I’ve always been sort of accidentally red pilled, certainly not a natural alpha by any stretch, but just a fun, DGAF, decent looking guy, in good shape with a good sense of humor. Had a great time in my teens and 20s, lots of friends and girlfriends, lived life without a care. Got serious in my late 20s, went back to grad school, got a well-paying, high status job. Got married in my mid-30s to a cool, fun, good looking, naturally sweet girl, nine years younger than me, thin, great body. We are both professionals, make great money, three kids, pretty damn decent life overall.

So about 8 years ago, after the birth of our third child, my wife gets serious postpartum depression. She had never been depressed before, this was something organic which was just beyond her control. My fun, kind, good hearted wife turned into a different person: always bummed, slept too much, angry, ignored me and the kids. We weren’t getting along, kids can sense the tension and are stressed, crappy sex life, both too busy at work, etc. I tried to weather the storm for a while, but nothing changed.

Now I’m pretty close to the top of the food chain in a high status profession which affords me close daily interactions with lots of other people, including cute younger women. There’s one particularly cute girl that I work with a lot (henceforth referred to as the GF, early 30s, me late 40s at the time); she got married way too young to her HS BF, nice enough guy but basically a drunk loser, they have two small kids. She is fun, pretty, sweet, flirty, from a very nice catholic family, a true girl next-door type. Several dudes who work here (big workplace, hundreds of employees) have a crush on her. Without getting into the details, I started banging her on the side, once a week or so. I had cheated on my wife when we were dating but never while married, so this was kind of a big deal to me. And lemmy tell ya this sweet, innocent girl was just insanely into me, I mean I had her at my beck and call, sex was out of this world, she’d do anything I wanted, whispered dirty things in my ear while I fucked her, caressed my balls when I came, told me she loved me. I stayed cool, in control, tried not to let myself get too caught up with her. Things were not any better with the wife so while I did feel a little guilty, I could justify it to myself. It was just a gift from the gods that I hand found such a beautiful girl to appease my suffering in a time of need. I started falling for her as well.

9-10 months into this, a condom breaks with the GF. I go through two weeks of sheer terror, GF thinks she’s knocked up. As bad as things were with the wife, I didn’t want to get divorced; despite everything she was still my wife, mother of my kids, still very pretty with a great body (late 30s), she’s always had my back, never cheated, and I just can’t even fathom being away from my kids. GF finally gets her period, she’s not pregnant… So I did some serious soul-searching and decided to end it. Didn’t really want to, it was hard, I mean I really thought I was falling in love with this girl; but all things considered it just seemed like the right thing to do, for both of us. I wanted to give my wife another chance, I wanted to stay with my kids and give them a good family life, and I wanted the same for the GF. I’d like to think that I’m a good man with a strong sense of morals, and I really just wanted to do the right thing. She was pretty devastated, but I stood my ground, it was over. I was pretty bummed about it as well, but I was convinced I had done the decent and honorable thing.

So I doubled down on trying to make things better at home, tried to be more understanding, did everything for the kids, I didn’t exactly go all out Billy beta but maybe in retrospect I was a little more beta than I should’ve been. Things just kept getting worse, and it finally got to the point where one more little thing could push us off the cliff to a divorce. It’s now 3 to 4 months after I had broken it off with the GF, and I really missed her; I missed her sweetness, her natural beauty, her companionship; I missed the little mole on her bellybutton, I missed fucking her, I missed watching HGTV with her after fucking. I just really missed the true intimacy that I had once shared with her. And damn, I was just at my wits end with my wife. So I decided to re-ignite things with GF; I was at the point where I would actually consider leaving my wife and kids for this girl.

