Wife askes for divorce citing abuse when asked to stop the truthtrickling

251 points133 commentssubmitted by [deleted] to r/relationship_advice

Wife (40 F) had a secret affair with her yoga teacher. I ( 43 M) was blind to it, while it was apparent to many people around us. For example she lied about going to a workshop, while openly going to a sauna in the nude with this scumbag who we have known for 10+ years. After a half year she left her phone and she got an explixit message. I was a fool not picking up the signals, which I all ignored. She was talking about yoga and that scumbag the whole time, while slipping some negative info about him to cover it, going to bed early with the phone. Later I found out she send nude pictures while we were on holiday. Note she never did these things with me. At first she claimed nothing ever happened, then only nude yoga sessions, then one on one sessions, it downspiralled to full regular weekly sexdates.

I feel like at least she can tell the truth instead of all the lies, but when asked she accussed me of mentally abusing her and now going for a divorce.

I don't want a divorce , because we also have a 4 year old son just about to goto school. Also we running a business together implicates matters.

UPDATE 23-8-2019 Update. 23-8-2019

This week I went to a lawyer. Went along with her suggestion and have made a appointment for mediation, but will be in 2 weeks. Wife stated she won't fight me in anything, but now claims she never really wanted a divorce.

I took control over the finances and everything seemed okay. Still living in same house though. Wife asked my support to goto a doctor (I thought for a STD test) and I went along.

Turns out she had us meet a psychiatrist who counseled her. Then shit started to happen. She first stated she wants to be neutral and help us both solve the problems. During the talk I got to hear a story how my wife was the victim of a evil man who took advantage of her, manipulating her and she was not to blame becasue it was not done in free will. She also did put part of the blame on me because should I have been more attentive and loving, my wife wouldn't feel all alone and getting under the evil spell of her yogacoach. On top of that I was making much too much fuss about adultery and should start acting like a man.

Then she really got started by saying I was mentally abusing her (Hmm I heard that before) by asking her all those questions. I should leave her alone and give her unconditional support because my wife is so fragile and stressed. Before she could finish the whole crap what I had to do and what not to do in order to help my (ex)wife , I ran out the room yelling she could stick her advice in her fat ass.

I stayed in a hotel for 1 night and currently living in a warehouse we rent for equipment. I didn't answer her calls, but today I went to work but we giving each other the silent treatment.

I called the lawyer to get an earlier appointment. By the way I live in the Netherlands and the way the psychiatrist was kind of trapping me is legal because I am formally not her patient.

What I left out is the whole story telling about how she was manipulated, tantra, some kind of pressure points. It started because she was assaulted and then feared I would find out. She kept it secret because she feared I wouldn't be able to handle it. I wanted to call her bullshit out, but could't find the words at the momet. I felt empty like I wasn't there, feeling humiliated and grossed out at the same time. At a certain point I felt anger growing against the wife and this psysch/therapist, which gave me the energy to leave.