diploidmacy107 points·2 hours ago

Preface: After writing it all down, it has been almost cathartic in a way. I have tried to keep it as short as possible with vague context but I feel like a weight has been lifted in this shitshow that is my life right now. I may show this to my psychologist next week.

When I was 22, I met my wife (Grace) through my friend group, a mixture of couples and singles. She was 2 years younger and I instantly felt a connection but she had just come out of a relationship. She wanted to wait before dating again ... so I did. I treated her like a normal friend.

7 months later, we started ‘dating’. She felt she was strong enough again. It was a Friday when she confessed to me - I remember it was St Patty’s Day that year. We were intimate that weekend and 3 weeks later, she sits me down and announces she’s pregnant.

I’m not going to lie but my first instinct was that it wasn’t mine. I figured that surely 3 weeks was too early to know and I let her know what I thought. She was extremely hurt and upset and left my house. The next few weeks involved a lot of tears and pleading from my end to understand where I was coming from. I had that 1% of doubt that maybe she was carrying my child and I completely fucked it up.

She completely dropped off the face of the earth. She didn’t show up to any gatherings, blocked my number and my friends whispered that she had gone to the country to live with her aunt. I was heartbroken and confused ... and still had a slither of doubt about my paternity with the child. I had actually lost half of my friends who were disgusted with me about the situation. The other half understood where I was coming from, I guess.

I didn’t hear from Grace until after the child was born. Actually, it was her mother that knocked on my door and asked me for my hair so they could establish paternity. 4 weeks later, my MIL sent me the results; my DNA was a 100% match to my child’s. I begged and begged Grace to take me back, I sobbed and asked for another chance. After some time, she agreed and we have been together ever since.

Molly (17F) is now in Year 11. She is my little girl, no doubt about that at all. She s into your typical girly interests but she’s intellectually curious. I am a research scientist and Molly has always wanted to know more about what I do. She studies hard and plays a variety of sports. Maybe I sound like a typical doting dad but just know that she is my daughter, through and through.

6 years after Molly came the twins, John (11M) and Jane (11F). John is into Marvel and plays the guitar. He is top of his class and will be competing to go to a top selective high school next year. Jane swims and plays tennis. She has placed in over 10 state competitions and is looking to gain a sport scholarship for high school.

5 years later came Mark (6M). He's a sensitive boy who likes digging in the garden and attempting to train our dog. The other day he announced that he knew over 10 animals and could spell porcupine. I didn't test him that day but maybe I will some other time.

I thought our family was complete. When Mark was around 3, I asked Grace what she thought about me getting a vasectomy. She expressed disinterest and didn't seem concerned. I didn't press the issue but in the back of my mind, it was always nagging at me. Eventually, the uncertainty was so paramount that I unilaterally decided to get a vasectomy. It was hard to act normal for a first few days after the procedure but I just had to get it done. My doctor cleared me twice on the results of my sperm tests.

So imagine my surprise when Grace surprised me one night with the news that she was 2 months along. I asked her if she was certain and she said she had it confirmed by a doctor. The next day I did another sperm count and the results came back the same. I asked the doctor if there was any chance I could a father right now. He said there was a less than 1% chance. That night, I casually mentioned to Grace that I did a sperm count and it seems I had a very low sperm count - I called it a miracle that we were expecting. Knowing my wife, I would have expected a coy response but instead she actually raised her voice and said that she didn't like what I was insinuating. I dropped the issue that night, apologised and went to bed.

Suspicion about the paternity of my kids crept in. I ordered online DNA test kits and tested John, Jane and Mark. When the results came back, I was devastated to find that Mark was not mine. I love that boy with all my heart.

Although I would never abandon my children, I made preparations to leave Grace. I knew that it was going to be difficult to fight for custody especially of my non-biological children but I asked my brother for a favour. His wife's sister is an excellent family attorney who will be representing me at a reduced cost. I was fine financially because we had signed a pre-nup and I was prepared to pay some alimony. She took time off for the pregnancies and worked as an EA when they went to school or daycare.

We live in one of my parent's houses. They are extremely well-off and allowed us to live in one of their most expensive properties for free, essentially. There were talks about 10 years ago about transferring ownership into my name but somehow or another, it didn't happen. I broached the subject of moving out of our house one night with Grace and she replied that she wouldn't leave. I asked what would happen if my parents asked us to go and she says she has a stake in the house too. I asked what she meant and essentially her response was that because I held the deed now (I did not), she was entitled to half the house. After some more back and forth, it was revealed that my MIL had told Grace that. In a moment of nostalgia, I lamented that it actually my MIL who brought us back together. Grace asked me what I meant. I could see the genuine confusion on her face and made up some lame story about my MIL speaking some sense into me. I could not get Grace's confused expression out of my mind so that nignt, in a split second decision, I purchased another test kit for Molly.

