666,886 posts

Moving from compliance to enthusiastic compliance

by lefty929 | March 29, 2020 | askMRP


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For the most part I have sex available on demand. If I don’t initiate, after a few days my woman will. I have no issues with the quantity but I do with the quality.

My problem is about 50% of the time I can sense she’s in “duty sex” mode. It is compliance but not enthusiastic compliance.

I want to improve this ratio to as close to 100% enthusiastic compliance as possible. I believe there’s a level of devotion and enthusiasm I could manifest but am struggling to get there.

I’ve read the sidebar, and one part I’m focusing on is working through MAP. I’m lacking a mission. Most of my energy sinks into my vices. I’m still charming and witty with her, but certainly have other areas of my life in deficit.

Is the answer as simple as, get going on the mission? And put simply, how do you do that?

Aside from mission - what strategies do you personally use, like visualizing, to manifest your ideal sex life?

Post Information
Title Moving from compliance to enthusiastic compliance
Author lefty929
Upvotes 17
Comments 61
Date 29 March 2020 10:10 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/360762
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fref0y/moving_from_compliance_to_enthusiastic_compliance/
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[–]stoicstephen19 points20 points  (5 children) | Copy

1- Read Sex God Method (for the sex)

2- Read Unchained Man, Alpha Male 2.0 (for the mission and sense of purpose)

3- Get rid of your vices

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read Unchained Man, Alpha Male 2.0


[–]lefty929[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, good recommendations.

[–]michelswennson-5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks so much for your recommendations. I couldn’t find the third book. Who is the author of that book? Thanks so much in advance.

[–]stoicstephen3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The third one is not a book

[–]michelswennson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now I see the word “Read” not added. Thanks

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"15 points16 points  (26 children) | Copy

Kudos to you for having "sex on demand." It's not the norm in these parts.

Usually "sex on demand" equates to satisfaction (i.e. fun, fulfillment, joy, etc.).

Since your "sex on demand" leads to something else, it's worthwhile to understand why.

My problem is about 50% of the time I can sense she’s in “duty sex” mode.

When you say "I can sense," what do you mean exactly?

  • By "sense" do you mean that you have the proverbial "sixth sense," and as such, that she is a ghost?

  • By "sense" do you mean that you have an other-worldly ability to use the remaining 5% of your brain that enables you to levitate?

  • By "sense" do you mean that your family - born of the Spanish Inquisition I'm sure - has blessed you cursed you with the ability to foretell the future?

Or does it just mean that you're trying to read her mind like a weak-ass homo who's obsessed with the response of his wife and lives his life dependent upon her (always devolving and vacillating) emotions?

Out of curiosity, why do you "want to improve this ratio to as close to 100% enthusiastic compliance as possible"?

Is there something inside you that requires that? Are you feeling lonely? Insecure?

I’ve read the sidebar, working through MAP. I’m lacking a mission. Most of my energy sinks into my vices. I’m still charming and witty with her, but certainly have other areas of my life in deficit.

In other words, you play a lot of video games.

Is the answer as simple as, get going on the mission? And put simply, how do you do that?

For you, no. The answer is not simple. It's complicated, like you.

Aside from mission - what strategies do you personally use, like visualizing, to manifest your ideal sex life?

Why not live by your own set of standards instead of borrowing those of others?


[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret15 points16 points  (21 children) | Copy

Or does it just mean that you're trying to read her mind like a weak-ass homo

Came here to say this exact thing.

50% of the time it's great.

100% of the time it's in her frame.

[–]lefty929[S] 3 points4 points  (20 children) | Copy

I’m having trouble understanding why this means I’m operating in her frame. Can’t a person take note of his woman’s enthusiasm and satisfaction, and want her to desire him, without it being a negative or frame deficient thing?

Sure I can ignore her position. I can operate solely based on my whims and consider my view only. I can and do quite frequently operate unapologetically from my frame.

Yet, I still like knowing she enjoys our sex. I still want to know she enjoys it.

All else equal, isn’t it nice to know your woman is enjoying it and not just performing empty feelingless actions? Isn’t it better when she’s attracted and wants to fuck you?

