4 Year LTR was there at my worst. Helped, nurtured, treated me like her king. She's being cheating all this fucking time.

The_Phoenecian · 2017-09-01T14:41:10+00:00

Hey - Good post, I feel for you man. Lying from the people closest to us is about the most painful thing I can imagine. Props to that dude for actually contacting you.

Question - What kind of small things was she lying about? I'm curious as to why you think she would lead such an extreme double life.

Rian_Stone · 2017-09-01T15:13:05+00:00

There's a lesson in here, and I think almost no guys are going to see it:

There is no magic formula to avoiding risk in life.

The guys who cling to self-improvement. The guys who think of alpha as an aspirational archetype. There's always another chad who is better, or sometimes just different. There is no correct combination of behaviours or attractive qualities that make you impervious.

The only thing you have is outcome indifference. You set it up so you survive and thrive, regardless of what she does. Because, get it through your head:

She's not on your team

If you read rollos articles on male vs female love. Everything on hypergamy etc. Most of the time, you being a top shelf man aligns with the best way forward for men. At the same time, it's correlation, not causation.

You can't make her love you like mommy does. Men > Women > Children > Puppies, period.

The cardinal rule is key, one has to fail for another to succeed

If she cheats, you'll never know. Have to accept that you'll never know, at least not at first.

I like this FR, because it illustrated the stupidity of these new guys in here to keep clinging to self improvement. You have to take ownership of your life, outsourcing it to a set of external rules will only lead to shit like this. Maybe not as bad, but they will happen.

You come into, and leave this world alone, act accordingly

uebermacht · 2017-09-01T16:29:40+00:00

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat in the corner."

An excerpt from the movie, "Heat."

ObjectiveBuffoon · 2017-09-01T14:01:25+00:00

That's a tough situation you went through / are going through, but think about this: you got years of great sex and devotion. "These hoes ain't loyal" - monogamy isn't natural. You can't have it all. You did get cheated on, but you got your needs satisfied for 4 years. Not so bad.

sqerl · 2017-09-01T18:59:24+00:00

I had just lost my father and my job, and was at my lowest at the time.

This is an important lesson. When you're at your lowest, misery does love company and it's when you're most vulnerable. Desiring a mother's comforting touch in a time of need is a programmed response for many men. It's also a potential pitfall as you appear weak to your woman. While she may show you her comforting side, she is secretly repulsed by you, doesn't have the tingles for you, and pursues a 'real man'. Having been in a similar situation, your experience is not unique. Don't give them an ounce of perceived weakness, for it will only fuel their hypergamy.

her "love" was the drug i was abusing to feel better about everything in my life.

A toxic and addicting drug. Spinning plates and creating dread is the vaccine.

Thank you all so fucking much.

Thank you for the field report providing valuable perspective. Your life may feel like a train wreck now, but you'll have it cleaned up in short order. Congrats on getting rid of the baggage and learning about her now. You'll rebuild; bigger & better.

-VaeVictis- · 2017-09-01T15:57:40+00:00

You HAVE to take this L like THE man. I feel your pain, but life is calling for you to step up to a higher purpose right now, and it's up to you to make the most of it.

Use this experience to learn and grow as a man.
Get a career and be successful. Pour your heart and sole into this. Make and invest money.
Develop yourself. Gym. Reading. Hobbies. Etc...
Remember to NEVER get married. You learned this life lesson without losing your wealth in divorce court. You DID NOT have kids with this whore. Be grateful that the universe was so kind to you in this regard, but never forget it. You don't get married because YOU NEVER KNOW. That's what AWALT is.

CoupDeGrace22 · 2017-09-01T15:03:20+00:00

It only hurts cause you invested,attached and believed in her.

Been there done that, most of us here have, biggest mistake you can do now is blame yourself.Don't.By all means learn from it and analyze your shortcomings, but don't think it happened cause you are "beta" or whatever shit makes you rationalize it.

If you scroll back to the hot page you'll see a boxer 10x more "alpha" and successful than you or I or pretty much anyone in here, and guess what? He's still getting divorce raped.

That's just the cold reality of today's women, they're all capable of being lying cheating ruthless cunts, so to avoid becoming a trainwreck like now, you simply don't invest emotionally in them.

And like the good old saying in here goes: "She never was and never will be yours, it's just your turn."

indianindian · 2017-09-01T14:57:07+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, dude.

I actually had a very similar thing happen to me, except I was only dating for 6 months.

Turns out the whore cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship, because she wanted to "make sure what we had was real". It's fucking laughable. I literally sent her laughing emojis and called her a skank as I blocked her.

The same deal with me, I thought she was perfect, and she told me honesty was so important to her and that she would never lie. However, she acted like I have trust issues or am insecure, when in reality I knew something was up. Then she lied to me about something minor, just like you.

Then I knew it was time to act on my suspicions. And then it all came out and I was shell shocked. What the fuck, you selfish piece of lying shit. She had the gall to say stuff like:

"I'm suffering for my mistake, isn't that good enough?"
"I didn't love him, isn't that what matters?" (HAHAHAHA)
"Everyone makes mistakes, can't we start over?"

Literally comical. As I said, I literally laughed at her because I had already gotten emotionally detached as I found out she lied to me.

Anyway, that's when I started reading more manosphere stuff and realized that what we went through is the NORM. How many cucks get cheated on but never find out? At least we had the logical reasoning to oust these sluts.

IlsaLaszlo · 2017-09-02T00:19:05+00:00

I am sorry this happened to you. But there is a lesson in this.

Us women(and it does not help us at all,but is the way we are) abondon ship in the sexual department the moment you start perceive yourself as "low".

We may still like you,love you,feel obligated,and care,but our sexual impulse is gone(that doesnt mean we wont have sex,we can amazingly separate having sex from true craving).It just is.

It doesn't matter the reason for your feeling low.If you don't act confident in any and every loss,after a time(month or so)...it's over for us.

