10 years from now your oneitis isn't going to be shit and you will thank yourself for not committing to her.

Shakydrummer · 2017-07-10T16:58:53+00:00

This kind of advice is beyond TRP, this shit is just life. Time heals, but if you don't get off your ass and make an effort to improve and grow both mentally and physically, and make yourself the goal you'll be stuck in your blue pill mindset. Time means shit if you just exist in the same timeframe/mindset you were in during or after your LTR.

Rudeyyyy · 2017-07-10T17:31:08+00:00

10 years? lol I got over my former oneitis in a month. As soon as I found abundance mentality I realized not only I could do better, but she wasn't worth it and the other girls were more into me. Win win situation.

Auvergnat · 2017-07-10T22:03:26+00:00

I used to have recurrent outbreaks of ONEitis though my life pre-TRP.

At first I stupidly thought every new girl o was infatuated with was "the One" of course. But at some point, I started finding it odd that I would get infatuated with a girl, despite the full awareness that I got infatuated with other girls before and would likely get infatuated with other girls after. The dissonance was so strange. To hold in my mind both the ideas that "I cannot not live with this girl" and "that's what I thought with girl A in 2004 and girl B in 2007 and girls C in 2012, etc.". To see clearly the inconsistency and to not be able to do anything about it because the former was emotional and the later was rational.

I got to believe that the infatuation I would experience was not with a specific girl but with an idea of a girl. Back in those pre-TRP days I concluded that I was a hopeless romantic obsessed with a faceless, ideal image of a lover and that I was putting the face of a new girl on this image every time. Still, this would not prevent me from feeling the infatuation.

Post-TRP, I think I was not too far off the mark. I still think that this model of a "generic, emotional need for love being fitted by a different girl at any give time" is probably correct. Though now I believe this is not due to me being a romantic, but due to my scarcity mentality back then. The blue pill belief in the soul mate myth would then just give substance to this delusion, allowing it to thrive despite the dissonance and despite my realisation of the model underpinning the delusion.

My advice, post-TRP, is this:

You are not infatuated with this girl. You are in fact infatuated with the idea that you need a sweet, loving and caring partner that will make sense to your life. It's just that right now you naturally put that girls' face on your fantasy to make it more vivid. Even if you were to succeed in seeing this girl as NOT special (say she does something horrible to you and you successfully manage to integrate the idea that "my ONE wouldn't do that to you, so she's not the ONE"), then you would just soon find another face to put on the idea of "the ONE".

Your efforts should instead be directed at uprooting the original delusion: that you can ultimately find solace in a perfect lover/partner at all. How you do this is up to you. Fuck lots of girls so you see that they're all the same? Read on evo psych so you see the roots of your delusion? Read TRM again and again to connect the dots? Meditate on the simple real fact that women are just other humans who have their best interest at heart and not yours? More likely it's a combination of it all.

vengefully_yours · 2017-07-10T18:14:35+00:00

I'm a couple years from 50. my 30 year class reunion is this year. All those girls from back then I wanted to fuck because they looked so good, I have zero desire to fuck now. At ten there was two I'd still have fucked, at 20 maybe one. Now, fuck no, I can fuck girls half our age. Every one of these bitches got fat or ugly, most both. The hottest one from my class is pushing 200lbs, her ass is huge. They've got their betas locked down, what do they care if they get fat?

Hooked up with both my ex wives when they were 20 and 21. Now they're 44 and 35, the years are not doing them any favors. I fucked then when they looked the best through their 20s, they both decided to bail around 30. The first one is enormously fat and got a loser who is ten years older than I am, spineless, fat, useless. The second got a loser who is 20 years younger than I am, with zero future, no prospects, and he plays video games all day. The epitome of a wannabe. At last she is still thin, but holy shit what a train wreck. He thinks he won a prize, to him she is, to me not so much. I popped her cherry and ride that shit like a stolen mule for years.

The 22 year old I was banging on 2014 is scary as fuck now. She got heavily into meth, partying, and at only 25 looks 35.

Bitches age like bread, especially white girls. Asians and some native American girls canlook good for a very long time, but not white girls. Holy shit they go downhill fast. Getting oneitis for any of them is silly. There's a fresh crop of 18 year olds entering college every year. There's no shortage of them, but there is a shortage of quality, dominant, confident men.

ctrl_alt_el1te · 2017-07-10T17:42:11+00:00

The thing is, everyone has flaws. Oneitis is such a trap because it only lets you see what you WANT to see in a girl, which is her best characteristics. The key to crushing that beta mindset is to seek out the flaws (trust me, they are there) and use them to RIP APART any majestic notions you have of a girl. Do this EVERY time you meet/see one you might be interested in.

