Is there a red pill but for friends instead of girls?

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April 11, 2020
153 upvotes

I am somebody who has a hard time finding good friends. I somehow attract people I don't like, and I don't really know a lot of people that I do like, and if so, then they don't really like me.

I realized that one low-value trait about me is that I don't have a lot of friends. And the friends I do have, they are a part of a different social circle that I don't want to be a part of.

Is there any knowledge (books, posts, etc) that have focused on this particular aspect of self-improvement? Making good friends to increase your quality of life and value?


Post Information
Title Is there a red pill but for friends instead of girls?
Author MarriedMuslimMan
Upvotes 153
Comments 58
Date 11 April 2020 05:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/361749
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fzbeo4/is_there_a_red_pill_but_for_friends_instead_of/
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Comments

[–][deleted]  (13 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]IndianaBW67 points68 points  (0 children) | Copy

You and your friend should equally invest in the friendship.

This one is very important. I can't tell you how many people I've silently dropped over the last year or two with this. You can't negotiate mutual investment, guy or girl.

Keep it moving.

[–]elpocalypse65 points66 points  (2 children) | Copy

The red pill isn’t just about girls it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. If your friends are not contributing to that then you need better friends. They say we’re a sum of our 5 closest friends, so you need to take an honest and objective look at the people you spend the most time with.

As far as finding better friends work on improving yourself and doing cool hobbies. If you go to the gym try to start a conversation with a guy close to your age who looks like he knows what he’s doing. Get involved in different activities like sports, music, or anything that will allow you to meet cool people

Just make sure to surround yourself with ambitious people that are trying to better themselves

[–]Waymar_Royce6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

But usually one is alone approaching groups in a new setting. I feel the notion of having no friends is unattractive and indicative of low smv, so won't the people I am approacing be wary of me?

[–]elpocalypse6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m saying if you’re in the gym working out or something ask somebody who looks cool what they’re working on that day and strike up a mini convo. Don’t take up too much of their time but introduce yourself and stuff. If you’re doing cool hobbies you’re bound to meet people who are into the same stuff. From that point it’s all about naturally interacting with people and getting to know them

[–]revaforce133 points134 points  (18 children) | Copy

48 laws of power, laws of human nature, the rational male, how to make friends and influence people, also read sidebar

[–]shadowq826 points27 points  (15 children) | Copy

I would rather not have friends if I have to live by those rules.

Having friends =/= power struggle.

[–]ImNotSue53 points54 points  (8 children) | Copy

How to Win Friends and Influence People is probably still worth reading even if you don't want to look at everyone around like a manipulative asshole. It's not nearly as bad as you imagine from the title. The advice is old but basic: People like when you let them talk. People like when you focus on them. People like when you making interacting with you positive rather than negative, etc. Give it a read.

[–]BaconWaken28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes quite the contrary that book tells you exactly how to avoid being a manipulative asshole.

[–]thiikn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah, the book talks about being genuienely interested, and how rewarding that is. You learn stuff, you get friends

[–]shadowq87 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

yah the book does say just dont be an asshole, but the 48 rules of power for friends ? come on

[–]RaidenDark6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Still a good read to have in the back in your mind even if you absolutely refuse to be manipulative. Knowing the tricks makes them easier to spot in the wild. That's valuable.

I would also say it's a necessary read if you plan on climbing the corporate ladder.

[–]shadowq82 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you on that, you can learn how to deal with certain types.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]ImNotSue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sure, that's pretty spot on. One should be analytical and skeptical of every bit of info anyway. No advice is going to be best in every application and situation and it's always up to us to reason out what might or might not be best applied, like you did here. Good for mentioning it.

[–]redvelvet_oreo15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

You only say that because you don't know how to play the game or understand it. Every social circle that is formed forms a dominance hierarchy.

You can still vibe and socialize with people but realize someone is always going to the more leading dominant person and others will follow. It doesn't mean you cannot get along with said person.

[–]shadowq85 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yah I understand how social circles work, but having true friends is different.

[–]redvelvet_oreo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“True Friends” regardless of your feelings, the power dynamic is still there you just choose to ignore it.

Good friends are few and far in between. You only know who your “true friends” are when something bad happens to you and you see who comes and shows up to your side.

LAW 2 : Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends, Learn How to Use Enemies.

Read it.

[–]Reasonable-Echidna1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, true friends. This book will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.

[–]IterMercator2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also these people who follow those rules are outright unbearable, I know a couple guys who constantly try to act like they are playing 4d chess to be in the best position possible. Nothing will drive people away like constantly putting their guard up

[–]_DonDraper_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cannot stress this enough. I know a few people that do this and it's really off-putting.

[–]stenay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I started reading 48 laws of power. I am in the very beginning but do you do think those laws are "practical"? What practical benefits fo they bring to your life?

