I was one crazy blue pilled fucker. Please bear in mind that everyone in this story is an adult, I know it may not seem like it, but seriously, I was that much of a faggot.

It all started when I lost my virginity just two years ago, a week after turning 19, to the ugliest girl in the world. Goblin girl. Deep inside I feel the sting of being a loser, but my blue pill mindframe turns this into the most glorious event to ever happen and I tell everyone, including some random girls I added on Facebook who Ive never met.

So I end up getting oneitis for Goblin Girl. So I cry about it to Random Facebook Girls, one of which, is an Ugly Little Mouse Girl.

I watched Disney movies to dull the pain (seriously), and ugly little mouse girl liked Disney movies so she kept talking to me. She posts emoticons, so what do you know I love emoticons too. I loved them always. That's why I only started using them all the time when she did it. "Because I've always liked them".

After giving her the tingles with all my smooth Disney talk, she agrees to meet with me to "go for a walk". She gets a bus down to where I live and we walk around the nice looking places and we play Pooh sticks over the bridge. She takes me down to the steps, we sit on them, and she kisses me.

Then we go back to my house to watch Mulan, but turn the movie off after 5 minutes and go upstairs to get jiggy. I finger bang her, it is very tight and wet. She is moaning and wriggling. I lick it, give her compliments. She starts sucking my dick but I dont come, she did it for like 2 hours until she started complaining so I made myself finish.

The next day as I walk her to the bus stop she starts asking me what I've been doing ( no job, wank and videogames) and I tell her nothing and she says she thought having a job was the point of life. I said "No." and then we were silent for a while.

On the way she decides she wants to eat and I follow her around while she looks for a place and decides on somewhere. Guys there made fun of me for not getting the special so I got really nervous. I was so conscious of how I was eating and felt like a retard. I didn't have enough money to pay for it aswell so she had to pay for hers and most of mine hahahah.

Now this doesn't sound too bad so far, but it gets worse. I start really wanting to see her again. REALLY really wanting to see her again. I message her about it like every 2 or 3 days, constantly complimenting her, telling her how beautiful that night was. I started telling her I loved her.

She said she wanted to meet up again, this was during the Christmas holidays so we werent in college. But she pushes the date back from a week to two weeks. I get really upset. Her answers start getting vaguer.

It's pushed back to a month now. I'm getting really worried. Im crying a lot. Wont leave my room.

The month passes. Death.

I start getting angry at her, crying to her, asking why she wont see me, asking if she likes me. She keeps responding to everything, giving vague answers. She said she likes me most out of "all her current suitors", which of course gives me so much hope.

The christmas holidays end and she goes back to college. I barely show up to my classes though. Take weeks off all the time. I went to like 2 classes that semester. She barely messages me now, but I message her a LOT more than I used to.

I reread our message conversations over and over, trying to figure out where I went wrong or what I said that was bad and I just cant see it. Wondered why it was no problem before but is now saying I live "too far away". I start imagining her fucking all my friends because she made a joke about my dad sounding "hot" when she overheard him when I was on the phone.

I was constantly thinking about killing myself though. My messages to Mouse Girl got pretty fucked up. I mean weird shit like "Fuck why dont you love me , what did I fuck up? Fucking sucide death I want to die just kill me LOVE"

Shit like that. Loads of it. She tells me to go to a doctor and I do and I tell them Im having "violent sexual thoughts" HA. They did nothing other than put my on antidepressants which I never actually took, I just pretended to take them to keep my parents happy.

I discovered Good Looking Loser around this time, after reading enough of that I had a somewhat higher level of hope, I made good friends with the guys I lived with in college and they helped me a lot. I already failed college which is a huge fuckup but when I went home that summer I saw her through the window on the bus ride home. And my heart skipped a beat. I sent her a text saying "Cant come over huh? Too far away? I'm done." and block her off facebook and delete her number off my phone.

Oh and I've apologised that friend who I was a complete asshole too. We both want to invent a time machine and go back to then while I was messaging Ugly Mouse Girl and give my past self a wedgie then time travel forward again.

TL;DR I was blue balled virgin and should've killed myself. Now I have a job and lift.