How do I stop comparing men to the love I lost?

4 points26 commentssubmitted by NamasteHealthy1111 to r/dating_advice

On November 9, 2011, the love of my (F34) life committed suicide and I found him. He had done four tours in Iraq as a Marine and his PTSD got really bad after his 3rd tour and even worse after the 4th. He had attempted to kill himself by exposure in the woods the summer before but Search and Rescue found him. We were supposed to get married in February 2012.

My relationships since have been chaotic at best. I sabotage every single one so I can call it before they can leave me. I’ve stayed single since I realized my pattern a little over a year ago.

I’ve been pretty lonely and started to think about the kind of man I would settle down with. Well, I described my ex and I realized I have been ending relationships for reasons that make them completely different from my ex. I’ve been looking for someone just like him all these years and I didn’t even realize it. Grief works in strange ways.

How can I stop comparing every man I meet to my ex? Would grief counseling help even after all these years?