Go to Every Event You're Invited to

Reddit View
April 4, 2018

tl;dr If you're inexperienced, don't ever reject invitations.

I'm almost 40. As a shy Asian kid growing up in the US, it wasn't easy. I was so shy I always mumbled my name when meeting new people, a bad habit I fixed only in my mid-twenties.

Looking back now mid-twenties was when I began to improve. I knew I was socially (and sexually) inexperienced, so I had to do the work and make myself better.

So I started going to every event I was invited to. I don't know where I picked this up, it just seemed natural. Want to get better at talking to people? Then meet a lot of people. Want to get better at dating and sex? Then talk to a lot of girls. This is the very first step, but so many guys don't want to do the work. I still catch myself shying away from girls at parties even now.

What's the easiest AND the hardest thing to do in life? Going to a party alone, when you barely know one person there. I've been doing it for a long time. It's still hard sometimes, but trust me when I say this: The best times in life can happen when going stag to a party.

I'm writing on this topic because later this week I'm going to a club see a friend perform with his band. Friend? Is he my friend? I guess he is now. I only met him twice. First time it was a month ago at a small art exhibit. Second time he invited me to his business networking event.

I was at that small art exhibit because another friend was the artist. I met this artist friend at a house party a few years ago, but I barely knew the host. I met the party host from another house party the week before. And so on.

My point is I'm never far from an event. Hardly a week goes by without something on my social calendar.

You can socialize your way out of shyness, social anxiety, and inexperience. That's what I did. I did the work. Still am.

When I attend an event, especially if I'm not close to the host, I arrive when it begins. That way I know it won't be crowded and I can have a moment with the host to warmly thank them for having me. Easiest way to make a great, long-lasting impression. They may also introduce me to their friends at the party, which is immediate social proof.

When meeting new people at an event, always introduce yourself first. "Hi, I'm ______. What's your name?" Firm handshake, whether it's a dude or a chick. Lots of eye contact, smiling, nodding. Back straight, puff out your chest slightly. Speak a little louder than normal. Enunciate, speak slowly. Small talk may be boring, but it's an important skill. Or kill the small talk and go nuclear-deep: "So, what is your purpose in life?" That will probably make a dent. Say the person's name when addressing them. "So, Wendy, how did you get into [her job she just mentioned]?" That way you won't forget their name and people like hearing their own name.

All this may be super weird to you but no one really cares how you feel in this situation. As long as you present yourself with good intentions, social awkwardness is quickly forgiven, if not completely unnoticed, because people care mostly about their own image, at least in the beginning. You may think you're awkward as hell, but when you take action you will be seen as the bold one, General Kenobi! (Prequelmemes is leaking...)

What if you get no invitations? I try to check in with my friends and colleagues via text, email or dm every so often. A simple "hey, how's it going? what's good?" will suffice. If they like you and they got something coming up, they'll invite you.

What if you have no friends? Sure you do. Classmates, co-workers, neighbors, people at your gym. Hell, start bar-hopping on your own and make new friends. I still do this once or twice a month.

Just got out of a marriage or LTR? Get your ass out there, at least twice a week.

Everything you dislike in your life is merely an unsolved problem, including social inexperience. Do the work.

Edited for grammar and clarity.

Post Information
Title Go to Every Event You're Invited to
Author Bear-With-Bit
Upvotes 853
Comments 117
Date 04 April 2018 07:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/49523
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/89nbjc/go_to_every_event_youre_invited_to/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipthe red pillclose

[–]DrBrockStar 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Going to a bar or party alone is the equivalent of diving head first into a cold pool. It might seem bad at first but but keep talking to new people (swimming) and you'll feel comfortable.

And literally talk to everyone. Best thing you can do is introduce two people that haven't met before, then you become the degree of connection.