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you want, you are free to want what you want. But you really need to read Johney's response a few times, because you don't get it.

See if this makes senses. "You can't get a woman's full devotion and submission unless you don't need it."

Part of you still needs it.

You need to be free to do what you want regardless of what she does so that she can also have the courage to do the same. You have to have frame that she can relax into (if she chooses to). The simple fact that you are asking this question shows you don't have that, and that you still need something from her.

You seem to be in a good position. You are likely attractive and have potential. Your woman knows this, yet she is still waiting for you to become the man that you have the potential to be, not the part man part needy homo you are now.

[–]lefty929[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, this was worded very well.

You can't get a woman's full devotion and submission unless you don't need it.

This seems to be a recurring theme in a lot of areas in life. "The hungry don't get fed" as I've read it put elsewhere.

It is tough because I don't feel I need her increased devotion and sexual enthusiasm - but I want it.

So does the same thing apply to wanting? Do you let go of the wanting to get what you want, so to speak?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy

TL;DR ; She's not that attracted to you.

[–]lefty929[S] 5 points6 points  (14 children) | Copy

See this is why it’s hard to have frank discussions on this forum.

Very often comments are just “you’re a pussy, faggot, homo, she isn’t into you, lift sidebar and you’re dogshit”

Put some work in for Christ sakes. Did you even read the post?

Sex on demand doesn’t happen unless there’s a baseline attraction or you’re a billionaire, even in the latter it’s not guaranteed.

There certainly is attraction. This scenario wouldn’t exist without it.

Any man who knows his woman knows there are times when she’s attracted and times when it’s duty. This post is about maximizing the attracted sex and bringing it to the next level.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Any man who knows his woman knows there are times when she’s attracted and times when it’s duty.

Uhhh. No.

This post is about maximizing the attracted sex and bringing it to the next level.

Uhh. No.

It's about how you still, despite all your achievements and work - still haven't passed the epic test. Granted, you are further along to passing it than most but you still lack the mental model to be your own Mental Point of Origin. Hence, 100% in her frame.

This post and the words you use betray you, despite what you want to argue.

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So with the duty sex part, I have messaged with other MRP mods that would disagree with you there. Can you elaborate why you think there’s never duty sex?

And re frame. I absolutely agree mental point of origin is ground zero for frame. But it seems like you’re saying because I’m considering her viewpoint that automatically means I’m not in my mental point of origin. Is that what you’re communicating or am I misunderstanding it?

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But it seems like you’re saying because I’m considering her viewpoint that automatically means I’m not in my mental point of origin.

Look at it this way, you can load the kids up in the car and drive them to the park....then sit on the bench and hope they enjoy themselves.

Or, you can load the little shits in the car, morph into some crazy monster on the way there, and chase them around the park for hours on end.

On the bench, you're sitting with your thumb up your ass hoping they have a good time. As the monster, you are having fun chasing them around and it just so happens that they are having fun too.

Kind of a weird example, seeing as how it's about fucking your wife n all, but get what I'm sayin here?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look dude, I can read through your bullshit. And you're full of ego. Just read your other comments back to yourself here where you've lost frame multiple times arguing.

because I’m considering her viewpoint that automatically means I’m not in my mental point of origin.

No, because you consider it doesn't make you a "faggot", but the simple fact that you've come to askmrp, posted a question to get advice from internet strangers literally means that you cant figure this out for yourself and you are not your own mental point of origin. Therefore - it's not a stretch to imagine that all this hamstering you're doing about sex and enthusiasm is clearly not within your own mental span of control.

That makes it evident to anyone with half a brain here about this stuff that you're clearly in her frame when you ask these questions.

Otherwise, you'd already have the answer without asking (and then debating!) internet retards about how to improve the quality of your dick wetness.

I mean, fuck. Don't you get that?

There's a reason most vets here just call people faggots and retards at askmrp. They are simply by proxy of asking the sub.

other MRP mods that would disagree with you there.

Ok? Do you want me to give you a fucking cookie for being right? How about an enthusiastic blowjob that you only get 50% of the time?

