Man wants happiness. To achieve it he'll enlist in his life the greatest number of conditions that give rise to the greatest quality versions of it. Each man will seek some unique variety of those conditions, partially due to individuation of personality among different men and partially due to some being able to recognize certain conditions for happiness as being of an objectively higher quality than others.
In either case, for the great majortiy of men a portion of his potential happiness exists in the form of an ideal kind of female interaction pattern. That ideal kind consists of two primary components: Sex and companionship. For clarity's sake let's identify what each combination of these two variables look like:
Sex without companionship: Tinder hookups, one night stands, fuck-buddies (less so), etc. Sex without companionship is great. Sex without companionshp has my partial endorsement.
Companionship without sex: Female friendships are of value insomuch as they open doors to new people and experiences, are attractive and therefore vaguely enjoyable to be around while doing something you'd still otherwise enjoy, and/or provide a degree of interesting conversation--female intelligence exists. In general, females do not and cannot provide actual, legitimate I-care-about-you friendship. Altruism in women is properly reserved for her children and to some degree her alpha-male lover. While all friendships should be seen as disposable and conditional upon the value they provide, it is female friendships that should be expected to lose value the quickest and most reliably. Invest gently.
Sex and companionship: The most desirable pattern of interaction with the opposite sex, in my view, involves consolidating much, but not all, of the two values available from women into one reliable female who provides both these benefits eagerly. While these two seem straightforward, I'd like to further describe them so as to make clear their value before discussing how to best procure them.
Scientifically, sex is arguably more of an essential aspect of human existence than even survival--as individuals we survive to have sex, not visa versa. This is not to suggest that simply because sex is critical to the survival of the species that it's somehow a moral imperative; I'm a birth-control advocate after-all. Rather, it seems inductively highly likely that sex is valuable to a man for many more reasons than that it feels good at the time. I'd postulate, for example, that our hard-wired mechanism for self-assessment and mood regulation looks, perhaps above anything, at the frequency and quality of our sexual encounters.
Assuming that, I'd claim point-blank that it's universally prudent for a man to cultivate a relationship in which he is having sex 1. with someone who is enthusiastic and eager to have it, 2. in exactly the fashion that he wants to, 3. exactly as often as he wants to. Exceptions to number 3 include temporary and rare interference related to her health. If you wont allow for that, kill yourself.
- You want to go shooting so you invite her because she makes it more fun.
- You want to try a new restaurant so you invite her because it makes it more fun.
- You want to swim in a lake so you invite her because it makes it more fun.
- You're going to a family event SYIHBIMIMF.
- You're going on a work trip SYIHBIMIMF.
- You want to get take-out and watch a show in pajamas SYIHBIMIMF.
Companionship is experience-enhancing. It is inherently enjoyable. It's not a payment for sex, a boyfriend duty, or just something-that-you-do.
The tricky part is that for every 10 girls that you would fuck there's only 1 who would really enhance a non-sexual experience in the ways that my examples above describe. This is primarily because of human personality diversity and the mild rareness of psychological compatibility.
For R-selected types here who innately crave a variety of pussy, this post may be either not for you at all or simply not useful to you at this particular stage in your life. On some objective level, however, I'd ask you to inquire whether you'd prefer it if you didn't have to engage in the seduction process--from 0--on a regular basis. Perhaps you're energized by that. If so I recommend Real Social Dynamics on YouTube--although even Owen himself eventually realized he vastly prefers relationships to ONS. I predict he'll eventually embrace Buddhism and monastic celibacy at this rate.
Acquiring a relationship (I never mean this term to necessitate sexual exclusivity) in which sex and companionship is achieved unto satisfaction requires that you increase the value that you demonstrate to a woman.