I mean its nice to know "never outshine your master" but how often am I in a situation to do that? In my entire I think I came across this situation once.

[–]trwawyrnd23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

people usually care more about people who:

  1. like the things they like

  2. they want to be like

[–]imjustaman9319 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy

Show me your friends and I will tell you your future. If they are not on the same path, let them go.

[–]PartyPoncho6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

It’s just hard to do when they are your only 2 friends right now. I don’t know how to meet people on the same path as me.

[–]imjustaman936 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sign up to a gym that's in the posh area preferably with sauna. I just happen to go to such gym where P1s in the car park are pretty normal. In sauna people talk to each other and you quickly meet interesting people.

Other than that it's same as it is with women, don't purposely go out looking for such friends. Stay on your path and do what you have to do and the right people will start popping up.

[–]myfirsttimecoding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great idea. Kind of gay but I bet older, maybe successful men visit the sauna often and it could actually be a out of the box way to get business contacts.

[–]whuttupfoo4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having shit friends is worse than being alone.

The former keeps you complacent, the latter makes you strive for more.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great news is you don't have to read any God damn books or videos.

You need to GO WHERE people are. Start hobbies and classes, go EVERY week, go early, stay late and HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF - It will take a few months - I recommend Ultimate Frisbee, salsa, MMA , cooking etc .

[–]seducter28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

If we define red pill ideas as truths that are hard to swallow (santa's not real, everybody dies, the alpha fucks/beta bucks, etc) then I've had this deep rooted red pill idea that, while it scared me at first, I've come to accept.

Friends are only friends out of situational convenience.

If you were locked up in prison, you might become best friends with your cell mate. You guys might go through years of the toughest shit and get through with only each other to thank for it. But once you got out, your differences would compound until you really have nothing in common except those years back in prison.

Basically I believe friendships are skin-deep. You could work at a job and become good friends with some guys, but as soon as you change jobs it peters out.

So I guess the answer is that you can have fun with this by basically treating friends the same as plates, except don't fuck em haha. Meet people and develop a friend group that does bowling, one that does games, and when they go their separate ways, start a new one.

[–]reachonthebeat10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got it man . It’s not personal either . We tend to get weak and lose our grasp of reality when this happens . This is why I always read books and educate myself because I know I’m always going to be a magnet to better people .

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gain High Value first. This involves positive changes in lifestyle. when you're Busy with high value activities like sports, hobbies and things that you like, you'll attract the kind of people who're bettering themselves. When you take up a hobby, you'll see like-minded people having fun. We attract people who're just like us. So when you see a group with similar interests as of you, you're bound to like them and stick around them. and if you're not willing to invest time in gaining high value, you should at least invest in improving your listening skills. How to Win Friends and Influence People is the only book you'll ever need.

[–]izzyinjurious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit, this is it OP. You don’t notice it at first, until I read this, but they will start hitting you up especially if you’re posting your work and fun activities. Most want the success, but aren’t willing to work. Just filter through them. You’ll find some actually taking action.

[–]redvelvet_oreo9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Learn game.

If you learn game you learn how to be witty, funny , leading, in a social setting.

You attract shitty people because you dont believe in your self and you let someone else lead the frame.

When you're in your own frame you lead the way and people follow.

When you meet people the first thing you should do is establish comfort "break the ice."

Speak loud.

Dont be afraid to joke or tease people. (Its a way to hand out your own shit test as well)

Pass other peoples shit tests (because they will do it. When you pass it you will have that same feeling as when you break the ice with someone)

Say whatever the fuck you want to say. Play with peoples emotions. The logical answer is often the wrong answer when trying to socialize and make friends.

Take the lead.

[–]Transport1271 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]Andrew543212 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anyone can be anything at any given time. Don’t let your past perceptions allow you to be deceived by what you see. You should be giving value and receiving value in your friendship.

[–]lbrownlbandit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, stick to your mission and wait till you find the ones the work with it. Once you do It will be worth your while. Until then, find a way to be socially satisfied. Connect with people around you, start conversations to learn and be keen to ask people to come join you in what you are doing. Believe me you will not see results until you ask the correct way but when you do. Those people that do join you might just become the best friends you have ever had.

Until then lift, focus on your mission and inline it with what you want in life.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I somehow attract people I don't like,

Why the fuck is that? You need to know.

Is there any knowledge (books, posts, etc) that have focused on this particular aspect of self-improvement? Making good friends to increase your quality of life and value?

https://www.trp.red/p/mattyanon/779

[–]fartt1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i have theory about friends. most time people don't wanna feel a fool so they won't invite you or don't contribute with you and it's not because they don't like you. it's just that they don't want to be fools. so in the beginning invest in people first and if they reciprocate you found a friend if they don't what have you lost.

