Older players (late 40s/50s & up), tell us what you would do differently if you could go back 20 years looking through the RP lens Part II

IGoYouStayTwoAutumns · 2017-03-22T19:35:36+00:00

40-year-old, missed the first post but I'll jump in now with this:

-- "No matter how hot she is, somewhere out there there's someone who's tired of fucking her and is sick of her shit". Don't know where the quote originated from but it's true, every guy should fuck that one Perfect 10 girl at some point in his life (the sooner the better) just to see how unbelievably QUICKLY the whole "she's hot" thing wears off, and just how little is left after that happens.

My first few girlfriends (in college) were all great, but it wasn't until after I moved to NYC (at 25) and started dating what was, at that point in my life, the hottest girl I'd ever been with (a model I met on a photo shoot) that it really hit home: you're dreaming, fantasizing about this girl, you get with her, the sex isn't quite as good as you might like but damn she's just oh-so-hot (and you puff up with pride a little bit, whenever you introduce her to your friends), and then, after like a few weeks (maybe a month or two TOPS), suddenly, she's not hot anymore. It just kind of wears off. (As men I think we're biologically programmed for this, the hotness is SUPPOSED to wear off, so we're encouraged to get out there and find a new mate, keep spreading the seed.)

So if you're dating a girl for her looks (alone), you're gonna be sadly disappointed.

-- Never fall victim to the SUNKEN COST FALLACY. This is a big one, perhaps THE big one for me. If I could go back in time 20 years, I'd tell my 20-year-old self: "If she isn't your biggest fan, DUMP HER ASS. WALK. GHOST HER INSTANTLY WITH NO REGRETS. And if, at any point in the relationship, she ceases to be your biggest fan, walk, same as above." I can't tell you how much time, money, energy, effort I spent trying to "salvage" relationships with women who were just never really that into me in the first place. When I think about the months, maybe even years, of heartache, pain, and (yes) suffering I went through, looking back, it really was just a whole lot of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Knowing what I know now (post TRP), girls are basically into you right away (or within the first few hours, tops), or not at all. If she isn't your #1 fan after 10 to 15 hours, SHE NEVER WILL BE. Go ahead and start a rock band, cure cancer, save the world, doesn't matter. Her "imprint" of you will never change. So don't throw good money (and time, and energy) after bad trying to change a situation that can't be changed. If she's not into you stop trying to win her over, CUT YOUR LOSSES AND MOVE ON.

Life's too short to give your love to someone who doesn't want it. Save it. Save it for someone who does.

slackerdan · 2017-03-22T19:36:34+00:00

I'm 49. I see a lot of "Don't Get Married" posts in the comments here and I completely agree. I married too young in my 20's due to loneliness. Horrible mistake. The Cthulhu-like monster in human form I was married to drove away my friends and family due to her rudeness. She pressured me into having a child, and was so stressful that she cause me to develop severe gastrointestinal problems I still suffer to this day. After we divorced, she got re-married and then abducted my son with her new husband, moving across country.

I'm still dealing with the emotional and physical fallout. Some days I feel like I have PTSD due to the hell she's put me through. She's turned my son against me, which hurts worse than any physical wound. Right now I'm really trying to get through low-grade, constant depression and severe lack of motivation and focus. I may talk to a doctor but most physicians in the past have screwed me up more. Dealing with issues of regret and feeling like a failure is very, very difficult right now for me.

What I'm saying is, enjoy your youth now. Don't get in serious relationships. There are women who will take everything from you and continue to think they're saints. When in reality they just put you through Hell for the rest of your life.

Conceited-Monkey · 2017-03-22T20:17:31+00:00

The problem is that we can tell you things, but a lot of the time you need to make your own mistakes.

Here are my own life lessons, aside from not getting married.

Stay in good physical shape, and maintain your grooming and wardrobe. It is way easier to maintain your condition than to try and get it back after you lose it.
Maintain a good work reputation at all costs.
The effort of spinning plates pales in comparison to the hell of being in a bad relationship.
To be well off, you not only have to make money, you also have to not spend a lot of it.
You have an inner voice. Do not pay attention to it. Strive to live in the moment.

abdada · 2017-03-22T16:41:53+00:00

I don't have any regrets at all.

