I have been on The Red Pill for 7 years, and although I haven't written anything about it or contributed to any discussions, I realized now that the moment has come where I can help others on their personal journey with my own achievements and struggles. My approach will be a tad different, I will tell the story with my views at the time, and then reveal why my interpretations changed everything. I hope this helps.

As the typical man born in West in the last thirty years, my mother was the only one that educated and took care of me, but the caveat was she wasn't a single mom. My father lived with us but simply lacked any interest in being an actual father in my young years. The only thing he excelled as hurting me both mental and physically, even the smallest of what he considered wrongs would be punished with a belt or even a horse whip. It wasn't about explaining what I did wrong, but relentlessly punishing for the sake of it. The worst episode in my childhood was my father forcing me to run in front of an ATV while he attempted to run me over, just because I only told my mother I was going for a walk. It's funny, because looking back now, it was batshit insane, but at the time it felt… normal. I had no references from outside, and thought things were meant to be this way.

Weekends were hellish, being overweight for most of my childhood, his solution was to make me run in the middle of the day for hours under the scalding sun from one edge of our farm to the other. I started hating my body, hiding it using coats all the time. Dieting simply didn't stick, I lacked resolve and my mother’s pity didn’t help. I lost count of how many times I tried it, eventually it became a mental block and my deepest insecurity.

At a young age, I talked myself into thinking I never did good because nothing was ever good for him, he didn’t compliment me on anything, always focusing on the flaws or even inventing them. I still scored high grades without studying much, had a knack for learning languages, and frankly was quite above average. I had no problem talking or approaching girls, but as you’d all expect, I was told by my mother to act like myself and treat girls like they were special. My nice guy attitude repealed girls and I estranged myself from the popular guys in my school after my best friend started dating the girl I was madly in love (she hated my guts). I was shocked, blamed myself for it and I ended up with a new circle of friends that didn't respect me. I stuck with them for two years, I had no other options, and no self esteem.

I changed schools because of money problems, aiming for a fresh start. Unfortunately, the same patterns repeated. New friends, but no respect, and now another group in my class was targeting me. I don’t like to call it bullying, but it’s probably my ego speaking. Two years later, the "leader" of my previous circle of friends moved to my school. He stuck to me at the beginning, made friends, and the fool that I was, I went crawling back to them. During this phase of my life, my father continued his shenanigans. My obligation was to run myself to the ground studying and get into the most prestigious university in my country.

I was alone, I had more bad experiences with girls, and my adolescence typically turned to gaming, card games, comics. Once again, I found myself excelling on something without giving me enough credit. I was among the best in the world in an online shooter, started to build some confidence, featured in a magazine and even people on the school were complimenting me. I eventually built a clan together with online friends, and we got into the finals of a countrywide tournament. I had found a small, but important purpose.

Unfortunately, the finals were at an event in the middle of the city. I went to talk to my father. His reaction was typical, thrashed me, prohibited me from going, later humiliated me in front of my whole family at lunch and my team ended up losing the final. I gave up on it, abandoning precious relationships that has lasted years. A trend was starting to show, I gave up everything too easily.

I was adrift again and started to seek mentors in fictional works. I tried copying characters traits, their thinking, personalities and developed an immense dislike of people because one of these characters thought the same. I was bringing fiction to reality, looking more ridiculous by the day. I didn’t accept myself, I had nothing, and I thought pretending to be someone else was the solution. My father didn’t even know about it, and my mother blamed things like hormones.

In my final years at school, I approached many girls, but failed just the same. I had a few positive responses, but it never lasted. A painful experience was discovering that a girl that was going to date me gave up because of one of my friends, he went as far as working with his brother to ruin my reputation at school and she was done with me. I turned into a joke. I didn’t really have friends at the time, and developed an inferiority complex and an obsession with thinking I was always alone.

The final nail in my coffin was my new Oneitis. One of the few people that actually respected me at school, I was bound to fall in love with her. Unfortunately, I never had the balls to do anything. She was now being disputed by two guys in my class: my "friend" who came from my previous school, and a classmate. It turned into a war between my group of pseudo-friends and the bullies. I wasn’t taking sides, I was once again playing the nice guy, and I sat right in the middle of it.

