After years of doing pickup I finally met a girl who 'convinced' me to try a serious monogamous relationship. The verdict after almost a year isn't good for monogamy, I gave it a real shot, and this girl had the qualities I wanted in a serious relationship: she is attractive, she is driven for success (going to med school to join doctors without borders), she is very feminine, and as a nice plus she cooks/cleans etc

One of the biggest problems with monogamy is psychological in nature, and it's the fact that you can't turn of your desire for sexual variety. Sometimes when I was fucking her I'd think of the hot girl I saw earlier that day while I was inside my gf. I would have dreams about other women, I would think about other women, I would constantly question if this one girl was really enough.

No woman is 'enough', it's not that something is wrong with any particular girl, but you're simply wired to want to spread your seed far and wide as possible. And what we do when we're in a monogomous relationship is try to convince ourselves that this one girl is enough to satisfy our sexual needs, but she's not and she can't be. This causes an internal struggle, because you want her to be enough, you want to love her and only her, you want to make her happy, but to do so is to sacrifice your own desires, desires you can't truly repress or control.

The second major problem with monogamy is the extreme insecurity that develops in most relationships. Unless you find the extremely rare woman who has genuinely high self-esteem, the emotional shit a girl you enter a monogamous relationship is just awful. In most cases, guilt is a woman's weapon of choice, and there's perhaps nothing more toxic imo. I almost broke up with this most recent girl once and she sent me a 16 minute of herself crying while telling me all the reasons we should stay together.- That's an example of what guilt looks like.

Guilt is horrible, and it's all done very passive aggressively, a comment here about how for some men, their woman isn't enough; a tear shed in reaction to something you said that was insensitive. It's basically pavlovian conditioning, men and women have different goals in relationships based on evolution, for women it's to keep a man dedicated and emotionally faithful so that he will provide for her and her child. This means that she has every reason to use tears and guilt to make you feel like you owe her your commitment.

If I'm being honest, by the end, I was with her more because of the obligation I felt to be with her than because I wanted to. Guilt is a weapon that can be used as entrapment. And it's not just this relationship, I see it in many of my friend's relationships too. And the twisted thing is that we rationalize that it's not happening to us. I have a good friend who's in an awful relationship that he's stayed in despite the fact that it's totally toxic, because she's totally dependent on him and guilts him. He doesn't want to hurt her, so he stays with her. But he says, "I don't miss banging random girls, it's like fast food, it doesn't have any real meaning." He says this because it justifies his course of action, not because it's true. And I do the same thing, because I feel emotionally obligated to stay with this girl, and I need to tell myself a story that makes that decision fit with my ego.

Despite these cons, there are some real pros to monogamy. You will never feel like someone cares about you more than a woman you're in an ltr with, the amount of love she feels for you is something that's very powerful (the downside is that it makes you feel like you owe her something in return). Being with a girl you're in a serious relationship with can be very comforting, it's extremely relaxing at times (emotionally taxing at others though). Sex with a girl you're in a committed relationship with tends to be better than the sex from a one night stand. On the other hand, it doesn't give you the same sense of accomplishment/validation. Having someone to share everything with is great, you can let out emotions with her (because you're frustrated with work/friends/etc) in a way that you probably wouldn't with your buddies.

Final thoughts

This isn't the only girl I've been in a committed relationship, but it's the longest I've been in since I started living the pua lifestyle. And it's also with the highest quality girl I've met, she doesn't have extremely high self-esteem, but other than that she's pretty much ideal. It may be that high self-esteem is the key to a good relationship, trouble is that high self-esteem girls are pretty damn rare, but I may change my mind sometime in the future if I have a relationship with such a girl. Although high self-esteem won't negate the fact that on an unconscious level men and women have different desires, desires that are at opposition to each other sexually. It may be that no matter how perfect a girl is, monogamy will always have this underlying problem. This is my opinion so far, thoughts?