The two things I might change if I had magic wishes? I married a model who loved drugs and alcohol. Yeah, that was a bad idea.

Secondly, I wish I put more of my net worth in trusts younger. I probably fucked myself out of 7 figures of net worth today by not protecting assets better.

Otherwise, really no regrets. I had a charmed life and expect to continue to.

[deleted] · 2017-03-22T20:04:04+00:00

My biggest regret is not putting myself first. I did things for people, esp. jobs and wives, that were not in my best interests. Survey the battlefield carefully and position yourself to take advantage of opportunities. As others have said, do not let guilt and societal pressures to dictate your relationships. This is the only shot you get.

max_peenor · 2017-03-22T17:49:04+00:00

DON'T GET MARRIED

Otherwise, I probably would have done it all the same, the good with the bad. Life is life. I probably would have even let the "Legal Cohabiting Female" suck off my wallet in exchange for children, though she would have been demoted to "Cohabiting Female."

Oh, and I would have fucked that cute little blonde neighbor when I was 13 and she was 12, but that'll only be because I now know it was her that called me that night.

Barvazon · 2017-03-22T18:28:56+00:00

Don't get married, don't let people in general and women in particular borrow anything or stay over at your house. Never ever have sex without a condom.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-03-23T00:09:23+00:00

Pull up a chair and let your Uncle Vasya tell you another story of the "Before Time"...

"Back when Mark Wahlberg was 'Marky Mark', this is how we used to make the party start...."

Shimmer

Actually, back in the day, I was doing pretty well. I was in a house and I was also an athlete, so getting ass was never much a problem. My real problem was that my parents had a happy marriage and we weren't quite yet in the midst throes of kind of in the midst of the 3rd Wave fucktardism, in which women decided to completely reject their exalted positions as wives and mothers, and instead (a) got shitty cubicle jobs, (b) got fat, and (c) complained a lot about how difficult life was, because everyone knows that working in an office and shining a leather seat with your ass is a lot tougher than working in a coal mine, right?

Anyway, my problem or "problem" was that I spent too much time in relationships and not enough time (comparatively) fucking strange. So less time being locked down, and more of this and this and this only with better music.

Luckily, I didn't get married, because I had this idea in the back of my head that, despite my parents having a "Marriage 1.0" that meant if I got married, I was going to be totally screwed over. To me, it's not surprising that so many marriages end in divorce, it's that so few of them don't end with a murder.

There weren't enough SJWs or Snowflakes in the 80s to be a problem. In fact, I think the biggest problem was there was still too much pussy hair. That was one of the few good things that came out of the 1990s: the Brazilian Wax.

/Shimmer

So two things, then a final piece of advice. The two things are: "More" and "Sooner".

A. More: If I could take it all back now I wouldn't, I would've did more shit that people said that I shouldn't When you look back on your life, you will regret the things that you didn't do, more than the things you did.¹

B. Sooner: I would have gone to California sooner. I would have gone to NYC sooner, or rather I would have stayed longer the first time. I can't say I'd have gone to Europe sooner, but I'd have gone there....wait for it...MORE.

The final point is, for young guys, you might benefit from this:

Life After 30: How to Be an Old Guy.

Beyond that, if I had a time machine, I'd print out all my TRP stuff and hand it to my 16 year old self.

¹ Unless you do something galactically stupid like drive drunk and slide into a school bus and kill 20 kids. That you should regret.

foolbase · 2017-03-22T18:02:30+00:00

My dad (ridiculously red-pilled) and my brother both told me not to get married before 30, that's like leaving a party at 9pm

atticusfinch1973 · 2017-03-22T18:55:28+00:00

Oh god, things I would do then knowing what I know now:

Number one on the list is not gotten married and not had a family. I felt due to my blue pill conditioning that it was something that every man should want to have. The white picket fence, two kids and house in the suburbs. Then I had it. Plus a wife that wouldn't give me any sex, two kids who are a constant drain on energy and time and a house I hated taking care of.