My school years came to its climax. She picked my backstabbing friend just hours after the other guy publicly declared himself to her. The bullies turned their rage to me, but the rejected guy held them back, telling them it wasn’t my fault. Months later, I was messaging the girl and she treated me like shit, ungrateful for all of the “support" I gave her throughout a saga that lasted months. Looking back, it’s clear she always knew both guys wanted her, and relished the attention. I told her she was ungrateful, that I did it all for her and all the rubbish you’d expect. Her boyfriend got wind of it, his group turned their attention to me. Now I was alone against a group that now wanted to slaughter me.

I started getting closer to the rejected guy during the year, and told him what was going to happen. He went to the bullies, who decided to help. They were looking for a chance to beat down the rival group once and for all. The whole thing ended up a massive stare down between the sides after one of the bullies rammed one of their guys in a window. It was cool to watch, and my final school year had come to a close. On the final days, I was distraught and made the first decision in my life only thinking of myself. I was abandoning my faith in God. It was getting in my way, I used it as an excuse as to why things went wrong, and I knew deep inside I had to crush all of the things used to lie to myself.

At this point, it was clear that having a girlfriend was the purpose of my life. Societal pressure, my parents and family, friends, all pushed to it. I felt I would never be complete without a woman, I could only be happy if I had someone, and that failing to do so was all my fault. This started pilling up over the years and became a gigantic problem and weakness.

School was over, I cut all contact. I missed the graduation trip and parties on purpose, I wasn’t able to let myself enjoy things anymore. I wasted most of my final year of school on a crazy Oneitis scuffle while studying full time, and to make things worse, I failed to enter the university that my father demanded. I was slaughtered for it, but my mother saved me by persuading my father to let me enter another college.

My first year in college was excellent, a clean slate. Enjoyed the classes, friends, and the whole atmosphere was great. I was free from myself, enjoying things again. I made a few attempts with the girls, but wasn’t too bothered being turned down. Then came the day that changed things forever, the first chapter of my Red Pill Bible. I went on a minor college trip to a countryside museum with one of our professors, in the mood for great things, feeling confident, and decided on picking up a girl that came with us. The trip went fantastically well, I was chatting her up, having fun and full of hope. We went on a boat trip, I sat by her side, ready to move, heart in my mouth, and when I turned to her, she was kissing my best friend and classmate. I was shellshocked. He hadn’t even talked with her that much, he had simply joked and made fun of her for the entire trip, how it was possible?! My mind went blank, I stayed quiet until the way back by bus. I wanted to sleep and I couldn’t handle to look at her or my friend.

On the middle of the bus return trip, she came to sit by my side out of nowhere. I was in the front, her friends at the back. She came asking for some Tic Tacs I had. I gave it to her, then she went to sit with my friend, who was sleeping and completely disinterested in kissing her again. I realized she was using me to talk to him again, like she had done for the entire day. I wasn’t sad, depressed, or down anymore. I was enraged, a fire lit inside me, and I thought to myself: “This is enough, I can’t take this shit anymore, I have to change the way I am. It’s time to hit back. I’m tired of being stepped on.”

The entire return trip consisted of deep thinking after I told my friend not to talk to her anymore. I was changed forever, people weren’t going to do whatever they wanted with me anymore. The second year was a bit harder, I struggled in class, and clicked with a good girl that frequented a big church cult. My Blue Pill Conditioning wanted me to think she was send by a God I didn’t believe anymore, but my previous experiences didn’t agree. I was weary of her, and soon enough one of my guys that sat next to me told me she was hitting on him. Lesson learned, I ended up closer than ever to the guy after he was honest. He became an actual friend, and we decided to sit in the back from now on. The thing is, we started sitting next to one of the hottest girls in the entire campus.

Soon enough, there I was! Talking with her everyday, and thinking this could be it. The first four months next to her were wonderful, magical on the best sense of the delusional Blue Pill world, I had my Oneitis before, but this was crazy, unique, and soon enough I was head over heels in a way that I didn’t think it was possible. The guys in my class thought we had something, but I was never confident enough to try my luck. I had hardened, but my bad experiences were holding me back. The year came to a close without having made a move on her, but with that girl I had build a relationship that I’ve yet to find until this day. Perhaps she was the fabled Unicorn.

I traveled to Canada for a six week stay, going out on night clubs and quickly making friends, unfortunately that didn’t last long and in two weeks I was down in the dumps. Multiple girls had shot me down, the ones that didn’t I failed to know what to do next, and for the first time I had thoughts of killing myself. Far away by myself experiencing freezing weather for the first time, I had never thought could affect my mind so much.

