19-year-old boy looking for advice. Feeling lost despite having a plan.

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April 1, 2020

I'm currently NEETing in my parents basement and my plan is to go to college in 2021. At the moment I'm building good habits, current ones I have are cleaning up my work space daily, exercising and cold showers + meditation. I still need to make journaling, reading and a good diet habits.

So that's the current plan. Quite solid, isn't it? Yeah, not great but solid.

The problem is that I'm currently lonely as fuck. My current friends, who I see like twice a month, aren't ambitious, so I kinda feel like we have different world views. Just like me, they're all virgins or very childish. I know that I should get more likeminded friends, but I feel like that's quite hard before going to college. Also, I'm currently I'm scrawny as fuck and I'm kinda afraid of approaching women since I have this kind of blackpilled mindset. By blackpilled I don't mean that I have given up, but that women have dating apps, so approaching them would be kinda cringy. I'm 6ft white guy but I have like 3/10 face.

I don't really know what my point here is, I just felt a strong need to share my thoughts to somebody, and I would love to have a mentor or to just get any kind of advice in general.

Post Information
Title 19-year-old boy looking for advice. Feeling lost despite having a plan.
Author Tester562017
Upvotes 71
Comments 49
Date 01 April 2020 10:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/359616
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ft9wzi/19yearold_boy_looking_for_advice_feeling_lost/
Similar Posts

[–]coopermyers0048 points49 points  (2 children) | Copy

Read the book: The Rational Male. It offers great advice to men looking to improve their lives. Even before I finished reading the book I began noticing changes in my interactions with women. I refused to "Just be friends" and became the alpha male that I deserved to be.

[–]Tester5620178 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, great advice. My post was somewhat all over the place so I appreciate concrete advice like this.

[–]ilo8oli51 points52 points  (16 children) | Copy

Can I just give some general advice that may or may not land: When you do go to college, or even now, please don't start smoking weed daily or even drinking daily. I was just like you - I had such a solid foundation at 18-19 but fell in love with weed and smoked daily for 4 years after that. It helped with feeling lost and lonely, but made me a weak feminine beta, even though I was raised right.

I just wanna warn you please avoid doing it daily at all costs - it will burn years of your life and make you beta.

Im fine now, drug free for 6 months and only drink occasionally and my anxiety and shit has never been better.

Trust me, you are on the right path. You don't wanna experience being truly lost.

[–]aaronryder7737 points8 points  (13 children) | Copy

I started smoking weed at 21 and you're right it definitely helped with loneliness and anxiety but it made me beta to the point that I cringed myself and couldn't stop overthinking about it. Been weed and alcohol free for 8 months now and never felt better! Honestly, weed is really amazing but it has downside to it as well which people tend to ignore just because they fall in love with it.

No matter how much good it is, it is still a drug after all.

[–]notWhatIsTheEnd2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

Good college advice!

[–]mickenrorty11 points12 points  (11 children) | Copy

Can I come from a slightly different angle and remind you ALL: Everything in moderation including moderation! Don’t forget we all die all too soon on this rock that rotates around that hydrogen helium orange thing called the sun.

Just don’t substance abuse... sometime marajuana and lsd can be a tool that the most successful on earth have benefitted from

[–][deleted]  (10 children) | Copy


[–]mickenrorty5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yeh don’t fucken touch shit so addictive that it murders your life... as a rule of thumb :)

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy


[–]mickenrorty3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Heroin? Seriously, please unsubscribe from TRP and head back under the bridge.

[–]notWhatIsTheEnd0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

There are recovering addicts all around you...

There are also addicts that are not in recovery (yet).

[–]mickenrorty0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

When they get clean they should be allowed to associate with TRP... TRP is for when you have the basics already sorted

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]mickenrorty2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A vice is a alcohol or cigarettes... heroin is a whole new ball game

[–]inbredostrptw1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, I have gotten to the point I’m at despite smoking weed from age 16. Can say it is not worth it. I still smoke occasionally but I am much more in control now

[–]Akslepios0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I did the same mistake and lost my last 2 years on weed listen to this guy.

[–]Monitorul13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

At the moment I'm building good habits, current ones I have are cleaning up my work space daily, exercising and cold showers + meditation. I still need to make journaling, reading and a good diet habits.