Trust me,we don't enjoy it.We hate ourselves for not being able to feel arousal.We try,negotiate with ourselves,drag it out...but it doesn't matter.

If you're feeling low for longer than a month,we can't truly look up to you...meaning,no sexual desire...meaning...it's over,cheating or not.

I am not defending her,I am just trying to make it clear that we don't LOVE our nature.We hate it.But we want what we want.

Word of advice and easy fix that will prevent this from happening again.

Every time you truly feel defeated and you can't help your human self,and you want to cry and scream...do it away from the woman you're with.

Isolate yourself from her.She will plead,try to talk you out of it,give her all to comfort you and such,but...you need to leave.For a few weeks or so.She will never forget the lone wolf strenght you displayed.And women don't cheat on lone wolfs.They are so rare we CANNOT risk to lose them.

Rnee45 · 2017-09-01T18:23:28+00:00

Fuck women. Literally too.

Only after having my dick sucked by a married whore did I realize how vile they can be. LTR? Fuck that shit sideways.

reddttt · 2017-09-01T19:00:50+00:00

Our hairy ancestors passed through worse shit to develop this fucking useful tool we call gut feeling. Trust in that shit.

vengefully_yours · 2017-09-01T19:27:15+00:00

It's not blue to not trust them, you shouldn't anyway no matter how social you think she is. Where it goes red is when you realize it's only your turn, enjoy it while it lasts and kick the bitch to the curb when she does shit that is unacceptable. I didn't give a fuck who the girls I bang are giving it to, as long as I'm getting it, not contracting diseases, and they're drama free, I don't care. I'm not keeping them, I enjoying the time i have with them. They can opt out or in at any time, it's entirely up to them.

ECoast_Man · 2017-09-01T22:23:11+00:00

Brutal dude. You'll get over this, and if this doesn't red pill you nothing will. Couple comments:

First, I've always found the biggest issue men have with these situations isn't even the cheating in and of itself. Its the nonchalance with which women do it. I've hooked up with a girl who left her laptop and Facebook open and I read she said, "I love you" to a dude mere minutes after fucking me. My bro also went through a brutal breakup and he read her Facebook conversation with her bestie about how she should just tell my bro that she fucked one of his friends after they got into a fight, and the bestie laughed at this comment. Most men would have a serious moral dilemma about such behaviour but women just don't. The hamster is very real, and when men realize how women rationalize outright cruel behaviour it really fucks up men's psyche sometimes.

Second, you're absolutely right about trusting your gut. I always think about women cheating like the cashier who steals from the til. One day, a customer overpaid by a dollar, so she thinks "what's the harm, I'll take the dollar". Next time she "accidentally" misquotes a higher price so she gets an extra few bucks. Soon enough she'll just be flat out stealing. The little warning signs are just her stealing a little bit, or she's outright stealing and gotten sloppy.

Good luck to you friend.

dangercat415 · Fri Sep 1 18:48:02 2017 UTC

Just for the record, by feminist logic you were raped for four years straight!

segagaga · 2017-09-01T17:28:27+00:00

I feel for you man, same shit happened to me with my fiance, a LTR of 3 years, and I know what it's like to be literally cut to pieces by a woman's dishonesty.

Believe me though, you got off lightly. You didn't get so far down the route as to be married, share property or to have children with that worthless human being. You could have caught an STD or pubic lice like I did (that's how I found her out, you can't lie your way out of fucking insects in your pubes), women who cheat like this for such a long time are a serious health hazard to you. You did some major Matrix-style bullet dodge there, and even though I bet your heart is in a million pieces right now, be grateful you dodged that bullet and become soooo over that worthless person.

Never take a cheater back. They will take it as meaning that their cheating was ok.

Fuck those people in this sub that say hypergamy is amoral. In a committed relationship, cheating is absolutely immoral. Be angry, and channel that anger into energy to improve yourself with.

Gawernator · 2017-09-01T19:52:55+00:00

Women who have nailed how to appear like a unicorn on the surface are some of the most dangerous to get attached to.

ozaku7 · 2017-09-02T00:36:42+00:00

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude. She kept giving me great sex, love and help while cheating like that. Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what? I confronted her, she confirmed everything. Was crying like a fucking 5 year old who got caught. Asking me for forgiveness and saying she was a terrible human being who will suffer the consequences later. I didn't take her back.

Classic example of not being sorry doing it, but being sorry for getting caught. If you don't believe me, ask the dude if she was crying before, during and after they banged while yelling "I'M SORRY MARK, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY!!!! :'( ".

Women crying after being caught is one of the biggest jokes ever and only a retard falls for that. At that point, they deserve the most disgusting treatment you can think of.

Just one of my higher ups mentioned that you can still love someone, and still bang other people. It fits exactly this post. I have banged other women, he has banged other women, but it hasn't changed out loyalty for our women. Note that "loyalty" may not make sense to you, but loyalty is also in the sense that I won't leave her, even though I fuck other women because the companionship is really good, it's just that the sex died after popping 3 kids and you fuck women on the side to maintain your sanity. An object in surplus will always be abused, an scarce object is valued. Look anywhere you go in your daily life. Men are an object of surplus for women. Become a scarce man, a desired man. In social circles, in professional field, in romance. Become scarce, become desired and you succeed.

Also it happens very often that women flake on dudes that are in their lows. A woman needs a man to bear responsibility for her, he needs to be her rock for everything in her life. Responsibility, consequences, anything. A daddy she can come crying to for cheering up. She loses that the moment you cave and are at your weakest and jumps to the next guy to get cheered up, by his listening, or by his dick, or both. With every day, I am just more in favor of just cheating behind your spouses back because either way you win. Either she is fucking someone else and you too, so that makes it even. Otherwise she's the loyal one that gets cheated on, but that wouldn't happen if she would just fuck me so often that I don't need anything more. Nature is beautifully cruel, remember that. Suddenly you wake up and you're in this beautiful world hopping around in sunshine and the greenest grass you could even imagine, 10 minutes later fallen prey to an eagle, your skull pierced by it's talons and ripped apart to be fed to its babies and there is noone that will give a fuck about what happened even just seconds later.

