So I was scrolling through the front page of Reddit the other day when I came across a post to r-loseit (a weight loss subreddit) titled "Dating as a fat woman - a happy tale" and I knew it'd make for a good Red Pill analysis in illustrating the foundational differences between men and women.

First off, lets take a look at her post:

I'm 30, 5'3" and 185lbs/ 84 kg. I'm a size US 12/AU 16, sometimes a US 14/ AU 18 depending on the brand and style. I have no illusions about my appearance. I know being an hourglass shapes helps a bit, but not much. I have pretty low self esteem, and loads of stretch marks. I have been single for over two years now. I didn't date because I felt I was too fat. Who would find me attractive at this size? I felt awkward, and while I have lost a little weight, I am at that awkward clothing stage of not quite fitting the smallest plus size brand clothing, but still being a bit too big for some of the largest sizes offered by normal clothing labels.

Despite all this, I was window shopping on OKCupid about 7 weeks ago. The how of it isn't important. Rather that 7 weeks later, a certain gentleman and I are still seeing each other. He is 6'2", in his 40's and a healthy weight. A senior co-worker was driving past where we were having our second date, and offered to drop me off at the location on her way home after work. In the process, she got a glimpse of him - the next day, she remarked I should have children with him immediately so she could kiss and cuddle our adorable babies.

When I started seeing him, I made a choice to dress in clothes that fit me and flattered what figure I had. I also decided to act confident, even if I didn't feel confident. Pencil skirts, fit and flare dresses and high-waisted jeans were the order of the day. I got my hair cut and coloured, I got my nails manicured and put effort into my make-up. Even if I didn't feel confident, I wanted to look like I felt confident. I made sure I had decent posture, and didn't try to hide my tummy with my bag, scarf or otherwise.

It made a huge difference. He has been a complete gentleman and very affectionate. I haven't given up on my weight loss efforts, but do know that if you dress to your shape and size, put effort into your personal grooming and project confidence, it's possible. The right person will want you anyway. I don't know if it's going to last with this guy. Maybe it will. But that's not the point of this post. The point is to not be afraid of dating, even if you aren't at your goal weight yet. You never know what might happen.

Except, of course, if you're her male equivalent...then you know exactly what will happen.

So what do we know about her? She's fat but she's not so fat that the bottom 80% of men wouldn't be able to get it up for her, she has low self-esteem which is a realistic reaction to being fat, she recently started putting more effort into her appearance using the variety of tools and tricks in the female toolkit (aka female game), and she joined OKCupid... which, to her surprise only, the incredible multitude of thirsty beta-men on the site made finding someone (whom she considers) high value a relative breeze. And isn't that nice for her?

This is what she considers confidence, and her definition of confidence points to some interesting differences between men and women. Confidence for her is combating the inner-voice telling her that she shouldn't feel entitled to presenting herself as attractive and attempting to meet men who may be interested. In other words, all she needs to do is show up to the dance dressed for the occasion; conquering her own self-doubt is the entire battle.

Like most anything between men and women, comparatively it is much harder to embody confidence as a male because a man's definition of confidence is a lot different; not unlike going from easy mode to expert mode on a video game. Yes, a man must also conquer the inner-demon of self-doubt, but he must also manage to convince the world around him that his confidence is authentic.

Think of it like this- yes, she can struggle to feel comfortable showing up on a date squeezed into a pencil skirt and call it confidence, but to that end her battle is won. The man she's out with doesn't care either way if she's confident or not; confidence has no bearing on male attraction. In fact, a lot of men find insecurity attractive because it's inherently a submissive state. Only in bullshit Hollywood movies and blue pill rags like GQ and Maxim do men rave about how sexy a confident woman is. Furthermore, even if he sniffs out her faux-confidence, it's not like he's going to shit test her on it or call her out. Probably worst case scenario for her, they have a polite date and he doesn't contact her again.

In this regard, a woman's struggle is against herself... fighting her self-doubt, and indulging the natural entitlement women are gifted with; women call overcoming this confidence.

However, a man must not only show up to the date- conquering the self-doubt he has- but also manage to maintain his confident frame throughout. Male confidence is actually highly attractive to a woman, and if she manages to get a small glimpse- a fraction of a fraction- this his confidence is an act, she's either going to shit test him into oblivion, possibly outright call him out, and most definitely lose attraction for him.

A man's definition of confidence is him against the entire world; a man must convince the world around him of the authentic nature of his confidence or else he's going to seem like an Alpha-pretender, and end up being treated like Dwight Schrute on The Office- a guy who talks a lot of shit but is perceived as ultimately faking his bravado. This is typically received as far greater sin than a man signaling the acceptance of his pussy, blue pilled, betamax Barry, "just be your motherfucking self" fate.

One of the foundational differences between men and women is in their differing abilities to control their own emotions. In short, emotions are essentially a kind of drug that warps proper decision making and rationale. Since women are the weaker sex in their ability to separate an emotional reaction from proper thinking, to some extent the world should protect them from this. A man should be able to handle the shit test of life, deal with criticism, and tough his way to a proper confident frame.

The problem isn't that we protect women's more fragile and volatile emotional state, it's that the world has simultaneously become entirely about protecting women's feelings while also demanding we take women as seriously (more seriously?) as men, while entirely disregarding any respect that men hold socially. In essence, the mainstream message is that women are more rational than men while also being more virtuous; this is what we consider "gender equality."

Women are unable to see how gently the world around them treats them, and accordingly, how much more difficult men have things. So, of course modern women think modern men are a bunch of pathetic bozos. Confidence is easy! Just throw on some nice clothes and you're good to go! Dating is easy! Be confidence enough to sign up for OKCupid and you'll meet someone!

And if you can't manage that? Well, what are you? A pussy?

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