Last night wasn't my favorite, it was the mid-season repeat episode of my life where one of my harem members decides it's time to leave.
It's not my favorite, but it happens, and it's expected. Some leave sooner rather than later, but eventually the feminine imperative forces it's ugly head into all interactions and reminds women ever-so-subtly that I am not giving them ultimately what they desire (or think they desire) which is monogamy.
Funnily enough, if I ever did cave to their desires, I don't think they'd like what they ended up with. It's a pull and it gets into everybody's mind at some point. Why have fun? You need to either lock this down or walk away.
Relationship strategy isn't discussed enough on here, so I thought I'd write a little bit about my relationship strategy. Somewhere around here you'll hear from Softharem who advertises a similar approach.
The Rotating Soft Harem
I have ditched monogamy as an effective mating tool. As per Rollo's advice, I have decided the only weapon in my belt is spinning multiple plates.
The dating market is stacked seriously against men, it's difficult to have any sort of value at all. If we left women to their devices, they would see to it that men have no value in the dating market so they could be free of the shackles of liking any of them. (though they would express extreme concern because they want good men).
The only rebuttal that I see fit is to keep a rotating harem of around three women at a time. It satisfies the plate spinning requirement, enables self-actualization of value in the market, and keeps you from giving away the only item that gives you value in the market- your commitment.
I have learned through trial and error that what we understand as monogamy is only to benefit women. They would like the security and validation that you are a one-gal-man. They, however, will never stop shopping. Hypergamy will insist that they continue fitness testing you as a mate, as well as analyzing all other potential mates. It's only a matter of time before another more apt branch is found.
To take your commitment from you, they minimize your options and strategy, and maximize their own.
So we introduce the rotating soft harem.
First of all, I am up front with the fact that I will not be exclusive.
You don't start off on that note, however. Most women will date for a month or two before having "the talk." It's programmed into them, they need to know. They'll have the talk when they're sufficiently in love with you.
I approach it very simply: "I'm sorry, but I'm really just not in a place in my life where I'm ready to enter into a relationship. I really like you and love spending time with you. I would like to keep seeing you, but I understand if you don't."
Some decide it's worth it. Others don't.
I don't talk to them about other harem members, but it becomes implied by the lack of exclusivity.
I attempt to keep around 2 - 3 at a time, replenishing when one drops out.
Most girls seem to do alright in it for about 3 - 4 months after "the talk." I've had a few last over a year.
But .. monogamy!
After learning what happens to me with extreme oneitis, after understanding that without fail- these women will swing to another branch, I have learned that this is the new mating strategy demanded by women. Monogamy is dead.
It's tough, because the imperative becomes very convincing, and at times I lose sight of my goals and why I set them. The demand for commitment and monogamy can be strong and seemingly innocuous. Maybe this one's different.
Do not surrender that freedom, it is the only bargaining chip you've got. Once you surrender it you will find yourself at the mercy of the woman who is most certainly not in it for you.