Why do you care?

I don't get duty sex. I give duty sex.

Can you see that mental model? If so, we don't disagree.

Frame is everything. See that?

Any man worth a whole fuck (literally - in this case) knows this. And you have clearly accepted you are worth half a fuck.

[–]Tyred_Biggums0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Run hamster run!

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Do you know how to do that?

You lift, you read the sidebar, you put in the work and you don't waste your time - as you do - playing fucking video games all day.

That's how you maximise your attraction and that's how you get women to desire you.

If you haven't reached that level it's because you are a lazy fucking cunt who wants the keys to the cheat codes.

Well princess, so does every other pussy who walks through these doors. You're no different, mate. You just think you're a fucking snowflake.

[–]lefty929[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

See, that’s an elaboration that is actually slightly more fleshed out and helpful.

It still reads of a man who thinks he’s hot shit because he must include insults. This is the trait of an insecure man. But there is a nugget of helpfulness nonetheless.

Normally I would just take what is useful and go, but you seem particularly attached to your bigshot anonymous online persona I had to call you out on it.

Your previous one line of “she isn’t attracted to you” was not true, not helpful, and just presumptive. So you’re improving at least.

Maybe in future you can learn to help other men without needing insults and figuratively stroking your dick at the same time.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Actually his previous line was the truth and you are just butt hurt because deep down you know it’s the truth. It’s exactly what you needed to hear.

It’s funny us vets have been there - I know exactly where you are at and I can sense the frustration and entitlement. You still think you deserve it because of all your hard work. Guess what faggot you don’t? You still are a dancing monkey and until that changes you will continue to get drip fed duty sex.

The best part is when you get there it won’t even matter anymore. My wife could be drip feeding me sex multiple times a day, the touching herself, begging to be fucked, telling me she loves swallowing my cum, spreading her ass as for me - it could all be an act but that shit doesn’t matter and you still don’t understand why.

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I’m interested what you mean by your last paragraph. Another commenter here said something similar. Do you mean, the very fact that I want it is what is preventing me from getting it? Thanks

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t spoon feed faggots usually but you actually were able to recognize the issue.

You give far too many fucks about your wife still - not just for sex but I suspect in general.

I fuck my wife how I want, when I want - don’t really give a shit if she is enjoying it. Making it about her puts pressure on her and also puts you in her frame where as you want her working to please you. My wife was masturbating while blowing me the other day and orgasmed when I came in her mouth. She gets off on me enjoying myself which is how you have to train her.

You are also getting validation from her enjoyment of sex with you which also is more pressure on her and it means she can’t enjoy sex how she wants either. I highly doubt my wife cums every time we fuck but when she isn’t getting off and she wants to she will start touching herself or put a finger in her ass or grab a toy which in turn makes me getting into it more and choke her or slap her and that gets her off too.

Everything changes once I started giving zero fucks - if she wasn’t into it I would flip her over and fuck hard from behind and if she’s was really not into it I’d stop and say you aren’t into it so we can do this another time.

As usual it comes down to what you are willing to settle for in life - right now you are communicating that shitty sex on demand is acceptable. It either is or it isn’t - that’s for you to decide.

[–]AlohaMaui8081 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

the very fact that I want it is what is preventing me from getting it?


More along the lines of

you can't seem to understand why it isn't already happening

Even though you think you're doing all the right things.

And even though multiple vets here have explained it to you, in multiple different ways, you still don't get the difference. Best I can do for you at this level of "not getting it" is recommend that you go read the links on Frame that I'm going to post as a reply to this comment.

Because as of now, your ego is mind-fucking you into stupidity. It won't let you process the concept they are trying to tell you, because it would require admitting to yourself that despite everything you've done, you still haven't really developed Frame where it matters the most for the issue you're having.

Also because you're lying to yourself (and probably others) about your level of actual progress.

I'm sure you really are leaps and bounds better than how you started, but it's definitely not living just past your edge.

[–]ImNotSlash0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Simply, you're adjusting based on her actions. Which Johnny and Horns called you out on. Not sure how else to phrase it.

