As I said I would, I am going to post a weekly (or bi-weekly if nothing interesting happens) journal here on the effects of Testosterone on me.

Backstory: There isn't a history of low T or anything in my family, in fact most of the people from my dad's side all have been or are living imitations of Mr. Clean.

I have had a life that would have killed most people in various different ways. As a result the massive amount of stress left me producing more cortisol then test and nothing I could do could stave away me turning into a fatass which in turn creates more cortisol which takes away more test. It wasn't infuriating because you can't be mad when you feel nothing. I have a workout and eating regimen that is very clean. Unfortunately I slip I gain more weight that never goes away, and the improvements I get are so small they are really only noticeable by me.

To be clear, I wasn't or never have been depressed (which when I had brought this up when I was younger I was told this is what it was - it was not and I knew that). I just knew I wasn't me. I was turned down a notch. Then another. Notch notch notch. Down to a humming whisper. I survived because I have just always known the best way out is through. I lived on the streets and ate out of garbage cans when I was a kid yadda yadda. I had some really good people take me in and I am alive today in part to them. However, the scar of that trauma never went away. I consistently had "life emergency" level stress in my life for the first two decades of it. Anyways, that's how I got to where I am now. Now to the specifics.

Specifics: I have critically low T. If you are here chances are I had about 1/3 of what you have. (300 is about what I had, almost none free @ 0.11%. You will know the numbers if they matter to you.)

What did that feel like? Listen to your favorite song on 1% volume. Is it still the same? Put a fat suit on and fall asleep. Try to get up. If you run a lap, I will give you 100$. Just kidding, run another lap. And you keep running. That was how my life felt.

There were benefits as well. Think about listening to that song again, if you keep doing it you will turn your ear to listen a little better. I have an incredible intuition because of that, and I actually think it may have been worth the trade off if you think about it as a form of training and not an ailment.

What are you feeling now? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-_g8NZr1tA

Got home and smeared the goop on my chest (I am using the gel btw, shots are available as well as I am sure most of you know. I selected the gel over it because in general things effect my body longer and stronger than most people.)

Within an hour everything has color in it again. Conspiracy theories abound in my head because I had to pay 350$ for my fucking T but some floozy can go to PP and get BC for free. So I have to change my insurance because apparently the biggest shadow epidemic is never diagnosed or treated enough for pharma to profit off of it or something. Insane.

I did and am doing everything I need to do right now. It would take me hours to start something and I would need to pound a redline (if you know what that is I mean the whole fucking thing, not half) to get started during the day most days. I purposely have a life designed so I work in the evening because I wouldn't really be awake till then.

This is the first time in 8 years I have actually felt good besides fucking a girl or preparing to fuck a girl. Speaking of, I will be including my field reports as you guys put it when my game shows distinct changes related to T. Even at that state I have no problem pulling girls (Which isn't a slight at the T = more passive attention thing, it very much is). I just know where to aim. I typically hit 5-7's. I use the you minus two approach.

My level of focus has returned in a way that I can't put in words. This is more important than anything to me.

Oh, so you can track my progress:

age 28 253 lbs 28.8%bf ~30%muscle 6'1"

I currently work out ABxABxY (Y=yoga) and play sports (soccer). I eat a modified paleo diet and I take the following:

Athletic Greens Acytl-L-Carnatine DMAE Choline Vitamin D Glucosamine MSM Chondroitin[sic?] Multivitamin Krill Oil Protein Occasionally Creatine

Lastly, GO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKEDGO GET YOUR FUCKING T CHECKED

(questions comments and random noises are most welcome I am writing this for you guys to understand the urgency and effects of T not for my own mental masturbation lol)