"Nice to meet you, oh your in finance? Hey Jim over there is in finance too"

[–]ThrowMe272786 points87 points  (29 children) | Copy

Seriously how would you go to a bar alone? Never done that it must be super awkward for me

[–]RedPilledGodEmperor60 points61 points  (15 children) | Copy

I have done it before and it can actually be a lot of fun if you go to the right type of bar

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points  (7 children) | Copy

Exactly. Avoid places that are mostly booths but instead wide open with single, smaller tables spread out. Places with live music attracts single women, I've found. Going out alone is a huge test of frame, and will be one of the first shit tests a girl throws at you:

"You're here alone? ha ha ha~~" "Yep felt like having a beer after a long day. Started a new project at work blah blah blah" boom. Done

[–]DillonDockery38 points39 points  (3 children) | Copy

As someone who goes out solo on a regular basis, I can confirm you will definitely get asked if you are there alone. However, I have never had anyone laugh after asking the question. I'm sure they are silently judging, but once you give an answer like you stated or really any plausible...or not plausible reason that is the end of it. Nobody cares.

[–]reddick16 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

It is kind of a shit test coming from girls. I always say "my friends had to go home early"

[–]Kermicon53 points54 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would shy away from this one, here’s why I think so:

Going out alone gives the message that you’re independent; saying your friends ditched you (ipso facto) doesn’t reinforce that. The “long day at work” is awesome because you stand on your own and sounds like you work hard.

[–]DillonDockery1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I agree. Any variance of that response works well.

[–]cBIGONE2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

These are good but they don't seem redpill enough, because you are explaining yourself to a woman with excuses. There must be a better way. I dont have the answer though but I like where you are going with this

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I prefer to keep it simple.

"You here alone?"
"Yes? My friends are running late."

The above is a great way of segueing into asking her who she's there with and having her introduce you to them. And now you're part of a group and won't be asked by anyone else who you're there with.

"You here alone?"
"Yes? My friends are running late. How about you?"
"My friends are... blah blah blah..."
"Cool. How about introducing me? If they're cool I'll do the same when my friends arrive."

Bonus: if you seeded the conversation earlier about the film Step Brothers, you can call back to it while walking to her group. "Did we just become best friends? I think we just became best friends!" I've never had a bad reaction to this with preseasoned conversational threads like that.

[–]Ledoborec10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Whats the "right" type fo the bar?

[–]RedPilledGodEmperor17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bars where there are dancing and live or club music is fun for a solo night out. Different type of dive bars can definitely be pretty fun when going solo. Karaoke is also a good option as well. Just a place that feels more inviting where people are interacting with each other, instead of some lounge bar that caters mostly to groups.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sports bar vs dive bar?

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If I had to chose between the two, dive bar. Sports bars tend to be very bro heavy. On the flip side of the equation, dive bars tend to have lower quality women in general (aka bar flys). You'll really just have to play it by ear and figure out which is more to your liking.

[–]Gawernator2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't go to bars often, between my regular job and motorcycle racing I have no free time. Seems like dive bars have more "personalities". But... more working class people and not "hip" people

[–]AjCheeze2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you just taxi to the bar and back alone though? Or we talking bars within walking distance.

[–]RedPilledGodEmperor24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

the bars i go to tend to be a taxi or uber ride away. Sometimes, I can take the subway. It's not that big of a deal and you might find that you do better with women when out alone.

One of the negatives is the other people who sometimes ask you why you are out by yourself. I did a solo trip to Nashville and there were times I went to a bar by myself with live music and had a blast. I did also find people in the hostel I stay at, to go out to bars with.

The reason people think it's weird is because people are so codependent on having someone with them, to the point they can't even have lunch at a public place by themselves or see a movie alone. It's kind of pathetic when you think about it. Try going to a fun place with music and dancing and you might actually have a fun time and be more likely to interact with other people/women, than if you went out with others.

[–]something_thoughtful9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Become friends with the bar tenders. I tip pretty well because it gets their attention and they'll hook me up.

[–]Hugh_Munghous4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s as weird as you make it. I was traveling in a foreign country recently and went to a bar alone outside a major sporting event. Ended up meeting a bunch of people affiliated with one of the teams and had a great time.

[–]SpaceEnthusiast4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not sure about bars, but there's an easy way for clubs. I started going out to clubs fairly late when age is concerned (around 26), and since most of my friends were in relationships or even married, I just went at it alone. How? Lineups are secretly your friend.

If you time your entry into the lineup right, you can stand close to some beautiful girls or friendly guys. Then you have some small-talk and possibly establish that you had nothing to do and it was such short notice that you came all by yourself. They'll usually respect you for it.