ReplyGive AwardShareReportSavelevel 2diploidmacy114 points·2 hours ago

Molly is not mine. The results came back 3 weeks ago. Out of my 4 current kids, only half are biologically mine. That fucking stings. I don't undestand how my life has arrived at this point. I don't understand how I 100% matched Molly back when she was born. That night, I confronted Grace and it was not pretty. I straight up said that I knew Molly and Mark weren't mine and I wanted an explanation. At first she tried to play it off but after I produced the test results, she caved quickly. She was extremely tearful and apologetic as she explained that every time our youngest was getting out of diapers, she wanted to feel sexy again and part of that included seducing her boss. I couldn't believe my fucking ears and asked her to repeat herself. She sobbed and said she knew it was wrong but she was incredibly turned on by the power dynamic and used it as a way to boost her confidence. I asked her if there were other less slutty ways to do that and she sobbed harder. The worst was when I asked if number 5 was mine and she paused before saying it was a unlikely.

I wanted to pack my things and leave that night but my lawyer advised that I shouldn't do that so I didn't. I took the afternoon off the next day as I knew Grace would still be in the office. I sat down all my kids after they were home and explained that I was leaving their mother. They all reacted with extreme shock and I calmly explained that this in no way, shape or form impacts my relationship with them as their dad. I will always be their dad and I would love for them to consider living with me full-time. Molly agreed instantly and John looked troubled but nodded. Jane did not give me an answer and Mark just started crying. It took a few hours to console him before Grace was due to be home.

I understand now, through the psychologist I've seeing, that it was wrong of me to tell the kids by myself without Grace. When I handed her the divorce papers that night, she was furious when I told her I had already told the kids, calling me vindictive, manipulative and that she would be looking for full custody. I told her I'd take her to court if it's what it takes. She demanded I leave the house but I refused.

I had kept my parents out of this but my brother accidentally mentioned it to them 2 days ago. I told the whole story and they were extremely empathetic. My mother cried especially hard, as she always thought of Grace as the daughter she never had. My dad was equally sad but immediately asked me if I wanted to get out of that house. I asked him what he meant. Since he is still the owner of the house, he can legally evict everyone on at least a 90 day notice. He said that if he started the proceedings immediately, he could have the eviction date be before Grace was due. I asked my dad if he was serious and he said he definitely was as he could see how I would suffer still being there when Grace gives birth. He offered for me to inhabit another one of his properties in a neighbouring suburb, with enough room to bring the kids.

I accepted my dad's offer. Last night, my parents' lawyer served us with the eviction notice. Grace was definitely shocked and as were the kids. I assured them that I would find a place and that I would make sure there was enough space for them. Grace freaked out and asked where she was going to live. I replied that I didn't really care actually. She called me an asshole for saying that to the mother of his children, in front of the children and asked if I was really going to evict her 2 weeks before her dute date. I said it wasn't my decision. She called bullshit on that. Jane spoke up in defence of her mother and said that I should still make sure she was housed safely. I calmly replied that I could not take on that responsibiltiy for a child that was not mine. The children were definitely shocked to hear that and Grace was even more shocked and angrier. She did not speak to me after that until I was getting ready to go to bed in the guest room. She closed the door and said that I was a fucker for saying that in front of the kids earlier.

She threatened that if I did not find her a place to stay at the same level of luxury as our current house, she would reveal to Molly and Mark that I was not their father. I asked her if he would really stoop that low and she said I already had earlier. I then told her to go ahead as I would be fighting for full-custody nonetheless as courts look upon the interests of the child and I would love the children regardless.

She did not expect or like that answer. She left my room and I got the first decent night of sleep I've had in a while. That was interrupted by a screeching call from my MIL at 7AM. She asked how I could do this to my wife and I asked her, point blank, if she had fabricated the test results when Molly was born. I heard the hesitation in her voice and simply asked who the father was. My MIL admitted that she knew who the real father was and used their hair but would not tell me a name. Fair enough. I don't need to know. I hung up on her afterwards. Since then, other relatives have expressed their views. A few select have, while sympathising with my situation, called me inconsiderate to render my soon to be ex-wife homeless while ready to give birth. I said that she was a capable adult who could work through it.

I know I'm legally in the right as are my parents but I've obviously been called an asshole for essentially "evicting" my stbx wife while she's pregnant, not with my child. So I'm curious but ready for judgement, AITA?

tl;dr 2 out of my current 4 kids are not mine. I am divorcing my wfe and my parents have evicted us from our house, which would mean she is homeless almost at full term, with a child that is not mine. Am I the asshole for agreeing to this?