[–]Filmguy0001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Red Pill is about learning about how the world/people really operate and how to handle it accordingly. Women are the main topic of discussion because most of us were misinformed about dating practices, therefore we all sucked at getting sex. But it applies to all relationships, friends as well.

[–]yeahmaybe21 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Best of: Edited, Summarised and grammar corrected.

The Rational Male, How to win friends and influence people, Red Pill sidebar. Read and gain knowledge about a lot of different topics so that you can be interesting. The Red Pill is about learning about how the world/people really operate, and how to handle it accordingly. Women are the main topic of discussion because most of us were misinformed about dating practices, but it applies to all relationships, friends as well. The Red Pill is about becoming the best version of yourself. If your friends are not contributing to that then you need better friends. Stick to your mission and wait till you find the ones that work with it. Find a way to be socially satisfied. Connect with people around you, start conversations to learn and be keen to ask people to come join you in what you are doing. You will not see results until you ask the correct way, but when you do, those people who join you might just become the best friends you have ever had. Until then, lift, focus on your mission and align it with what you want in life.

If you learn game, you learn how to be witty, funny, leading, in a social setting. When you're in your own frame, you lead and people follow. You attract shitty people because you don’t believe in yourself and you let someone else lead. When you meet people, the first thing you should do is establish comfort "break the ice." Speak confidently and clearly. Don’t be afraid to joke or tease people. (It’s a way to hand out your own shit test as well). Pass other people’s shit tests (because they will do it. When you pass it you will have that same feeling as when you break the ice with someone).

Take the lead.

Don’t try to hang out with the cool kids who don’t care about you. Find bros who care about you and share similar interests. You and your friend should equally invest in the friendship. People like when you let them talk. People like when you focus on them. People like when you make interacting with you positive rather than negative. People usually care more about people who: like the things they like and they want to be like. If they are not on the same path, let them go. Stay on your path and do what you have to do and the right people will start popping up. They say we’re a sum of our 5 closest friends, so you need to take an honest and objective look at the people you spend the most time with.

Gain high value first. This involves positive changes in lifestyle. When you're busy with high value activities like sports, hobbies and things that you like, you'll attract the kind of people who're bettering themselves. When you take up a hobby, you'll see like-minded people having fun. We attract people who're just like us. So when you see a group with similar interests as you, you're bound to like them and stick around them. And if you're not willing to invest time in gaining high value, you should at least invest in improving your listening skills. As far as finding better friends work on improving yourself and doing cool hobbies. If you go to the gym try to start a conversation with a guy close to your age who looks like he knows what he’s doing. Get involved in different activities like sports, music, or anything that will allow you to meet cool people.

You need to go/be where people are. Start hobbies and classes, go EVERY week, go early, stay late and HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF - It will take a few months.

Just make sure to surround yourself with ambitious people that are trying to better themselves. If you’re in the gym working out or something ask somebody who looks cool what they’re working on that day and strike up a mini conversation. Don’t take up too much of their time but introduce yourself and stuff. If you’re doing cool hobbies you’re bound to meet people who are into the same stuff. From that point it’s all about naturally interacting with people and getting to know them. Sign up to a gym that's in the posh area preferably with sauna. In sauna people talk to each other and you quickly meet interesting people.

Remember, friends are only friends out of situational convenience. If you were locked up in prison, you might become best friends with your cell mate. You guys might go through years of the toughest shit and get through with only each other to thank for it. But once you got out, your differences would compound until you really have nothing in common except those years back in prison. You could work at a job and become good friends with some guys, but as soon as you change jobs it peters out.

Have fun, treat friends the same as plates, meet people and develop a friend group that does bowling, one that does games, and when they go their separate ways, start a new one.

Most people don't want to look or feel foolish, so they won't invite you or don't initiate with you, and it's not because they don't like you. It's just that they don't want to look or feel foolish. So in the beginning invest in people first and if they reciprocate you found a friend if they don't what have you lost. Don’t let your past perceptions allow you to be deceived by what you see. You should be giving value and receiving value in your friendship.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]jamescastillo764 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t be desperate

[–]MarriedMuslimMan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not...I have very little motivation to create a social life and I'm trying to inspire myself to do so. I have a primal desire for women but I'm trying to rise above that and foster bro-relationships.

[–]SIR_SKINNYPENIS690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This guy wants friends hahaha gayyyy

(because this is Reddit I need to include this disclaimer: this is a joke)

[–]liquidocean0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yes there is. dominance hierarchy is in the nature of existence, and esp. among humans.

you'll find someone who is more alpha than you can be hard to get along with, and someone very below can be boring or annoying

[–]vlone690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You will find good people, u only need 1 friend, find someone who likes what u like, how do you do this? Enter any social situation express what you are interested in.



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