How can I learn to accept that SMV means everything to men?

peculiarmiss · 2020-04-03T14:20:04+00:00

At my worst, I weighed over 300 lbs (BMI 47), had a “pixie cut” that was very masculine, and never cared about my clothes/makeup beyond being clean and weather-appropriate. I hated all things feminine because I associated them with being weak and a victim. I was also (unhappily) married to an emotionally abusive woman and completely enmeshed in 3rd wave feminist logic. I was a train wreck, and saying I was a 3 (where most morbidly obese women are) would probably have been rating me too high.

I stumbled across TRP. Ironically, the guys over there in the anger phase are what made me realize both how much queer/feminist logic had failed me, and how poorly my wife was treating me. Then I found RPW, and I realized I had the power to change the course of my own life.

I’d lost about 50 pounds and grown my hair out to something resembling a middy cut when I noticed an increase in male interest. At first I was mad at myself. Why couldn’t I have done this 10 years ago? But the answer to that is: no one told me I needed to. I was told, over and over, that I was awesome the way I was and that the right person wouldn’t care about my weight. That I should be accepted for “who I am,” and ignore anyone who tells me to change.

In short, I was lied to. And people will always choose the comforting lie before they accept a harsh truth; it’s human nature. Forgive yourself for being human. You did the best you could with the information you had. Now that you know better, you can do better.

FWIW: 4 years after being redpilled, I’m still overweight, but no longer obese. I have an amazing fiancé/captain, and a beautiful 4month old daughter. Getting here was a tough journey, but it has absolutely been worth it every step of the way.

GmanRaz · 2020-04-03T18:27:32+00:00

Welcome to how every man feels when he was ignored by women he was attracted to for decades. Then all the women take notice and start to be attracted to him because he is financially successful. Like it or hate it, its how SMV and the world work and you cant change it. Men are attracted to youth, fertility and beauty. Women are attracted to money, success and power. This is base instinct. Only after being initially attracted by those things does each sex then take personality into account.

2020-04-03T14:35:23+00:00

Well, it’s the first thing with women too. That’s why it doesn’t upset me. I asked my husband once if he’d be with me if I wasn’t skinny and he was like “would you be with me if I was 5’2?” It goes both ways. It’s not evil; it’s just biology.

quirkypinkllama · 2020-04-03T16:28:21+00:00

First qualifier for me in attraction is a person's face and body. If they are really big or heavy, I am not interested in them. They might make a good friend, but there is no sexual attraction. Weight is a very big part of that for me and I assume that for men it's even more so

peculiarmiss · 2020-04-03T14:24:33+00:00

When I was 23, I found myself newly divorced from a terrifying relationship, weighing 275 pounds at 5'6". In the next couple of years, I lost over 100 pounds. I finally had the money to eat healthy and the time and motivation to workout, because this time, I was going to find a good man.

As I'm sure you already know, when you're fat, no one is openly cruel to you. No, they'd have to see you for that. You're simply invisible, to the cute guy flirting with your friends, your professors, even potential girl friends. I once had a clerk gesture to the guy behind me, that he could take the next person in line, as if I were literally invisible. Then, I lost weight and people suddenly saw me. So I know how you feel.

The thing is, I didn't just lose weight. I also started wearing cute dresses, styling my hair, correctly wearing makeup, painting my nails. So, yes, as with any other physical improvement, losing weight upped my game, but it wasn't everything, especially when it came time to settle down. My husband spent years dating many women who were undoubtedly more attractive than I am, but not a single one met his mother after high school. He knew much hotter women that he'd have never given the time of day, because they were trainwrecks... single moms who drank too much and told tales of their one-night stands. He wanted me, after the initial attraction, because I didn't have kids, had a family friendly career and didn't want his money, shared his sense of humor, didn't thrive on drama, had a similar religious and political view, and wanted a family. The SMV might have attracted his attention, but the RMV kept it. Sure, he wouldn't have dated me had I still been fat, but he also wouldn't have dated me if I still had short hair. Weight is just one part of physical attraction.

It's great that you're improving your appearance, because it really will help pique that interest, but it's not what holds it. Bodies change over time. None of us will be truly hot in 20 yeas. Realistically speaking, many of us won't even have BMI's in the healthy range in 10 years. Yes, you'll still need to put in effort, staying as fit as you can and looking put together, but my husband has told me verbatim that he'd rather me gain 30 pounds and still be fun to be around than lose 30 pounds and become a high-maintenance bitch... because SMV is not all that matters.

i-am-the-prize · 2020-04-04T01:50:21+00:00

Don’t begrudge their change of attraction.