Luckylancer96 · 2017-09-01T18:01:46+00:00

I am sorry for you, but it seems you are mentaly ready to recover. The lover who informed you is a honorable dude. He didnt gained anything by doing it and he lost a plate but still informed you.

believeitor · 2017-09-01T17:06:49+00:00

hey man my 2 cents, something similar happened to me also after 4 years of LTR, in my case she got dicked by some beta emo because "She didnt think I loved her". So keep in mind girls are human too, it is very hard to walk the fine line between giving your girl the love she desires and keeping your frame rock solid.

It was hard for me because in all my relationships I was the prize and girls knew it, and watching her make that mistake and regretting it so much to the point of being physically sick, thought me that girls can love you, be obsessed with you and still get dicked by some other loser. All it takes is them feeling insecure and you not noticing it in time.

grewapair · 2017-09-01T18:45:15+00:00

You're lucky you learned early the Disney promise was a lie. Women are using us, they do not love. Plan accordingly.

Psychocist · 2017-09-01T15:47:43+00:00

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude. She kept giving me great sex, love and help while cheating like that. Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?

I think it's important to note something here. She was not cheating from day one, while giving you her devotion and whatnot. She was invested in the relationship until you started to decline. Then you were on the downswing and she branched to another guy.

She only kept up appearances so she could make a clean escape once she'd secured the other guy.

My advice would be a little different:

Unless you and your life are improving, forget investing any time into a relationship. If you're in one and you start declining, do yourself a favour and leave.

JBrody · 2017-09-01T16:06:55+00:00

Sounds like a shitty experience, but don't let it define you. Go out with some true bros and when you are by yourself, just look at your own needs and work on those instead of giving the her any of your brain's processing power.

Also whatever you do, don't seek out the answer to why she did what she did. It doesn't matter.

Usename13579 · 2017-09-02T07:22:10+00:00

Also, the whole alpha/beta thing is not real. It was based on very bad zoological research that has since been proven false - and it was about wolves, not people. You are neither alpha nor beta. You are a person.

And this is not "the first time in my life i have gained the self-awareness to understand how to make meaningful change to my relations and myself". You have spent your entire life growing and learning and changing, and you made a big change when you retrained your brain not to be jealous and controlling of the women in your life. There's no need to be overdramatic; this is one episode in a (hopefully) very long life.

itsvoogle · 2017-09-01T18:28:32+00:00

Sorry to hear all this man i can relate 300% as this sounds very similar to an experience i had. All i can say is that after this you will become harder and tougher than ever before. With this knowledge, You no longer will fall into the hands of deception because you have lived through it in the flesh. Welcome to a new world of enlightenment the worse is now through, take this experience and learn from it, in time all wounds will heal and with that you have leveled up to a new form of Man. One that sees all possibilities not just the ones that his primal emotions wants to see.

excal10 · 2017-09-01T20:35:03+00:00

The same month i was losing my home of more than 20 years, she was lining another dude.

She realized she needed a new basket to lay her eggs into.

bizmarck · 2017-09-02T00:41:23+00:00

You know what makes you better than 99% of us?

You've already turned this into a lesson; grin and bear it motherfucker. We're with you.

jshtx2117 · 2017-09-01T14:09:44+00:00

The pitfalls of acute Oneitis.

Always remember, LTRs are gambles not investments.

Mefic_vest · 2017-09-01T17:18:58+00:00

“Why do we fall, Sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” - Alfred, Batman

You are ahead of the curve if this is your analysis. Keep it up.

Fusion_power · 2017-09-01T18:36:17+00:00

"Would you call that cognitive dissonance or what?" The cognitive dissonance here is yours and yours alone. You expected something different?

"if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late." Drop the word "if" at the beginning of this sentence and "until it's too late" at the end and it will make a lot more sense.

askmrcia · 2017-09-01T19:14:31+00:00

OP I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm sure you will become a much better person and man overtime.

Honestly her behavior is sick and no matter how much of a jerk I can be at times, I would never betray or fuck someone over like these women are constantly doing.

I only found about everything because i lost frame and blowed her phone, in being a complete hurt beta, i ended finding the truth.

Try not to beat yourself up too much. We're human and us guys do have feelings. You did find out, and she's a cheating bitch.

The good news is, you didn't marry her and you don't have any kids with her. Ask the old guys how bad they got it after a divorce. Once you get your financial stuff together, you'll come on top and a much better person overall.

-VaeVictis- · 2017-09-01T19:19:00+00:00

I've been in your shoes twice in my life. The first time was much tougher than the second. My advice to you is to get your ass in the gym. It was the only thing that took my mind off her, and it accomplishes shit at the same time. Sorry for your shitty situation man. Shit gets better over time though, trust me.

orestis_prs · 2017-09-01T19:19:25+00:00

Well, heads up to the side-dude who had the balls to send you a msg and didnt act like a bitch.

I am curious, can you give us some further info on the girl? As you say, her "mask" is awesome and she "seems" to be the perfect girl but she is not. To my knowledge, that an indication of psychological problems that she might has or problems with her family.

Its strange man, we men do our best first for ourselves of course, women get attracted because they realise that , AND STILL they do stupid shit. I strongly believe that they should be a reddit page that addresses that behaviour women have(probably some man have it too) and start provide solution. Its like a Beta thing but different

Wish you the best man

-VaeVictis- · 2017-09-01T19:45:07+00:00

kick ass username. Make it apply to others

TehJimmyy · 2017-09-01T19:54:46+00:00

if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late.

There are no cheater women.Nature is AWALT. Given the right moment and a better SMV male than you , you are off. Read the sidebar again and accept it.

I only found about everything because i lost frame and blowed her phone, in being a complete hurt beta, i ended finding the truth.

Why blame yourself ? You did the right thing . Who cares if it's beta or alpha. You went with your gut . Now do it again.

