Many guys have the following mentality, even if only subconsciously: I am not the richest, most successful, attractive, "alpha" guy, but I will get girls to like me by proving to them that I am a "good" guy, who is reliable, caring, trustworthy, and most of all, doesn't want to just use them for sex. After the big mean alpha males fuck them and dump them and hurt their feelings, the woman will realize how good of a guy I am and then come back and realize that I am overall better option.
STOP THINKING LIKE THIS.
First of all, you are not a good guy. You, like all men, are a fucking creep. Your daddy was a creep, your granddaddy was a creep, his daddy was a creep, the President of the United States is a creep, and the list goes on. Stop lying. Men evolved to be predatory animals that want to fuck every single attractive woman they see and then move on to the next one. God put a cannon in our pants that does not understand logic or reason, wants to shoot every hot girl it sees in the pussy, will gladly ruin your life to get what it wants, and has no off switch. There are no "good guys" - there are just men that do a better job at controlling, repressing and directing their insane sexual urges than other men.
Also, you don’t want to commit to this girl. You don’t want to be nice to her. You are just telling yourself that because you think she is too good for you so you would stick to the best you can get. You should never decide to commit to a girl until she’s proven that she will commit to you, that she is worth committing to, and that she makes you happy. And you should make this clear to girls. If they ever say "what are we" say "I don't know! I just met you. So far so good, but you still might fuck it up."
And here's the thing: even if you really were a "good guy," no woman would believe it. Women must assume all men are creeps to protect themselves. A man trying to be a “good guy” is like a lion promising he will not eat you. You may nod and say “ok”, but in your heart you know he is still a fucking lion and his promises and acting are not worth shit. Women encourage guys to be “good guys” not because they really believe such a thing exists, but because if you had to be around a lion, you would try to get it to promise to not eat you, as unreliable as you know that promise is. Women don’t want a lion that says “I don’t eat people” but rather a lion that says “yes, I like to eat people. But I only eat people that want to be eaten and on my own schedule. Plus I have a lot of other people I could eat, so you don’t even need to worry.”
Every attractive woman in our society has seen men do insanely creepy shit to try to fuck her. Many of the worse creeps are self-proclaimed “good guys” that pretend they aren’t sexually interested for a long time and then suddenly one day make a creepy, awkward move proving that their entire relationship was a lie. Part of the reason feminists act like all men are creeps is because the beta “nice guys” they surround themselves are often the creepiest dudes out. Nothing you can do can prove to her that you are "different." I do stand up comedy and I have a joke where I say “men are way creepier than women realize” and almost every time women in the crowd yell out “we know!!” Think about the creepiest thing you've ever done. Now think about the fact that in the grand scheme of things, there are guys that do way creepier shit on a regular basis. Now think about the fact that the average woman has seen this creepy shit, so her opinion of guys is way, way, lower than yours.
What to do
Women kind of fear men, but that fear is mixed in with desire and fascination, which is partly why women act so strange when they are being gamed. To reduce this fear, the answer is not to try to convince women that you are some eunuch not interested in sex, but rather that you are self-aware of your sexuality, that you know how to control it, that you are sensitive to her feelings and concerns, and that YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS. By presenting yourself as confident and "in control" of your sexuality, she can feel comfortable around you and let herself relax and become attracted to you, which is essentially what women want.
To talk sexually to a woman you must speak matter of factly, as if you were Donald Trump interviewing a government official for a job in his administration. In romantic comedies and R & B songs, when the man gets sexual it’s a big event where his tone changes, he suddenly gets very serious, music starts playing, etc… In the real world, that’s a surefire way to creep girls out. In the real world, you should just talk like with no emotion in your voice, as if you are just giving her information. You would be amazed at how much responsive women are to sex talk if it is done matter of factly and with no emotion. Of course, you can add emotion later – but only after she is emotionally invested in you.
The easiest, slam-dunk way to ease women’s fear of your insane sexuality is by showing her you have other options. A guy who has a bunch of women around him that want to fuck him is “safer” to a woman because if the cannon in his pants wants to fire, he MIGHT choose somebody other than her. Also, a woman knows you have other options, she will realize that you are not just talking to her because you want her sex, but because you actually like her.
Women are not creeped out by a guy expressing his sexuality or even saying that he wants to fuck them, even if the guy is ugly. A guy becomes creepy when is emotionally overinvested in a girl – i.e, he makes clear that he is fixated on her, has no other thoughts or emotions in his head, has no other girls that want to fuck him, and will not stop until he gets laid. For obvious reasons, that guy is terrifying to women. He is an annoying pest that provides nothing of value and could morph into a rapist if he is not immediately rejected. Unfortunately, that’s how most men become around women. Women know that guys want to fuck – women want to fuck too! A guy only becomes a problem to the woman if he starts getting in her space and time. If you “step back” both physically and emotionally, and let her become emotionally invested in you first, she won’t feel creeped out. What matters is not what you say so much as how you say it. Are you saying matter of factly that you like to fuck, or are you doing in an uncomfortable, aggressive way?
You know what else is creepy? Lying and being manipulative. If you walk up to a girl at a bar and pretend you like her jacket she will immediately know you are full of shit. You want to fuck and she knows that and even if you were the 1% of weirdos that actually wanted to talk about her jacket she would still assume that you were a creep that wanted to fuck. Nobody likes being lied to or manipulated. I was a nerd in middle school and all the kids wanted to copy my math homework. That got annoying, but I would still rather have them say “hey can I copy your math homework” than pretend they actually liked me when I knew all they wanted was math homework.