Now I'm in a rented place so if things break, someone else fixes it. I have multiple girlfriends/FWBs I see on a rotating basis. I have my kids as much as I can manage without having to sacrifice my work to any severe extent. It's awesome.

I would have saved a FUCKTON more money and invested it rather than pissing it away on booze, women, a new car and other stupid things. For guys in their 20's, you can have an amazing lifestyle in your 40's if you just learn to budget and put things away and make smart investments.

Don't feel that because you start having sex with a girl you need to stay in a relationship with them due to guilt, fear or societal pressure. Like I was, you may be that guy who is afraid that you're never going to find another girl who wants to fuck you. Don't worry about it, there are always others - you found one, didn't you? Go find a dozen and forget about the HB5 you finally pulled from the bar after a dozen shots.

Those are my main ones.

UrsusG · 2017-03-22T19:31:00+00:00

I would have started visiting brothels 10 years earlier than I did.

whit3_kandy · 2017-03-22T21:24:44+00:00

I got married and had kids by 22. The divorce after that was amicable and decent because we were both financially in the same position, and wanted the best for kids. Found the love of my life but it was not good for me. So the love of your life does not mean life bliss. Now have 4 grandkids from 12 to 5. So looking back there is not much I would have changed because I learned things I might not have...important things. I might have taken a career path more seriously than taking parenting seriously. But having kids young means being a young grandparent. That is a true gift and they are what I live for now. Financially comfortable. Wisdom for a 36 yo? Youre going to do what what you want..and learn from that..which will turn into your wisdom. You will use it 20 yrs from now. I got lucky. I am content and have lots of joy.

asylum1968 · 2017-03-22T21:09:10+00:00

I would not have gotten re-married at 32

Billee_Boyee · 2017-03-23T11:00:30+00:00

I'm 49. I'm Chad. Problem is for a long time I didn't know I was Chad. The Matrix wasn't even out yet, there was no such thing as the Red Pill. Men like my dad were getting the first wave of divorce rapes- and I bought the narrative that women were awesome and men were bad. I was a proud feminist.

I was also continuously baffled by my inability to get laid. I knew 'women liked assholes', but didn't want to be one of 'those guys'.

But being Chad carries over into many aspects of life. In a crowd of strangers, somehow they always gave me the clipboard and made me boss.

And suddenly women were interested in me.

When I was 15, I often wondered what a 50 year old me would say to 15 year old me.

I would start by punching 15 year old me in the face. Then I would say "You think that sucked? It's NOTHING compared to what bitches are going to pull on you, time and again." Then I'd punch me in the face again and say "Because you won't learn from the first one." Then I'd punch me in the face again and say "Because you won't learn from all examples you'll see.", then I'd punch me in the face again and say "Get a haircut, you make me want to punch you in the face."

One smart thing I did do at 22 was get a vasectomy. Just the other day my 81 year old mom asked if I ever regretted not having kids. "Smartest thing I ever did, mom. I'd have had to pay child support on a kid I couldn't raise, while supporting one (or more) of the exes that I'm very glad to have out of my life. I'd still be single, but I'd also be poor."

Chicagoj1563 · 2017-03-22T19:57:06+00:00

One of the mistakes I made was moving to a small town where I didn't grow up. I moved there around 19 because I had a decent job lined up working for my dad. I thought having my own place with a job, it sounded like a good idea. But, looking back I should have stayed in the Chicago suburbs or moved to the city.

I was your typical nice guy beta through and through. I had no idea about game, beta/alpha, etc... This was the 80s/90s, so the resources and communities that exist now weren't around then. I felt that finding a girlfriend and getting married was what I was supposed to do in my 20s. I went through long stretches without any female attention, and took it way too hard. I didn't know any people in this small town and had zero game which didn't help. It was to the point where I should have been meeting with a mental health professional because it got that bad. I was way too hard on myself.

So, if I could go back in time my advice would be, get out of the house. Just go to the bars on Friday and Saturday nights. Just show up. I probably would have met people and gotten laid by just going out solo on a regular basis. I would have figured out the rest, even if it was just a numbers game. Also, recognize if/when you need professional help. Don't spend years struggling with something, especially when it's just a solvable social problem.