I started making friends like that quite a bit.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorFieldLine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Literally do what the above guy said:

introduce two people that haven't met before, then you become the degree of connection.

This works even if you just met both of them separately minutes earlier.

On an unrelated note, while I haven't experienced it, my dad tells me that as you get older people start talking to you. The key is to just stand in one place -- if you pay attention you'll see people walking around and around in circles looking for people to talk to.

[–]AceofRains3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am a regular ata bar now. Around the holiday season I was ask my self this. Picked one, scoped it out one night, went the next night and became the life of the party. Left an impression on everyone, and now I’m there every weekend. Boom, I go alone every weekend and it’s the least awkward thing ever.

[–]SMRII4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

There are a lot of threads on here that talk about "blue pill friends after red pill" "crab barrels" and things of the sort and believe me, they're absolutely true.

I have tons of friends who, in certain ways are great to be around in the gym, on the mat or just to shoot the shit. However, take these same guys out to a bar and club and they become total chodes.

Some of my friends have a bunch of shit going on and are just looking for an excuse to start trouble. No thanks

Some of them get jealous or nervous when they see me talking to girls and glob on like a fucking toddler. No thanks

It's become easier and more beneficial to just go out alone (or with 1 or 2 of my red pilled, non chode friends) and just stick to hanging out with the other friends in an non-gamr environment

[–]availableEXCLAMATION0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the mats? What do you train?

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[M] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's pretty straightforward. Met an ex that way. When people ask why you're there or whatever, just say you're waiting on some friends who are running late. Bam! Plausible reason for flying solo achieved.

As another poster pointed out, go to venues with wide open spaces and small tables (that you can stand at). Bonus if it's live music that night.

[–]SpaceEnthusiast4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've had some really good reactions to this kind of question when I've said things along the lines of "I wanted to come here by myself". Women, and sometimes men, cannot imagine going at it alone. If you have a generally positive demeanor, it can really play in your favour.

[–]Moreofmore1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve done it lots. It’s super easy after the first time. You make friends and bounce around.

[–]1Your_Coke_Dealer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Worst case, get good at lying. If it’s a crowded bar, your friends headed out already and you’re meeting up there. If it’s really empty, they’re meeting you. Either way, talk to people and act like you belong. And if it gets awkward or you’re not feeling the vibe, bail and “meet your friends at another bar”

[–]truedemocracy32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The talk to everyone advice is great and makes you genuinely a more social person that will be more likely to succeed with women. You dont talk to anyone all day but start up a conversation with the cute girl in the elevator? Get shot down you'll feel like a creep.

Spend the day talking to the barista, security guard, receptionist, etc.? Then that will naturally translate into someone attractive and make that conversation more genuine.

[–]aryansaphir1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

See and agree with the point, how ever, there are some people who find it very difficult to even start a conversation with other people due to their low self steam. I have some friends who have that problem, and even after I drag them in to a conversation that they so wanted to be a part of, they look like as if they are in pain,

counter claim: some people will enjoy life better by themselves, I presume

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And then once you've gone out and made friends when you go out to the same bars or similar event again you are more likely to run into someone you know potentially opening a number of possibilities and also providing social proof to anyone you're with that night.

[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v58 points59 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait... so you were a shy awkward kid who mumbled his own name... and didn't stay inside 24-7 and just play video games and masturbate all day and night, but instead went out and met people in real life? And it worked? Bravo my friend!

So many people can learn from this story... but how many really will?

[–]Imitations_of_Life 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Meeting people in real life is overrated and gets boring

There are only so many types of people

The kid would be better off staying inside and pursuing intellectual pursuits or enjoying solitary activities that add real value to his life like creating music, programming etc.

Normalfags can't spend 10 minutes alone, introverts should allow their gift to blossom

[–]Anonymous2633-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hate it when people downvote me with no explaination (I didn't downvote you), so if you want explanations, just ask and I'll let you know

[–]Luiser27101 points102 points  (15 children) | Copy

Asking someone “what is your purpose in life” is a bit deep, but the people that actually respect your question and answer it honestly. Those are the people you will make a lasting connection with. Genuine and effortlessly.

