How do I carve Turkey like an alpha?

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November 27, 2014

Just kidding

Happy thanksgiving boys!

Post Information
Title How do I carve Turkey like an alpha?
Author newlifeasredpill
Upvotes 128
Comments 22
Date 27 November 2014 12:57 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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[–]Haukie 65 points65 points [recovered] | Copy

You don't, rip it apart and feast like vikings, sending a true alpha message to the turkeys of 2015.

[–]VikingWarGod 21 points21 points [recovered] | Copy

That response works for basically any TRP Issue; When you're wondering what to do just ask yourself "What would a viking do?".

Would a viking take shit from his girlfriend? Would a viking let others treat him unfairly? Would a viking spend his time eating chips and watching TV series? Would a viking lose frame and kill everyone around him in a fit of barbaric rage? ... That last one is probably a bad example :P

[–]djthiago113 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Personally i think vikings would watch Game of Thrones on their spare time.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

That and The Sopranos.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

flash back to conan the barbarian scene where they all sit and eat. then suddenly, "what is best in life?"


[–]vengefully_yours3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Driving your enemies before you and hearing the lamentations of the women.

[–]Manuel_S1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, a real VIKING would do the blood eagle on the fucking turkey and watch it flop!

[–]jacks_not_surprised43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was about to unsubscribe.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

You really had me. I was just thinking about what a lazy dumbass you are for not being able to use Google. :)

Anyways, to at least add a little bit of value, here is how we pros do it:

Pro-tip: Leave the leg-bone attached until you cut out the breasts. That way the turkey will have a much safer stand.

Happy thanksgiving from the old world to you too.

[–]Manuel_S1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For fun, use a real sharp knife. Sort that you can shave an arm with (fine emeril paper, plus a bit of leather does the work).

Then the meat just comes apart under your hands, looks easy as hell.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

With a chainsaw

[–]AnarchyBurger1016 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can be done, but you need a fresh chainsaw. From there, you put canola oil in the bar and chain oil reservoir, rev it up for 8 minutes to chase away any factory machine oil, slice through some hard bread, or just 2x4s to wipe it away, and chainsaw away on your large animal.

Usually this works for cows, bison, elk, musk ox, moose, any sort of animal that is big enough where you might loose sight of your blade while cutting into the animal.

NEVER loose sight of your blade, or a should say, get to a point where you don't know where it is. That's how you lose fingers, end up with a filleting knife in your hand, a gutting knife in your knee, etc, etc.

[–]NotMeUsee 19 points19 points [recovered] | Copy

Ignore it until it needs you to stuff it.

[–]davosnator6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

and the turkey?

[–]jeezydasnowman7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

With a samurai sword

[–]Squeezymypenisy8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

I bought steak. Screw turkey.

[–]TheAssh0le 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy

This. With all the time, money, and effort that goes into baking a turkey, I'd rather just buy a whole tenderloin. My nearest Sam's has them for about $80.

[–]Squeezymypenisy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not bad. Honestly turkey is healthy. But give me steak and a bourbon anyday. Washed with some scotch.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn it i fell for it

[–]AnarchyBurger1012 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Battery powered saw-z-all, with fresh blades of course. :D

Works on deer, pigs, cows, most anything you need to do course butchering for.

The people down the line from you, when disassembling a deer, they get to mess with the washing, cutting, filleting the silver skin off the meat, etc. ;)

On a turkey, I suppose you could saw-z-all the contour of the ribs, section that down the center, put that off to the side, flip the remaining part of the bird, with the drumsticks on it, cut that down the center, then people down the line could further cut it down, pass it around, then put anything not eaten in a steamer pan for later.

[–]randarrow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go to youtube, search for "carving peking duck", (there are different styles for grace or for speed), practice 1000 times, try not to cut off fingers....

Happy Thanksgiving!

[–]magical_artist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With a claymore, or a two handed broadsword if you're a pussy.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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