This post is the direct result of an experience I've had with my LTR. I will tell the story of what occurred, followed by a RedPill breakdown of the ebbs and flows of the situation and how to apply these same tactics to your own LTRs in the case of a fake break-up shit test.
I was with my girlfriend of about a year, at the gym, getting ready to leave. I'm busy telling her about a female friend of mine who is going through a break-up with her boyfriend. We'll call this female friend Lexi. Being a good friend of mine, I reached out to her to see how she was doing on this day as it had been a few days since her break-up.
Arriving home, we (my LTR and I) sat in bed together and discussed the occurrences of the day while I was texting Lexi. Out of nowhere, Lexi says "do you know any guys who would be interested in me?", an obvious grab for validation. My LTR sees it and quips "She just wants you to say you do." Ignoring her, I respond saying I do not, and she responds with "I would hook up with you if I could lol". My LTR goes into a complete rage.
I promptly respond to the text with my LTR watching, "I'm in a relationship right now so that's not an option". It's not enough. The insulting rhetoric keeps on pouring out. "I can't trust you!" "You can't be friends with her!" "You're egging this on!" I remind her that I've set a boundary for Lexi here and I have nothing to hide. I tell her Lexi's behavior was not okay but she is, regardless, a dear friend of mine and that I would not be ghosting her. My LTR demands that I never speak to her again and I say "I don't get to decide who you're friends with, and you don't get to decide who I befriend and remain in contact with. End of story." She persists in her infantile tantrum, so I get up and check my email. She starts demanding my attention, raising her voice and throwing more insults: "You don't listen to me! Why do you always get to decide when fights are over! You're being a child!"
After about an hour of her pouting while I'm just doing my own thing, we start talking calmly about other matters. Finally, she comes out with "Now that my head's clear, I think...we should just be done." I say "Okay. See ya." and return to what I'm doing on the computer. "That's it?" she asks. "Yes," I say, "and make sure you get all your shit out of my house before you go." Silence. Then, still standing there, she inquires, "Can I have a hug?" I decline her offer, remind her she wants to end things and remind her where the door is. Eventually, we make it downstairs with all her stuff. I go to open the door and she stops me. "Wait," she says, "don't you want some closure?" "I'm fine," I tell her. "You obviously never cared about me," she says, getting more emotional, yet, still standing there. I return with "Yeah, can't say I give a fuck that you're ending it over this. Petty. See ya." I also throw in a "by the way, the decision you make here tonight is permanent. If it's over, we're never speaking again."
After a little more of this she COMPLETELY 180s. Starts grasping desperately for validation, back to "Never mind, I decided I want to be with you. I love you. hugs". I still back away when she attempts to hug me. Still teasing the rest of it out. Bleh. Let's just get to the breakdown.
My LTR seeing that Lexi texted me saying she would hook up with me if she could was unanticipated Dread Game
And no, before you suggest it, I was not cheating and was not egging on this behavior in the background. I was fully unprepared for Lexi to come out and say that. We are friends of 6 years and we had a romantic past several years back that has been platonic ever since.
Now look at how she reacted. She was pissed, as one should be in this situation. I immediately set the boundary for Lexi and it wasn't enough for the hamster in my bitch's head. She began pouring out the shit tests, which I promptly ignored or pressure-reversed. Let me also mention at this time that I never once raised my voice or lost my frame. I remained docile the entire time and spoke calmly but firmly. These shit tests were all a POWER PLAY by her in order to gain MORE CONTROL over me in this relationship. By ignoring her and flipping the blame, I passed the shit tests. By passing the shit tests, I utterly but subtly refused to relinquish this power and control to her.
- Her decision to break-up was the ULTIMATE Shit Test!!
This was her last ditch effort to gain that control she so badly wanted. It didn't bode well with her at all that this woman was offering herself to me and it wasn't enough that I set the boundary. I had to give up this friendship in order to maintain the relationship and I was unwilling to do so. Thus, she attempted a very powerful shit test. Notice my immediate reaction: "Okay. See ya." (I must admit that the moment she said we should end it a feeling of dread washed over me. This was my Blue Pill conditioning dying to come back out. I realized it immediately after I had the feeling and I gave the appropriate response for which the situation called). By feigning disinterest and apathy and promptly returning to my business (my computer), she began to wonder "does he really care about me? I should find out". This is why she asked if I really had nothing else to say and then began with the hug attempts. I wasn't going to let her get away with her behavior that easily, however, and I kept backing away and feigning disinterest at each thing she said until she flopped. Like I said, I continued to "tease out" how she really felt and showed her desire to break-up for what it really was: a gigantic shit test. She thought she could call my bluff but instead I called hers.
- Pass shit tests with Amused Mastery
Hold frame, remain calm, don't respond directly to what they say, agree and amplify, flip the pressure/blame. They're adult children; treat them as such.
Epilogue: After she left, she sent me a very large text apologizing and attempting to rationalize her behavior just a tad - although she did finish her wall of text with a promise to work on her behavior. The fact is, she has past relationships, including a 5-year ex, with whom she still corresponds, and it's an astronomical double-standard for her to expect me to cut ties with a woman who said she would hook up with me if she could.