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How am I adjusting based on her actions?

[–]RoccoPinkman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This confuses me about my own situation, I never had a problem getting sex, never get a hard no and rarely a soft no. Even when I was a complete faggot.

In fact sometimes she wants sex more than I do and the quality has improved. We don’t live together that’s the only reason I can think for this.

[–]lefty929[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Out of curiosity, why do you want to improve this ratio

Sex is better when its enthusiastic compliance vs just compliance.

I would wager most men get satisfaction knowing she is horny as fuck and excited, rather than just going through the motions.

Don’t you? Are you then dependent on her emotions, validation and living in her frame? Just because you care that she enjoys your sex?

[–]wkndatbernardus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It may seem counterintuitive but, the less you care about her emotions, desires, experience etc, the more she'll care about yours. She loses attraction for you when it becomes about her needs/wants because that signals to her that you have low confidence in yourself and your mission. Focus on what you want to do and everything will fall into place, assuming what you want to do isn't crossdressing or sitting around being lazy.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The short answer is yes - you are living in her frame and you are a codependent faggot.

[–]2ndalRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You came here with a question but are looking for a specific answer. How is that helpful to your cause? The way you're responding to the dudes here who are giving you shit explains pretty well what's going on as I have to presume it is similar to how you interact with your wife. When poked, you're defending, rationalizing, and explaining away your faults. Accept who you are and stop giving so much stock to these guys pushing your buttons (or your wife). Instead of battling the guys who are giving you answers you don't like, pretend that you know nothing in this world and process the feedback, step outside of yourself to see what rings true, and discard the rest.

Now to your actual question: You want to change your wife from being sorta enthusiastic during sex to being almost always enthusiastic during sex. Bad news: you can't change her. So drop that line of thinking. Nobody can give you a recipe to make your wife act exactly how you want her, especially nobody here. What can you change? Yourself. You already know what you need to change, so go do that. It's cliche, but for a reason: be the change you wish to see in the world. Maybe your wife will respond, maybe not. If your wife's ability to change according to your rules (rules she is probably not even aware of in the first place) is your measurement for success, you're going to fail.

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, this was a helpful read. Maybe I need to reframe the question in a way that addresses changing myself

[–]markpf733 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Focusing on this will not end well for you.

You’re using sex as an emotional tampon to hold back all the feelings you have inside. The feeling of “i suck”, “I’m lost”, “I have no mission”, “I’m a loser”.

Let all those honest feelings out and get back to the process outlined for you in the sidebar. You’ll find your mission.

[–]lefty929[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks, I think there’s truth to this.

Also as a side note, I find comments like this underrated in here. I appreciate that you just gave your advice and kept to the point.

About half the comments here are shitty one line boiler plate lines or posts that essentially boil down to 5 paragraph insults, all from men trying to get a power high from calling other men faggots because they are seeking advice.

Posting here makes you appreciate the men who actually have substance to say and can say it without trying to sound cool. It’s worth it to wade through the shit comments for the helpful ones.

[–]nobsyoga4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

The point where you will not be called names here is the point where you will either not need this forum anymore, or choose to post advice.

[–]cdogg750 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So what good is it here if you get insults for answers....kinda takes away the word ask in askMRP

[–]nobsyoga0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This isn't the place to come if you want to be rocked to sleep.

[–]cdogg75-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

even if you're kissing my neck too?

[–]lefty929[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Insults and put downs have their place. There is no substitute for calling out faggoty behaviour when someone is being a faggot.

My comment was geared toward the guys who respond on these forums with only insults and little-to-no advice. Those guys are engaging in public ego masturbation, not advice-giving.

You read enough of those comments and it makes you appreciate the good ones.

[–]coachdad82 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Had similar issues a couple years ago. I wrote a post about my mission and how it made the quality of my sex life skyrocket. In my opinion, there's nothing more low-value than being without a mission and there's nothing more high-value than having a solid mission.