You don't need to do any of that to succeed in college or with women, the only one that is important is good diet - drink only water, no soda, cut off junk food and prepackaged/"processed" foods, and cook your own meals from basic ingredients (chicken breast, rice) as much as possible. That said fitness and lifting is the best habit you can have: This guide is great on overall fitness, and I am going to second Starting Strength as an essential book for fitness (read all 300 pages!) and a great program, though I'd recommend trying "Phrak's Greyskull LP" variation on it, it has you squatting less.

For women, you want to work out, start learning about game (I can name a few books if interested) and approaching women, and start going on Tinder ASAP - create a profile with some good photos and harvest lays with it. You'll lose your virginity in no time. Don't take Tinder too personally, use it just as an app. If you're being rejected, your profile is being rejected, not you. Also you may have to pay to make the most of it. Once you get matches, my routine has been to try to move the conversation to phone, get a coffee/bar date, then bang, but I hear people often just jump straight to "netflix&chill" at her/your place, especially with the COVID panic.

Also for women, read the sidebar! Internalize concepts like how to deal with shit tests (agree & amplify, ignore), AWALT, AFBB, "treat women like children", "YOU are the prize", captain & first mate etc.

Obviously COVID19 is going to put a damper on gaming and going to the gym, but you can still use Tinder and improve your diet.

The most important thing is that you're ready now! You don't need to "build yourself up" with habits until you're ready for school, instead you need to act when the time comes! There will never be "the perfect moment". I went through college without keeping a journal or even thinking about it, or most of that shit on your list, I got womens' numbers without being jacked or "ready", so do what you need to do right now instead of waiting for either you or the conditions to be "ready". Don't make unnecessary adjustments (don't fix what ain't broken), adjust on the fly as needed.

[–]CrackDaMarco0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What if you've got your shit mostly together, you're in shape, reasonably confident in most aspects of your life but just don't believe in yourself when you're talking to women anymore? I start to talk to women now, and the old muscle memory is there, and it always starts off well, but then I just start to give up when it gets good. I'm hitting constant dead-ends.

[–]nateydanger1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The tried and true method of "fake it till you make it." Building confidence appears to be an outside in job: If i look good i'll feel confident. If I do this and do that girls will look at me and that's the secret. While it certainly helps it's not the answer.

For me, starting off, I would say things as simple as this "If I subtract my fear from this situation, what would i do?" or "What do i THINK a confident person would do" and then just did it. Guess what? The first..10 or so attempts FAILED. Most people dont do a thing because of fear of failure. Spolier alert: you're gonna fail. It's how you learn from your failure that's important. "Okay. I thought that would work but it didn't feel right, lets tweak this, try that, flip this."

Eventually you will feel confident doing it, and at the end of the day while looking good will bring a girl to the table being confident will get you the result you desire.

edit: spelling.

[–]FIandMK0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Could you msg me those books on game please?

[–]rplad4200 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You dont need to do any of that

You do. They are good habits that will only bring in added benefits. It's great that he has these habits as a 19 yearold , unlike most of his other mates. This will set him apart from them.

Nonetheless only doing this wouldn't do shit. You got to go out there.

[–]Monitorul0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You do.

Oh no, how have I been living all this time without cold showers.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You would've cured cancer if you did. So shame on you.

[–]RPdayworker10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Look up Elisha Long on youtube

[–]BodomDeth4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

this changed my life. thank you

[–]TheRedPillRipper10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

the current plan

What sort of exercise? Without weight training scrawny will be a difficult weight category to escape. Starting Strength is solid. If you don’t have access body weights are next best. Antranik and Chris Heria are a couple of decent sources.

Focus on putting together/following a solid Program then devote some daily time to execute. Make one of your goals to hit fixed numbers by the time you hit college.

Second is finances; you got cash? When I was 19 side hustling was a pre-requisite. Are you financially literate? Do you understand economics? Taxes? Financial planning?

Once you’ve got a plan(measurable and scalable) for your health and your wealth then focus on what else you can do to set up your dream life. Quite simple isn’t it?

EDIT: Friends who contribute little should have little impact on your life; either daily or socially. We are social creatures but loneliness isn’t entirely bad. Learn to embrace time to yourself; to really enjoy the solitude. Then if you need to get out plan fun activities and things YOU enjoy and invite people YOU want to spend time with. Hard in the current climate but there’s Apps and things like HouseParty that can help fill that social void.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]mega_kook0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I second Chris Heria. I try all of his workouts whenever he puts new ones up. I started with bodyweight stuff and I think everyone should have some experience with that before getting serious about weight lifting. It definitely helped me.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Book of pook is a great book

[–]Snowboard182 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My advice would be to find new friends that are more likeminded but this virus is kinda in the way of that. And honestly right now, most people are lonely as hell. It’s the perfect time to find contentment with your own company and not needing a lot of people to keep you happy.

Once your content with yourself and your own company, it sets up outcome independence and non-neediness.

[–]notWhatIsTheEnd2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Strength training is a MUST. It will give you confidence not just from increasing your strength but from testosterone (seriously, it's a helluva drug). Body weight is fine to start with but include it in your daily routine. It will also make you significantly more attractive.

I would also recommend reading. Two books I would recommend are The Rational Male and Guns, Germs, and Steel.

Stick to your plan brother!

[–]Project_Zero_Betas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just stick with the "plan" until college starts and you'll be glad with the results.

[–]Sin-Silver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your situation does sounds incredibly frustrating I' once had a blakc pilled mindset before I left for Uni, but trust me, it will get MUCH better when you go to college. It's a melting pot of culture and diversity, so you'll be able to seek out inspiring friends and date real life women, not the distorted reflection of dating that online apps give you.

Best thing to do it start preparing for life in colledge, and by that, I mean looking after your health, start revising for your course, and start building habits necessary for living interdependently (e.g. cooking and cleaning for yourself, i.e. help your mum)

What you could do right now to help you not feel like shit is pick up a hobby or activity that you can carry onto colledge. Colledges have lots of sports and culture society where people meet and hang out, which are a great way to make friends and and build your character. If you start this now, it will feel like you are preparing yourself for the future.

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would consider fitting some strength training in there, you want to wakeup sore everyday. Take some risks, that's a huge thing. Take alot of risks. Find your passion, you can be stoic and passionate. College is honestly nothing if you don't have a goal with it. Have fun. The internet is a big place, keep looking for that community by being that community. Good luck

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also you want to start learning about investing asap.

[–]bumbuff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Feeling lost is actually good. It means you're out of your comfort zone. Keep taking small steps towards your goals, eventually you'll see the masterpiece but for now you're learning to paint.

[–]huey7640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why dont you start college now?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mate part of life is figuring it out as you go. You're really young. Keep in mind that you are going to take ten years to figure out who you are and where you're going. Just pick a direction, don't get sidelined by people trying to lock you into something you know isn't good for you, and keep going.

Whatever you think about yourself at 19 just won't be relevant after five years of self-growth, let alone 10. The fact that you've got some ambition and a rough plan already puts you in a good spot.

So much of it is about solid fundamental habits, developing a strong character, and avoiding trouble rather than making sure you get every single decision properly planned and executed. Don't worry too much about women at 19. It's just not that important, however much it might seem to be.

[–]bloody_condoms0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ay bruv it’s good to hear someone is hard on themself. You are embracing your cold reality and that’s healthy.

Cliché coming in hot: don’t be too hard on yourself

No seriously, it can get to wearing on your shoulders and no chad walks with his head down.

Stick to your plan and reminisce to your highlights of life. Because you’ve had some, many more will come if you stick to your regiment.

  1. Stick to your plan

  2. Become yakked and disciplined as fuck and turn heads

  3. Get a fresh cut from a good barber

  4. ???

  5. Profit

[–]chillindude9110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i’m scrawny as fuck too, not necessarily attractive, but am making a very good life for myself by living by guidelines. For example, I have a very specific moral code that I live by. Also, I am ambitious, and will not give in to regular drug use. Building on your strengths is the best thing you can do along with learning how to get along with others. Don’t worry, you’re young, and it sounds like you might not come from the best background, but it will work out if you stick with it. Feel free to DM me, but the most important thing is that you don’t sway from the route you’re trying to pursue, because that’s the most important thing for you and your family.

[–]Jessor690 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Brah those aren't good habits.

They're another way of wasting time, "cold showers + meditation" aren't going to get you anywhere. Idk who told you that cold showers help you, there is benefits to them just there is to a hot shower. Journaling and reading are also another form of progressing through the day without actually doing anything.

Get a job, simple as that. Focus on it 100%.