'Well, ctrl_alt_el1te that's kinda unfair to her' you might say. If you think girls don't do this to you automatically within SECONDS of meeting you then you have not swallowed the pill. TRP works hard to define the rules of the game that women play and hands you the instruction manual on a platter. Use the rules to protect yourself from oneitis and beta fallacies.

Every time someone goes out of their way to write on here about any girl REGARDLESS of the circumstances they draw up I just wish they'd step back and see their oneitis for what it really is. No one girl is worth that kind of effort. EVER. Good post OP. The sub needs more of this.

CaleebTalib · 2017-07-10T17:55:30+00:00

This is great advice. The girl I used to have oneitis for came into where I work yesterday and I had to wait on her. It wasn't that bad I just manned the fuck up because it had been over a year and half since she broke up with me. That was when I subconsciously swallowed the red pill. I've been with several hot chicks since, work out, hang out with plenty of fun people and party occasionally. I don't know why she came into where I work, but I'm guessing it was to "check up" on me. I kept our conversation almost entirely professional although I cracked a joke and she laughed. It was strange and I almost felt sick from how much she reminded me of my shitty former blue pill existence. Fuck oneitis, I'm in great shape and look great right now and I know she thought so too.

Great quote from Far Harbor FO4 DLC: "Memories are like a different reality" we always make ourselves believe things were a certain way when they really weren't. We always put a gold aura around the past.

2017-07-11T14:47:55+00:00

Over ten years ago: I was about to kill myself because The One^{^{^TM}} was gonna marry someone else.

Now: She sends me a message that read "Marry me!" after seeing how well I am doing now.

Thanks TRP.

FudgingEgo · 2017-07-10T17:54:02+00:00

I don't believe oneitis is even to do with the girl but the image of the girl.

You see her as something that will make you what you want to be, you don't really see the person. You see a hot object that will make you feel amazing or other people jealous of your status being with said person.

I love when people talk about oneitis they always say just remember that her shit still stinks and its true.

aanarchist · 2017-07-10T18:37:44+00:00

she isn't shit today bro, she was never the shit to begin with.

skittles_man · 2017-07-10T23:04:22+00:00

Want a quick way to get over your oneitis? Imagine her taking a big, hulking, smelly shit; straining so hard that she is turning purple with her frontal vein bulging out 2 inches from her forehead.

Scat lovers, please do not reply.

stoicsoul87 · 2017-07-10T22:31:38+00:00

There was a post on TRP about not living a revenge porn fantasy. That was spot on. It's unwise to hold on to a fantasy of karmic retribution for her rejecting you.

Sure, she may lose her SMV, string along a BB, divorce rape him and become a miserable spinster BUT that's irrelevant. She does not exist the moment you learn she isn't interested in you.

newName543456 · 2017-07-10T19:15:44+00:00

When I had oneitis for her she was 18 and a total smokeshow. She's 28 now and fat, ugly and used up with the thousand cock stare to go along with her ruined body/face from years of partying. I am damn glad things didn't work out between us or I'd be stuck with that.

High-school/college pipe dream oneitis is actually being let off easy.

Think actually being with one CC rider and trying to endure all her liaisons "in the name of love which conquers all". You'd end up being a complete wreck.

feoen · 2017-07-10T19:47:27+00:00

This is probably more appropriate for AskTRP but I'll post it here:

I'm not sure if what I am experiencing is oneitis. The OP makes it sound like it's this absolute "she can do no wrong, she shits gold" unicorn feeling that leads to utter obsession.

My experience is way more subtle than that. It seems like out of every hundred women I meet, I feel attraction towards one and find myself thinking about her more often than I usually would. These are women I would actually prefer to have in my company rather than as pump and dump.

I do tend to notice that I "work harder" to game these women, and I definitely feel happier when I let them into my life. I also tend to ignore other women when I have found one I want, because it's incredibly rare for me to care enough about most people who come into my life.

I am generally pretty happy on my own. I don't experience attraction to most women. They just exist and if they want to share sex, that's great but I've got bigger goals and better things to spend my time and money on.

But when one really piques my interest, usually due to shared humor and hobbies, I get a bit attached. If it doesn't go anywhere, that's life and I'm onto the next chick. But when I do succeed, it's really nice having someone who shares my values and interests join me in my journey.