Furthermore, I felt angry and greatly disrespected at the enormous shit test she pulled. I seriously considered ending the relationship that night and many of you will probably encourage me to do so upon reading this. I must admit I am still Blue Pill in my inability to actually end the relationship as it is my first LTR ever. While I can practice RedPill tactics on her I still have a bit of a scarcity mentality by staying with a woman who treats me this way and by being afraid of the consequences of a break-up (loss of mutual friends, great immediate change, a period of grief). I'm still considering ending it over this rather recent event. The only lesson I have not yet learned is the one I would if I ended it.
[–]Fictitiousfallacy141 points142 points143 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]SYL3NZR323 points324 points325 points (71 children) | Copy
[–]FurrowBeard[S] 93 points94 points95 points (57 children) | Copy
[–]GetrichonIMP56 points57 points58 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]mojoback 27 points27 points27 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]cosine885 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]xicougar1060 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]FurrowBeard[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]yomo866 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BluestBlackBalls4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward14 points15 points16 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]basebool7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BluestBlackBalls2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Joseph_the_Carpenter3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]FurrowBeard[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]beachbloke3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RealMcGonzo2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (32 children) | Copy
[–]TyrannyVengeance 36 points36 points36 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]Thizzlebot20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy
[+][deleted] comment score below threshold-8 points-7 points-6 points (26 children) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts65 points66 points67 points (12 children) | Copy
[–]SetConsumes15 points16 points17 points (11 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (9 children) | Copy
[–]SetConsumes2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]SetConsumes4 points5 points6 points (7 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]SetConsumes0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]slimjimjohnson9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]RPSigmaStigma5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1RXRob38 points39 points40 points (2 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]joh214111 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Moneyley3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Stythe0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ25 points26 points27 points (9 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (8 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ6 points7 points8 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]CQC31 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Seoul_Brother2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Horus_Krishna_21 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Expectations10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts 81 points81 points81 points [recovered] | Copy
[–][deleted] 54 points55 points56 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts 26 points26 points26 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]askmrcia4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool19 points20 points21 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]RealMcGonzo2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]allkindanuts5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]RealMcGonzo6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]saladon 4 points4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]allkindanuts0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]IronMeltsinmyHands1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Physio_Tool0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]royal_fucktard31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]ANGRY_ATHEIST5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RedPillHanSolo75 points76 points77 points (27 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool27 points28 points29 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]RedPillHanSolo10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT2 points3 points4 points (16 children) | Copy
[–]LaRedPill11 points12 points13 points (15 children) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT0 points1 point2 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity14 points15 points16 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]LaRedPill0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]LaRedPill0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]BENDERisGRREAT-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]Rhunta-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy
[–]LaRedPill1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]joh21411 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]curunir0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]RedPillHanSolo4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1Soarinc28 points29 points30 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]3chazthundergut20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Elodere5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1Soarinc8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BPasFuck8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]slay_it_forward1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Ledhabel 24 points24 points24 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]mdcrubengonza2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool16 points17 points18 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys-2 points-1 points0 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool1 point2 points3 points (9 children) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys-1 points0 points1 point (6 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]refusewool-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]curunir1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Barvazon4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]indivisibleremainder4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mummersfarce_is_done15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]goldnhorde4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]SneakyTouchy2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]u-r-silly2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ReneFroger7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]vorverk2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Conceited-Monkey2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]yummyluckycharms2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Stythe2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TRPtruth2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Physio_Tool0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ntvirtue2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]pennywise21032 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Schwaggaccino2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Truth_Himself3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Daddie026 points27 points28 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]BadMoles63 points64 points65 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]joh21416 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]disposable_pants42 points43 points44 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]BPasFuck16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Daddie06 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]disposable_pants1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]kaljanas39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]logicalthinker10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 14 points14 points14 points | Copy
[–]JacquesNicoleSonne6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]mksu7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TRPShill3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]looc222 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]penhova1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]TRPShill0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]SharpCantTailSharp1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]karpathian1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]dudeguymanthesecond1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Frisky-Fox1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]top_zozzle1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]waitforit6661 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]YXxStrykerxXY1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Temptationn1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]HeatseekingLogicBomb1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Buchloe0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]Truth_Himself1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Buchloe1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Truth_Himself0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Fulp_Piction1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ihateyouguys2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]stoutdevildawg0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]FurrowBeard[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1PantsonFire12340 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Rougepellet0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]rarejeb0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Circlelurker900 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]chumjetze0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]PM-ME-YOUR-SEXTAPE-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy
[–]1Tommy_4071 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]GunsGermsAndSteel-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[+]theredpill1000comment score below threshold-7 points-6 points-5 points (0 children) | Copy
[+]phate0451comment score below threshold-13 points-12 points-11 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]hesalop6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]phate04514 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]krotch_vilense[🍰] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ioncehadsexinapool2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy