Introduction

I explore here the dynamics of male-female relationships, focusing on the role of desire. My advice for you will not be new; I offer a different angle to look at what is already known.

This comes from experience. My own failed relationship. My buddy's failed relationship. The failed and failing relationships of those I know. The behaviour of my plates. The one single successful LTR I have seen.

I respectfully ask that you observe a moment of silence for my friends C and D, who inspired this essay.

Summary

Women want men they desire to desire them. Men want to be desired.

To attract women, be attractive to them. It is an idiotically simple concept, but ignored so often that it bears repeating. There is such a wealth of information on TRP about sexual strategy that you have no excuse not working towards becoming more attractive. The fundamentals of SMV- looks, wealth, friends, frame- are central to a good life as a man.

Many relationships fail when the man falls into the trap of feeling like a woman- wanting your woman to desire you.

No. Your role is to be desirable. The rest flows from that basic point. Your own desire is crack to those you give it to. There is nothing intrinsically desirable about you. Attractiveness must be achieved.

Desire

Desire is wanting something strongly. It is universal to desire things. Often overlooked, it is as universal to want to be desired; desire is a thing in itself that humans want to be the object of. This is a fundamental part of the social nature of humans. To be desired is to have social status.

It is therefore trivial that being desired by someone with higher social status is worth much more than being desired by someone with lower social status.

In the primitive order, men become more desirable than women. Men lead, hunt, war, defend, and die. Those who achieve success do so disproportionately at the expense of other men. It is the attention of these men that women crave.

This is evident in all stories since the beginning of time. Men seek greatness; women seek great men. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the oldest and my fondest example. The men- Gilgamesh and Enkidu- try to best each other, and finding they cannot, grow to be close friends and quest for great deeds. The woman- Shamhat- introduces Enkidu to civilization by being fucked by him for seven days and nights.

Modern society has changed greatly, especially with marriage laws and the digital world. But the basic dynamic is still this. An Instagram model's legions of drooling orbiters mean nothing to her- they are in fact repugnant. All her display is aimed at attracting a rich man, and the next Chad. If they are the same person, all the better.

Failing as a Man

It is easy to fall into the trap of feeling like a woman. As I have said, it is universal to want to be desired. Until we can read minds it is impossible to know if someone desires you. We rely on physical and verbal cues- indicators of interest.

As a man, your role is to be measured with your own actions. Be attractive. Women will throw IOIs at your feet. You pick the ones worthy of your attention and give it to them.

The problems start when you expect IOIs while being unattractive. It is easy to get addicted to attention and being desired; social media does that. But this attention does not come from your own value. Those who are close to you in real life will see you for your true worth. Ask yourself: how desirable are you?

In many relationships, this leads to the man taking on increasingly female characteristics. He starts to expect respect. Then he expects attention. Eventually he becomes convinced that he is intrinsically worth something, and that women should want him for that intrinsic worth.

Have you ever asked the following questions?

Why does she not want me? Does she not love me for who I am? Why does she not want to have sex with me?

Then you are doing it wrong. Being desired is something you achieve. Unlike a woman, you are not worth anything to society by yourself.

Many men stop taking an interest in the woman at this point. They stop making decisions. They expect her to initiate sex. This is where the relationship self-destructs; there is nothing desirable about the man, he does not show desire for the woman, and so there is no reason for her to stay.

It is easy to rationalize this as "giving her a say". Equality. Women's rights in the relationship.

No. It does not work this way. It is natural to enjoy being desired. But you, as a man, must be desirable, and then you must be the one who gives out your valuable time and interest. Even if you are rich and famous, if she has you eating out of the palm of your hand, you signal that you are less valuable than her, and that is the beginning of the end.

Field Reports

Dread game is the basis of stability in any male-female relationship. Even in spinning plates. To keep her interest, you must continually demonstrate that you have other options. To keep her happy, you must show her signs of interest- but not continually. To make her ecstatic, show her signs of interest preferentially. Dole those out when she deserves it.

All these build on the same fact: that you are socially more valuable than her. You are demonstrating it in different ways: by the facts, by IOIs from women and respect from men, and by limiting how much resources you spend on her.

My plates know that I am actively seeking and seeing other women. I check out girls when I am with them. I take them on dates that I enjoy. Then I take them home and fuck them till they scream.

You know what gets them wettest the fastest? When I tell them I just had unsatisfying sex, and tell them to come over to get fucked. When I tell them I'm cancelling a new date to fuck them instead. A booty call is hotter and sweatier than a steakhouse dinner.

Women may appear sweet. But all of them, like all humans, are jealous. All of them take a malicious glee in showing up others of their kind. The sweetest joy to them is knowing that you desire them more than some other woman.

Moving Forward

This is a huge improvement from my failed relationship. I made all the mistakes above. I started to demand her love and attention when I was a worthless slob. Same thing happened to my buddy. We grew complacent, and- quite rightly- our relationships broke down.

There is a constant tension between spending time on yourself and spending time with women. To attract others, you must spend a great amount of time on yourself. So much so that is is easy to get disillusioned and reject others entirely- hence MGTOW. On the other hand it is becoming increasingly easy to become so lost in society that you have no intrinsic sense of self-worth- hence the feminized men in society.

Aristotle is still the greatest source of wisdom on this. It is always bad to seek out either extreme- in our case, MGTOW vs. drowning in social norms. Instead we should seek out the Golden Mean- a state of things in the middle that gives us the best results.

This Golden Mean is not fixed. You, in the heat of the moment with your wisdom and experience, choose what is right and wrong, and learn from your mistakes.

In the beginning it is better to err on the side of self-improvement. Focus on your needs, your wants, your growth. As you accumulate experience and worth, society will form a better impression of you. Then you can step into the world and make ripples.

This is ultimately necessary to fulfill your emotional and physical needs. Remember: a man has nothing that is intrinsically desirable. All his worth is achieved.

Displaying Desire

There are overt and subtle ways of displaying desire. Women are naturally suspicious and inherently more capable of subtlety and subterfuge; a subtle display on your part often seems more sincere to them, since it appears less premeditated.

But this is not the main distinction in how women perceive desire. That is between direct and what I call comparative desire.

It is as simple as the difference between "you're cute" and "you're cuter". The former signals that you desire them. The latter signals that you desire them more than someone else.

To be able to do that and not be laughed off, you need to demonstrate your value. It can be as simple as being acknowledged by those around you. This is why when gaming a girl, gaming everyone around her is more important. That establishes your value to her peers.

Once you have established your position- this applies to plates and LTRs as well- your desire and approval becomes addictive. Signalling that you desire someone is not as pleasurable to them as signalling that you desire them preferentially. In the latter case you, with your social authority, establish that they are higher on the ladder than others.

Do not lavish all your attention on any one person, let alone one woman. Spend time with others. Absence makes the heart green-eyed, and as long as you remain desirable women will hamster away any doubts they have. Keeping your attention for when it is deserved gives it its value.