I made good decisions regarding my career, so wouldn't do anything different there.

I was advised to start saving for retirement when I was in my early 20s. I regret not doing that. Talk to enough 40+ aged people and you will probably hear similar statements.

Lastly, always be in a band and performing. I'm a musician and spent too much time practicing at home, doing my 9-5, and not playing out. There are so many benefits to being in a band and performing live with other musicians. Musically, socially, etc...

Battle-Scars · 2017-03-23T03:31:44+00:00

Care less about what people think of you.
Have integrity.
You are stronger than you think, challenge yourself.
Stop overthinking and act.
Find out what you don't like to do.
Never allow yourself to be desperate.
Maximize your masculinity.
Never stop improving.
Always be curious about life.
Trust yourself.

kamenr · 2017-03-23T00:58:11+00:00

Avoid golden cages like the plague.

solarcon6 · 2017-03-23T14:12:29+00:00

40yo, Marriage 1.0 parents, having Marriage 1.0 family now:

All WOMEN are like that! And yet, there are desperate women, damaged women, loud women, women who have some decency... Finding a decent woman should be a man’s quest on a journey to have kids. But even with a decent woman, remember that AWALT. EVERY relationship is a struggle for power and territory.

LOVE is a drug. Enjoy love, but don’t make it a center of your own universe.

CHILDREN are awesome. Yes. If you can handle the situation and know a decent woman, go for it. No need to wait "till you’ll be at least 30", didn’t understand the benefit of it till now, didn't enjoy my life without kids either. This is insane recommendation, like telling, you should fuck your own life hard.

Your kids will be your most vulnerable spot. Therefore CHOOSE A DECENT WOMAN and still, be prepared for the worst. If you want to try for marriage, don’t choose with your balls. EVERY WOMAN WILL GET OLD, UGLY AND FRIGID. You will too.

Future mother of your children not around? Don’t be romantic. Go out and slay! Be careful when going too far, as too much adrenaline and euphoria can mess with your reward system just like drugs.

Young and desperate with women? Wait till you’ll be 25, trust me... Meanwhile read the sidebar and lift.

UNIVERSITY is a place to learn some real skills, not a place for parties.

Learn to invest your MONEY in stocks. Be independent. Start doing it today, it will probably take some time. In a few years, you will be laughing about news on pension crisis.

Avoid LOANS, especially loans for shiny new toys. Every iBook looks old in a few years. Only exception to this rule is

REAL ESTATE. Can you afford to pay up mortgage alone? Are you thinking "Don't know where I'll be in 5 years"? Chances are, if you "don't know", in 5 years you will be at the same spot.

Did you study well and have now some real skills to sell? Buy a real estate. Do it ON YOURSELF and before marrying. Bought my first flat when I was in my early 20s. It was hard, I was broke. Some of my peers bought new cars. Later, I sold the flat with profit I did not dream about. Took the money, built my house. Today I pay no rent, have no debts, live in a nice house with huge garden. Some of my peers drive their old cars, live in small flats, pay rent till today. They say "I don't know where I'll be in 5 years" and "Real estates are so bloody expensive".

Do you want to travel a lot and buy a property just to rent it? Consider something else. Renting your own property may look easy, but in the end it may cost you a lot of time and also money. Consider carefully. Try to avoid mortgage longer than 10 years.

Avoid DRUGS. Drugs will fuck your reward system, steal years out of your lifeand all that could have been. Not worth it.

Keep some of your HOBBIES. Keep doing sport and don’t sell your last guitar. You will have strong body and your kids will have cool dad who can still play music.

nonthaki · 2017-03-22T17:20:24+00:00

My Question To older wiser people : Is hardwork at the expense of youth(and fun) and time remaining on Earth, worth it ?

dirks74 · 2017-03-22T19:58:05+00:00

Dont get married and eat more pussy. Got a younger (male,30) friend who has game like anything and he uses tinder to get girls in their early 20s and he said they are surprised that he is a passionate pussy eater. Boys in that age dont do that apparantly.

vengefully_yours · 2017-03-23T08:01:57+00:00

My biggest fuck up was getting married, no doubt about that. I'd get a vasectomy sooner, as early as possible. Yeah I love my kids, but the cunt that squeezed them out made my life hell and put me decades behind where I should be.

