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LTR went solo travelling + came back my Ex

Reddit View
August 20, 2017

My girlfriend went on a solo trip for 2 weeks and cheated on me. We were having issues beforehand and I was well versed with some of the TRP principals but couldn't pull the trigger when she first proposed the trip despite knowing exactly what would end up happening and also explaining this to her. In pretty much the exact fashion that Rollo talked about in his "Please, break up with me" post, she returns and admits to me that she had "found someone" and that "she feels the same way about him that she feels with me". And after being pressed, in her last communication with me could only honour me with the trickle truth that "she only kissed him once". Needless to say, despite much pain to my ego, she was ghosted immediately. This was an LTR of 3 years so it was no easy task but I had never felt so disrespected in my entire life.

My TRP brothers, this episode happened 3 months ago, I am a solitary person and haven't spoken about the details of this event with much anyone since it happened, but I know I can rely on getting some insightful responses here. TBH I'm fairly certain in a lot of cases you guys will only reaffirm what I already know, but I still feel it will help in terms of patching up my hurt ego. I have to admit despite me knowing how things would end up it still hurt/s like a muthafucka. I'm also ashamed to say that a part of me is also pissed that she hasn't contacted me with an apology. I know better than to expect one but the emotional mind can be one hell of an untamed beast.

So I want to ask, what compels women to do these things? I know AWALT, but seriously "I feel the same way for him as I feel with you". At the time of hearing this, I was equally disgusted as I was amused by the sheer stupidity of such a statement. You're with someone for 3 years and you fuck someone for 2-5 nights (who knows!) and you conclude that you've fallen in love. It's an absolute joke. I have not spoken to her since this happened, but I can only logically see that it would likely only have been a pump and dump situation as these holiday antics often end up.

Guys, I know I shouldn't give a shit but do you think there's even a shred of remorse when women do these things? A shred of introspection after the guy they fuck fucks off and leaves them where they think "I may have fucked up here".

Damn, this girl brought me to the redpill long before this happened but damn the bitterness to it is disgusting. When shit like this happens to you you truly understand "she's not yours, it's just your turn", briffaults law, everything! A holiday retard drops a little game in an artificial and overly stimulating environment making the sexes prone to indulging in, you guessed it, sex and women confuse this for anything remotely substantive. I don't know whether its genuine naivety or utter stupidity on their behalf.

And then I think how much of a Beta I have become to have had things end in this way. Jheez...I could write pages on that.

I'm just ranting guys, sorry. This wasn't a planned post I just needed to get some of this shit out, but my questions were:

Why do women feel solo travelling in a relationship is acceptable behavior? How could in the scenario above my ex seriously say that she felt the same way about the guy she met than she feels with me her boyfriend of 3 years (still makes me sick writing it lool)? How come there hasn't been a shed of remorse since ghosting her ass? (was I that beta that she'd checked out months/weeks before - I did say we were having problems)

Sorry again for the rant guys, had to get this shit out, these thoughts are literally on a circular conveyor belt in my mind...

Post Information
Title LTR went solo travelling + came back my Ex
Author vkolobogu
Upvotes 81
Comments 99
Date 20 August 2017 07:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
ghostingRollobetaAWALTcheatingpump and dumplong term relationshipgamethe red pilltrickle truth

[–]askmrcia48 points49 points  (8 children) | Copy

Well none of us know her or you. So we can't tell you exactly what happened.

I get that it sucks. But just by reading your post, you have to stop thinking about why she did what she did. You will most likely never know the real reason.

Next step is to stop beating yourself up calling yourself a beta and all of that. I'm no expert on how to recover from breakups, but what I just told you should help.

The best way to move on is to meet other women. After my first gf screwed me over, I thought I wouldn't find anyone better. The next girl was better and she screwed me over too lol.

The next girl after that ended up being much much better. So you may think that chick was everything, but be honest. You were most likely attracted to her and she had a decent personality and gave you some attention. You'll find plenty of women that can do that

[–]vkolobogu[S] 13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

I was very attracted to her and I made all the rookie mistakes that you could possibly make. Losing sense of my purpose, friends, not taking care of myself etc.

You're right though, but I think I need to go monk mode for a while. As embarrassing as it is to say, I got complacent, fell into the "she'll love you even if you're not even attempting to grab life by the bulls" frame and likely got what I deserved.

I appreciate your message bro, thank you

[–]Scheme0013 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

You did the same thing that I did in my last LTR of 4 years. Then she went to another state and fucked a hippie dude (opposite of me) and popped out a kid and now they are a dirty married hippie couple.