Just that comment right there shows how far you’ve come.

[–][deleted] 144 points145 points  (11 children) | Copy

Purpose? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women.

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire231 points32 points  (3 children) | Copy

No, no, no, no, no! That's not the purpose, that's "what's best."

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well..I thought our purpose was to do what is best. Off to the Wheel of Pain for you!

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire26 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, you got me there. lol. Don't worry, i upvoted u for quoting Conan.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Off that wheel, brother. Please accept this big ass sword and a tankard of mead. GYOW!

[–]Imitations_of_Life 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If you kill your enemies, they win

  • Justin Trudeau Castro

[–]Damien_Scott2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amd if you wear silly outfits, your country loses.

[–]Ledoborec0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Focus all on fire power on this MAN! ... MORE!

jokes aside, well yea why not, dominating is fun.

[–]MormonRedPill6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I do some variation of this all the time when meeting people. They love it because it lets them know that you don't expect them to follow social norms.

"Who are you?" If they tell me their name, I'll say, "Cool, so who are you?"

"What do you do? Does that crush your soul beyond recognition?"

"Do you like small talk? Yeah, me neither. What's your deepest regret?"

[–]Anonymous26331 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never tried this approach. I'll try it, I bet it'll work great

[–]breezus135760 points61 points  (12 children) | Copy

My biggest realization was everyone is more focused on themselves than you. Think about it. You worry about every little thing you do, guess what so does everyone else. It's difficult to remember this but take a look, guy fixing his shirt, girl constantly checking phone, admiring the same shitty bar painting..

[–]askmrcia24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly and people really need to think about this. When you go out with friends and see or notice a guy there by himself are you really going to waste any time clowning him by calling him a loser or something?

That never happens.

[–]daymi16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

As someone who goes to bars alone and chats to strangers, I agree. The above never happens.

What does happen is I appear mysterious (especially when IDGAF for a change - just listen to the music / watch the game etc) and girls open me.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

This Jordan Peterson video is highly relevant for those with social anxiety:


[–]Imitations_of_Life 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Jordan Peterson has admitted he takes SSRIs

He cites that his family is predisposed to mental illness

With all due respect, It's like recommending a fat person whos selling a diet book

The guy looks mentally ill and takes magic pills

[–]Anonymous263314 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

The person who is naturally focused won't necessarely be the best person to teach you how to focus. Sometime, it's the person who struggled with something the longest that can give you the best advice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I've never believed this crap about nobody notices you. Of course they do, i notice other people too. We aren't all self absorbed 24/7. how do you think Alphas are judged to be Alphas and Betas also being categorized as such? Because people watched their behaviours and judged them to be. You are being watched and judged all the time, don't delude yourself.

[–]anonym91110 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most people see but don't NOTICE.Very few notice. Those who notice, very few remember what they noticed after 2 seconds. Those who remember what they noticed about you,very few will judge you for what they noticed. Those who judge will change their judgemnt about you the next time they meet you.

[–]Quantum_Jiraiya 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Being at someone’s big event when not a lot of other people show up is HUGE. Imagine setting up a huge event, you have a speaker, food, etc, and estimate 100 people will show up. Well when only your mom and some weird old guy shows up, it is amazing to have someone else attend your function. It is the closest thing most people get to a life debt.

[–]boxxybebe4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Really great point. Dope username too lmao

[–]WISE_TURD19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

This holds true for career as well. Go to those awkward networking events when you need a job least.

[–]1SeamusAwl9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I always listen to recruiters. I haven't flooded the market with my resume in over a decade and yet I have had several job changes.

[–]jeddzus13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm also of the opinion that you can socialize your way out of social anxiety and to an extent depression as well. You ever hear of that "Rat Park" study on addiction? They showed that drug addiction and depression in the mice came from being socially isolated. We're social animals, it doesn't matter how introverted people think they are, we're all the same species, and we're alive today because we're social animals and worked together in groups.

