like the idea of doing the one thing I didn’t like, talking, to get the girl. But I tried nevertheless. I tried “spicing things up” and “introducing a little danger” into my interactions with women, but I was stiff and ill at ease, and even though it worked more often than it didn’t, I felt like a an actor putting on an act. It took a lot of work to talk a girl into bed.
I went through a pretty long dry spell. Nine months of training in the military, and very strict rules about “fraternization.” You know, the usual shit. And I proceeded to fall out of practice when it came to “running game,” or at least that’s what I thought. I felt that I was generally out of touch with a side of me that could “charm a room.” But this was just the first step to completely purging myself of PUA bullshit.
After training, I met a girl. And I was verging on MGTOW by this time, so I wasn’t looking, but she’d caught my attention. She was petite, but fit, brunette, piercing grey blue eyes. High energy, upbeat. I liked her “vibe” as people say. I didn’t really realize it at the moment, but even though we hardly even talked, (and when we did it was pretty much about nothing,) she was becoming increasingly more comfortable with increasingly more physical contact. See, I’d decided to not try to say much, and maybe even be a little aloof, but at the same time, I wasn’t trying to suppress my attraction for her. When we finally hung out one on one, it was she who’d invited me. Took me off guard for a moment, until I realized I’d been withholding just enough for her to want more.
When our day together started drawing to a close, I decisively ended my dry spell. And honestly, it seemed like a fluke at first. I thought, ‘I hardly said anything.’ And that was true. We talked very little, and when we were talking, we were talking about stupid shit that had nothing to do with anything, the delivery guy’s weird mustache, the floor tiles, the fucking weather, but there was heavy eye contact, tons of kino, and an unspoken but very noticeable tension that had been building up since we’d first met. And that’s when it hit me.
My physical actions, the way I behaved, regardless of what words came out of my mouth, were completely congruent with my attraction to this girl. And that was the most important game discovery that I’ve made to date. I might have said, “I think the temperature dropped a little,” but what I felt was, “I want to fuck you and I’m okay with that.” Probably for the first time, I let that masculine energy just sort of bleed out of me, and it proved effective in an almost unintentional way.
Since then, I’ve been operating this very same way with girls that catch my eye. I’m not a talker, I’m not some improv guy, or standup comedian. I’m too stoic, and a little too quiet and traditional to be the dancing monkey. And that’s just fine. I’ve cultivated this strategy, shaped it, built on it. These days I tend to be a kind of “insider” so to speak. What I mean by that, is that in situations where guys are clamoring for a girl’s attention, telling jokes and being loud and entertaining, I’m the one already taking her hand, dancing with her, kissing her. And while she laughs at and humors the guys entertaining her, they wonder why they’re still so far away and I’m so close. It’s because they were too busy trying to talk her into bed to act. The more frequent your small escalations, the more comfortable she will be with the large ones. So start small but start early.
I’m writing this mostly to say that if you’re like me, and I guarantee a lot of you are, you don’t have to change. Find your mode of operation. There’s not one right way to do things, only one foundational principle that women will remain governed by the evolutionary tendencies coded into their DNA to aid in their survival in a pre-industrial world. There are more ways to be attractive than to be a social butterfly. That’s only one of many archetypes available to channel.
This also goes to prove that there’s always more to learn. I could’ve sworn that, in my mid twenties, I was so much more experienced than I was at 17. But I still had more room to grow. A lot more. I’ve discovered my own avatar, one that suits me, not someone I have to give myself a headache trying to be.
Find your avatar.
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