Please note that when discussing how to provide value to a woman, the motives here are strictly self-interested. When discussing how to make $1M, no one accuses another of putting wealth "on the pedestal" or of a misguided altruistic commitment to providing goods and services. You provide value because the greater value you can provide the greater value you can bargain for. In short, if you want an attractive woman to worship your cock month-in and month-out and actually enhance other experiences outside of the bedroom, you need something to offer that most men can't.
Incidentally, the traits required to offer said value are inherently desirable and beneficial to you in and of themselves, unlike money. In short, cultivating alpha traits is all upside.
The value you provide to a woman can be compartmentalized into two categories: The visceral and the lifestyle.
The visceral value that you provide a woman involves her vagina, her tingles, her limbic system. This is the part of a woman that she has no control over whatsoever. The female limbic system is designed to respond with sexual arousal to the demonstration of traits in a man that identify him as most importantly carrying genes that will produce strong and capable offspring and secondarily himself capable of protecting her and their offspring. To provide visceral value to a woman you must exhibit traits that subconsciously demonstrate the power to dominate the environment, animals, and other men. The traits that most directly demonstrate this power are general muscularity and confidence. For that reason I recommend lifting and nofap--I promise that when you start actually doing those things it won't be such a pain to have to keep reading people advocate them 24/7 here.
The lifestyle value that you provide a woman extends beyond her sexual arousal faculties and integrates into her general, more conceptual desire for stability, safety, and happiness. The lifestyle value you provide a woman is verbalized to herself in this way: "He cares about me."
After visceral value is provided, lifestyle value allows a woman to be all-in. She's no longer entertaining battling thoughts like, "He's an asshole but he's just so hot. I should just block him." She can think "He's so hot and he really makes me happy. I don't want to mess this up."
I realize it's gospel in this community that if a woman feels cared for her pussy will become as dry as the Gobi desert and she'll immediately run back to her violently abusive drug-dealing ex-boyfriend. This is because TRP is heavily represented by men who have cared for a woman from the place of betahood (the pill they were raised on) rather than from a place of alphahood. For a girl to say to herself, "He cares about me," "he" must be an alpha male because only the love and care of an alpha male has any real value to a female.
When you only provide visceral value to a woman, she may fuck you for a time. Perhaps from the majority of women you see this is all that you want and therefore to provide lifestyle value would be unnecessary. But if you find yourself sleeping with a woman who you legitimately enjoy doing non-sexual things with, it behooves you to provide lifestyle value to her so as to trigger her more deliberative, conceptual faculties in a way that reinforces her mere sexual attraction to you. It also just feels good to care about someone every once and a while.
The overlap between the visceral and the lifestyle aspects of your value includes the strength of your frame. If your mood is not stable and strong, she will lose both her visceral faith in your strength as a partner and her conscious, conceptual assessment of the quality of your relationship. Nothing is more common and more destructive to the faith a woman has in a man than that man becoming emotionally hurt. There is never a level of relationship closeness or intimacy at which you expressing any sort of emotional pain will not begin to erode her attraction and faith in you.
The difference between a woman who has been provided visceral value and a woman who has been provided both visceral and lifestyle value is that the latter will actively try to make the tenderer of said value happy in a variety of ways. She will cook for him, massage him, compliment him, listen to him, be his cheerleader in his adventures and projects, and will cater to his fetishes (including hair-dying and even cosmetic surgeries). She will actually change who she is to make him happy. She will give more than he gives. She'll ride on his coattails for as long as he wants her around.
When relationships of this nature end, men are liable to feel pain from loss. This is a cost I've factored into my assessment of the value of these relationships and my response to it as an objection is verbalized well by Osho:
"Experience life in all possible ways -- good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Experience all the dualities. Don't be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more mature you become."
- The male-female interaction dynamic most desirable for most men will involve him having one female in his life that provides a satisfactory measure of both sex and experience-enhancing companionship.
- To achieve this sort of relationship, you want to activate her visceral tingles via alpha traits like confidence and muscularity. You also want to provide lifestyle value to her in the form of a degree of benevolence that allows her to really give herself to you.