I'd still lift, not drink so much, and never trust anyone like I have. I'd deal with my ptsd earlier, but that's not something everyone needs to deal with. Really simply removing the drain on my life that wives caused would improve my life more than you can imagine.

OilyB · 2017-03-23T15:59:59+00:00

Good post! 50 yo, single, business owner. I'd realize that my sense of humor and boastfulness is a treasure - it puts them on the defense. Women love it when you keep it real, mixed with a stoic sense of humor, when you put their shit in perspective and make it seem slightly less important. They need you to embrace and lovingly laugh about their shit because they know that most of the time it's not absolute but fluid and elusive. Here now, gone in 20 minutes.

BusterVadge · 2017-03-23T17:17:39+00:00

Don't overanalyze, just act! And always listen to your gut.

screamin1 · 2017-03-23T19:40:59+00:00

44-year old. I have a lot of advice for the younger generation. First, I have to reiterate what nearly all of the guys have said. Don't get married. If you absolutely must get married (so you can learn this lesson on your own) don't do it until your mid to late 30's. Your peak in many ways is around 35. Don't mess this up by tying yourself down early.

Take nearly every opportunity for sex that you get offered. Trust me, when you are in your 40's you will never find yourself saying, "Damn, I am glad I didn't fuck that girl". Just won't happen. It doesn't have to be serious, but no reason to turn it down.

Travel the world. Any opportunity you have, go and visit another country. I have been to dozens of other countries so far. I love that, but I still want to see nearly every other country in the world.

Take huge risks in your 20's. If you fail you have time to rebuild. I used to play the stock market heavy in the 90's. I was married, so I passed on making a big investment in Amazon when their IPO came out. Bad idea. When you are married you have to be safe with your funds. When you are a 25 year old single, you can take big risks.

I would second what someone else said...never get out of shape. It is far easier to maintain than to try to get back in shape. When you marry, oftentimes you lose the drive to stay in shape. Never get a dad bod.

Kids are great. I have 4 of them. With 4 different mothers....in 4 different cities. I have a lot of money leaving my account every month to take care of the kids. I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like. Don't rush into having kids. Make sure your marriage is solid (I know, impossible) before having kids.

Spend your money on things that appreciate, not depreciate. Don't buy brand new cars. Spend money on land and real estate. I have bought many homes over the years. I have lost money on one. I flipped one house that in itself paid off all of my graduate school loans.

Invest your time in your hobbies and making yourself a better person. Education is not a waste of money unless you pursue a worthless degree. Go to the best name school you can get into. This will help you forever. It doesn't matter what your degree is in (for the most part), the name of your school will open doors by itself.

Just in case you missed it.....never get married.

OldGuyRedux · 2017-03-24T02:05:20+00:00

I've been redpilling since my Divorce rape, no regrets ....hit Online and it's been a terrific fuckfest and I didn't (mostly...) give away my heart. That is the key -very tough for you young guys.

My 2 main pieces of advice - especially if you're not in the top 25% Alpha category:

When you're starting out, go for women that are below you One SMV point. Maybe Two if she has other attributes (great personality, gives great head consistently). That way, you will get GREAT practice having the right Frame - ZFG, outcome independence, etc.
When you advance a bit, and go hotter (i.e. reaching 1-2 SMV points above you)... you'll be ready. However

a) KNOW your SMV - be real with yourself, you will slip under stress, and decide how much you will change Who You Are (personality) without being a head case fake. Then

b) Screen-Screen-Screen! Don't stick your dick in Crazy, especially, and know how to 'get out'.

Rotate often through all these: 1. Roosh V Forum 2. Chateau Heartiste 3. Book of Pook 4. Any Reddit TRP threads of current interest 5. Chase Amante articles 6. AV Yader articles and posts 7. Rollo's series on Plate Spinning 8. Troy Francis articles

My key nuggets:

Giving you a little bit of calluses here, but...Women will never love YOU unconditionally, only their children (if that). Suck it up and know it and go seduce. Repeat: Women will never love YOU.