Inviting new people (people I've only met once or twice) to shit is a jackpot, I just did a post on this.. people are always looking to be led to some shit to do. It's cake. Just step out of your comfort zone, dump your bad habits and make good new ones, and put in serious effort. Sure you'll come up an an hour before that party and you're sitting at home like "ehhhh fuck this party, I can just stay in and not have to put in energy socializing" but that will SCREW YOU for the night and down the road. Come next weekend, or the next birthday party, or the next group holiday getaway, guess who isn't getting an invite? The guy who doesn't put in the social work.

[–]SpaceEnthusiast4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Isolation and "depression and anxiety" fuel each other. One leads to more of the other which leads to even more of the first!

[–]baap_ko_mat_sikha4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

As an introvert and guy with social anxiety I am still learning this. Thanks for sharing.

[–]Alpha_Buddha1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bhai, why are so many of us introverts? Bachpan se bhenchod humme beta banaya jaata hai.

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is a well written post with good advice. The TITLE has a bit of a canonical problem though.

"Spend your life following the lead and initiative of others."

It's a great start for a shy Beta type; I was once one. However, life as an Alpha becomes about having your OWN mission, and getting others to follow you. Keep that in mind as the endgame.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

My follow up to this post would be "How to be a Great Party Host." Although I'm not sure if I can write it with insight and integrity right now as I've been too focused on work, gym, and going to others' events.

[–]blackbeardbastard17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Going out alone is THE single best thing that happened to me, after a breakup and depression.

Try it. Enjoy yourself. If you're super socially awkward, do it in the daytime, go grab a coffee. Girls love talking with guys in the daytime when they hang out on their own. Just have a great time, read the newspapers, hang out in the park, whatever. Work on yourself and your skills and climb your way to going to parties alone. You'll most probably meet a shitload of people in the process and have to choose who you hang out with, simply because of the lack of time.

[–]Johnny-Thunderfrost5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

The prequel reference was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm just a simple Chad trying to make my way in the femi-verse.

[–]iknowthewhey9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

I disagree with this but I guess it depends on your audience. If you are a guy that is consistently getting invited to new events all the time you need to learn to pick and choose which events to go to. All goes to abundance mentality. if you need to go to every event you're invited to thats a scarcity mind set. On the other hand, if you always find excuses to not go to things and never step outside your comfort zone than it is probably time to start putting yourself in some uncomfortable situations.

[–]Raikkonen7163 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Always be around - That's so true.

I think this is why money have an influence on your social possibilities. I have to say No to a ton of events, just because I know I don't have the money to participate. I'm still young and still live with my parents, and their reasoning is "you can party as much as you want, but not with our money". Result, i'm home most of the time.

Most of my friends instead come from wealthy families, and they have the possibility to hang out whenever they want.

No surprise that their social circle is giant, mine is pathetic.

Thank god I'm finishing my studies and will be out of here soon.

[–]SpaceEnthusiast2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, you can look at it with your pessimistic view, but you can also look at the opportunities involved. It's simple but not easy - become good friends with someone who has social connections. If you bring value to them, they'll bring value to you. Because of their large social circle, they can bring you around to all those parties and events that you are missing out on.

I would argue that you already have such people in your social circle. Maybe they are not quite at the "friends" level and maybe they are just an acquaintance you have on Facebook. It doesn't take too much effort to start talking to them and build a light friendship. And you can sometimes straight up ask - "Hey, I want to be more social and go to events. Can you hook me up?".

You don't need to be the one with the physical resources IF you have the social resources. But you don't even need THAT. You just need ONE friend with the resources.

[–]Brutal130 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why do you need money to party?

[–]alchamest2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

ahh, alcohol costs money, transport costs money, food out costs money taxi's cost money car to drive to and from parties cost money.

Raikkonen716, there is always the possibility to get a casual/part time job to make money. Your attitude sounds like that you are looking to get out of your parents home and really don't like being there. Man appreciate it, if you are broke and live at home. then your ass would be homeless with out them.

Sure they don't pay for your partying, but at the same time your not funding it either. Why not? If you want money to party, go work for it. duh!