“You don’t choose who you are attracted to”.

So not only is the slimmer you “sexier” for all is the fertility-marker and health reasons, but there is another one that I realized is important too.

They now know you care about yourself. That you have the drive and self discipline to look like you do.

I went thorough this (I lost over 110 pounds of fat and gained over 25# of muscle). I went from smart, nice and funny to hawt and doesn’t matter as much that I was funny or WTH eve were the other 2? Who cares - hawt now.

Not universally, but with more % than I would have guessed.

At first it was annoying - then offensive (?). “I mean I’m the same kind smart funny etc guy..”

No. That’s really a lie.

I am very different under the hood. I prioritize myself now. I am solid on boundaries (to the use of my time and attention, eg) I am incredibly disciplined. I am driven and focused. Oh and much stronger and able to do more physically and cardio wise, corollary: all the plumbing is improved thanks to overall vitality and losing 20” of waist size.

So I am a vastly different specimen. Even the anger at yourself for waiting so long is misplaced. Just focus on the Now. Know that you are a different package.

Be thankful you also have soft/EQ/good-human qualities - the value adds which lead to LTRs. But without enough baseline attraction, those soft qualities die on the vine without anyone to know you have them.

couple4play24U · 2020-04-03T14:17:42+00:00

First, I also battle weight and deal with Hashimoto’s. Still even knowing this battle, I am much more attracted to a smart, funny, fit male than the opposite. Honestly, are we not all guilty of being more attracted to the the opposite sex when they are fit and healthy.

FwoGiZ · 2020-04-03T14:33:59+00:00

I would just like to specify that physical appearance is indeed very important but it's not what will keep a man around... it will sure help attracting them but if that's all you got, they won't stick around.
It's mostly a bait but if you have no fishnet, you'll lose the fish eventually.

Caleb98x · 2020-04-03T17:03:13+00:00

Don't know if I can post as I am a dude but I had the exact same experience. When you look better people are more interested. It also has to do with confidence. You feel better so you project a better version of yourself to the world. A version that people will almost always like more.

pyongyang-97 · 2020-04-03T14:02:42+00:00

And how to forgive yourself for not meeting that criteria previously?

Try and look at it from a different angle - why should people be automatically attracted to you when you had not done anything previously to be attractive to them?

Don't be down on yourself for this change in your circumstances. This is something you have earned. You deserve it.

Also, what you're experiencing should allow you to understand how men normally experience the world. Young women start out life with a bit of "credit" in SMP, which slowly declines over time. If they're not careful they wake up one day realizing they have spent it all, and it's too late to do anything about it.

Men, on the other hand, start at zero (or sometimes even in debt). They're not muscular to begin with - they have to lift weights for a long time, and many times they still can't put on muscle until they're in their 20's simply for hormonal reasons. Unless you're born rich, you have to work your ass off to accrue any kind of money or status. You start out as worthless and work your way up from there.

You can let it bother you, or you can accept the world as it is, and make the most of it as best you can.

You will find that you are much happier if you follow the latter course.

organicsunshine · 2020-04-03T23:03:09+00:00

Girl smv does NOT mean everything to men. It is an expression of a rating scale which is relative. Different things are more or less important to different men. RMV is what you should be concerned with.

ikfl · 2020-04-03T13:24:02+00:00

When it comes to attracting a mate, looks are extremely important. There’s no denying this and it’s wonderful that you’re working in bettering your appearance! When it comes to settling down and choosing a partner however, personality and values is so much more important. There’s nothing you can do to change the past, only your current circumstances and the future. You are obviously doing the important work if you’re already seeing results when it comes to male attention. Make sure that your don’t forget the “inside work”, gain skills and hobbies while working on becoming the best woman you can be. Doing this work will hopefully make you more secure and help with forgiving yourself for not trying before.

applepies4kittens · 2020-04-03T14:09:42+00:00

Following this because I am finding it hard to accept this too.. it seems us women are born with innate value while men can build theirs up, it sucks we can't change the hand we were dealt with.

onlyparty · 2020-04-13T22:27:53+00:00

I'm a dude, very red pilled. SMV is not everything to men, but will give you the foot in the door for almost all men(they will approach you. Men are visual creatures, and will prioritize looks holding everything else equal, and most of the time, approaching involves looking at a girl.