And of course I knew that she would just enthusiastically come running back to my arms, I mean this girl was just absolutely, uncontrollably in love with me. So I made my move and...she REJECTS me. Just flat out says she won’t go back there. She just can’t do it, says her husband has changed, he’s not drinking as much, he’s really stepping up to the plate, they want to have another baby, it just wouldn’t be right. I am stunned, just literally shocked, but I try to be cool and understanding, told myself maybe she’s right, I mean for God’s sake we are both married with kids. So we still saw each other at work, we were nice to one other, had fun, remained friendly; meanwhile things are just going from shitty to shittier with my wife. So then I decided I really, REALLY wanted the GF back, I NEEDED this beautiful girl back in my life, and I’m 100% convinced that I can make it happen. I started being really nice to her (was always more distant before); I go full court press trying to convince her that we should give things another chance, sent her long funny emails, shared links to cool music, stopped by at work more often than before to say hi, gave her stupid little gifts, tried to explain how we can’t just pass up on something that is so true and pure and special. I pushed really hard but she was firm; she was determined to make things work with her husband. And...well I wasn’t really sure but it seemed like something had just changed with her; somehow this girl who I had been so intimate with, who was practically my sex slave and was infatuated with me only a few months before was a little more distant, just didn’t seem all that enthused to see me anymore. Her eyes no longer lit up when I walked in the room, and sometimes I wondered if she was actually avoiding me. A few mutual friends told me that they had heard rumors of her hooking up with another dude who works here (also married, kids, also a high status job, nice guy but seems pretty beta; he was always lurking around like an orbiter back when I was with her). Well there’s simply no way that this girl would do that, she’s really trying to make it work with her husband, she’s a good girl, she really was in love with me, she has more integrity than to just jump from one married dude to another. I flatly refused to believe it. And I’m pretty bummed throughout all this, I’m having a hard time letting it go, and although I try to act like I’m cool with just being friends it’s obvious to both of us that I still want her and miss her. The script has been flipped.

Fast forward a year or so. During the time I was desperately trying (and failing) to win back GF, I had basically ignored my wife. I was done, tired of it, tired of her, didn’t put up with any of her shit anymore, just didn’t fucking care. I had been ready to leave my wife and kids for this girl. And lo and behold… the wife slowly started to straighten out her act. Her depression gradually started to melt away, inch by inch; she became more attentive to me, more attentive to the kids, started going out of her way to be nice to me, the sex life gradually came back, and we eventually got to the point where we started to actually kinda LIKE each other again. We were having fun together, the kids were happy, we were happy, all is pretty good. Meanwhile, I’m still working with the (now ex) GF, we still get along and are friendly, and I’ve stopped trying to win her back; I respect her decision to try to make it work with her husband, I accept that she is doing the right thing, we are both taking the moral high road. Yeah, I still found myself having feelings for her sometimes, but I knew that even if she came running back to me I wouldn’t go back to her; things are too good with me and the wife, I’ve got great kids, and GF tells me things are going great with her and her husband, she’s truly happy. We still hang out and are friendly, I’m letting it go, the past is the past; I can sleep better at night and look myself in the mirror knowing that we have both handled things with integrity.

Few weeks ago, I found out that yeah, she actually did indeed start fucking the other dude shortly after I had broken it off with her. And was fucking him the whole time I was desperately trying like a pathetic pussy to get back with her. Fuck. I mean just FUCK. I honestly thought that she was a sweet, kind, pretty, girl-next-door, who had made the innocent mistake of marrying too young, and who then just couldn’t help herself from falling in deeply love with my awesome self. AND...not only was she fucking him, she was friends with his wife, their kids play together...AND she kept on fucking him even when his wife got pregnant...AND continued fucking him all throughout the pregnancy and after the baby was born. This sweet, pretty, innocent unicorn is actually a lying, home-wrecker whore.

I will be honest, this has fucked with my brain pretty bad. I mean it’s really blown my fucking mind, I just couldn’t believe it for a while. But damn. Just goddam. AWALT. For fucks sake, I cannot believe I almost left my wife and kids for this girl.

My wife and I are doing pretty well now, she is mostly back to being the fun, cool girl that she was in the past; yeah I know it’s still a marriage with all the problems that that entails, harp on me all you want, but she really is a beautiful, faithful girl who loves the hell out of me and is a great mom to my kids. For a married dude I’ve got a pretty good thing goin on.

Lesson learned. Jesus, I really dodged a bullet.