This is a parody post of "Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences" Turning the CC promoting feminist blog TheBOLDE, into a roadmap of TRP success.

  1. Your beta bux brings out the best in you. Alpha fux brings out the crazy, stalker bitch in you.

  2. Your beta bux values commitment and partnership. Alpha fux is just trying to hang out.

  3. Your beta bux sees your success as his success. Alpha fux needs to take you down a notch.

  4. Your beta bux thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Alpha fux’s eyes keep wandering.

  5. Your beta bux makes you feel secure. Alpha fux makes you want to check his phone.

  6. Your beta bux prioritizes your happiness. Alpha fux prioritizes his own happiness.

  7. Your beta bux enjoys conversation with you. Alpha fux just wants you to be quiet.

  8. Your beta bux makes plans with you in advance. Alpha fux always pops up out of nowhere the same day.

  9. Your beta bux creates a feeling of forward momentum in the relationship. Alpha fux wants to keep things exactly as they are.

  10. Your beta bux makes it clear he’s into you. Alpha fux keeps you wondering.

  11. Your beta bux makes you feel chased. Alpha fux is someone you’re always struggling to pin down.

  12. Your beta bux consistently reaches out to you. Alpha fux goes radio silent for days.

  13. Your beta bux texts you just to check in. Alpha fux texts you when he wants something.

  14. Your beta bux asks about you and your life. Alpha fux couldn’t care less.

  15. Your beta bux is great in real life. Alpha fux looks good only on paper, if that.

  16. Your beta bux treats you like a priority. Alpha fux makes you feel like a backup plan.

  17. Your beta bux does nice little things for you, just because. Alpha fux doesn’t.

  18. Your beta bux wants to show you off to his friends and family. Alpha fux hides you from them.

EDIT: Added a title to clarify that this is adapted from an article originally written from the mind of a hamster.