My point is, I've been there. When they lose attraction for you because we stop being a man and stop putting ourself first they move on to someone else. Her new relationship will not work. Even though you didn't admit it you want her back. I understand. You're not blue pill or puss because of that. You and me get feelings and it hurts. But if you focus on you right now and stop focusing on masking the pain by getting random sex you will heal much sooner. When you are healed you will be getting tons and tons of random sex and that is right when she will try to come back into your life. Weather you let her is your decision but you know what should be done.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Saw right through me didn't you haha. In a sick way I do want her back and wish this whole thing never happened, but it's just how it goes sometimes. And yeah I totally get you, had to learn from the experience but getting drunk off of pussy to mask the pain is totally the wrong way to go. I'm going to try and handle this a little more maturely going forward.

Thanks for the message brother, much appreciated.

[–]Scheme007 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck man, you sound like a good dude

[–]idgaf-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even after monk mode, after becoming amazing, you can't build a house on water. You can't expect the next girl to be great and pin all your hopes of happiness on her.

More spiritually, everything in this life is like water, constantly changing. There is no lasting satisfaction to be found in the material world. Cling to anything, and it eventually leaves you. In Buddhism, the only lasting satisfaction is found in the end of clinging or craving. Good luck, man.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nobody deserves anything. Some people are just more willing to step up to the plate and swing for it. Pardon the baseball analogy.

[–]TrenGod372 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man this is the honest truth. Same thing with me. My first gf was a knock out I thought I'd never find better. I wanted to leave for other issues but I couldn't bc "im never going to find better than her"

Finally I stopped being a pussy and left and I found even better than her. And ended up without her and found something even better. There's always better. Always and you need to remember that when your so emotionally invested. Bc your beta mind won't see it any other way. But it's always true

[–]Scheme0064 points65 points  (3 children) | Copy

If she did this, you lost her a long time ago, before she planned the trip. Sorry to hear about this bud.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

lool sigh, I agree bro, I agree....

[–]that_italia_guy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She lost him..

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev29 points30 points  (5 children) | Copy

She isn't "special", she won't feel remorse, and you are better off without her.

This is why guys should spin multiple plates, so no woman can walk out the door with 100% of your pussy supply. And you should be gaming your women all the time. keep them off balance, use light dread, etc.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

I have a lot to learn. Have never spun plates as I found TRP in that relationship. I've got a long road ahead, feels really shit now, but can see that it will end well.

Thanks for the message bro.

[–]SiulaGrande5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've got a long road ahead, feels really shit now

bro you should feel excited! you finally have the answers to all your problems with women and are on the path to sexual mastery and success. is it a long road? sure, but it is the road to greatness, and you are firmly on it

[–]TrenGod372 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You will become a way better man from all this. And especially because you're here. Read read read brother

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks bro

[–]jackandjill22-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]lightsalreadydead12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

It sucks, but it's her loss. Move on and don't let it get to you.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks bro

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

3 months, have you fucked anyone else yet? You have to learn to dismiss the rational element because girls are not rational beings.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

yeah, 5 women, but its actually had a bit of a negative impact. I think its because they haven't been hot enough imo. Going to jump into monk mode for a little while.

[–]SisyphosOnTop5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol and I thought I need to give you some serious advice to build you up.. TF are you sulking about? Women are women. Just keep going.

[–]jackandjill224 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. This something a lot of guys have trouble with. Outcome independence is imperative.

[–]chachaChad8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

She doesn’t feel the same way about the new guy. She just didn’t want to choose so she made you do it. I’m guess you’re boring to her now while he’s exciting new, foreign dick. He’ll get his turn then she’ll do the same to him.

Keep working on yourself and DO NOT let anyone break you. You are so much stronger than that.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Think you're right. When she told me she kissed the dude and I said my goodbyes, she called back immediately to say how she was shocked at how I could let her go so easily after 3 years. I think it was a combination of her not wanting to make a decision and probably more insidiously and unconsciously her believing I'd take her back.

Thanks for the message bro

[–]chachaChad5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Funny how she turned it around on you. How could YOU do this after 3 years? It was only kisses in his pants.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha bro, I couldn't believe the audacity of it, its still confusing now. You fuck a guy but have the gaul to get shocked when you face the repercussions. Come on....lool

Thanks for the message bro

[–]systemshock869 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

When she told me she kissed the dude and I said my goodbyes, she called back immediately to say how she was shocked at how I could let her go so easily after 3 years.

