TL:DR; In a recent stand up performance a comedian (white) encounters a heckler who responds to his vocal impression of black men. Audience becomes tense as it recognizes the provocation, but comedian handles it like a judo master, turning it into a hilarious back-and-forth.

Excellent frame holding example versus Michael Richards in 2006, in the same venue.

Stand up comedy is great and while I love to watch when a comic has polished a bit and perfected the timing; it's also great to watch a regular show in front of an audience with some improvisation. Jerry Seinfeld once said that you can "feel the audience." When a bit doesn't land right the room cools down and gets quiet. Comics loathe this. A room full of constant small laughter with crescendos of roaring amusement is the goal.

The downside to a regular audience routine is that some people heckle. They feel they need to shout out comments or jeers from the safety of the dimly lit crowd. Fucking cowards, I say, and disruptive and annoying to the people who paid to be entertained. Nevertheless, hecklers are a fact of life and one of the tests of a stand up comic is how they deal with someone trying to break their comedic frame.

In the example the first thing he says in response to the heckler was "... that's how this is gonna work right now." An interesting sentence to use. Even though it is just a joke he is making himself the rule maker. He is in charge of the interaction. At 1:16 he even acknowledges the awkwardness of the situation and keeps people laughing. Then at 1:30 makes fun of the heckler's voice and wants to listen to him talk, putting the pressure on the heckler. At 1:38 the crowd really feels the tension. The heckler is challenging the frame of the comic. The comic deftly responds by maintaining his frame and using a call-back - mentioning a punchline from earlier in the performance. When the heckler demands he "tilt it down" he just rips into him and carries on spinning a joke as easily as a spider spins her web. At 2:44 he allows the heckler to save face by approving it, and he responds with "Excellent!"

The comic didn't get flustered. Didn't get offended. Didn't become defensive. Never altered his body posture to indicate discomfort. Was completely comfortable and at ease throughout the exchange including breathing and eye blinking. Had a smile on his face. Made eye contact. Kept chuckling. Kept his wits and was thinking quickly on his feet. Doubled down on his black-man's voice, didn't refrain from using it in fear of offending a black guy. Turned the tables on the heckler but gracefully allow him to save face at the end. This guy has superior frame.

Compare it to Michael Richards whose career by the way, pretty much never recovered in the 9 years since that incident. Importantly, the venue is the same. Although that video doesn't show the build up to the outburst it does show that he is agitated, pacing like a frantic animal, defensive, not laughing, not smiling, not calm, not breathing comfortably, not relaxed, not cracking jokes but just screaming and losing it. Eyes wide. Thirty seconds in there was a brief sliver of time when he could have recovered and played it off, but he was out of control. He lost his frame. He starts arguing with the heckler, people are getting offended, upset, people stand up to walk out. The heckler won and broke Richards's frame. Does anyone know or care who the heckler was? Richards was on stage, he was in charge, therefore he is to blame. He lost his career because of this incident.

A few years ago Jerry did an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee - with Richards in which he talks about how that night "broke him." He thanked Jerry for standing by his side. The conversation is extremely awkward as Jerry has said in interviews for years that it's time for Michael to get over it and do comedy again. Richards has taken on this air of atonement. He wants everyone to know that he is sorry, so sorry. But to the perpetually offended no amount of apology is ever enough. Richards in a way accepted his pariah status. He's done some bits for Jerry's show here and there but he hasn't taken the stage back, as far as I know.

Lesson Learned: This is a reminder about the importance of maintaining frame. It doesn't matter if you are a comedian, a college president, a Nobel Laureate, a guy who lands spacecraft on asteroids, or anything and everything in between. Guys who lose frame get gutted. You can't possibly say the right thing to everyone, all of the time. Sooner or later someone will get offended and try to trip you up, because as a man of value you have something to lose and some people would love to watch your world burn. Your job, your social standing, your control of the relationship, your command of the ship, your leadership of the company, etc. It's your challenge to stay in control of yourself. Control your body posture, breathing, gaze, smile, gestures. Be witty when wit is called for. Be logical when logic is called for. Be stoic when stoicism is called for.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I hope it was useful to you.