SMV will get you laid, but may not give you commitment. You would want to work on relationship market value. I feel, for men one of the most important, and in some cases most important, is trust(or commitment, or dedication/devotion to men).

The RP community can be a shock in your system. Take your time to accept some things, as it may end up depressing you if you take in too much too soon. Don't take it for face value either, as there are some pple that will feel very compelled to agree in certain points and hold them as universal...some are, some aren't, and some are taken out of context and end up with a different value.

eazolan · 2020-04-03T15:05:34+00:00

You are not an Angelic being made of light. Your body matters. Your sex matters. Your race matters. Your age matters.

Embarrassed-Draft · 2020-04-04T01:23:39+00:00

By recognizing that it means everything to everyone. You wouldn't lust after or be interested in an ugly man just because he has a good personality or money. It's no different for men. The same goes for friends and employers. You're judged on your appearance by everyone, and you judge everyone on their appearance. This isn't some secret gender revelations, it's people being people like we've all known since birth. And you "forgive" yourself by recognizing that not being what people want you to be isn't the worst thing to happen to you. You are not solely your appearance even though appearance is the majority of what fuels dating (for both genders). Because dating and relationships and finding a man shouldn't be all that you are. It can be a goal that you value, but it shouldn't be all you see.

We_Are_Legion · 2020-04-04T02:08:57+00:00

Truth is Truth.

Fwiw, people are in worse situations because of illusion every day. Countries in war, families torn apart, anxieties, poverty, etc.

All for failing to recognize the requisite truths.

You're not unlucky. You stumbled upon a great find. The most significant of a human's life.

I recommend you Google "Kapil Gupta interview on 33 voices" to see what I'm talking about.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-04-04T03:25:19+00:00

Understand that it isn’t just the weight. It means the self discipline. Most women don’t have much, so men will respect you for demonstrating it. And yes, in today’s society esp., being slender generally requires discipline and effort.

jordynsucks · 2020-04-04T19:30:01+00:00

It’s just a fact of life of course we try to lie to ourselves and say the right person will love us but this isn’t a Disney movie and even then they usually get to be hot in the end. I spent most of my life as what one would call think like the fat models look like in. Catalogs from local stores so i has a nice shape but I was 5 1 and weighed 190 and had a horrible smile. Two years ago my nana took me to get my teeth fixed and thanks to veneers I instantly had a perfect smile that completely changed my shape and made my face look completely different and thinner. After that I spent the next year dieting working out and just waiting tables but I noticed as I lost weight people were more forgiving about my mistakes and tipped way better it was easier to get jobs. Now I wear extensions cover up my tattoos and weigh 118 pounds and have noticed I get hired on the spot and people listen to what I have to say and people tip me so much more like I’m talking I do less work (because the line cooks are willing to do it for me) and make almost twice the money I did when I was overweight and ugly. Sometimes especially when I’m bartending I get really angry about it when people want my attention now and they say it’s no problem when there food is taking longer than expected because I know 2 years ago the same person would be screaming (and I do mean screaming) at me but I just have to remind myself that this is just how we are as a society and be greatful I finally took the steps to better myself

Bosombeans · 2020-04-06T14:46:02+00:00

As long as a woman makes an effort, that's all, she just has to look after herself.. and the way you carry yourself.. Personally, I want a woman who isn't a 9 or a 10 cos they tend to be bit more arrogant from having being given everything and not having to try.. I got for more down-to Earth, intelligent women who are preferably slim.. exercise might be a bitch but it makes you healthier and boosts your energy levels and everything else so it's a double whammy. Men just want you to look after your appearance/health.. not a bad thing at all.. PS once you fall in love with a woman, her appearance doesn't matter as much to him cos her imperfections are what make her her (though soon as she gets fat, you cant expect to be desired).

Zakdoekjeleggen · 2020-04-06T19:52:58+00:00

This is just not true. Your weight was the bottleneck, that's why it seems SMV trumps all. You only need to be attractive enough, RMV does the rest.

As a rule of thumb, men need to work on being better, women on behaving better. And generally speaking, we do the opposite (women focus too much on being interesting with cool hobbies, men too much on appeasing).

quirkypinkllama · 2020-04-03T19:15:49+00:00

Ebay is SMV?

Title	How can I learn to accept that SMV means everything to men?
Author	pyongyang-97
Upvotes	48
Comments	55
Date	April 3, 2020 1:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fu8639/how_can_i_learn_to_accept_that_smv_means/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-learn-to-accept-that-smv-means.358758 https://theredarchive.com/post/358758