[–]cyrutvirus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think what he’s trying to say is that if you have more money, you can throw more extravagant parties. Or simply be able to go to better clubs, purchase booths and etc

[–]ftdrain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's this bar in walking distance to where I live that I very regularly go alone. My M.O. is : sit at the bar, listen to music I actually enjoy with headphones on and look around autistically. Every single time I wanted to pick up a girl, I did. While wearing headphones, I stick out like a sore thumb. If anything it's easier, much easier to fly solo, because you don't waste time you could be hunting socializing.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just loved everything about this post. Thanks for sharing.

[–]iwanttoracecars2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Too lazy too read every comment so forgive me if someone else got this, but the going alone thing is 100% spot on. It adds an element of curiosity in my opinion and it also relieves you of any group drama/associations you may have from anyone you may bring along. Definitely tried this first hand, numerous times and got way more iois than if I'd even brought a positive outgoing male friend along for the ride.

[–]TheEnglishman282 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with this a thousand times over.

A wise man casts a wide net

[–]Peter_B_Long2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I completely agree with this. Hell, this is something that I would've posted at some point.

I got out of a relationship 5 year LTR 8 months ago and quickly realized that all the people who I thought were my friends were actually our friends, but when I broke up with her, uh, they were just her friends.

But it's cool. I didn't have no one. I still had my boys. Very small group of friends. In fact, only one of them was actually down to go out every weekend and luckily he joined a fraternity in college and he's basically the most social person I know so just by hanging with him, I met new people every weekend and developed my own connection with them. I developed a connection with 2 of his friends so well that I actually moved to a new state with them 5 weeks ago and they are now my roommates.

Now that I am in a new state, I'm basically starting from scratch with connections so I'm finding myself trying to find events / things to do on the weekends just so I can meet new people and score some new plates.

[–]drkinferno722 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take advantage of meeting people, even if you're an introvert

[–]TheRojoPill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

One big tip for anyone lining up to an event like a concert or in line at the bar/club...TALK to the people in front of you and behind you!

If you wanted social proofing for later on in the night/ event - especially if you are solo, then this is the perfect way because there is an incredibly high probability you bump into them.

[–]waking-life2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

For those in the comments asking about going out alone, here's a comment I posted in this sub 7 months ago.

I go out at least once a week, and being my age, most of my boys are married/have kids etc. so they can't usually get away.

So I go out alone.

Last Saturday night I left home at 8pm, got home at 6am on Sunday.

Met a group of six girls at the first place. Drank, danced, the taken ones tried to set me up with their single friend ("Do you wanna get laid tonight?"). It didn't end up happening, but whatever.

Went to second place, got a number from a girl in tight leather pants because I acted like the prize and she was bewildered ("Guys don't usually say things like that!"). She didn't reply when I messaged, but whatever.

Went to the third place, there was some drama with police outside so they weren't letting anyone in but I met two Irish guys and we all went to the fourth place to dance.

There, I met two girls and smoked a joint with them to end the night. They didn't wanna come back to my place for some reason (ha), but whatever.

Just go. Drink if you have to. Start talking to people. It gets easier, and sometimes way more fun than being with friends.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You fucking get it. Not that I have to tell you this but the world is your oyster. Cheers, bro.

[–]Alchemist_XP4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The problem with me, is when I tell myself I’m going to go out more and be social again, keeping positive about it... I end up reverting back and remembering why I dislike most human interactions. I prefer to see a few close friends. It’s so hard trying to tolerate listening to people’s bullshit, yet forced to be nice about it. We live in a very liberal society...

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I prefer to see a few close friends.

The thing about close friends is they don't stay close for long.

[–]4224564 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy


Decide how much your time is worth.

Go to the events where you know you're value will be respected. Go to the events where it will benefit you.

I would know a lot of fucking people, walk up and shake their hand For instance, say hi, and keep going. Guess what happened when I stopped, it wasn't reciprocated. You can try and make friends with everyone, bare in mind you might come off desperate and they automatically put you as lesser value than them.This can be analysed right to the handshake, how much they extend there hand vs yours.