Wow. That's fucking rich. The audacity.. lol..

[–]vkolobogu[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know, right. It's so disrespectful/ridiculous that you can only really find it humorous lool

[–]RollingRP12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why do women feel solo travelling in a relationship is acceptable behavior?

You're missing the larger point - the traveling isn't the problem, it's just the avenue of escape when there IS a problem.

How could in the scenario above my ex seriously say that she felt the same way about the guy she met than she feels with me her boyfriend of 3 years (still makes me sick writing it lool)?

She doesn't feel the same way about that guy. For the moment, at least, she likes him much much better. This woman is telling you what she's telling you because it's easier to say that, to pretend she has some inner struggle going on and to encourage you to help her make the makeup or breakup decision, than it is to just admit she's been done with you for awhile, please go away.

How come there hasn't been a shed of remorse since ghosting her ass? (was I that beta that she'd checked out months/weeks before - I did say we were having problems)

Because she's not remorseful. She was done before, she just needed to extract herself from the relationship in the easiest way she could.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

As hard and sad as this is to hear, this is exactly what I needed to. It was my failure to try and fix things rather than following my intuition; for the most part I could sense her checking out long before this. Tbh, even I was to a certain extent.

Thanks for the message brother

[–]No_senses3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

If it's eating you up that much, take solace in the fact that you had the balls to actually end the relationship, which is something 99% of the men wouldn't do.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lool I'm trying. Do you truly belive 99% of men wouldn't? I've seen many posts from cucked bluepillers but I always see these cases as anomalies rather than general patterns

[–]No_senses2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It may be an exaggeration, idk. All I know is that there are so many BP guys out there that believe that their GFs can do no wrong that they will even hamster being cheated on. For a man, that's like the ultimate sin a woman could commit. Regardless of whether or not your GF cheating was your fault (by being beta or w/e) you deserve and can find much better.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the support bro

[–]LordThunderbolt8 points9 points  (13 children) | Copy

I hope the cucks here that argue that your girl going on a trip alone shouldn't bother you and that it's a sign of insecurity if it does, learn something from this. If she's gonna travel, she's gotta be single.

[–]SiulaGrande1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

straight the fuck up. people dont get it. they live in internet "idea land" where their opinions aren't based on the truth but on what they wish to be the truth

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

More often than not its a huge indication of something wrong in your relationship..should have pulled that trigger. Won't be making the same mistakes again

[–]BestSC860 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

It is your rant again.

As others have already are focused entirely on her and your bitterness that a girl wants to go traveling.....

If you were winning the TRP race dude...that girl would be scared shit-less that you were going to fuck the local uni cheerleading squad while she is gone....but everyone of these stories comes down to dudes who have girls who KNOW that their baby boy at home isn't going to fuck anyone or do anything. She knows that she has these dudes wrapped around her little clit and she can do whatever she wants because there is a 80% chance that they are not going to dump her regardless of what she does even if she fucked the bagboy at the local grocer or the drug dealer on the corner.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

"If you were winning the TRP race dude...that girl would be scared shit-less that you were going to fuck the local uni cheerleading squad while she is gone"

Thinking/believing you're immortal is the easiest/fastest way to get killed. You can never be the Chad of chads. She will cuck you even harder and you'll be the biggest joke.

[–]BestSC860 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You miss the point start from the standpoint that you are in her world from the start no wonder you are so insecure that you have to mate guard your chick to restrict her going out in public unless she has a chaperone.

She isn't worried about you straying at are spending all your time stalking her activity and social media for signs of what SHE IS DOING.

Perhaps you need to read the sidebar seem to need a mindset shift.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Man get the fuck out of here when ur weak shit.

[–]BestSC860 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You will never see it and be stuck forever.....calm down and really think about why you are so, so very desperately concerned with being cucked.

Do the girls you meet worry ever about your activity, other girls or ever wonder if they are good enough for you?

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've been here longer than you. You can't teach me anything. Go out there, think you're bulletproof hot shit. Believe that you are the chadddiest of chads and you know how to pick your snowflake unicorns. When u get cheated on and come here to ask why it happened even though you "did everything right", I'll be here to laugh.

[–]BestSC860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No amount of time here is going to solve your problem which is that you missed the part about abundance and "she was never yours, just your turn". You skip that part?

Why would I wonder when I know that I will never do everything right and I understand behaviors\motivations are different for other people. I can only do what I do.

[–]feetaunt0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Hey LTB really appreciating all your input generally here.