Job Exercise Diet Game

In that order, your habits you've listed are just forms of procrastination in my opinion. Either your building your life or life is passing you by in the basement.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]Jessor690 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sure if you're gonna do something with it. Reading sci fi and dramas isn't helpful but non fiction, actionable books I definitely recommend to read.

That was part was more aimed at the sci fi, drama books

[–]frozieondabeat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know exactly where you are at.

My advice:

Stop worrying about where you want to go. Sit down somewhere where its lovely to be around and just have a nice think about the lifestyle you want to live. Ponder and let your imagination roam. Have a think about what lifestyle you dont want to live.

Have a think about what is important to you as per values. So you want to help people? Do you want to help them directly or indirectly? Do you want to inspire people? Or maybe you want to indirectly help the humanity? Very important questions to think about.

The reason why it's important is because you being connected to your deep self is what will allow you to know where you want to go... being connected means you're happy with being around yourself. It means you make decisions that you truly want and not just something that seems material and cool.

Now... it wont come in a day. Keep practising this every day for as long as it takes and when you hit that feeling - keep it going even after that.... You see - things never come from 1 day practice- you gotta keep doing them over and over to achieve the result you want so keep doing it....

One day, you'll stumble across a sense of purpose where you feel like you need to do it and it will fulfill your needs as well as other peoples - this is where you need to go 110% on and make it happen no matter what.

Weed, drinking, video games, buying clothes and worrying about your girlfriend are all things that are okay to do but only when you can control them. So learn to control these things and use in moderation - otherwise you'll end up being somebody you are scared to even imagine.

They are the escape from reality- they make you forget that you're a loser. They make it okay to be a loser for another day. Every day you are doing it. There is nothing wrong with being a loser but the fact that you dont accept it is what makes you want to escape. You want to forget who you are for a moment - youre prolonging your losing attitude but not only that- you will lose your good habits and productive chain of thought every single day bit by bit.

To be honest - a purpose in life that fulfills you is the ultimate journey. Now I'm saying it's a journey not a goal. Make sure you read this properly and apply to your own discretion and you'll be okay buddy.

[–]jkpj950 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best advice is to relax, be patient, the best is yet to come.

More pointed advice. You don't need to take cold showers. Meditation is a waste of time. Most reading is a waste of time. Most solitary activities are a waste of time. Exercising is important, but it's probably solitary so it's not meeting your social need.

You should get a job in a customer-facing role (eg. retail, give it a couple of weeks). You should join a sports club (eg. running clubs are generally very friendly) and go every week. You should save some money, and ask your parents for some money, and go on a group holiday in summer for 2+ weeks. Outward Bound US, surfcamp, whatever. Then do some solitary travelling. The travel is a bit of a "light at the end of the tunnel", most important thing from a personal development POV is having a job that forces you to interact with people.

[–]AncientDragons0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s good that you have started developing good mental discipline and good habits. You need to develop some outside interests that give you a sense of purpose or connection to life. Music, business, coding, learning a skill or joining an activity group might be a good start. What interests do you have? These are the kinds of things that you can apply yourself to once you have the foundation of good discipline. When you have that stuff going on, attracting women and friends will be easy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

-start running

-start lifting

-start approaching chicks

-read the bible through at least once

-stay off drugs

-develop a hobby or two

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  1. First of all you're a man, not a boy at 19. Time to do the uncomfortable things like developing a career, working out, and approaching girls(in that order of importance). Seems like you're already a leader for your "childish" buddies, so keep it up.
  2. Forget about looks, and focus on developing your skills. Get up early, have good hygiene, iron your shirt, and take life seriously.
  3. You need to develop social skills if you think approaching a girl is "cringey."

This might be difficult to do in a pandemic, but learn how to talk to people in general before worrying about girls. Just go up and talk to anybody and get to know them, try to make some connections, especially with men. Approach the grandpa at your local Tim Hortons.

4) Women still prefer being approached in real life, trust me. It's primal and turns them on. Dating apps just enable them to get instant validation so that's why they use it. 90% of guys use it because they're pussies.

[–]rprookie-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Me being 17, I can say your on a good path and keep working towards your goals, everyday.

Now, you gotta be able to have fun with yourself and be comfortable with yourself before going out and having fun with others... that’s what will make you independent. You don’t NEED friends to live.

Now when you wanna go out and have fun or go to the skatepark for instance you can talk/ socialize and make friends easily... make sense?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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