I get invited to the movies, and these other mundane things by social groups, it will accomplish nothing in my goals. These social groups also love to gossip about everyone in the group. There is no point going out to these events unless you are in the cliquey tight nit group of gossip, and if you are one of those people then you need to find better things to do. I have this friend who messages everyone to check in on them, and he messages me most of the time, and I bet he does it to everyone else too. In social settings he is treated like a girl and gets bantered to shit, it's that same bullshit where they say if they pick on you they like you. No, they just tease you because they don't respect your smv and believe they'll have no consequences in dissing you. Once you are on your mission and decide what is important to you, start saying the truth they will crab bucket you and shun you to belief. Ride fucking solo. If you can handle getting treated like dirt while networking with then good for you. Truth is if you're good enough at what you do, you don't need networking to get anywhere, you should be good enough on you're own. Quality and not quantity.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I love it when I get a disagreeing comment. It makes me think deeper.

Decide how much your time is worth. Go to the events where you know you're value will be respected. Go to the events where it will benefit you.

You know who else would think as such? The anti-social shy dudes who hardly ever go out. Ego is a such a double-edged sword.

You can try and make friends with everyone, bare in mind you might come off desperate and they automatically put you as lesser value than them

If people see me as desperate, that's fine. I'm middle-aged now, no one can fuck with me in the head. But, for a younger dude in his teens or twenties, once he starts thinking, 'Do people see me as desperate?' then it's a slippery slope all downward. That second-guessing can really do some long-term damage. Action is better than thinking.

No, they just tease you because they don't respect your smv and believe they'll have no consequences in dissing you.

My smv is so high I will join them in dissing myself, so we can all laugh together. My smv is so long it is about to touch the back of your head right now.

Truth is if you're good enough at what you do, you don't need networking to get anywhere, you should be good enough on you're own.

Nope. Absolutely nope. Even if you're good at what you do, you still need people. If you're the best surgeon, are you just gonna perform surgery on yourself? Why do mega-rich people buy houses in the same neighborhood? We're all tribal, social beings. We need people, no matter how successful and wealthy we become. Be free and independent, but not a loner.

Quality and not quantity.

Quantity leads to quality. Nothing is as constant as change. Money, people, scenery, culture, information-- everything is changing constantly.

[–]dickcomments9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Decide how much your time is worth...

You know who else would think as such? The anti-social shy dudes who hardly ever go out. Ego is a such a double-edged sword.


I'm the CEO of an organization, I travel constantly, and my sphere of contacts is huge. I get invites for events across the US on a weekly basis.

You need to value your time, you need to be strategic on how you spend it. If you don't value your time, others will think they can manage your time for you.

[–]throwaway-aa21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to value your time, you need to be strategic on how you spend it.

Cool. So the CEO of an organization, or Kanye West, or the other 1% of edge cases, shouldn't accept every invite they get. For the OTHERS, you know... the people who don't go out often, who don't go to parties often, who don't socialize often as much as they'd like to, who don't get invites on a weekly basis.... the 99% should follow the advice of this post.

[–]MagnumBurrito1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love this.

I saw no to wayyyy to many social events.

[–]BetaBitchBoy691 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I started going to bars alone at college, pretty much to train and get used to going bar hopping alone while i’d travel. Now I almost prefer going alone. I always meet new people and have a pretty good time. The only problem i’ve found is drunk-faux-alphas trying to start shit.. “Hey thats MY gurl u were talking to!” It’s always nice to have some buddies around if shit were to hit the fan.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you already know this but most "buddies" will not be there for you when shit hits the fan. They'll pussy out. You just gotta know when a scene isn't your scene and take it easy or bail and find another bar.

[–]Imitations_of_Life 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Your tl;dr is too short and means nothing

"If you're inexperienced, don't ever reject invitations."


Honestly.... hours of boring small talk..... There are better ways to fix your anxiety... like training and diet .....

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Let's see your version tackling this issue then, bitch.

[–]Imitations_of_Life 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If your life revolves around chasing pussy and you're stockpiling these "friends" (you've met twice before) as a means to gain access to pussy ... You should just delete the whole post and go see a therapist


[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Backing the fuck out like a bitch. Disappointed but not surprised. Teach me or shut the fuck up.

[–]Rakosnik1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

For a shy asian guy you seem quite angry, arrogant and bitchy. Is that because some dudes on the internet shitted on your parade? I wonder how you act when a bitch throws her temper tantrums at you.