Now, a question. If a man is going to travel, should he be single? Or should he be in an LTR to phrase this even better to be more exact? You wouldn't care if your Open relationship or plate goes to travel right?

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

A plate is just a plate. She is free to do whatever the fuck she wants. If you're going to travel, why be in a relationship?

[–]feetaunt0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe once or twice a year you wanna go somewhere with your friends. You have the money, and instead of a trip in your country you decide to go a couple days out with them

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sure I guess. Your LTR is free to cheat inn your absence.

[–]1walawalawa3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're trying to make logical sense out of an illogical emotional situation.

The reasons are two-fold: hypergamy: she perceives the other guy as higher value and she lost attraction for you somehow.

The best thing you can do is ghost her and move on.

Never speak to her again, don't take her calls and disappear.

The irony--she'll want to fuck you again after you do this.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with you totally

[–]jurguenklomiken0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

don't rely on her coming back. I've seen covert narcissist never reach out again even though they were manipulative and dishonest.

I say this because it's a big ego blow when they don't even though they where nasty bitches. The entitlement is outstanding.

[–]Abadalt6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women like to go out and cheat, the only thing that keeps them from doing so is the ridicule of their community for doing it.

Did you have a good relationship with her family? Are your communities and parents mixed in together? If so, her parents would verbally beat the shit out of her for cheating/ ending a 3 year relationship.

A woman's family is what keeps her in check. It's her community, and reputation, and she will guard that with her life. If you had these cards in play, things may have turned out differently.

Also, you dated her for 3 years. Did you have intention on getting married/ having kids, or did you just want to continue dating? Women care about these things. Honestly if you just wanted to fuck her, you should have just kept her as plate and not an LTR. When you LTR, there has to be a very well defined future.

Marriage did use to work in the past, but there were very strict reasons that it did so.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It was a very toxic/co dependent situation. Despite knowing she wasn't for me I didn't want to drop her and just charge her to the game. My romanticism died with her so yes I'd say I would have wanted her to have my kids.

She had a very conservative, restrictive family that didn't approve of me, although I got on very well with her siblings who were very close to her.

Thanks for the message bro

[–]TB12thMan2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I got out of a toxic relationship about a month ago. I was internalizing the issues I was having with her because I thought it would help things; complacency kills attraction right? That mentality allowed me to be used. My LTR went to med-school, and (same time frame) two weeks in she started having feelings for someone else. She wouldnt admit it, but thankfully her friends liked me and told me the truth. My intuition had been screaming at me for months that something was up, and because I ignored it I allowed a toxic relationship to develop. My suggestion to you would be to analyze your relationship and try to find the exact moment you started settling.

"It was my failure to try and fix things," you can't fix things. Women don't work like that; they don't rationalize things and see things as "broken." They simply feel that you aren't what they want. At that exact moment, you have to ghost her and let her come back to you. It's very hard, especially when that person is constantly on your mind and you have so many memories with your LTR. That being said, as soon as you think of her, think about how she didn't respect you and that you fell in love with an idea. She put on a facade and played you man, don't get angry, but you need to work on your frame. Monk mode might be the best way to do things until you get your head right; just make sure to try not to get angry. Being constructive will help you build your confidence. Best of luck man.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tbh it's upsetting to say but I began feeling that sense of complacency very early on in the relationship, by the first year I'd say. She encountered some difficulties with her family and I can see now that I got addicted to the drama of the relationship and the opportunity to be a fixer (although I was never really ever perceived to be one). By the last few months I wanted out and I'm certain she felt the same too. I think it was cowardice on both of our parts which now means that I'll likely never speak to her again

Thanks for offering me your perspective, I really appreciate this. Keep your head up, you're hear so I know you're on the right path

[–]brinkleybuzz2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you sure she traveled solo? Women don't go anywhere by themselves.

The most likely scenario is she had already branch swung to this new guy and maybe even went on a trip with him.

Women are horrible at straight talk. Admitting to anything that could make them feel bad about themselves is something they tend not to do. That's why trickle truth and powertalk exist. This is why your ex gave you the bullshit line about liking you and her new dude the same.

Lessons learned. Always judge women by their actions and not their words. Treat women as a hobby; they are too unreliable and usually don't add enough value to be a primary focus of your life. When something like this happens, get right back on your horse and find some new pussy.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Treat women as a hobby; they are too unreliable and usually don't add enough value to be a primary focus of your life"

Beautifully stated. Tbh, I'm not sure. It has crossed my mind but honestly I'll never know. I do think she did going off our level of contact during her trip - first week and a half were fine. Those last few days I was pretty much relegated to a beta orbiter in terms of her lack of interest

[–]jurguenklomiken2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

That hurts bro.

Contrary to what some people will tell you, she's an awful person, don't doubt that for a second. The fact that some women can be this dishonest, manipulative, cold and entitled should not be looked over as easily as we do sometimes with AWALT.

Nexting, lifting and spinning plates sometimes it's not enough for some men. We still hung up to the bitches and our egos.

Do look into your own responsibility, but do not beat yourself over it. Just learn stuff, know yourself better and hopefully you can have better boundaries next time. You might want to look into: - attachment styles - codependency / BPD / narcissism - self-esteem issues

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I did and for awhile concluded that she did have bpd/narcissistic tendencies, especially considering my own past (raised by a psychologically abusive, narcissistic parent) that apparently makes me an apt candidate for these types of relationships.

It's sad really, it's only a theory but in the end I think she believed I would abandon her and so manifested that abandonment through her actions. Who knows...

[–]jurguenklomiken0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right, same here. And fucking girls that are nice with you / submissive doesn't solve the problem as we "don't feel it" with them.

I'm still exploring how to improve myself in those areas. Feel free to share any interesting information you may find.

[–]TxnyMontana2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bro, relax. As I can notice, you're a dude who have his ideas straight. So, stop blaming yourself, because you're not responsable of a desire wich is not yours. It was her desire to end up things like that.

Me and the other RP bros will cheer you up, no doubt of it. But first of all, let me remind you some things you already know and some things you mentioned too: Awalt, It's not yours, it's just your turn.

That's by far the hardest reality to digest, it's like the RP is actually a pill made of rock.

As you may know by now, LTR are TRP in hardcore mode. I know it too because I'm on a LTR, with some upside downs, but trying to do my best. You will never know why she did that, but as I said, it's her desire, don't overthink. Maybe she lose desire for you time ago, even before the travel. You may never know.

What you can know is what you did in the relationship. You were on a constant self development? got some decent SMV? Did you spike her emotions? If the majority of the answers are yes, then you have nothing to worry about. It was her fault and SHE lost you. You should be laughin at this point. Even after 3 years dating? yes. You dodged a bullet.

Don't fool yourself. People here may say the best way to forget her is with another women. Don't rush and try to go and fuck any girl. It will be fine but it won't fill the empty space in your spirit. People are not replaceable. Give yoursel time, nobody died for this.

Do you see any mistakes about you in this LTR? don't be afraid of the pain, next time pain comes to your life, you better be waiting for him with a paper and a pen, ready to take notes to improve yourself for the next time.

TRP is now your tool, It will help you to get some better girls, remember: If you're a RP guy, you're the prize and she LOSES.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Tons of mistakes and for the benefit of those reading that need to hear this, they were:

  1. Placing her needs above my own
  2. Neglecting friends in favour of her company
  3. Losing site of my purpose in life and essentially living to just hang out with her
  4. Failing to harshly reprimand her during many instances of bad behaviour
  5. Attempting to get her to behave as I'd like through standard communication - straight talking, cold logic e.g. "don't do x, it's likely due to y and will lead to z". Dread game isn't a manipulative strategy, it's actually a form of communication that speaks primarily to the subconscious mind and secondarily to the conscious. If women barely know the motivations behind why they do things, why think overt communication would be a reasonable directive for her - the conscious, for the most part, is not their natural domain.

Thanks for the message bro

[–]goumbar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hey brother,

Been reading through a lot of these comments and this one made me want to chime in.

I’m going through a breakup of my own, and it’s rough. Tons of triggers, lots of ruminating, and even more “could have, should have, would have”.

I posted some details a few days back, and it made me feel a bit better to know that so many others have come out of similar situations stronger than ever. Intellectually, we know these things won’t break us, but emotionally, we feel the opposite. It’s ok to feel hurt, you’re human.

I hope this helps add some clarity for you, and that it helps the same way your story has helped me, but I made the same mistakes you did man. Lost frame, my world was about her, I loved the idea of having her in my life, I got really attached, and very invested. Here’s the kicker: I knew from the beginning that she wasn’t LTR material. I was just really attracted to her and wanted so desperately to keep her. This was doomed from the beginning because I wasn’t ready for the relationship, and didn’t lead the way I needed to.