[–]lefty929[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m envious of religious people for reasons outlined in your post. I almost wish I had faith in a god, I feel like it must give real depth to life for those who are deeply religious. As someone non religious, finding my mission is definitely my greatest struggle in life right now. Thanks for your comment.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The reason why you lack depth in your life has nothing to do with a lack of religious belief. Though the fact that this appeals to you as an easy route out doesn't surprise me one bit.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she's isn't enthusiastic, it's probably your fault for not being attractive enough, from a physical/game and/or confidence/mission perspective. I would focus in those aspects of your person rather than trying to assess what is going on in her headspace (you'll never really know anyway).

My other thought is that this whole "wanting her to be psyched in bed" goal isnt a worthy one. Even if she becomes a complete tomcat in the sack, will that really help you to fulfill your purpose on this planet?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

No mission, no goals, no mention of your stats and you waste your days playing video games like a fucking teenager.

Then you come here looking for 'visualisation strategies' to help you 'manifest' less duty sex.

Tell you what, I'll finish reading the sidebar for you, I'll spend my free time working out your goals, I'll go and lift for you and increase all your PRs while you stay at home in your underpants playing Doom.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

increase all your PRs while you stay at home in your underpants

A squat rack in the garage makes this a new reality!

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only thing I miss about the gym is the gym bunnies.

[–]lefty929[S] -3 points-2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Lol. Shit like this gets so boring after a while. Man comes in looking for advice. Other man pulls some full metal jacket shit because, well, he feels cool doing it.

Do you feel superior? It’s what you wanted from writing this right? Good for you brother.

There’s a line between giving advice and being condescending and it’s obvious where you are on that line.

I appreciate the intention but if you truly care about helping other men you must realize your delivery is brutal.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I'm not here to help you. I'm too busy laughing at you, darling.

[–]lefty929[S] -2 points-1 points  (6 children) | Copy

You are like the bouncer in the club who thinks he’s hot shit because he’s a bouncer, but at the end of the day he’s still just a bouncer.

Flair doesn’t make you smart. If the shit you say is useless; then it’s useless. Parrots get cookies too sometimes brother.

Anyways, are you done jerking yourself off on your insults, revelling in your sweet sweet power for the entire sub to see?

Maybe when you’re finished you can dole out advice or STFU. Because those are really the only two options you should be considering here. Anything else is a waste of our time.

This may surprise you. But none of us care about your desire to feel badass by insulting someone in a condescending way.

[–]tom-anonymous4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

/u/SBIII is shit testing you and you're failing big time.

Men with frame learn to absorb what is valuable and ignore everything else. You spent time writing responses to comments you don't like for one reason or another. Ask yourself why you're doing this.

It's ego. Some guys fight when it comes to protecting their ego. Some guys use flight. It doesn't matter which one (fight or flight), you're still a faggot if you feel the need to protect your ego like this.

If you post a question on askMrp, just suck it up and take it like a man. We've all been there.

Edit: If you fail a shit test here, you're sure as hell gonna fail one with your wife. That's what you need to realize.

[–]lefty929[S] -4 points-3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I agree that men with frame hold to their narrative, thoughts, and ultimately their truth, above all else.

I'll gladly lay my ego on the floor for advice from men who are smarter and wiser than myself which is why I posted here.

I also won't hesitate to call out men who's posts are a power trip designed to scratch their own itch for feeling like a big shot instead of helping their fellow man.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

You've been given all the answers you need. The only thing preventing you from seeing this is your ego.

[–]cdogg750 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

And sifting past your useless posts clogging up the good posts

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's the price you pay when you sift through another man's thrash.

[–]cdogg750 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha! True shit right there.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My problem is about 50% of the time I can sense she’s in “duty sex” mode. It is compliance but not enthusiastic compliance.

Your answer is in bold.

Imagine the possibilities if you'd quit using your faggy-senses to figure out what's going on in her head, and started using your aLpHa-senses to tell her to do all the nasty shit going on in your head instead.

Or yeah, find a mission and follow it with reckless abandon. Maybe that covert contract will get you the sex you're too scared to command out of her.


[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Make the sex better, and it won’t be duty sex anymore.

But if she’s initiating , you probably have some dread going on... so that’s a positive

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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