[–]throwaway-aa20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

For a shy asian guy you seem quite angry, arrogant and bitchy.

Dude. Why is it every time I have to run into this type of comment on this sub.

First off, let's address the conflation. Regardless of OP's attitude, he's brought a lot of good, well thought out, actionable advice to the table, whether you agree or disagree.

The person who commented merely is not only nitpicking, but doesn't offer a descriptive alternative. This type of discourse is literally the bane of the learning and knowledge sharing process.

"Oh hey I disagree with this thing you suggested in a group forum, but I wont' bother to elaborate". This reminds me of my beta days where I would have to decipher what food the girl I was with wanted. Ever dealt with this? They'll only tell you what they're NOT interested in. That doesn't move things forward.

If everyone operated like that, this would be a shit community. So this segues into the next point: plenty of moderators on this sub have made posts and gotten pissed at people for much less, the only difference, is they have the power to actually ban, remove posts, and so on.

So let's not go the "oh this is your attitude, I'm going to jump to conclusions and say that you're bad with women". It's nonsensical, and it's an inane digression. At the end of the day, we want people to push back on the type of idiots who act like this. And the thing is, is when you skip over the reason for why he rebutted in that way, it raises tons of questions about how you gauge importance of these things.

[–]Rakosnik0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Though I like OP post and agree with some of it. I wont give it much weight seeing the dude getting mad at ppl on the internet. Do you understand that paradox? The dude gets easily pissed off on the internet yet can act all fkn cool around women shit testing and throwing way better punches than that kiddo? Naaaah I wont believe that much. Thats all.

[–]anothdae1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Say the person's name when addressing them. "So, Wendy, how did you get into [her job she just mentioned]?" That way you won't forget their name and people like hearing their own name.

Disagree. It's always so awkward when people use my name pointedly in conversation. It feels way less personal that just talking.

It seems like they are trying to add me to a roledex rather that just chill and talk... which it seems like is kinda the point.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy


Does it peeve you all the time or just when they say it with intensity?

[–]anothdae0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Both, they always do.

My name is pretty unique though, it's not something like Ben or Tom.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Playing armchair therapist here. Perhaps there was someone in the past who said your name while bullying you. And/or you don't like your self-image. I know a few people who legally changed their names as an adult and it's done wonders for them.

[–]anothdae1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy



The million people trying to network after reading that highly successful people book thinking they are inflating someone's ego by saying their name are really shallow in their attempts. Becuase everyone does it. And they aren't good at it.

I mean... it's what you are doing. For the reason you claim to be doing it.

You really can't argue with that. You aren't trying to be nice and chill, you are trying to inflate peoples egos and network. You said that.

I am sorry if you think that I have a traumatic event in my past because i pick up on that?

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fair enough. Do you deal with a lot of vendors trying to sell you their shit?

[–]anothdae2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, just young professionals that are socially awkward.

[–]Dj_BigD0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How about If you want to go then go and If you don't want to go then don't? Why make stupid rules for yourself like say yes to everything?

[–]Darpoon0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

What do I do if I never get invited anywhere?

[–]Brutal133 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It depends on where you live.

Move to a big city. Worked for me.

[–]cyrutvirus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put yourself in circumstances where the likelihood of you being invited to social events increases. For instance, put yourself in social situations clubbing, bars, work meetings, volunteering and etc) and develop relationships with the people in those social interactions; and eventually, it comes down to a numbers game where you're bound to get invited to at least 1 social event. Rinse and repeat.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

[–]Ananonguy880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Track some events on facebook and pick what your friends pick or just chose on your own, maybe invite some if you want with you. Works for me. Good alternative to clubbing since you can find yourself some specific sports/music/art/hobby events you may enjoy and meet different kinds of people (and women) than during #YOLOSWAG nightlife environment.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That FB event shit is under-rated, especially if you're active and got a lot of friends on it.

[–]Damnedboyyy 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah cool, I have a full time job and I've got hobbies, such as riding my bike, plus there's gym, and doing my daily errands, then there's sleeping so I can recover then wake up 5.30AM for my job at 7.

[–]Bear-With-Bit[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah cool, let's set how you live-- oh wait, you deleted all your submits.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter