Hello there, brothers. Looking for some perspective/thoughts/opinions/experiences, anything you could share. Bonus points if you're Indian because the dating/hookup culture in India is not so advanced and straightforward like the West. However, that doesn't mean I'm looking for only Indian views. Please feel free to share.

As the title says, I feel like a loser/not having enough skills/game in me to be successful with women physically.

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About me - 22-year-old guy. Never kissed a girl, virgin. I had just 1 relationship with a girl my age but I don't even know if that can be called a proper relationship. She lead me on, we were something more than friends but not really a couple. She lead me on constantly despite me making my feelings clear to her. She said she didn't feel the same but we became really close to each other, used to talk for hours on end every day, shared everything with each other, even talked about sex, how I have thoughts of fucking her and she too admitted she thought about me that way. She also used to go out with me (just me and her), we went to parks, holding hands and walking, held her waist, lying down on her lap, etc. I always used to shower all my love and attention on her, treated her differently than other people. I asked her multiple times if she felt uncomfortable me doing all this and if I should stop. She always said no to that and in fact, encouraged me to share and express my feelings openly to her. What's more? She loved all this and we became even closer as time passed. She agreed to marry someone her family selected (arranged marriage) and then that was it, the end for me. Most Indian families are very strict and they marry off their daughters to whom they wish regardless of their daughter's wishes. They do give a chance to meet the guy and the girl can reject that particular guy but still, marriage as a whole is not a decision which the girl has the freedom to make.

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I was an extremely blue-pilled simp and looking back at my behaviour, it disgusts me. I came across MGTOW through a YouTube comment on some relationship advice video. Decided to find out the abbreviation for MGTOW on Google and learn more. From there, I entered the Reddit rabbit hole and here I am. After her engagement (after, not before), she confessed one day that she too started being attracted to me solely due to the attention and what a nice guy I was, she would have definitely been with me if not for her family pressure, that I can easily get any girl I want, I was the person she was closest to and what a great person I was etc. We were also going to exchange some hot pics with each other, she seemed really curious and eager but chickened out at the last moment as she was already engaged to that other guy and felt it wouldn't be right to him. To this day, she hasn't told her husband about anything we did, she told him we're best friends and that's it. Not even the fact that I was interested in her but she wasn't. I wonder what's wrong in disclosing that. Maybe someone is guilty? Also, she kept this thing between us a secret from her female group of friends and family. Everyone was told we're just really good friends.

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I couldn't take it any longer and finally decided to end everything. I realized she is a narcissist, emotionally manipulative, entitled, never took responsibility for her actions, always believed she was superior to everyone, lied, twisted and turned her stories to suit her always. I really opened up to her about my loneliness and mental health issues (mild depression, high anxiety, and low self-esteem). The best thing that happened was for the first time in my life, it felt like someone really loved me just the way I was with all my flaws and everything. She still found me attractive and allowed me to be so close to her. She was attracted to me just for the person I actually am and that felt really uplifting and special. But her real side came out during arguments/fights, where she used those very same issues to make fun of me and belittle me. She never apologized and even went so far as to say that I argued with her just to make her apologize because I am some sick human being who loves to make people apologize to me and be dominant. But the simp in me anyway ended up apologizing even when it wasn't my fault. I was always the bad guy whenever any argument happened. Some people avoid responsibility and personal agency like the plague, I guess. In short, she knew she didn't want me as she was too chicken shit to stand up to her family, but at the same time, didn't want the attention and special treatment to stop so she kept saying No but all her actions and behaviour seemed like Yes which puts us in a really confusing murky state of things and after she's engaged, she confesses but still denies any responsibility and I'm still the asshole.

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Moving On After Breakup -

I browse MGTOW sub, become red pilled, slowly the things she did start making sense. But I'm depressed, lonely and miserable. I have dropped out of my studies, career taken a hit, gained weight. Staying at home from the last 1 year, rarely go out, no money. Doubting my abilities even more, lost all confidence, self-esteem has hit rock bottom. I used to be the intelligent A-grade guy academically, was fit and active physically. Sometimes, get angry with my mom and resent her too. Dad passed away when I was 7 so no strong male role model in the house. Luckily, I become closer to my brother-in-law (31 y/o) during all this and finally, I find some good male company in my life. I talk to him about my problems and he talks to me about his and we're there for each other. He supports me, always pays for me whenever we hang out even though I offered to pay my share. He feels like it's his responsibility now since I don't have any good male company or authority to learn from in life. It's safe to say, he's pretty red pilled and is aware but even that happened to him after marrying my sister. Before that, he was blue-pilled too. He tells me that now in order to move on, I need to go have some fun with other chicks, have sex and have fun. I agree that it will help me feel good again and that's what I want too. No more relationships/commitment, just sex/FWB and move on. So I meet some other guys who are 2-3 years older to me through him and they tell me their stories. All of them are blue-pilled still as they believe in marriage but they had their share of fun too after their heartbreak.