If you express your sexuality to a woman in a confident, un-emotional way, making clear that you are not going to be overbearing, overly fixated, or weird, women will respect it. In fact, saying something overtly sexual early in the conversation oftentimes creates a deeper connection and breaks a weird awkwardness that most male-female interactions are infused with. First, it shows that you are not lying to her or trying to manipulate her. Second, it shows that while sex is on your mind, there is other stuff on your mind too so you are not going to be a mindless zombie. If a guy walks up to a girl at a bar and says “OMG I love this song!” the girl will think “this guy doesn’t give a fuck about this song, he just wants to fuck me and is using this song as a pretext to talk to me.” But if the guy says something sexual and later says “I love this song” the girl thinks that you actually love the song. Now you guys can emotionally connect on every level because she knows you are being authentic.
A good way to introduce sex into a conversation is by making what I call a “fuck sandwich.” I’ll say something non-sex related, then I will say I want to fuck, and then I will go back to something nonsexual. For example, I’ll be watching a DJ with a girl and I will say “Could you imagine how awesome it would be to be a DJ? Touring the world, fucking tons of girls, and making tons of money for doing nothing?” If you weren’t thinking about it you may not have noticed I said something sexual. Once the woman has become emotionally invested in me, I will make her the target of my fuck sandwich. I might say “Hey, you are really fun to hang out with, and I’m not just saying that because I want to fuck you, you’re also pretty funny.” With a fuck sandwich, I’ve communicated my desire to fuck but I’ve also made her feel comfortable that I am not a crazed animal who only wants sex. Also, this way my statement that I want to fuck doesn’t hang in the air and create some weird awkwardness and get to her weird thoughts and insecurities.
I also put conditions on my desire to fuck so she doesn’t feel like she’s on a track with a runaway train coming at her. If she says like “do you want to fuck me” I will say something like “probably, if you don’t mess this up.” I also leave open the possibility that she could do something to ruin it so she doesn’t feel “trapped” or that I am a desperate pushover.
What if you say (or do) something sexual and the girl tries to shame you for it? Any time time a woman tries to shame you or make you apologize for something, you must ask yourself “did I actually do anything wrong”?
If yes, give her one genuine apology and that’s it. If she continues to try to shame you or bring it up, tell her to knock it off or walk away.
If no, then she’s bluffing. Laugh and I say “I regret nothing!” Look at her body language and demeanor rather than her words. If she still shows interest (or even if she is just still there) that means she is interested, even if she is saying shame-y things. Your actions don’t necessarily matter – what matters is how she feels. And I can just tell you that saying sexual shit doesn’t make women feel bad. They only feel bad when you become a threat or a pest.
If I was just more attractive
Another subconscious mindset that men sometimes have is “I would love to be sexual, but I’m not attractive enough. Hot girls only want good-looking, alpha guys to be sexual, not schlubs like me.” This is also a terrible mindset. If a woman doesn’t find you attractive, beating around the bush and pretending like you have no sexuality isn’t going to want to make her want to fuck you. Whether or not she is attracted to you, you still must be sexual. She is an adult and can tell you “no” so if she is not interested or just leave. Women know that ugly guys want to fuck too.
I feel weird being sexual
Many guys can’t be sexual because they have been trained by society and women to feel weird. They just can’t imagine those words coming out of their mouth, especially when casually hanging out with people. The solution is to not direct that sexuality at any women. Just say it like you are expressing a preference for anything else: “I like vanilla cake and chocolate pussy.” Obviously be appropriate and don’t say that shit on the microphone at a funeral or a bar mitzvah, and use your emotional intelligence.
Also, the whole concept of “awkwardness” is misunderstood. A situation is only “awkward” if you let it be awkward. I would define “awkward” as a “situation where there are no clear guidelines to follow or leader to listen to.” If somebody takes the leadership position and declares that the situation is no longer awkward, then it’s not awkward. If somebody wants to continue to pretend it’s awkward, that’s their problem, not yours. If a guy whips his dick out at a funeral, it is only “awkward” if nobody takes the lead in removing him. If the guy is immediately removed, no more awkwardness.
Women don’t want a “good guy”
The last reason to not be a good guy is that women don’t want a good guy. Women want a sexual, confident guy that gets what he wants, and also a rebel that acts unconstrained by society’s rules. Similar to Freud, I sometimes think that women are jealous of men having dicks. Dicks have power – you set the agenda, you push the interaction, and sex doesn’t happen unless you make it happen. If the only time you could ever sex is if somebody approached you, called you, and escalated, you would probably get annoyed and want to be the aggressor.
Women are fascinated by men because men have the aggressive, confident, dominant male sexual energy that women don’t have. This aggressiveness scares women, but they also like it if it directed correctly. They also want it when they want it, not necessarily when the man wants to give it to them, which is why you need to read women and make sure you escalate when they are emotionally invested. I love Oreo cheesecake, but if you came to my house right now and tried to force feed me Oreo cheesecake we’d have a problem.
Part of women wishes they could vicariously be a man and fuck lots of girls, degrade them, call them bitches, etc… Women sometimes shame men that fuck lots of girls, but the man in their head they are shaming is a weak, insecure dork who will fuck anything with a vagina. But on a biological level, women admire a man that enjoys his life, apologizes for nothing, does what he wants, feels no shame, and slays lots of girls.
Finally, considering that men scare women with their aggressive sexuality, the solution for the woman isn’t to find a man who has turned his sexuality off, but rather the baddest, scariest guy possible that can protect her from all the other bad, scary guys. Have you noticed that when a woman is grossed out by you she goes cold in a way a man never could? This is biological. Women evolved to stick to their alpha male protector with all their heart and mind and to shun outside males as if they are the enemy because in the jungle, outside males ARE the enemy. That’s why if your girl starts cozying up to other guys, it’s over – she sees those guys as her protector, not you.
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