Hey, what's up guys.
So I'm not some expert writer or any shit like that, so excuse me if this isn't the most glamorous story on here. However, I'd like to share my RedPill story, about some of the lessons I've learned and examples I've seen in my own life.
So I've recently turned 22, been looking at the RedPill for a little while now. What really gravitated me towards this subreddit was the real-ness of it all. Before coming here, I always used to question many things in my life, especially when it came to concepts such as being a man, women, relationships, and society as a whole.
I was raised in a household where I lived with my mother, and two sisters. My father worked elsewhere, he didn't live with us but he definitely provided for us financially. So my daily atmosphere was pretty feminine, and since I am the youngest, being in such an environment made me a bit softer.
As a young kid, I had a lot of energy, loved to play sports, socialize, and was very competitive. I especially enjoyed fighting and wrestling, however I noticed from an early age how my behaviour was always put down. Naturally as a kid, i fought it at first because it's my natural inclination, however as time passed, those feelings turned into shame and guilt.
Being around girls all the time in the home, and my sisters friends, they tried to definitely sway my judgements as a person. Always putting ideas into my head about "always be sweet to girls and do this for them" and you know all that other bullshit. Any aggressive behaviour I showed was put down, and since I had no male role models around, I just took it. Honestly, as a kid, the male role models I had were like fucking Goku and Vegeta from DBZ, Batman and whoever else I saw on TV.
So I grow up into my teenage age, hit a growth spurt and hit 6 feet pretty early (Black genes helped a bit lol), but that was just on the outside. From my young age to high school, I became more reclusive and more of a loser to put it frankly, Playing video games, watching anime, staying inside, super shy to talk to girls and all that, had a total "Nice guy" attitude and thought crazy shit like you should never even cuss at a girl.
The girls that I did talk to always had interest initially cause I'm somewhat handsome but right away lost interest as soon as they started talking to me. Being in a completely female environment, and even asking for advice from my sisters gave me a shitty skewed perception of relationships and girls.
So I'm 18, I'm still a virgin loser, finish high school and don't want to go to college because I don't know what I want to do. So I waste about a year doing nothing, then the next year, I remember it was around New Years that I started looking at self-improvement forums and stuff. Definitely was tired of my lifestyle and how I was being as a person.
Another year or so after is when I found the RedPill. At first, I thought y'all were fucking crazy, like this was some extremist shit. Makes sense, because it was challenging my mindset, and it was difficult for me to fathom. I started to read a lot more and more and really analyzed and compared it to my life, and it was just a series of mini epiphanies that made me go like "wtf , this is scary how true this is."
I started to look back at my own life, and remember so many moments, not only with girls but myself as a person and it really put me in a depressed state. Felt like a lot of what I've been taught was a gigantic lie and it's because it was. Decided to move out of the house, and live in another city.
When I moved out, I got into lifting, kept reading more and more RP and other stuff. That's when I got into a very angry phase. I shut out girls, cut out my BP friends for a bit, and started to just lift, work, read for a bit. It felt like I reached a point where nothing mattered to me anymore and I had no fucks to give.
So I'm out of the city, living on my own for a bit now, still lifting but hated my job. So met someone one day that told me about how he makes good money dealing , and decided to get into selling drugs. At first, the nerves I had were insane. However, working a crappy minimum wage job will make you consider a lot. Didn't want to go back home either, so I was like fuck it, I'll just start dealing too. The local area was full of potheads and such, and being 6'3 and black in a area full of white people, I already got asked for drugs all the time, so might as well profit a bit.
Got into selling weed, pills, and blow, but still worked a couple hours at my job to make myself look somewhat legit. Started making pretty alright money for someone my age and in the area I was in (full of students), and I became more well-known. At this point, my physique got much better, and started to dress well and pretty much looked completely different. So much so, that when one of my cousins came to visit me, he didn't even recognize me.
After some time, decided to move to back to my city, live on my own still but to attend school in the following year. So when I came back, met up with my old friends and I couldn't even stand being around them. Being gone really opened my eyes to those around me and that who I surround myself with is a reflection of myself, not to say I'm any better but coming back and seeing them doing the same old shit, talking about video games and girls they'll never have the courage to approach sounded super lame.
Also, the subtle jabs against me about my muscle gain or my style shrouded in insecurity was just sad. This also came from my family when I saw them again and my sisters told me I've become a "jerk." And why you may ask, because I had no interest in going to a dinner with them and their friends (something I'd do before, like some lame ass ladies night) or because I wasn't as talkative. Wasn't intentional either, just my interests have changed.
So this is when I started hitting up girls on instagram and girls I knew, and when I saw first hand of how fucked up girls, especially around my age are. One girl too, who I used to go to school with (had a crush on in middle school lol), but denied me got my snapchat from one of her friends and hits me up. We meet up and at first, she's compliments me cause I've gotten fitter and we get to talking. Now this is where I thank RP a lot because if there's one thing I've learned, it's to have abundance mentality.
So the old me would have tried to talk as much as I can, ask a bunch of questions and be waaay too interested, hide sexual interest and all that. We get to talking and since my mindset isn't about how I am but how she is, that's when I started realizing how uninteresting this girl is. No real hobbies or anything and I had no real interest of continuing talking, so cut it short. She later hits me up saying that I was rude and and all that and don't even respond to it. 3 days later she asks to come out again, and I just said through text that I'm not looking to date atm and she says that's cool and that she isn't either.
She then invites me and says we could "chill", and I came through a day later, and we fucked. She hits me with the she doesn't really sleep with someone that quick text a day after and i replied it's cool. We fuck again and that's when I find out this girl has a bf, not only that but she would literally use the guy for shit. I'd be at her place, she'd order a bunch of food and stuff from his credit card for us to eat, she'd take his calls while she with me and it was just scary to see how she switched up so easily on the phone. That's when I was like "jeez, these girls out here are really savages."