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One guy, let's call him J. He tells me that he approached women randomly and played the numbers game. Asked out everyone he liked and had sex around 7-8 times in the last year or so. His approach is to compliment women, hang out with them and then ask them upfront. What's the worse to happen? Either you get shot down and called an asshole, you move on or it works and you end up having sex. There will be many rejections but still, the amount of Indian girls who want to have sex is surprising and it worked for him. He also did this with his coworkers. (I know the "Don't shit where you eat" policy and will never do it considering the risk) He tells me to be fake and please them, take them out for food and drinks and then ask. He also suggested messaging random girls on Facebook, talk to them, make them comfortable, meet them and then ask for it. Well, I did this but on Instagram, sent out messages to 7 girls from my city telling them that I'm just looking to meet new people. No one responded and I felt really conflicted after doing it. It felt really desperate doing it. I was conflicted between desperation and just being a man and approaching.

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Another guy, let's call him H. He moved on by being really social, meeting and chatting a lot of people - both guys and girls. He was pretty busy on his phone texting some girl. I don't know much about him but I have a strong feeling he's not a virgin either and has had sex before although now he's single. Another guy named V, he had a pretty serious relationship too where he had sex but they broke up later on. Then another girl who was interested in him asked him out and even though he didn't want anything serious, he just said Yes, had sex 2-3 times and they broke up in a really short span of time. His approach is really casual, laid-back, unlike J who is too aggressive. He talks to girls, makes friends but is passive about it and right now he has 1 or 2 girls interested in him but he's made it clear he just wants to be FWB. All 3 guys have been in a bit of a dry spell but they've had sex, the real deal before and not just jacking off. My brother-in-law also advised me to go out and have a little bit of fun.

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My Dilemma -

Sometimes I feel really bad about still being a virgin. At first, I used to think Indian culture is different and here I can't expect things like the west. Pre-marital sex/casual sex is considered taboo and very rare. But then I see these guys who are in the same city, almost same age, similar circumstances and still they end up having sex while I'm still a virgin so the problem is with me. None of them are super rich or look extraordinarily handsome. They are just like any other guy. Also, the more I grow up, I am realising that Indian guys and girls also date and fuck around contrary to what is shown or believed. So which means, something is wrong with me only. I used to be really socially anxious and still am. It was the worst during school years around 15-17 but now it's better. I used to literally freeze up around girls, didn't know what to talk or how to make friends in general. I was that really awkward guy around and everyone knew that. Now, I can casually make small talk, meet people (guys & girls) but still don't know how to really connect. With guys, it's a little bit easier but I don't consider myself to have any skills or game when it comes to girls and that is why I can't get any. I feel like a loser for being so pathetic and being a virgin. Granted most women are terrible in the modern dating scene but it's not entirely their fault. I agree I'm not attractive enough and I used to be really clingy and whiny before, now it's under control but I don't really love myself and I hate myself. There is still a long way to go and I have been better than before but still, even female friends have only ended up ghosting me, talking to me only when they need something or when all their other options are exhausted. It just feels really sucky to be in this situation. I'm slowly improving my social circle as I have no friends right now. I guess all those other guys I talked about had their charm and confidence in their favour. I just feel really down and lost. I'm not some creep, I don't get angry at women when they turn me down. It hurts sure but I respect it and silently walk away. What am I doing wrong? Am I good enough to be friends with, used by and then tossed away but no one finds me attractive enough physically? I don't want to use the "incel" tag for myself but sometimes it is scary seeing things the way they're going.

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The dilemma is, on the one hand, I think I'm socially inexperienced, so I should go out and socialise, meet lots of people, make many friends and also ask out and it may work but on the other hand it just feels really desperate to do all this just for even having a chance at sex. Randomly approaching women or trying just doesn't feel good or natural to me. However, sex is also an unfulfilled need and I shouldn't deny it. I feel like if others can do it given the same circumstances and environment, me failing to do it is only on me and I'm missing out. Sometimes I feel I should focus on my education, finish it and get a job, earn some money or chase my dreams and then automatically things can be taken care of. But my brother-in-law says I can do all that along with this and I don't have to wait or spend time exclusively for that first and then have fun. He says to work hard, keep your dreams as first priority and then on the side when you have some time, go out and have fun too. I don't really know what to do at this point. I mean I have to complete my studies and be independent 100% but I feel like he's right and I'm a pathetic loser virgin with no skills and that hurts a lot accepting it.