Point of sharing this is that we who’ve taken the red pill are forged in fire, just like steel. We must be broken before we can be whole. Making these mistakes is a part of the process. It’s tough, it hurts, leaves emotional scars, and will have you feeling numb at times. All this said, it’s also necessary for growth.

Keep focused on you, turn to the community when it gets particularly difficult, and always remember, you can and will heal, and you’ll be a better man for it. You got this brother, you haven’t come this far to let some shit like this ruin you.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you brother. Really appreciate the words.

[–]Ninokun1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

would have been so much better to break up with her when she planned the solotrip, would put u in the power position, but thats crying over spilled milk

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trust me I know. Lesson learnt. Consolation (if it even is one) is that at least I didn't give her any drama to thrive off at the end

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I feel the same way for him as I feel with you.

Hypergamy, in a nutshell. Don't take it personal, 90% of women would sleep with a man if he can make her feel like, or better than her LTR does. Women use emotions in their reasoning process, and loyalty and logic count for very little.

This same scenario has happened to most of us here. Me, when I was 19... I learned what hypergamy was years before ever I ever heard the term. It hurts, but truly it is not your fault. The only thing I could see you doing differently is telling her "congratulations, you're single" before she went on her trip.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In hindsight I completely fell into her frame, despite logically knowing better. However, when I think about it now I regret nothing. Without this girl and the confusion she caused me, I would never have found and ingested the redpill.

Key lesson learnt: A man needs to know himself as a mountain in the face of a whirlwind that is woman. As soon as that is forgotten, you become a bewildered goat caught up in the wind, temporary respite contained only within the eye.

[–]d4nonymous1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most of the advice you need has already been covered. I will add that meditation helps with your "conveyor belt" thinking. It's called ruminating brain and it's your ego talking. Work on becoming more conscious of it and you will notice your mind become better at handling the ruminating. I use the Headspace app but there are plenty of good meditation apps out there. Good luck bud.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I meditate off and on but have never used an app. Its been hard for me to make it a consistent practice as I go through periods of extreme distractability/'monkey mind', which makes meditation nothing short of unpleasant. I'll give headspace a go.

Thank you.

[–]FlyingSexistPig1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The focus of this post is entirely about her, and that's the problem. Yes, she's a woman and she behaved the way that women behave.

Your focus to "fix" the relationship shouldn't be on her at all. It should be on you. You are the prize, and you need to make it clear to everyone. Do you even lift bro? Is your career doing what it should? How do you dress? A level above your peers, or a level below? All of these things matter, and all of them should be your focus.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd just started making my first steps in the closing week of our relationship, gym, new job, new apartment. I think a deeper part of me knew what was coming. Still making steps towards self improvement everyday but I need to be more consistent.

Thanks for the message bro

[–]suxxos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guys also cheat. Haven't you ever heard of guys filing divorce papers after 15 years of marriage because they met younger, hotter girl who "understands them better"? This happens all the time.

As for the situation you describe, most likely she wasn't into you that much. And as for why she wasn't, there could be hundreds of reasons.

If she really loved you, she would travel solo and not even consider cheating on you. Travelling or not hasn't got anything to do with it. A girl can cheat in her own room without even going out if she wants to.

[–]Nergaal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the textbook case of branchswinging.

-step 1: be done with your current relationship but stay for the comfort

-step 2: devise a plan for plausible deniability such as a trip

-step 3: full branch swing on CC or some sort of AF

-step 4: keep the pretense of not being at fault and say ?pleasantries? like "I love you both equally"; never take responsibility for already having branch-swung.

[–]flam3srock0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I totally get you. It cuts. Just have to understand life from a scientific perspective. The feelings that we experience after a breakup/betrayal can drive us crazy. Blue pill men stop at emotion. Red Pill men seek out the truth as we all are here.

Free will exists for certain things, but biology governs behaviour in humans. See how long you can willfully hold your breath. Our libido, like a slow suffocation drives us to seek out our betterment. See what happens when it gets destroyed with hedonistic impulses... excessive masturbation and eating made possible only today...we devolve into sad angry neckbeards who are afraid of opportunity. It's the same things with feelings in both women and men. You won't get hard for a fat post-menopausal women, and women 'just know' they need to do things. On TRP we call this tingles. Scientists may refer to this as base instinct. As a Salmon swims upstream to spawn, on instinct, so too will women will behave in ways that secure them the best mate and resources without needing to understand why it is subjectively 'acceptable' to blue pill men. Her libido is what she understands. It's instinct that got us here and will drive us to the future with lakes of blue pill tears and songs and movies carved into the landscape. The biologically unfit suffer and deserve what they get, as Herbert Spencer would say. Karma is reality

If you look at our kind with cold scientific precision of a biologist you will see that feelings are subjective and reproductive necessity is objective. Does that sound right? Remember that our behaviours are governed by biology and largely unconscious impulses that we later rationalize long after a decision has been made. You were able to see through this situation long before the rationalization happened because you recognized behaviours in your gf that she may not have been aware of.