Is this oneitis, or is this just regular attraction?

RunawayGrain · 2017-07-11T01:54:35+00:00

Realize that in 10 years she isn't going to be shit and will be a shell of what she is now. And you will thank yourself in 10 years that you didn't commit to her.

The final nail in the coffin of any oneitis is seeing her after ten years. In my case it actually took a few to register who she was as she approached me in the grocery store. Then it was a damn bitch, what the fuck happened to you? moment racing through my head, before I wordlessly turned and left.

evilkenevil · 2017-07-11T09:43:58+00:00

Old guy here...OP's title statement is insanely accurate.

TaxationSucks · 2017-07-11T12:05:48+00:00

My oneitis is now divorced, living in her friend's basement broke and alone. #Feelsgoodman

sneakyMak · 2017-07-11T12:57:18+00:00

I think this advice really only applies to men who soley go for looks and tell themselves they wont get anything better down the line. But when you meet a girl that you are so into, that really understands you and possesses loads of appealing/interesting character traits it gets more complicated than just focusing on flaws. Every human beeing has flaws, so saying pick some out to rationalize why would have thrown her into the trash later anyways wont work for most. When you share many hobbies, spend time doing these together and generally being into the same stuff will not only boost your oneitis but users who might be new/lurking will question the helpfullness of this sub with advice like OP´s. Of course oneitis is not healthy and creates alot of mental stress that prevents people from experiencing life to the fullest. I am just trying to play the devils advocate here but from an almost 30 year trp user I would have expected more insightful advice than this.

Edit: What people with oneitis need to come to term with is the fact that even if you strongly believe that girl is unique and special, other females like her exist. She didnt become the person you liked so much out of nothing. Going through a lot of events, teachings, relationships with other people, interests, beliefes etc. have made her the person you held so dear. So instead of trying to rationalize with flaws, try to identify not her as a person but exactly what you found appealing. It will be easier to see these qualities in different people down the line. Because you will meet other females. Apply what you learned on trp, hold your frame and next thing you know will you have made great progress as a man.

2017-07-12T16:32:35+00:00

Oneitis is a temporary condition and it usually involves putting a woman on a pedestal and artificially inflating her worth over your own in your mind. That isn't healthy.

And yet, my father has been with my mother for 48 years and I'm sure he couldn't imagine being with anyone else, nor she imagine anyone else. And they have a great relationship. Sometimes you can find one person and decide that you want them and nobody else, and you can make it work. It ain't easy but it is possible. They are living proof and they have had a very happy marriage and are still quite happy together.

meaningintragedy · 2017-07-11T00:03:25+00:00

I am shit outta luck because I objectively think I won't find better than my ex. She was such a sweet girl and smart too, and she had that perfectly perfect body. Unfortunately I became so beta she left me.

I don't let this poison my life. In fact, my life now is objectively much better than when I was with her (thanks to TRP), but I miss her every day.

Edit: when it comes to aging, that bitch has such good genetics and takes care of herself so much I think she'll hit the wall much later than your average woman.

mossdoggg · 2017-07-10T18:06:12+00:00

Thanks for this post dude. I can relate big time to this and this has been a great reminder. Thank you

TaylorWolf · 2017-07-10T22:42:37+00:00

If you have oneitis for a girl based on just her looks this is 100% applicable.

But what about shared interests? What if she is the coolest chick that enjoys the same hobby as you and seems 100% dedicated? For my case there is a girl in my martial arts gym that just seems perfect for my interests and passions. If she stays the way she is she is going to be an even better version of herself. There are awesome women in their 50s who compete in martial arts tournaments

grandaddychimp · 2017-07-11T00:09:59+00:00

Yeah, my oneitis ex went from an HB8 at age 24 to an HB6 at age 30.

everyone_wins · 2017-07-11T04:20:55+00:00

I can't even imagine oneitis anymore. Sure I have ex girlfriends that I wonder "what might have been" about, but I've had so many great girlfriends that I know I can find another. Realizing abundance is the key to overcoming oneitis.

Top_Brazzler · 2017-07-11T10:38:07+00:00

You're right. It feels great knowing that the wall is your ultimate revenge ally. Just letting a girl hit the wall ruins her. You can just sit back and let the wall wreak havoc all over a girl's face and body.