Edit: Go ahead of the curve. You can plate her and don't let her know you are cheating. This way you are getting pussy and looking for other pussy. Don't care about feelings. Sex is a primal need and you should have access to it anytime for your well being.

SouthernFit · 2017-09-01T20:53:40+00:00

The first step is admitting you have a problem. So welcome. It gets much better from here.

SkorchZang · 2017-09-01T23:53:37+00:00

Discovering your girl's lying is nasty. Hits you straight in the vulnerable ego: how dare anybody lie to ME? And especially someone who professes to love me? Is that all a lie too and I'm a complete fool?

The blue pill way to deal with it involves deciding that "Nah, I'm not a fool, she's just a bad, bad woman."

On TRP you can learn a better, reality based way to deal with this, where you force yourself to realize you're nothing special, it's OK. People will lie to you, and make you a fool. You become OK with being a fool, even the kind that gets fooled with a woman's love. It takes the ole' ego down a notch or two, but it is also very liberating. Now you can take a few stabs in the back even from those closest to you, and keep on trucking (without them of course).

The bottom line is that it's not your "essence" or whatever that is experiencing the trainwreck suffering, not the true self. Those are the ego's aches and pains, and in a way there's some masochistic pleasure you can derive from that if you want to. The thing that is suffering this defeat and humiliation so bad is itself bad, and your enemy. The more it suffers, the more you get better across the board in life. That's why so many dudes on TRP become inexplicably thankful to all those horrible ex's that betrayed them and caused them to hit trainwreck rock bottom where the truth was found.

UrbanBanger · 2017-09-02T01:09:28+00:00

Just be thankful that you don't have kids / mortgage /marriage with her. Take it from me.... It can always be a helluva lot worse.

Best of luck broheim

Fedor_Gavnyukov · 2017-09-02T10:42:02+00:00

let me put it like this.. "love" is an evolutionary trait that was needed for a male to stick around to protect the female from the dangers of the outside world while she's pregnant and after birth to ensure the survival of the baby and the species. if the male died in a battle with a sabertooth tiger or whatever, the female immediately went in search of another male to protect her and her offspring, not giving two fucks about the first male. insuring the survival is the main goal.

thus, hypergamy is a thing because the female always sought a better candidate to protect her from dangers. this still exists today, not but the dangers are in the form of low finances, etc.

don't give in to your primitive brain.

Shakydrummer · 2017-09-03T00:12:43+00:00

Listening to my gut was the best thing I could have done when it came to an old LTR and cheating. Figured that shit out quick and acted on it. Seriously, after months of diet correction, working out and actually being on a fair number of dates, you learn to really not give a shit and see that there are so many more attractive women then the slop you settled for beforehand. Rose coloured glasses are real man. It'll get better, focus on you.

Zacimi · 2017-09-01T19:46:56+00:00

All women have side dick... Period. All women are fucking liars... Period. I have fucked so many women who were in relationships it's not even funny. I used to fuck this one woman in our office, her husband worked 2 doors down...

Macheako · 2017-09-01T16:20:46+00:00

Dude, sounds like she was GOING to leave ya....so she gives ya a severance package for a few months, what's the big deal? Your relationship was clearly fuckin over, no offense, from what you're telling us, so to me, from her perspective, she really was being nice to you and helping you out in an emotionally difficult time in your life.

I don't mean this the wrong way playa, but I'd go a little easy on her if you can bring yourself to. She's a free woman, she don't HAVE to give your ass shit. But seeing how fucked you were she threw you a couple bones. I mean, it's cool to not want it, but I don't think she was necessarily going outta her way to be an evil cunt here, dude.

That's just a REALLY tough fucking situation to get caught up in, man, at least give her that lol fuck, I don't know what I'd do if my gf's mom died and I was already 14 steps out the door lol.

Unnormally2 · 2017-09-01T18:23:21+00:00

2.If you find her lying to you about anything, and she keeps lying after addressing it, ghost IMMEDIATELY

Could you clarify? Why would you do this? Is the goal to get her to fear for her relationship and stay faithful, or to just end it there? I would be concerned that I would overreact for something actually minor (Though lying is serious, admittedly)

rushh24 · 2017-09-01T18:39:27+00:00

I wen't through something very similar and it absolutely crushed me. You're not alone man and now we just have a different level of awareness and understanding. Now that enough time has passed for me to not feel pain over it; more just feeling sadness for you because I know how much it hurts, I've learned to not put faith, trust, or even love into a woman as the cost to benefit ratio is way to fucked up. Improve yourself and eventually (so cliche sorry) you will be thankful for this whole situation.

p3n1x · 2017-09-01T20:13:10+00:00

Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you. Sure it's great to have her give you lots of sex, company and even monetary help, but if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late.

Maybe too soon, will make better sense later. But the details of your story show that you were not 'Alpha' and hypergamy got the best of her. Just because you 'believe' you dealt with all your problems like a champ, doesn't mean she perceived it that way. You regressed materialistically, you were in a weakened state emotionally and financially. She didn't 'hold you up', she took pity on you. You perceived sex with her as everything is OK. Woman use sex to validate their emotional state, a man should never do this.

I.E.

Woman: "You fucked me, so this means we are OK". (no man should ever equate sex with his own emotional stability)

Man: sex ... carry on.

StrongAffordance · 2017-09-01T21:16:21+00:00

Sorry to hear it bud. I had the same issue with my now ex-wife. Found her lying about small things that were irrelevant like buying makeup or perfume, and ended up finding out that she was living a double life for years. It was extremely rough.

UnluckyPenguin · 2017-09-01T21:28:21+00:00

Sorry to hear. Whatever happens, life is always worth living.

On a side note, I actually sent a FB message to my ex's new boyfriend, because my ex started making with me while she was wearing her boyfriend's sweater. I told the guy a couple facts that my ex lied about, and he chose not to believe them.

At least you are willing to accept the truth. Some guys aren't even willing to do that.