I was desperate, nothing was working, my change in mindset made things better, but it wasn’t enough. I ran away to forums all over the internet. At 4chan, a place that I once naively thought as awful, I sought answers, but to no avail. Thankfully, a few kind strangers in one of the boards helped me, and I returned to my country in one piece. I returned to college pretending I had a girlfriend, photos included, and the girl I was in love was noticiably annoyed. I kept the lie going for a few months, which might or not have ruined my chances with her, I frankly doubt it. Being conscious I was madly in love and resisting these impulses was jarring, making me suffer a lot on the psychological side and I developed a few health problems. At its peak, it was unbearable how much pain I felt that it turned physical.

Seeing the state I was in, a friend suggested to visit a psychiatrist, and so for the first time I swallowed my ego to do what’s best for my life. The doctor was wonderful, she used Narrative Therapy so I could identify my problems by simply talking to her twice a week. It worked. She completely changed my life, made me see the error of my ways, changed the way I saw the world, and I frankly owe her as much as The Red Pill. Looking back, she was far from being your standard doctor.

The most important part was learning by myself that my whole thinking when it came to women, all of my preconceptions and obsessions with a LTR, were an extreme exaggeration and that I could be happy by myself, I started learning how to be content and to seek a real purpose. Girls weren’t supposed to be the end game anymore. A month later, I was lurking on 4chan and saw a link to Roissy’s blog, called Citizen Renegade at the time. I saved the most recommended articles, and started reading them on a frustrating Friday night. The content was mind-blowing, the definitions and examples of Beta behaviors had left me squirming in agony, like my own concept of self was shattered. In the next days, I spent my time reading what Roissy and Roosh had to say. I had found my place within the pickup artist community, The Game by Neil Strauss completely cemented it. I had found my new mentors. I naturally tried to roll back the clock to conquer my Oneitis. It failed, and things were never the same. I had beta and alpha counters on my notepad, obsessing with details, and just like that, my year was over. She left for another college without even saying goodbye.

The distractions had taken its toll. I failed most of my subjects, and was left with no way out. I decided to face my father head on, told him I was taking a year off from college to focus on my personal health and projects. He was surprisingly quiet about it, probably caught unaware by someone standing up to him. I dropped out, started to go to the gym, studying Game and worked on ambitious projects online. Things didn’t go as planned, as they rarely did. My father started going to the gym too, finding issues, mocking my training, diet and more. I crashed out after six months, struggling with limitations in my body (back issues), and enduring constant embarrassment going there everyday. I gave up too easily, and the same happened with my projects. My father was asking every day about it, undermining my ideas with stupid criticism of things he had no knowledge of. At the end of the year, my father exploded in fury as he usually did, and I had to go back to college.

Things crumbled badly when I returned, I hated Law and its subjects after experiencing it in the flesh due to some legal problems with my family’s heritage, and knew that I couldn’t keep going. Yet I had to. I fell for another girl, used the best of game I knew, and got really close. Unfortunately my Blue Pill thinking got in the way, I declared myself to her like an idiot, and my displeasure with the college was showing on my face. I had already discovered The Red Pill community, and started looking differently at the dynamics between men and women, more in depth concepts compared to Game, and changed my views with The Rational Male.

The rest of the year was mostly unproductive, I didn’t go to the gym anymore, had no contact with girls, focused on TRP, dozens of books, and wasted a lot of time with cheap entertainment. However, what I finally achieved was “online fame” that I wanted since I was a kid, and discovering that it didn’t change a single thing in my life was humbling. I realized that fame was a positive, but was never going to solve any of my issues.

The process continued in the following year, I was trying new things again, they weren’t working out, and when they did, my father came to undermine and diminish all of my achievements. Every time I was achieving something important for myself, he came to attack and sabotage me. All of my breakthroughs seemed to bring him onto me to destroy it all like a curse. It reached a point where I knew I had all the tools to succeed, but I felt I was lacking that special something to make the final breakthrough.

I tried going back to the gym again, with a personal trainer this time, but the guy decided to go asking my father for money, ignoring the agreement we had. It led to a meltdown, I wasn’t going back to the gym anymore. I started to give up again. To make matters worse, my father started to worsen when it came to my family. He was now mistreating my mother needlessly, sabotaging and making her pile up credit card debt instead of giving her money for basic needs. All of it living under the same roof, they weren’t divorced at all, he simply couldn’t stomach her having any kind of independence, a true control freak. Outside, the marriage looked fantastic, inside it was a mess all because of him. Maybe he was always like this with my mother, but when I was young I didn’t notice. One day, he lost his shit with entire family, it was ridiculous. At night, I sat down in the dark by myself, and wrote a goodbye letter than spanned dozens of pages. I was determined to kill myself, but thankfully my sports team was having a wonderful year, and as I used it for emotional support, I kept going.