Notch count matters. I am sorry to say this, as you guys face a nearly saturated market of high-notch women in your age group – hence the overseas focus. But any brave souls that venture into LTR must not commit to a high-notch woman. IMO.

Connected to the above, the only possible hope is if you are First and Best. At most Second or Third – but always BEST. If she has had better than you in the past, she’s just biding time… don’t buy an LTR. So become the Best you can be (see 2a above) ASAP.

I don’t care how much you lift, how buff you are, how much game you have – if the bitch is high-notch and has a higher SMV guy hitting on her hard, you’re toast. Still if you value her, you gotta do all that to have a chance of keeping her. It’s up to you how much that is worth it to maintain vs. your life mission (and a woman is NOT your mission, correct?).

In summary, and I don't want to be too disheartening to you young guys.. but keep back of your mind Roosh’s theory that women are like Oil Wells. Enjoy the pussy gusher while it’s hot – but know the well will likely dry out some day. You may avoid this by installing FrameWare as in my very first point at the top of this post, however ;) Don't make the mistake I made, being Disney at a young age.

sqerl · 2017-03-22T22:52:41+00:00

I would have spent more time with the stripper and less time with the good, Catholic girl. Fucking is better than getting fucked.

As others have said, take care of yourself. Work out a bit more. Spend time learning a skill. Find something useful that interests you (not endless hours of TV, games, etc...). Do anything that keeps you active and fit. It's easier to build it than it is to prevent yourself from losing anymore. If you have anxiety, do anything you can to get that shit fixed.

And given today's society, do not get married.

Denver_Luv3 · 2017-03-23T18:28:57+00:00

I wish I'd been bolded and more forward with women. Faster to get to no, in other words. Faster to simply make the move in the first place. Take the no and move on.
I wish I'd never moved in with a woman. That way lies madness today. I wrote more about that story in this account or /r/denver_luv, I don't recall which, but it nearly made me crazy. The main thing I did right is that I didn't marry her and I didn't buy a place (if I had, I might never have gotten her out; as it was, I could just let the lease expire).
Let friendships expire when their time has passed. It's rarely worth holding onto relationships that no longer serve a purpose. I'm not saying you should go all Patrick Bateman and shit and have a master list of friendships and purpose, but many people hang on too long.

I feel pretty good about job and career.

EricDaGreat · 2017-03-23T16:55:17+00:00

Live only for yourself when you are in your 20s. Get an education, travel, read, start a business, stay in excellent physical shape and do dangerous things. Don't even think about getting married or having sex without a condom during that time. You will build a base of experience that will serve you well during your 30s and 40s.

KyfhoMyoba · 2017-03-29T00:49:58+00:00

M 50s, 6', 170, lean, appear to be, but not in good shape.

In the mid 80s, I racked up a huge notch count (50+). I was looking for a GF at the time, (I took TRP about 3 years ago) but couldn't get any of the girls that I liked to get "wifed up". Turns out I was needy. Duh. I couldn't stand the heavy drinkers, the smokers, the stupid ones, but they were the ones that that always came back for more.

I would've fucked a lot of my co-workers, rather than going to bars and clubs. I had a very steady supply of new pussy coming into my place of business, literally every day, that I had first dibs on.

I got married after a year or two of this, and I definitely would not have done that, had I known what I know now.

AY-TOLDI · 2017-03-29T19:38:05+00:00

OMFG.

Wisdom, wisdom, wisdom...

Johndoesmith67 · 2017-03-23T01:54:10+00:00

22 and fuck me running learning a ton. Usually take everything in the RP with a grain of salt due to a running "women hating, sad outlook" running trend but damn great way to learn alot and save alot of time. Also starting to flourish in my sales/broker position so.... Glad to have y'all.

Title	Older players (late 40s/50s & up), tell us what you would do differently if you could go back 20 years looking through the RP lens Part II
Author	Docbear64
Upvotes	124
Comments	172
Date	March 22, 2017 4:39 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/60vqd2/older_players_late_40s50s_up_tell_us_what_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/older-players-late-40s50s-up-tell-us-what-you.42007 https://theredarchive.com/post/42007