Good luck!

cashmoney_x · 2017-09-01T23:14:15+00:00

Humans, especially women, are not monogamous.

MattyAnon · 2017-09-01T23:27:49+00:00

Good post OP.

Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you.

You have a bubble with a woman. It might be a very nice cosy bubble.... but when you're out of sight, you're out of the bubble and out of her mind. She probably won't fuck a homeless guy, but if left alone with him for more than a few hours she might.

This post is an example of the risk you are taking when you commit to being exclusive with a woman. The risk is that she is not being exclusive back, and why should she be? It makes much more sense to her to just pretend that she is faithful. That way she gets security from us, and doesn't restrict her other-dick options much.

Conversely men back-slide while in exclusive relationships. We grow soft. We forget how to pick up other women. We forget that we need to. We delude ourselves about the nature of this one super special woman, forgetting that she is exactly the same as all the others. We believe the bubble. We think it's real. We think it exists when our back is turned.

And when it's over, we're left with nothing. She's jumping on the next cock even if she wasn't already, we are left regretting the wasted time, the missed opportunities, realising we should have gone to the gym more, spent more time with friends, and not made any sacrifices for her at all.

Always always always realise that one day it will be over. She isn't yours, it's just your turn. Live your life accordingly.

dontbedenied · 2017-09-02T01:05:08+00:00

Did she really try to ask for your forgiveness and try to keep you in the relationship? That is insane.

Whitified · 2017-09-02T10:49:51+00:00

Yo, this sounds like an exact copy-paste of my experience from years ago.

What eventually happened is that I became friends with the other dude. We both realized we got played, and we both faced it together.

Hindsight is 20/20, and after some time I learnt that the signs were there all along. Not just red flags, but signs of not 100% interest on her part. You will think now that she seems "very interested" and all that, but trust me after some time you will begin to realize the warnings were there all along. edit: a woman can lie all she wants but her eyes always betray her

The reason the sex was still great and she seems devoted and blahblah all that... is probably because in her eyes, you are probably still the so-called "alpha" one. The other guy is the backup plan. She just isn't SURE yet... In my case, what we found out was actually that the girl flaked on him even more, gave him the cold shoulder even more. In fact, she was just preparing him to be the beta provider. He was a model, rich, but otherwise he's a complete whiteknight beta, no excitement whatsoever. Useful only to prop up her social status. Your story might be different, but I guarantee you she was setting one of you up to be the "main plan", and the other to be the "backup plan". That's just how hypergamy works.

In my case, the girl will eventually, through sheer luck or something, be in the same internship as me. She begged and begged and tried every trick to get me to take her back (the other guy didn't even hear from her) and it shot my ego through the roof. But none of that matters. She has disqualified herself long ago, and it took a lot of willpower to remain polite and professional to her, yet never going beyond that.

The most important thing is that you not get bitter from this. There are better fish out there, as long as you don't develop One-itis again you're good. Both me and the other guy grew a lot from this, and today we're enjoying life.

All the best, I hope this story helps you.

Hector_Castillo · 2017-09-02T11:00:07+00:00

Damn. I feel for you man.

Some questions -

Was she a party girl? You mention that some of her lies revolved around not going out with girls. Did this change as you dated or was she never a girl that went out to bars?
What was her partner count before you two got together?
How did she meet this guy? Tinder, bars, social circle?
How much were you providing for her?
Did she bring up kids and how did you respond?

Trying to help diagnose where things went wrong. It might have been a 1% deviance from your typical dominance and that was enough for her to slip (but usually it's high risk girls like party girls that will cheat after slight slipping)

Given the length of the relationship, I think kids was the biggest factor. Relationships have one goal - children. If after 2 years, there's no kids, relationships usually devolve.

frerri · 2017-09-02T11:40:33+00:00

These posts make me a paranoid little fucking looser. It's eating me up from the inside. Yet the only thing you can do is trust her untill proven otherwise. And that's is a hard fucking truth to realize

[deleted] · 2017-09-02T12:02:35+00:00

Sorry, brother. They all do this. I was married and man, she was ULTRA sweet, flirty, fun in bed. She chronically cheated until she finally left because she fell "in love" with another guy (she cheated on him though and got genital herpes and they're no longer together - so take a little comfort in knowing they do it to every last one). Next girl I thought was surely the one, we were together 4 years, she started showing all the signs the ex did, but she was smart enough I could never prove it. But where there's smoke, there must be fire. Anyway she ultimately left. Said we just weren't a "forever couple". Whatever that means. Bottomline, you don't show all the signs of cheating and leave a 4 year relationship with a man you've already discussed marriage and kids with to "be single". Laughable.

Moral: Don't bother committing. It's just an illusion, a waste of your years. They'll ALL eventually get enticed by another cock and hop back on the carousel, no matter how good you look or how much money you make. Without fail. So just keep getting your dick wet and focus on your own body, career, and lifestyle. Spin those plates like a fuckin' DJ.

"Women are like monkeys - they won't let go of one branch until they're swinging from the next."

The__Tren__Train · 2017-09-02T15:47:09+00:00

Was crying like a fucking 5 year old who got caught. Asking me for forgiveness and saying she was a terrible human being who will suffer the consequences later.

this is something i'll never understand.. she was totally fine cheating on you, lying to you, etc..

but the second she finds out you know, he crumbles.. lol. kinda creepy when you really think about it

LordThunderbolt · 2017-09-03T14:10:52+00:00

"Being alfa only changes the PERCEIVED respect she has for you. Sure it's great to have her give you lots of sex, company and even monetary help, but if she is a cheater you will never know until it's too late. She will treat you like her king while still getting side dick."

Thanks for writing this because I've been preaching it for a while. A lot of guys think that being Chad makes you cheat proof and that your SMV should be so high that your girl spends most of her waking hours doing stuff for you to not lose you. That's retarded thinking and pure fantasy. She will cheat no matter what you do. You max out your SMV, she gets real insecure and thinks you've already been cheating on her. So she goes out and cheats on you repeatedly because "You cheated too" by assumption.