Started hitting up more girls and started to have a couple plates that I'd hit up through the week. After a bit, realized how fucked up emotionally a lot of these girls from shit they told me. We'd fuck and they would always try to get me to open up emotionally but i learned from reading bare stories here how that never works out in your favor. Or how they would try to get me to commit when it was clear what my intentions were.
And to be honest, I did want to have a relationship but rather be safe than sorry. So anyways, things are going alright, I'm still working out, have a decent job now and saving up for school, got into a lot more hobbies.
But then something happened which caught me off guard. My mother became very ill and was placed in to the hospital. She soon after was becoming worse in her condition. This really was hitting me hard cause honestly, she was still the closest person in the world to me. Raised me, gave me everything, and it was always a huge fear of mine to lose her. She wasn't like women here either because she was raised outside of the country and had very conservative old school traditions, came here not knowing the language, and still managed to raise kids.
She was very RP in that she told me a lot about what makes a good man, and it wasn't any of the BS, but I always believed my sisters instead who were pretty much super feminized from here. Anyways, I was out of the city when I received the call she was passing and rushed and was with her during the last moments and it was truly the saddest moment of my life.
As a man, you don't have many outlets you can look to and ones that truly truly care for you unconditionally. After her passing though, I felt extremely depressed, however didn't show it at all. Around this time, everyone in the family started worrying about me because instead of being a room of mourning girls and hearing pity, all I was thinking about was trying my best to honor my mother. And I know she wouldn't want me to be complaining or be completely sad, even though I was feeling depressed. So I started hitting the gym super hard, literally even a day after.
Taking out my emotions there, and this was another time when I saw how fucked up some girls could be. They didn't see me crying in front of them and instead going to the gym, so some would try to talk to me one on one and they would try to hold my arms and try to physically comfort me when it was obvious what they were doing. I was like what the fuck, how low do you have to be to try to pull shit like this at this time, but I just wouldn't say much and would avoid any physical interaction. Then they tried suggesting I need a therapist maybe, but that just made me annoyed because, sure it might help others but the way I saw it is, why would I pay someone I don't know to hear my problems out when I wouldn't even do it for free to people I do know.
After a while, I lost motivation and became very depressed. Lost weight, started just sleeping in, felt numb. My thoughts were the worst, I couldn't even sleep properly because I would just get bombarded with all these horrible thoughts, and it wore me out after a bit. Thought maybe I should go see a specialist, and tell them about how I've feeling. I went to one and they suggested I have clinical depression, signs of bipolar, ptsd and more. Didn't believe it at all. Hearing that shit was horrible, then to hear I need to take this and that pill.
The weeks following were some of the shittiest, I didn't take the pills and decided instead to go visit my father and try to be around him for the first time. That was what truly changed my mindset. This involves flying and seeing him on the other side of the world where many live in poverty.
He saw my face and he knew exactly how I was feeling. Instead of pitying me, or feeling sad for me, he did something much better. So the first two weeks I was there, I'd still have sleeping problems but every morning, my dad would slam my door very early and I'd wake up all groggy and just be a miserable piece of crap. But him, he would be very happy, full of energy saying "it's another day, another blessing."
I told him how I was prescribed as having this and that and he said "is that so, who said that." And I told him a specialist and he said "do you believe him?" And I said I don't know. He said it so calmly and was smiling. So the weeks following, he takes me to parts of the country where it's pretty much villages and poverty everywhere. We would stay in these places and at first, I fucking hated it, cause it was out of my comfort zone and would victimize myself and say I'm not in a good mental state.
So my dad introduced me to many people and I talked to people who had some super fucked up pasts, much worse than anything I could imagine and they would all be happy and smiling. My dad would keep telling me advice and asking me questions and it really made me question a lot.
He personally, has lost a lot of family, been through war, and wasn't even present as his wife passed yet he never once complained or looked to the pity of another man. He told me "in life you become either a warrior by the end of it or a victim, no one will ever understand your potential, and that absolutely nothing is owed to you except for death."
I remember one incident where there was a very young kid who would polish and clean your shoes and I pitied the kid and tried to give him money, but the kid didn't even take it. Why? Because he was working, and my father told me "don't pity him, he is working, doesn't matter if he's cleaning shoes or washing dishes, at this moment, he's his own man and he has a job while you dont, so of course he doesn't need your charity."
Met many others and I kept thinking about how if these people were back home in the states, they would easily have so many people victimize them and pity them and suggest they need therapy for this, meds for that for all the trauma and whatever else. However, all of them shared the same views that it's just life and you got to make the best of it however you can, that crying to another person or labelling yourself as such and such might help but who knows yourself better than yourself. Everyone else will give you insight into what they think will benefit you but only you truly know yourself.
When I came back from the trip, I felt a lot better in the sense that I've learned that a lot to being a man isn't about just lifting or getting girls, but actually holding your shit down, especially mentally when you feel your worst. It also made me very simplistic and calmer, that whatever happens, to just relax and keep moving forward.
My feelings of doom, depression, anxiety and whatever else went down considerably and I'm glad because I could have just taken the pills, went to therapy and I know that would have made me feel even worse. Not to say any things wrong with that if that's what you choose but I know myself.
Nowadays, I'm back in the gym, back to working , made some new friends that I just kick it with to just talk about real things I'm interested in. Started looking into starting my own business, something I've been very passionate about. And with girls, not much of a huge interest at the point because the short-term pleasure I got out of plates doesn't compare to the feeling of contentment and calmness I have nowadays.
Anyways, this is just a post sharing some of what I've experienced the last little bit, hopefully inspires some of you guys,