I keep hearing the term : "It's always your fault" all the time, but often it gets misunderstood.

"My girfriend dumped me / Wife divorced me" - Your fault.

"My parents were abusive to me as a child" - Your fault. (Seriously WTF? Well unless you are Hindu or Buddhist or some mystic who can find out what you did in your past lives to deserve this...)

"I'm wasting my life" - Your fault (well yes, in this case, it almost always is)

"I'm not genetically gifted with a superstar body and looks" - Your fault

"My friend turned to alcohol and drug abuse and died" - Your fault. (The Hell? I didn't make him drink!)

"I lost my job due to the recession" - Your fault

Fault is NOT a synonym for responsibility. Fault is explicitly a blame word, used when you have made a mistake, for the purpose of stimulating a feeling of guilt. I don't know who used the word fault in the first place (maybe it was JP?), but he did a crime by substituting the word "fault" for "responsibility".

In relationships it is a good way of blaming only the man and essentially absolving the woman of any sense of responsibility. Not only does reinforces the lack of empathy for the suffering, it usually just leads to anger and does not resolve the real problems.

A failure to distinguish between fault and responsibility can either lead a man to his awakening, or send him down the slippery slope of toxic shame, guilt and self destruction.

Plus we can always break our head over who's fault it was that caused shit to hit the fan, and hold the offender culpable, but no matter who did it, because it is happening in your life, you will be affected. Dealing with the results of the fallout will inevitably fall on your head and setting things right will be your responsibility. So you'll have to own it regardless of who's fault it was.

The thing that gets so misunderstood is this -- when it comes to life, we have little control over a lot of things that happen to us. What we DO have control over (if we wake up and see) is the sense of ownership and responsibility - looking at what we can do with what life throws at us.

It can sometimes be a very small window - say just letting yourself spend a few minutes silently being a witness and allowing your thoughts and emotions flow out and dissipate, but it could make the difference between getting up and back on track after a breakup vs a downward spiral of self destruction.

Sometimes it can be a much bigger thing. Look at EVERYTHING that has been created and invented. What did our ancestors have? Nothing. Nothing, but some rocks and trees and animals. Starting from there, all of civilization has been created over time.

Let's just for argument's sake alone, consider that there's something called karma that caused you to land up where you are. But still, karma is not a term to justify you being a victim of fate and things not in your control. What it means is that you got here by what you were once responsible for. Your fate is the result of distant past responsibility and your past choices became your present fate. Karma means that your life has always been your responsibility and it is only awakening your sense of responsibility that can help you dig yourself out of the hole you've dug yourself into.

The term karma if you read it up, has never been used as an excuse to stay a victim who's merely reactive, but ultimately to take responsibility, which leads to a solution to your mess.

This moment is the only moment where you can be truly responsible for what has happened, what is happening and what is to come. Now is the moment of responsibility. Now is the time to be responsible.

Responsibility is the quality that allows you to proactively own your life and open the door to creating your life even from virtually nothing.

Being responsible awakens your inner creator and live consciously for once. Being reactive allows you to remain a victim, driven by a clueless subconscious. If anything, this is the ONLY choice you really have. Everything else flows from which frame you choose.

The more you come into the frame of "It's my responsibility", the more you get to live a conscious, proactive life of your own making where you find your creative capabilities finding expression.

So next time any of this happens to you, reframe it a little differently, and suddenly many possibilites open up. It is true, that necessity is the mother of invention, but only when you're responsible.

"My girfriend dumped me / Wife divorced me" - Your responsiblity. Kick depression, get healthier, get new better relationships.

"My parents were abusive to me as a child" - Your responsibility. Find the tools to overcome your past, come to the present moment, and live truly again. Be the father to your children your parents never were.

"I'm wasting my life" - Your responsibility. This can really be fixed in so many ways.

"I'm not genetically gifted with a superstar body and looks" - Your responsibility. Find out what it takes to improve yourself. You'll soon see that good looks are almost always about a fit body, body language, good style and grooming. How did Joe Decker go from fatass to world's fittest man at one point?

"My friend turned to alcohol and drug abuse and died" - Your responsibility. At least be the rock for his family, or in the long run do something to help people get their shit back on track. I know of one family who started a foundation and a hospital from seeing the death of their loved one.

"I lost my job due to the recession" - Your responsibility. Who knows, you could end up on a new, better career path in a much better place (like me). You might even start your own venture maybe.

Of course, if you do sit down and honestly look back, you will realize that in many of these situations lots of things were indeed due to your own mistakes and inexperience and you could certainly have done better in hindsight. But many of these lessons aren't learnt without going through the whole experience itself in the first place. However there are also many circumstances that simply aren't under your control either. And other people do exist and have played their own roles in how things turned out, for which they are accountable.

But FAULT is something different from RESPONSIBILITY. Fault is usually content with blaming yourself ("I'm so bad") or someone else ("I'm so good) for everything. Neither of the two are realistic. But it is responsibility that allows you to be real, own your life, grow and create from these moments, and inspire others to be responsible in turn.

Time to read Extreme Ownership again.

TL:DR - Responsibility is a much better word than fault. Your life is always your responsibility.