You guys need to understand that nothing you can control the mind of another human being. At the end of the day, she will do whatever the fuck she wants to do, regardless of your SMV. And to have you walking around like you're hot shit thinking you can't get cucked, makes it even way funnier and humiliating when the news breaks out that you've tasting some other guy's cum in her mouth This whole time.

Lateralanouncer · 2017-09-04T21:15:09+00:00

For me. I view being in a LTR a version of being mgtow. You simply have sex on tap so you can focus on yourself, work on your business etc without being backed up and having to wast your time seeking a cum dumpster. you can only do this if you are strong enough to avoid female manipulation. the woman (emotional teenager) that lives with you should be the one taking non sexual benefits from the relationship as you are the man and should be on top of your shit. You have to accept that due to taking birth control and social programming etc woman have no biological responsibility to man regarding sex. Enjoy your turn and invest as little as possible in woman but invest as much as possible in yourself.

Tokestra420 · 2017-09-01T21:39:23+00:00

I wonder when this sub will realize that the way you treat women are the reason you get treated this way. You purposely don't get emotional invested in women, then wonder why they do things like cheat on you.

To OP, I feel for you man, cheating is never an easy thing to take. I hope the wound heals with time and you can move forward. But hopefully you learn this subreddit clearly isn't the solution to your problem, and can change in positive ways. While you can learn some good confidence related stuff from acting the way this sub preaches, the way people here think lack of investment and affection is obviously the cause of most of their problems.

Learn from this and continue on, the hardest things in life make us stronger

kokoke · 2017-09-02T07:20:08+00:00

I don't know man from what you've said this woman was willing to stick with you during your lowest moment in life and she was so good about it that by your own admission you became addicted to it. According to you, she's done a lot for you(at least emotionally) but you say that you've been pretty stoic about your relationship.

So honestly what did she have to gain out of your relationship that she couldn't get anywhere else. Even the great sex you attribute to her and not you. So far you haven't mentioned any reason why this woman should be in a relationship with you except for the fact that you've been stoic during your relationship.

Look, man, I get it AWALT but sometimes it's just you man. Honestly, I can imagine you being a shitty boyfriend during your grief and I can see why she'd branch swing.

Sorry man at the end of the day the problem was with you not her.

AlphaTransition · 2017-09-01T18:57:51+00:00

You guys will never understand...

The moment you commit to a girl you instantly become vulnerable...There is no alpha, game or red pill thats going to save you...

5559theman · 2017-09-01T23:16:21+00:00

Sounds nearly identical to my experience. Trust gut! Don't trust words.

fromthecrypt8 · 2017-09-01T23:41:32+00:00

Like you say in closing, you will only come back stronger from this. You'll find the track "housewife" on 2001 by Dr. Dre will provide both wisdom and comfort for your current situation. You cant make a hoe a housewifeee

victor_knight · 2017-09-02T00:38:49+00:00

That's what you tend to get these days for believing in relationshits.

OldBirdWing · 2017-09-02T00:44:16+00:00

The only part I really care about and can confirm is that lying about the little stuff is a big red flag.

manwhowouldbeking · 2017-09-02T00:48:19+00:00

Your life sounds like it has come apart use the rubble to build something better. Sorry for your circumstances thanks for your post

Radkin007 · 2017-09-02T01:27:28+00:00

All women,(people?) lie remember this, they are better at hiding it then males are but when they start slipping and you catch them, drop them. Usually means she's stopped caring to cover her tracks and has little to no respect for you left. Condolences on the emotional torment you going through mate.

Orishasinc1 · 2017-09-02T01:30:25+00:00

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks! Snoop Dogg.

IClimbPlasticAndRock · 2017-09-02T03:11:22+00:00

If you want loyalty and unconditional love, get a dog. These hoes ain't loyal.

moospot · 2017-09-02T03:17:55+00:00

I was in a similar situation. I feel for you. The good news is the worst is over. Be thankful you found out now before she moved in, got married or had kids together.

tryinreddit · 2017-09-02T03:36:07+00:00

Wishing you good vibes, man. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sometimes shit just isn't your fault. And you gotta let it go.

[deleted] · 2017-09-02T04:30:54+00:00

If I read this right, you only found out because the other dude contacted you?

DarthMalgusFTW · 2017-09-02T05:53:22+00:00

"You can't turn a ho into a housewife".

Truer words have never been spoken. Also, what part of NO, LTR/Cohabitation with women don't you guys get? Pump and dump be a PUA. Spin some plates. Move on. Derp.

shredzro · 2017-09-02T06:28:47+00:00

Hey man. I feel for you. I wish you nothing but good shit.

HalcyonAbraham · 2017-09-02T06:43:43+00:00

I know exacty how this feels. It's so weird because. for some reason. your story hurts me too.

that's why always leave yourself some room to maneuver. never bet everything on a woman or anyone ever.

the older I get the more I start to realize that there really is no one there for you but yourself. not even family. they'll be there only upto a certain extent.

Im sorry for what happened. Its an incident like this that made me adapt an outlook of "I'd rather be the cheater than be the one being cheated on". it hurst so bad to be on the receiving end of cheating. I know. I've been on both ends

HalcyonAbraham · 2017-09-02T06:55:42+00:00

Whats intriguing about this post and the comments below is

you can tell that a lot of guys here have been in the same situation. and I'd argue they've come to the red pill because of similar situation. this was the trigger that opened our eyes and shattered our fantasies about love and life.

which is both beautiful and sad at the same time

Vincent_Marcus · 2017-09-02T09:24:03+00:00

I'm at the point where I don't think romantic love actually exists as most people define it. I think "love" is only a tool people use to manipulate others, most likely primarily a female weapon. I think the trick for men is to avoid being caught in the spell in the first place, because once the witch casts the spell it's pretty fucking hard to fight it.

stoicmarcus · 2017-09-22T21:57:00+00:00

The more aware I become about TRP, the more I think that MGTOW is not that bad as it initially sounded.