Your GF got tingles like any healthy woman. And she swam upstream to spawn with chad. It's the shits. I've heard a woman to whom I was the other guy - and I'm no chad, but not BP - describe her relationship with her husband as 'suffocating'. She just had to get the hell out of and only understand her feelings. Soon as I went BP, she had to get the hell away from me.

It's easier today for everyone to act on their impulses because we live a free, individualistic, atheistic society. I consider this to be a good thing.

Another scientific truth - It takes about three times as long you were with the person to lose your feelings for them completely. But even so, if you don't deal with these feelings of confusion and betrayal and confusion it will lead to neuroses in the future which will trip you up. Good thing you are seeking answer on asktrp and not r/relationships

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Interesting reply. One point I strongly resonate with. In a lot of cases we act and then provide a story to justify our actions. You actually reminded me of one thing I said to during that final talk, "its sad when you know exactly what's going to happen, you state it, but it still happens". I struggle to believe that when women do these types of things they aren't aware of what their opening themselves up to. To believe they don't is to subscribe to the belief that their ridiculously stupid in some senses. I think there are negative connotations either way you look at it tbh.

[–]flam3srock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All humans do this. They are aware but compartmentalize/don't see it as wrong. "He's a friend, traveling is OK, it just happened. I can't help it." Absolve themselves of responsibility and shift blame. "vkolobogu pushed me away". All humans do it. Not just women, but they are better at it then men. The influence of sex hormones on the brain make certain structures grow or shrink, just as testoterone gives men more strength. Don't talk about it openly but we know it to be true. Women are better with language play and rationalization and men are physically stronger.

She might say one thing but think another, or switch back and forth depending on her time of the month.

[–]Kommanderdude0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just another reason why one should end their ltr if they find trp while in a ltr. If you're married I would suggest implementing it because it's cheaper than divorce but if you're not married just end that shit.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll add to this that if you find TRP while in an LTR, notice all the red flags TRP literature states in her, then believe your relationship is a special one that can circumvent what those here have become aware are general principles at your own peril.

I didn't, but you can. End the relationship and improve yourself

[–]_MysticFox 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Where did she go?

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

To sunny Asia, my friend lool

[–]DevilMayCry0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women are children.

[–]GenjiNeedsNerf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He was probably better looking than you. Nothing more or less to it

[–]feetaunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry for being late on the party, but would you make a trip with your friends to a place and expect her not to breakup with you or smth. Say you went to Amsterdam or wherever for like a couple days or a week with your friends right? Should she expect you to cheat? I know we are inherently different creatures than women and of different nature, but just asking. Is it appropriate for you to travel without her?

E:Just something for you OP as well. I was in a similar situation with your girl once. I was in a supposedly exclusive relationship for like half year, went to X country , met a girl 3-4 years older in our travel group, went out for a beer and fucked her at the middle of the day, it was noon I swear. She was also of the same origin, not even X countryish. And we were from the same place and continued fucking while I was in a relationship, and my main girl never knew.

Thing is you know; you feel a huge rush when you meet a new girl. This was a new girl for me, a bit older than me, with amazing humour and sarcasm, I was fucking hooked. Dropped some mad game and slashed and dashed through the shitttests. Fucked her after a couple hours. We walked kms till we reached the hotel, I even told her I'm buying condoms lmao. Tbh she probably was open to fucking since travelling maybe. As long as nobody finds out, they are ok doing it. Probably helped that I had a mad physique and gamed her as well. Fun part, her old father comes in after I've put my shirt on and I'm sweating my ass off. Told her goodbye, headed to the gym, met some Americans and then went to eat with those guys. Probably best vacations I've ever had. Depends on your mindset. I could have not cheated that day. I had problems with my relationship, she was so fucking sexy and I did it. Felt a bit bad later. Bad that I didn't toss my main girl and kept fucking with new plate. New plate was cool . I miss her a bit lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So I want to ask what compels women​ to do this?

Women use men for: 1. Superior genes 2. Provision for her children 3. Genetic variety

You probably gave her 2 and maybe 1. So did he. You can never provide her 3, but he did. So you lose.

