Was told to post here. My girlfriend (25) of 3 years cheated on me (27), she has cancer.

54 points52 commentssubmitted by lostandconfused232 to r/Infidelity

Edit 2: I'll be putting my edit up here since it was most likely be the last I'm posting. I woke up at ~4am and noticed the distinct smell of marijuana in the apartment. Still not awake and confused I went to the bedroom really hoping she wasn't dumb/inconsiderate enough to bring that man into my home. Most of her meds/clothes were gone as well as her TV and computer. I'm praying she took it out on her own, but I'm not going to beat myself up knowing she didn't.

When the office of the apartment opened I went down and I talked to them about changing the locks, since she's not on the lease it shouldn't be an issue calling the cops if she shows up solely to start problems.

I sent her a text explaining when she wants her stuff she can show up with one of her brothers or something but I don't want that guy here. She sent me back the laughing so hard you're crying emoji.

Thinking more back on last night I'm beginning to think she's having some kind of breakdown. I didn't think about it at the time but last night was entirely intentional. There's no reason to say someone's first and last name during sex unless your weird or your boyfriends name is Justin and you want to make sure he knows you said someone else's name and not just misheard his own.

I called my job, my boss was incredibly supportive of my choice and told me to take "a few days" to clear my head, my job will be there when I'm ready. I haven't had two days off in a week in months, much less 3-4 in a row. It going to be hard trying to go back to a life that's not about her, I honestly think I've forgotten how to have fun, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

As far as the fund goes, it's pretty much all my money if not entirely my money. I plan on giving her ~$500 out of it if things go smoothly with her collecting her things, just because it was always meant to be for her, but the rest I'm keeping for myself. I might use my vacation time and go somewhere.

I'm not too concerned about her. She's got some vaguebooking post up about how she "really thought the people she loved would be there for her in her hardest times" or some shit. It's all ready littered in love/sad reacts and full of comments saying "pm me girl" so she's got all the support she needs.

Thanks to everyone who commented. I'm still in shock and trying to deal with all this. I'm still considering seeking counseling, I know it sounds dramatic but I really feel abused and taken advantage of here and I think I'll need some help coming to terms with that.

The mods of relationships very kindly PMed me and asked me to post here instead.

As far as my original post it covered receiving these weird messages and how to move forward if they were in fact real and not some joke or prank pulled by someone who's completely fucked in the head. Normally this would be an open/shut case as cheating is the worst thing you can do a person to me, but I feel conflicted because of her illness and what she's claiming happened. Her health is deteriorating and we well be lucky to have another 2 years together. I have devoted almost every bit of my time and energy to this girl be it taking her to and from her appointments or working overtime to make a better life for her.

She got home from work around 5:20, and we just "finished" talking about 15 minutes ago.

According to her, this was blown far out of proportion. She admitted to drinking and she admitted to approaching the guy. She said that it was a bit more deep than what he put into the messages, that she was upset seeing couples together all over each other at the party and she knew I couldn't be there because of the extensive hours I work to help pay our bills and add to "the fund" (pretty much the money we plan to live off after she's no longer able to work).

She said she saw this guy "James" from her work smoking a joint and decided to go over and help herself (I don't have ton of issues with her smoking since it's legal here but it's not something she ever does so I'm not sure what compelled her to).

She admitted to disclosing her sexual frustrations to him (I said in the other post that I do admit that sex falls on the back burner a lot because I'm exhausted and the sex we do have is pretty generic because shes sick and I'm not that kind of guy), which up until this point I had no clue about, and he asked her to come upstairs with him. She stood up to go (she states she didn't plan on having sex with him but wanted to talk in private) but felt extremely lightheaded and started to fall. He caught her and according to her completely incited kissing her. She felt bad after a few MINUTES (I asked her to clarify this and she said she meant seconds but I'm not entirely sure I'm buying that) and told him she didn't feel comfortable doing this.

She claimed at that point she found the homeowner who was throwing the party and asked if she could lay down inside the room with the purses because it was being kept locked and she didn't feel comfortable laying down/falling asleep with this guy still there. He offered to kick the guy out and she said she didn't want that she just wanted someone to come and get her when her friend/ride was leaving.

Apparently that's where it ended and everything else this guy is saying is a lie (I'm currently waiting on a message back from her friend on whether not she was in that room at the end of the night however I do not put it past her "girl power" bff to lie for her).

I want to believe this and I told her that. If she just kissed him, fucking fine, I'm disgusted and hurt but I'm not going to hate/leave her for it. However, I'm having a hard time buying it considering she doesn't want to bring this to the attention of her higher ups at work, but I also understand not wanting to discredit her professionalism. It's not that I think she's a liar, or even a cheater, but I need some time to wrap my fucking head around all this. I didn't even know we had "marital problems", much less them being so bad she feels the need to open up to strangers about it.

I asked her if she wanted couples counseling. She sees her own person, but I'm obviously not there and she's not opening up about it. She said she thinks that will help because 99% of the time spent with her counselor is discussing her nightmares/panic attacks/fear of dying. It's been almost year since she's been going there and she still wakes up crying in the middle of the night.

I told her I needed time. It seems dramatic but I pinned a sheet up in the living room and set my computer up next to the couch behind it. I just need my own space to reflect on this. I'm going to give it a day or two and see how I feel. She has an appointment Thursday, so I'm going to talk to her more then. I don't know how long it's going to take to stop this, but every time I see her I just picture her wide eyes and vulnerable in someone else's arms and it hurts. I'm thinking about seeking my own person therapy. I'm assuming there has to be people who specialize in helping those dealing with early death/decline of a loved one.

She's tried once already to get me to come out and talk to her while I was typing this and I feel like a child hiding in my fucking fortress of solitude, but this is the only thing that feels right right now.

I don't know what to do, I'm hoping anyone out there can help me right now.

Edit I read a few of these comments and will look them again in the morning. Right now I need to write this done before I go to sleep and it becomes a gray area.

At around 7pm I left the house and a while of walking I found myself in front of the liquor store.i bought one bottle of average size of tequila and drank some of it. I do not drink and am very skinny so I was pretty drunk. By around 9 I was back at the house and came to attempt to talk to her. I was mad and drunk and gently shoved her. She told me that’s what she wanted for me to be mad and to do it again. So I pushed her again. She tried to kiss me and touch me so we started doing things. It was consensual. If anything I felt uncomfortable acting this way and was only doing it because it was the first time in years she seemed into it.

Roughly 25 minutes into sex she said the name James xxxxxx. I asked here wtf was wrong with her and she looked at me and fucking said “I guess he made me say it so much I forgot”. I am in my fortress. Tomorrow I will wake up and ask her to leave. I’m will be okay without her. She will be okay without me. I’m going to sleep thank you for the help/support.