Stories like yours, my friend, just confirm the true nature of women. I honestly believe that today, in our society where women are free, even encouraged to "listen" as much as possible to their sexual impulses, there is not such thing as a LTR.

LTR is just basically no longer possible, believing otherwise is believing in unicorns. Period.

That's fucking sad, I know. But truth will set you free, not happy.

Women can't be trusted.

Focus on yourself and learn to become independent to women's love, the most powerful (and dangerous) drug.

Nergaal · 2017-09-02T12:55:18+00:00

What changed in February? How soon after losing your apartment was it? Was this the first guy she cheated on you with?

RPmatrix · 2017-09-02T12:58:56+00:00

Right now i'm feeling like a trainwreck, but

for the first time in my life i have gained the self-awareness to understand how to make meaningful change to my relations and myself.

excellent!

this in itself is worth all the mindfuck and heartbreak you've been through

at least now you have TRP to keep you on track

It's true that 'time heals all wounds' ... as does a good fuck or two with some uber HB

take it easy mate ... many of us have been there to some degree or another so you're far from alone

[deleted] · 2017-09-02T13:03:41+00:00

This may sound harsh, but the employment situation and the whole picking you up when you were down thing probably contributed to this. If a woman has to "be there for you" like that, it is in her nature to resent you for your perceived weakness, even though she may hate herself for feeling like that. We here all know that society at large is not equipped to provide emotional support for men in times of crisis, and that your lot is to suffer in silence. If you attempt not to suffer in silence, you will be punished for it in some way, shape, or form, as is what probably happened here.

bluexcollar · 2017-09-02T13:10:07+00:00

"Admitted and ask for forgiveness"

Oh of course!

Andgelyo · 2017-09-02T14:51:37+00:00

Damn dude, I feel for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is the betrayal you feel after loving and trusting someone for such a long time. In my perspective I perceive you to be alpha for most of the duration of the relationship by not pestering her and remaining frame most times. I got cheated on when I was 17-18, and had only been with that girl for less than a year. Never wanted to be a long term relationship since then(27 now, had a few girlfriends since then but never ever took them seriously). My heart goes out to you. I'm assuming you know what to do in these situations(I.e. Go out and fuck bitches, work out and exercise, go into monk mode, etc.). Stay strong man, most of us will never find a true unicorn.

P.S. To my red pill brothers, if this guy can't make it, shit maybe there's no hope anymore.

MisterMisogyny · 2017-09-02T17:50:57+00:00

Same happened to me. A perfect storm resulted in me taking a leave from school, losing my home, and spiraling into a deep depression. I was on the precipice of being homeless, and she took me in. I though, finally, NAWALT. We'd been together 2 or 3 years. She started cheating 6 months later. AWALT.

Dragon_Garoo · 2017-09-02T21:53:19+00:00

Stay strong man. You'll make it through.

Women going out with their friends - even if they are - are looking for options.

Let it go, fix your money shit, you'll come out the other end better off. Lesson learned. AWALT. You'll be better prepared next time.

doctormav · 2017-09-03T01:03:36+00:00

Go fuck some thots, you know that you are in good shape if you can do it immediately after a break up, it's life so go and have your fun. You must Remember to not give up on your pursuit of greatness.

AB_R · 2017-09-03T13:21:04+00:00

I don't understand why you didn't keep her around to fuck her even more - now you can fuck her AND you know she's getting side dick, so you're free to do the same with other women

Win win

holytrpbatman · 2017-09-03T13:24:15+00:00

They are always looking for the bigger, better deal. If you think she isn't, you are a fool.
See number 1

[deleted] · 2017-09-03T22:54:26+00:00

Damn, sorry man.

What a fucking bitch.

The ability to be totally betrayed by someone like this is a huge fear of most people.

[deleted] · 2017-09-04T02:46:43+00:00

If women CAN cheat, they WILL cheat.

ForeverMaverick · 2017-09-05T15:36:48+00:00

I don't think blowing up her phone was beta, you were just making sure your suspicions were true, and they were. Overt investigation and confrontation is one of the most alpha things one can do in my opinion. It got you out of blindness and killed her lies. Beta would have been to have fabricated some excuse for her or keep believing any lies she told and maintain a relationship. It was a great result for you since now you can focus on becoming better and attracting more women than relying on just one.

Always assume she is getting side action and is interested in swinging towards other men no matter what she behaves like - even if she treats you like a king.
Get your own side action in order to not become dependant.

This way what happened to you will just be expected and have lesser consequences. Good post that serves to illustrate the concepts of hypergamy.

As for you, use any negative energy and direct it towards positive things for yourself such as going to the gym and making money. Make your success your revenge. Focus on other women. You will realize there are no unicorns, some just hide things better than others. Look for her flaws and lies and write them down. Read them every time before you meet and update them after. Once you do this, shit won't matter to you, you won't fall in love again and you won't need to break up since it was already broken in the first place.

Good job.

kasper138 · 2017-09-06T06:19:14+00:00

Man all you guys could save yourselves a lot of hassle if you would just realize one simple thing. They all cheat. They are cheating on you. Stop giving a shit. Go cheat or don't be in a relationship.

Maelshevek · 2017-09-14T08:17:40+00:00

You were betrayed by someone who pretended to fully be your ally. Don't look back.

Weefilly · 2017-09-22T21:46:03+00:00

AWALT. All women bro, there's no escaping the truth. I hate seeing my friends in LTRs just knowing what their girlfriends are really like while they are clueless.

TopSecretFucker · 2017-10-02T02:37:54+00:00

Dude, I just fucked a wife in a 3-4 year relationship. She tried hard to avoid it, told me she only cheated once back in the day to get revenge for being cheated on (yeah right, even with me she was texting other guys). I saw it up front.