TheEconomist777 · 2017-07-12T04:14:26+00:00

asg

justinroiliandismyweatherwanoa

PantsonFire1234 · 2017-07-14T21:36:56+00:00

All the girls I knew since high school and college when I was a late teenager are all nearing the wall now. It's bizar since when we were young I was just a kid really. White men generally develop slower but longer and in my immediate surroundings its as if I'm the only one still growing and maturing physically, not to speak mentally and life in general. This slow but long breath has shown me two sides of the coin.

What OP says is truth, you will be shocked at the disparity between you and the women you met years ago. If you are lucky the same will hold true for all the guys you met. But the idea of revenge for your oneitis or the fantasy of rejecting the girls who weren't much interested in you when you were young is false.

I can be considered pretty lucky in the genetics department and I developed a certain way to carry myself. Perhaps it's all in my head and it's just the SMV spike but women just automatically respond to me, smile, touch, submissive dilated pupils when they look up etc. And allot of the girls I knew before have changed their attitudes. But it has been nothing but a burden for me, you can see it coming when a girl starts to crush on you and there's nothing you can do to stop her. All you can hope is that she loses interest quickly and doesn't try to make a move herself.

Telling these girls no just feels empty. Either I accept I just want to pump and dump them and deal with the fallout since I have no interest in them as a person or I have to openly reject them completely if they aren't sexually appealing either. The first time I had to do this to a girl who I knew from my youth I felt awkward as hell. Not for myself but for her.

The biggest pay off from a growing SMV is that you get to meet a higher class of girl who you truly enjoy either sexually or emotionally or both. These are fresh experiences that are generally fun and make it seem worthwhile. But to the women you knew when your social standing was lower, you appear as a lottery ticket ready to be cashed. Generally they are the types that were around your old SMV but either lacked the self awareness to asses their on value or they were slightly higher and could date an older guy who had already made something off himself, to an extend. The rise in your SMV, the lowering of theirs and the general effects of time start to accumulate and it just becomes a home run. But you're swinging against a minor league pitcher and the entire defense is crap. The victory feels hollow. Eventually you just put down your gloves and leave for the dugout, there's no fun in winning anymore.

So even though what OP says is true, don't expect to feel better from it. In actuality you will far more likely feel annoyed at the mediocrity of others or frustrated about the skewed synchronicity of your lives.

"And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."

Andgelyo · 2017-07-19T03:27:05+00:00

Fucking love these kind of posts on TRP, I feel like we're all emotionless soldiers in a hyper-masculine army with posts like these desensitizing us from femininity and weak emotions.

SHITPISSFARTBARF · 2017-07-12T00:20:27+00:00

My oneitis from ten years ago is now a post-wall assistant art director at a feminist collective. She makes shit for money, lives with room mates despite being in her late 30's, and just isn't oneitis material anymore.

asianincel · 2017-07-12T02:36:10+00:00

golden zealot these guys are fuck heads aren't they

JFMX1996 · 2017-07-12T09:01:49+00:00

Ahh, good old, youngster infatuation.

I remember being 19 and depressed as fuck over some Italian girl with a huge ass nose. At the time, I had a huge scarcity mentality, and believed this girl was some special little unicorn.

I was like, "Oh wow, a conservative girl that plays guitar and likes to lift weights, I'll never find a girl like that again..."

In reality, they're more common than ever now. I just didn't want to see it at the time.

A good step would be to get rid of them on social media, or better yet, take a break from social media for a while as well. Blocking the girl will give you some relief, as you won't be checking up on her all the time and she can't like your posts to remind you of her existence. Then taking a break from social media will prevent you from constantly looking at her or other girls to distract you from her and have you yearning for some kind of lover. It'll give you a while to just focus on yourself and your goals of self-improvement for a bit. When you come back on and look at her posts, you realize a lot of the delusions you had of her when you were completely infatuated. Looking at her objectively again, you'll see you were hung up on a sub-par girl with a lot of weird issues.

Oh, speaking of which, I'd definitely read up on psychology. Learning what narcissism is, solipsism, and somatic narcissists and all the forms of manipulation make you realize how many red flags the girl had and further disregard her as you see how fucked up she was.

I know it's not easy, it's tough at first. You carry on and you move on and you feel happier as you invest in yourself and realize that they aren't shit for a high quality guy that you're becoming.

Stay strong.

Title	10 years from now your oneitis isn't going to be shit and you will thank yourself for not committing to her.
Author	mallardcove
Upvotes	452
Comments	79
Date	July 10, 2017 3:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6mf8w8/10_years_from_now_your_oneitis_isnt_going_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/10-years-from-now-your-oneitis-isnt-going-to-be.44583 https://theredarchive.com/post/44583