[–]Thunder_banger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude I think she's been in contact with him, and went on the trip to see him to confirm if he was worth breaking up with you. Makes the most sense.

[–]tbishop1966 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Maybe you're misinterpreting what she said. She feels nothing for you and nothing for him thus she feels the same about you both. I say you dodged a bullet now's the time to focus on you and what you want. That succubus got three years of your life and now you get to start fresh. Sucks and it's going to hurt a bit, but soon enough you'll see it for the blessing that it is. Once a cheater always a cheater and yeah kiss is code for "fucked hard" for two weeks.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting perspective to look at it from the inverse, and you could definitely be right.

If I didn't have any awareness of 'trickle truthing' I'm certain I would have rationalised a way for me to stay in the situation. Even though it was too late thanks to here I at least saw the situation for exactly what it was.

Thanks for the message

[–]imahardcorebeta0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

If i may ask, Why is it so wrong for chick to go with her friend (female) on a trip? I've seen here couple of posts stating that it's ALWAYS, Break up with her, Downgrade to Plate, Next her whatever.

This may and is 100% beta of me to ask, But couldn't it be the reason they end up breaking up with some of us or cheat is because either we are insecure as fuck, controlling or live boring as lives ?

I just thought i might ask since i'm new here trying to get from this Beta stuff.

[–]JustDoMeee1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you're new, read TRP sidebar, answers are all there

[–]girlaskingme0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Brand New, I've only read 2 books (NMMNG-WISNIFG) some of the threads, even little bit of Redpill Handbook which i thought was The sidebar?

[–]JustDoMeee0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you're on mobile it's 'community info' or the sidebar of the main TRP sub

[–]girlaskingme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This ?

I should add in this, My main language is not English.

[–]dontbedenied 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Sorry to hear about this.

I got that coveted apology from my Ex that everybody wants. It doesn't ease the pain. Everyone thinks it will, but it doesn't.

As for how she can just move on the way that she did...well, have you broken a girl's heart before in a way that hurt her more than you? It works both ways. Maybe it's true that women tend to stay in a relationship after they've checked out more than men do. Maybe it's true that men are the true "romantics". But if you're honest with yourself, you know you are capable of hurting someone the way that you have been hurt.

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's true and I have. It's funny, knowing how little I felt when I dumped a previous ex was something that bothered me a lot in the first few weeks of breaking up with my ex who cheated; thinking that she was likely not nearly as distraught as I was. Life ayyy....

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

that bothered me a lot in the first few weeks of breaking up with my ex who cheated; thinking that she was likely not nearly as distraught as I was. has taken me a while to get over that. What pisses me off is how people (women in particular?) stay in a relationship long after they have checked out. Why put your partner through the humiliation of cheating on them? In your case, why let a relationship drag on to the point where you're capable of falling for some guy you met while traveling? But it's a fool's errand to try and make sense of these things. Women can get away with it, so they do it.

I had always been very old-fashioned in terms of the lens through which I viewed relationships, and what was "right" and "wrong" for people to do to each other. I think Rollo refers to this as "playing by the rules of the old book" or something like that. After my most recent relationship, I've given up on expecting honesty and integrity from attractive women.

[–]SiulaGrande-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

So I want to ask, what compels women to do these things? I know AWALT, but seriously "I feel the same way for him as I feel with you". At the time of hearing this, I was equally disgusted as I was amused by the sheer stupidity of such a statement. You're with someone for 3 years and you fuck someone for 2-5 nights (who knows!) and you conclude that you've fallen in love.

sorry bro but it means you were boring. at least at the end of your relationship. she was no longer in love or attracted to you, and a new guy piqued her interest. that's the way it goes if you get boring

Why do women feel solo travelling in a relationship is acceptable behavior?

because they don't respect you and think they can do better than you.

How could in the scenario above my ex seriously say that she felt the same way about the guy she met than she feels with me her boyfriend of 3 years (still makes me sick writing it lool)?

because hypergamy

How come there hasn't been a shed of remorse since ghosting her ass? (was I that beta that she'd checked out months/weeks before - I did say we were having problems)

she must've have really not been that attracted to you by the end of the relationship. so ya she mustve perceived you as pretty beta.

just learn from all these things, calibrate yourself and your frame (and probably hold frame better; you must've started dropping frame somewhere which is what most likely started killing her attraction) and go out and do better next time. best of luck

[–]vkolobogu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, I've got to agree...

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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