Well she obviously wanted the thrill and creeped like she was totally in love with me. I fell for it so fucking hard though. At first she told me how much she loved me afterwards, how much more successful, smart, compatible we were, etc. everything her husband wasn't - a guy who was too nice... she wanted the bad boy still - she was an alpha widow.... she later warned me not to fall in love with her, and that if we're together she could cheat on me too, she just didn't know... (uh, she's a cheat addict now).

It took a couple days of ghosting will all my willpower but I finally saw through the instant fell heavily for me routine after sex that completely flattered my ego like no other. I eventually told her I knew there was no love and she thanked me! She said she was tired of the charade when all she wanted was passionate sex as she claims her husband barely fucks her/and doesn't fuck good.

Do I feel sorry for the other dude? Nope, I got cheated on by my first wife. I say all is fair in love in war. It's only our turn with the pussy anyways, enjoy it. Have your guard up always. Hoes ain't loyal.

slothsenpai · 2017-09-01T17:17:18+00:00

Parallel to your situation, do you reckon Conor McGregor's wife would eventually cheat on him or something?

nowboarding · 2017-09-01T16:19:57+00:00

You say you learned your lesson from previously trying to control girlfriends and failing miserably. What were these failures?

In hindsight do you wish you hadn't taken the lenient laid-back stance that you did with this girl?

PantsonFire1234 · 2017-09-01T23:20:06+00:00

The title is misleading. The girl wasn't cheating all this time. If we want to learn shit on TRP we can't be emotional like women and go from "she cheated the last half year to off the relationship man" to "oh my gawd she cheated allll this time I cant fckin believe it omg!".

Look OP what happened to you was horrible. But you need to learn the lessons. Your LTR lasted a long time, allot of mine broke within the year. This girl sounded great and in the end shit just got to you both. She then cheated the last 6 months of you being together. You can learn from this. When a girl loses interest in you it's always unannounced and a while before you truly break off. That's when she goes and looks for another guy to branch swing to.

Stating that this girl cheated all this time will only fuck up more guys thinking chicks cheat all throughout the LTR. We need facts and real accounts, not feelz. Keep it solid OP. And good luck.

Jyontaitaa · 2017-09-02T06:02:27+00:00

Your not in a deep hole.

You found out but you weren't in a sexless situation. I say plate up go no strings.

Usename13579 · 2017-09-02T07:16:17+00:00

This is why we need to open up discussions about people's real preferences regarding nonmonogamy. She should have been able to tell people from the beginning that she is nonmonogamous without stigma. She clearly loved you, but knew she could not tell you she wasn't monogamous. If people were allowed to be more open about it, the nonmonogamous people would be "out" and would be involved with other nonmonogamous people, instead of living lies and hurting the people they love.

You learned a lesson here. Monogamy is a real discussion that needs to be had, early and honestly. No one should assume we're all on the same page and that we all value monogamy in a relationship.

francisco_DANKonia · 2017-09-04T13:41:38+00:00

I don't think you know what cognitive dissonance is. I find it perfectly normal she would start cheating when you hit hard times.

HedonisticGodofSex · 2017-10-13T16:47:55+00:00

Just went through something similar yesterday. Five years and found out she was cheating. Cried like a bitch the entire night, was in shock. Got up this morning , thanked God I have side bitches, blocked on all social media and deleted her number. Fuck it. She's never yours, its just your turn.

slappysq · 2017-09-01T22:46:07+00:00

You didn't have a girlfriend, you had a mom.

You're acting like a pissy 6 year old whose mommy started fucking a new man.

Suck it up and move on.

-VaeVictis- · 2017-09-01T14:53:57+00:00

So she gave you everything you could have wanted or hoped for, but got a little strange cock on the side. Did she neglect you? Did she give you a STD? Did she take your money? Did you get saddled with a unknowingly supporting another man's kid? If not, you didn't lose anything.

It's as if you hire a man to work for you 40 hours a week Mon-Fri. He goes above and beyond the call of duty and puts in 50 for no extra pay. Then you find out he has a weekend gig where he works a few hours for someone else on the side. Would you have a meltdown and fire his ass? Probably not. So why is this different? You got everything you bargained for and more.

If the sex was/is good, keep banging her (wrap it up of course); there's no reason not to. If not, move on

drleeisinsurgery · 2017-09-01T20:46:58+00:00

OP: have you considered keeping her around? She contributes money, esteem and vagina. The emotional stuff is secondary. Maybe it's time you play her.

geberb22 · 2017-09-01T14:02:12+00:00

lmfao

if you're in a ltr, want a ltr, or even have thoughts about an ltr you aren't redpilled you aren't even in the damn game lol literally

fact is, if you're in a ltr you're the beta giving your time, energy, and attention to her while she bangs chads in ons while she plays good girl for you

we get your good girls freak sex in 5 mins an hour then we move on to the next hoe no relations lol all while you give your time energy and attention to her

there's a game some of you aren't seeing because you're blind from the game from this ONE girl

being in a ltr goes against the premise of trp if u want a ltr you either

don't believe in awalt/believe in unicorns
you know she's fucking chads but continue to give your time energy and attention to her while she bangs chads in ons(either due to low smv or oneitus

BOTH go against the premise of trp

Title	4 Year LTR was there at my worst. Helped, nurtured, treated me like her king. She's being cheating all this fucking time.
Author	-VaeVictis-
Upvotes	930
Comments	359
Date	01 September 2017 01:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	TheRedPill
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/45714
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6xelrk/4_year_ltr_was_there_at_my_worst_helped_nurtured/

4 Year LTR was there at my worst. Helped, nurtured, treated me like her king. She's being cheating all this fucking time.

I've turned extremely dark and cold. I don't show it but I am consumed and driven by anger in life at the moment and sadly despise most women...Plus im a virgin at 23 now. What advice do you guys have?

You guys saved my life.

Insist On Living The Life You REALLY Want To Live.

A message for the brothas (White and Black) TL;DR How MGTOW saved my life.

A sad realization of a reality, I need to share my thoughts.