At last, the year came to an end. In the first weeks of the new year, I met with a friend of mine to discuss business ideas. We ended up with a few decent projects, one that led to an spectacular launch, loads of potential that unfortunately didn’t take off the way we wanted because of politics beyond our control. Still, it brought enough benefits and I was finally making money for the first time in my life. I promised myself to starting living. In the next six months I started going out more frequently. Many fun experiences, and a trip with my friends provided the spark I was missing, so to speak. My friend wanted to hook up with this girl, but she wasn’t having any of it, just wanting to drink and laugh. She ended up drunk, hitting hard on me, and we went to the same bedroom. I was paralyzed, couldn’t do a thing, not even try to kiss her, and it quickly turned into one of those cringeworthy situations you read on the internet but never believed to be possible. She went to sleep, I stayed awake the whole night reflecting on what had happened. I was ashamed of my body, my crippling insecurity, and I got home determined to bring down this wall.

I started to follow a strict diet, counting calories, studying nutrition, intermittent fasting and the result was 20kgs lost in 3 months. My self esteem skyrocketed, I started working out intensely with the support of a bodybuilder at the gym, he acted as a mentor and my body evolved in a way that surprised us both. I went to more parties, gatherings, trips, and approached women again. I still had doubts, being a virgin and lacking any experience. I went to meet a beautiful escort shortly after Christmas, had sex for the first time, and discovered that it was great, but not my end goal anymore. Meanwhile, my father's behavior continue to worsen. We suspected he was cheating, and now he was frequently humiliating my mother. My younger brother started to work in our store, and my father being my father had no regard for my brother’s health, making him do the kind of work improper for a 19 year old. My brother ended up contracting a disease that almost killed and kept him in the hospital for weeks. My father was floored by it, a nervous wreck because of his actions, but we all know people don’t change like that, and a few months after my brother recovered, my father was back at it, treating everyone like shit. He wasn’t going to change. At this point, I was determined to free myself from him.

My growth continued by learning and implementing Stoicism, took me months of practice to internalize it, but it was worth it. My composure in face of adversity is incredible, I don’t even blink when he has his meltdowns. I finally understood that game was a set of tools and not a manual to follow letter by letter, that I needed to have fun, and the Book of Pook release me from the chains holding me back with women. I slept with one of the hottest girls at my gym, and I could barely believe myself. She was infatuated, like I was special, and I had never seen myself like that. It was crazy, don’t think I could ever feel as satisfied like I felt after that day. Suddenly, I was full of options with women, I opened a Tinder profile and I had to exchange just a few messages for a quick lay. The day I dreamed of had come, and I realized it wasn’t the end of my journey, just a consequence of doing things right.

Conclusion

For the past two years, I have beaten my demons when it comes to women and my body, opened a consulting agency with my friend, started making a lot of money like I never thought possible. I’m working together with my brothers and my mother to finally leave this house forever so that everyone can enjoy real freedom again. Now looking back at the beginning of this story, I understand that all of the fucked up things and experiences made me into what I am today.

  • The obstacles were actually the way, I am finally aiming to fully live my life on my own terms. It’s all about how we interpret the shitty things that happen to us.

  • Humiliations led me to have a reliable, strong body, study nutrition and self improvement tirelessly.

  • Backstabbing I suffered from people who I considered friends led me to find real, valuable friends that care about me.

  • Failures with women led me to discover The Red Pill and shape my entire life for the better.

  • Awful experiences thinking about suicide led me to realize we only have a life, I have to enjoy it while it lasts and accept my own mortality.

  • Desperate search for a mentoring father in fictional works led me to embrace my love of games, books, comics and the incredible experiences they can bring you when consumed in moderation.

  • Stay open minded. I work and have hobbies that I once hated when younger. My flaws turned into strengths when I opened my eyes.

  • Years of studying theory were important for myself, but the most important step was taking matters into my own hands and practicing.

This is my message to all of you, my TRP friends. Keep going no matter what, and you will come out good. Start your journey today, and eventually you will find your way home.